Epilogue
Lexi
Doctors determine that Tom fainted due to slight dehydration and possibly overheating. His EKG was perfect, as was his blood work and the other tests they ran to err on the side of caution due to his recent heart attack.
He’s released three hours later.
When it became clear that he would be okay, I sent Joy back to Iris’s house to enjoy the rest of the party with my thanks for the ride and her powerful words of wisdom that made all the difference to me in a time of crisis.
We take an Uber back to Tom’s and will pick up his truck at Iris’s tomorrow.
As we walk into the house together, I’m so thankful to have him here with me that it makes my knees go weak for a second when I realize how differently this evening could’ve turned out.
He tunes in to my distress and wraps his arms around me. “I’m here. I’m fine. I’m always going to be right here with you because there’s nowhere else in this entire world I want to be than wherever you are. We’re going to get married and have a family and go to London and do all the things together. Everything is okay, Lexi. I promise.”
If I’ve learned anything on this journey, it’s that everything is temporary. Even the best of things. It’s all fleeting. All we can do is enjoy every second of the life we’re given, the love that comes our way and the joy we find along the road to wherever it is we’re going.
Nothing is forever, except love. That outlives us all.
“Let’s get you to bed, mister. You need rest and relaxation, and that’s what you’re getting for the next two weeks.”
“Wait… They never said that. They said to stay well hydrated and to be mindful of electrolytes.”
“I’m being mindful of your hydration and electrolytes by declaring this a sex-free zone for two full weeks.”
“Absolutely not. That’s not happening.”
“Yes, it is.” I pull back from him and lead the way up the stairs, intending to put him to bed and then go sleep in my own room to ensure he gets the rest he needs.
“Lexi.”
“Yes, Tom?”
“I want you to step out of crisis mode and get back to normal. I fainted. People faint all the time.”
“Right after a major heart attack, after which they started having sex four whole days before it was safe?”
“That had nothing to do with me fainting.”
“How do you know that? You were probably dehydrated from having so much sex!”
“Lex.” He puts his hands on my shoulders and dips his head to force me to look at him. “Stop. Take a breath. All is well. Despite tonight’s evidence to the contrary, everything will continue to be fine. I swear. I had a heart problem. It’s been fixed. I feel better than I have in a long time. With hindsight, I can see that the fatigue and shortness of breath I was experiencing for a while was because of the blocked artery. Now that it’s fixed, I feel great. What happened tonight had nothing to do with my heart or us having sex too soon or anything other than being slightly dehydrated, hungry and overheated all at the same time. A perfect storm, if you will.”
I hate the way my chin quivers uncontrollably and how tears slide down my cheeks, despite my desperate desire to be strong.
“No more tears.” He kisses them away. “No more worry or panic or anything other than love, love and more love.”
“I’m fine with the love, but there will be no sex.”
“Okay, Lexi. If you insist.”
“I do.”
He guides me toward his bedroom and into the shower, where we wash the stink of hospital off our skin. I hate that smell with a fiery passion.
Since I seem to have the energy of a newborn now that the earlier rush of panic-fueled adrenaline has subsided, he tenderly washes every inch of my skin, which has the usual effect when he touches me in any way.
We kiss passionately under the warm water. My back is pressed against the cool tile, and his hands are full of my breasts.
“I love you more than anything, Lexi. More than anything in this whole world, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure we get so many decades together, you’ll be wishing I’d go away and give you some peace.”
I’m laughing and crying at the same time. “That’ll never happen.”
“I’m making it my goal in life to get to the point where you’re begging me to please drop dead so you can have some peace.”
I slap his shoulder. “Knock that off right now!”
“I’ll never stop loving you or wanting you or needing you. If I have you, I have everything, and I’m smart enough to know that.”
“I love you so much. I found out just how much earlier when I thought that I could still lose you.”
“You’re not going to lose me.” He kisses me again and leads me from the shower, drying me as reverently as he washed me.
I’m in such a fog of desire and exhaustion and an overload of emotion that he has me under him in bed before I remember my two-week rule.
“Two weeks, Thomas! I mean it!”
“Hush, Lexi, and let me love you.”
I had the best of intentions. I swear I did. But what can I do when he’s right there, hard and ready and full of love for me, but go along with a nice, sweet, gentle interlude that ends explosively for both of us.
