CHAPTER 31 – ANTONIO
Grateful that my parents aren’t home, I climb the stairs slowly. The Antonio who left the house isn’t the same one in the stairs now. I feel raw. Like someone’s peeling me open.
Maria’s door is ajar, so I knock and step inside.
She looks up from her laptop, and that’s all it takes for my tears to start pouring.
Immediately, she pushes her laptop aside and pulls me into a hug.
“What happened?”
“Ryan.”
She goes rigid.
“What did he do?”
“He came to the library again.”
She pulls back, scanning me from head to toe.
“He’s stalking you now? I can’t believe this. Did he hurt you?”
“Not really.”
Not in the way she means, at least.
“He cornered me. Taunted me. The usual.”
I didn’t push him away. The usual.
Maria’s arms tighten around me. She’s always been so solid and safe. She shouldn’t have to be. I should be able to protect myself.
Hell, I should be the one protecting her.
“But then Caspian showed up,” I say, struggling to keep the words coming. “He threw Ryan across the floor like he weighed nothing.”
“Caspian was in the library?”
Nodding, I scrub my face with the hem of my shirt. My voice breaks, but this time it’s from awe.
“He looked like he could tear him apart with his bare hands.”
“Merda.”
Her breathless whisper draws a near-laugh from me.
Caspian’s strenght wasn’t what really set off the butterflies—it was the restraint.
The calm control.
His fury against Ryan was palpable, but he kept it contained.
It was bizarre to witness.
Like he was keeping the rage in a tank and taking only what he needed, not a drop more.
For someone whose emotions spill out whether I want them to or not, his self-mastery was…
Yeah. Pretty much the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
“I can totally see that,” Maria says slowly.
“I can totally see him storming in like the Hulk for you.”
Then she smirks.
“Guess they weren’t besties after all.”
“Guess not.”
She sits on the edge of the bed and pulls me next to her.
“What’s the plan?”
I deflate.
“There’s no plan after how I’ve behaved.”
“Luckily we have this amazing thing called communication. I’m sure he’ll understand why you’ve acted like a feral hedgehog if you explain it to him.”
“He won’t.”
A quiet voice in my head suggests I might be underestimating him.
A louder, more dramatic one insists it’s too late.
“Oh,” Maria says, tilting her head. “You must have a crystal ball if you know that already.”
“Don’t mock me. He told me to take care.”
This is Antonio di Scotti, live from the scene, reporting a human rights violation.
“Surely you can see that everything’s lost,” I mutter.
“Surely you can see you’ve hopped on your drama llama.”
“There is no drama llama,” I insist. “There is Caspian saying goodbye—and why wouldn’t he? I tore him to shreds every time he tried to get close.”
The memory hurts. Thinking about my behavior hurts.
“He didn’t do anything wrong,” I say miserably. “He was polite and kind and so ridiculous it breaks my heart.”
Maria opens her mouth, but I rush on.
“I was angry at him,” I admit, my voice cracking again. “Because what right did he have to be so irresistible? To smell so good?”
“Tonio—”
“Then he asked for my number and I basically laughed at him. I’m that stupid. That evil .”
“You’re not evil,” she says immediately. “While the jury’s still out on stupid, you were protecting yourself.”
“What a stellar job I did,” I say, folding my arms.
She kisses my forehead. I don’t pull away, which says a lot about my mental state.
“Everything you just said? Nonsense.” Her voice is gentle. “I don’t think for a second your Hulk’s done with you.”
My stomach flips at the thought, but then I frown.
“Don’t say that. I don’t deserve optimism.”
She sighs.
“You do this a lot. You decide you don’t deserve things, but you do. You deserve love and everything that comes with it.”
I open my mouth to argue, but I have nothing to say. For once I don’t have the energy to keep going just for the sake of it.
Deep down, I know Maria is right.
But that knowledge is really deep down.
So deep it just drifted past the Mariana Trench.