“I love you forever and ever,” he whispers against my neck as we pulse with aftershocks. “I’ll never leave you. I promise.”
I close my eyes tight against more tears, but these are hard-earned tears of joy. “I love you, too. Forever and always.”
Meanwhile, back at Iris’s house…
Angela
“That was intense,” I say to Luke after the ambulance leaves with Tom, with Lexi and Joy following them out of the yard.
“Seriously.” Luke rubs the back of his neck the way people do after a stressful situation. Watching him fly into doctor mode when Tom keeled over was kind of hot. “When Gage said Tom had a heart attack and stent procedure two weeks ago… I feared it wouldn’t end well. When he came to and said he was fine, that was a huge relief.”
“Poor Lexi. She was frantic.”
“This is why I’m never falling in love again. I refuse to take a risk that could lead to the worst kind of heartbreak again. I couldn’t bear it.”
“I tend to agree,” I say. “I’d rather be alone than worry about losing my partner.”
“The only thing worse would be something happening to one of my kids.”
“Agreed. That’d be unbearable, especially as a single parent totally responsible for their health and safety. I’d feel like it was my fault even if it wasn’t.”
“Yes, exactly!”
“Jack got hit in the face with a baseball when he was playing catch with a friend in the yard, and all I could think of was if he died, it would be my fault for not keeping him safe.”
“Clarissa fell off her bike and broke her arm two months after Bella died, and I felt the same way. Like, what if she’d died? What would I ever do?”
“We should probably recognize that our disaster mentality is a direct result of losing our partners,” I say, “and the worst-case-scenario thinking will ease up in time.”
“Will it, though? Will we ever stop feeling extra responsible for seeing these kids safely through childhood without our teammates?”
“Maybe not entirely, but I have to believe it won’t always be this acute.”
“I hope not, because acute anxiety is exhausting.”
“We should get together with the kids some time,” I suggest. “It’s good for them to make new friends who understand what they’re going through.”
“That’d be great. We’d love it.”
We exchange phone numbers and agree to set something up in the next few weeks.
Iris and Gage come out of the house with bottles of water and a plate of dessert for each of us.
“So that was not our usual Wild Widows gathering,” Iris says.
“That was our first ambulance,” Gage adds.
“Hope we didn’t scare you guys off of our group,” Iris says tentatively.
“Nah,” Luke says. “I can’t speak for Angela, but I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would, and I’m looking forward to being part of the group—minus the ambulance, of course.”
“Same,” I say. “No ambulances would be good. I’d like to bring my friend Brad to a meeting sometime. He lost his wife in the same fentanyl nightmare that took my Spencer.”
“Please feel free to bring him,” Iris says. “Anyone who needs us is welcome.”
“Brad has had a rough transition to single parenthood. I think he’d benefit from being with others in the same boat. I’ll see if I can get him to come.” I check my watch and am astounded to see it’s almost nine. “I need to get my kids home to bed, or they’ll be up all night.”
“Me, too.” Luke stands and offers me a hand up.
I take it without thinking, as if it’s something I do every day when it’s something I haven’t done in almost two years. “Thanks.” Why do I feel shy all of a sudden? What the hell?
We go inside to collect overtired kids and walk out together, two single parents, six kids and another one at home for me. We’re like the ragged survivors of a natural disaster, a dramatic thought that nearly makes me laugh, except there’s nothing funny about surviving a disaster—natural or otherwise.
I want my old life back.
I want to be snuggled up to Spence, watching a stupid movie that we’ll mostly snooze through while our kids sleep in rooms next to ours.
I want him as much as I ever have.
I can’t imagine ever wanting anyone but him.
Some days, I still wake up and wonder where he is.
As I buckle the kids into their seats and listen to their animated chatter about their exciting evening with Josie and Shawn, Luke comes over to me.
“Phoebe says this belongs to your Ella.”
He hands me Ella’s favorite stuffed dog.
“Oh man, thank you. You just saved me a bedtime nightmare.”
“I know all about bedtime nightmares. Call me if you ever need to talk about them.”
“I will. You do the same.”
“Oh, I’ll definitely be calling you, Angela. Drive safely.”
He leaves me speechless as he walks away.
What the hell was that?
More to come from the Wild Widows in 2025!
Thank you so much for reading Lexi’s Wild Widows story!