Chapter 16 Intervention at the Waffle House
Intervention at the Waffle House
We linger at Waffle House for hours drinking water and splitting two large plates of smothered and covered hash browns between the three of us.
The waitress doesn’t mind. I’m sure she’s used to broke kids hanging out and not ordering much.
We’re polite so she lets us stay unlike the group of obnoxious kids she kicked out earlier this evening.
Mags rambles on about her pink-and-blue-haired bubble tea girl until Neel suggests we play a game. Neel brings a book and a game wherever we go. Just in case, he always says. We play a spirited game of Magic: The Gathering, but I still haven’t come out to Neel, and Mags returns to elbowing me.
“Stop!” I yell.
But she keeps doing it, and Neel is concentrating too hard on the game to notice. We finish our plates of hash browns, and the waitress asks us if we would like anything else. No one knows what to say.
She looks at each of our faces in turn.
“Tell you what,” she says. “How about a round of drinks on the house?”
Neel gets a big smile and asks for a Coke. Mags asks for coffee, and I decide on a Sprite. When she returns with the drinks, she brings another large plate of hash browns. I must look apprehensive because she puts a reassuring hand on my arm.
“Don’t worry about it. You seem like a nice bunch of kids. You could be out in the world getting into mischief. I’d rather you be here. Safe and out of trouble.”
She gives us a big smile and walks away to greet the first new customers to come through the door in hours. Between Hector at Starbucks and this Waffle House in nowhere town, I have certainly scored a lot of free stuff lately. We finish our game and, as usual, Neel wins.
“Want to play another game?” Neel asks with a smile from ear to ear.
“Yeah, that’s a hard pass for me,” Mags says, and she throws her cards on the table in defeat. “Besides, Simon has something he needs to tell you.”
My face flushes scarlet, and I glare at Mags. She folds her arms across her chest in defiance and doubles down on her stance. Neel looks back and forth between us in confusion.
“O…kay. What’s going on, guys? Is something wrong? Wait! Oh, no! This is an intervention, isn’t it? Oh, geez, it’s an intervention. You think I have a problem? Don’t you? Oh, God, I’m talking about girls too much. You think I’m a sex addict. Oh, no, you guys, come on!”
Mags and I go wide-eyed, and we try not to giggle. Neel, unable to shut up, digs himself a deeper hole.
“I don’t masturbate too much, you know. Only once a day, sometimes twice on the weekends.
I’ve even skipped a day and didn’t masturbate at all!
See, I can stop. I did it three times in one day, but that only happened once, years ago.
You know. When you learn you can do it.” Neel draws a large breath and continues.
“Last year, my mom found my special drawer of lotion and tissues and made my father have a talk with me. It was the worst day of my whole life! But I’m not a pervert.
What I do is perfectly normal. My dad said so. Read a book!”
Mags and I can’t hold back any longer and burst into peals of laughter. At first, Neel looks wounded, but before long, he is laughing too.
“TMI? It was TMI, wasn’t it? I guess I didn’t need to share so much about my masturbation habits, but I’m not a pervert, I promise you.”
I put my hand over Neel’s mouth.
“Shh. This is not an intervention. But do you ever get sore? That’s a lot of rubbing, my friend.”
“Sometimes,” he says.
Mags and Neel burst out laughing again, but I don’t. There is something about the topic that is not funny to me. Though I am not sure why.
At a break in the laughter I say, “Neel, what I want to tell you is…I’m gay. Gay, gay, gay! Just like Mags. I’m officially coming out to you.”
Neel looks shocked, and I’m worried he is taking it badly.
“Say something. Please! You seem upset,” I say.
Neel shakes his head. “No, I’m not upset at all. I feel stupid and insensitive. I truly had no idea. I’m always asking you about girls. I’m a bad friend.”
A small smile spreads across my face. I tell Neel he is not a bad friend at all and that I only came out a few days ago. He seems relieved.
I catch him up on everything that has gone down in the past week, and he genuinely seems happy for me. His favorite part of my story, though, is the hairdressers. He offers advice about telling Mom and Carole, and he listens intently when I talk about PJ and our failed date.
“Well, Heartbreaker, you continue to live up to your name. Only now you are breaking the hearts of girls and boys,” Neel says sarcastically.
“Do you want me to hit him? I can hit him. He deserves to be hit. Please let me hit him,” Mags pleads.
“No, Mags, violence is never the answer,” I say with a wink.
Mags hits him anyway.
“Ouch! Mags, stop it. I have something I want to tell you both about too. And it’s not about girls or video games either.”
I sit up a bit straighter, and Mags does as well. It’s not like Neel to say things like this, so I am quite curious as to what he is about to tell us.
“I’ve decided what I want to do after high school,” he says.
“I thought you wanted to go away to college like me?” Mags asks.
“Well, I don’t. Not anymore, anyway. Since we’re sharing… I’m going to tell you a secret, but please don’t freak out. I’ve never told this to anyone before.” Neel pauses. “I have a substantial trust fund set up for me by my grandparents, and it will become available to me when I turn eighteen.”
Mags lets out an audible gasp, and I cover my mouth in shock.
“Christ, Neel, I can’t believe you’ve never told us this before! We’re your best friends!” Mags says, exasperated.
“My parents didn’t want me to tell anyone, and I didn’t want to, either.
Come on, guys, let’s face it. I’m introverted and awkward at best. I want people to like me for me, and not for the money I’m about to inherit.
Money changes things. I need to know that my friends, and hopefully future girlfriends, like the real me, not the money. Does that make sense?”
“Of course, it makes sense,” I say. “And now you know that we are your true friends, right?”
“Well, I might like you a little more now if I’m being honest,” Mags jokes.
“So, if you’re not going away to college what are you going to do? I assume it has something to do with the money you will be coming into, right?” I inquire.
“It does,” he says. “I want to open my own business. You know how much I love cereal, right?”
“I’ve never met anyone who loves cereal more than you,” I say.
“Well, I’m going to open a cafe and call it The Cereal Bar.
It will be a low-key, self-serve restaurant that only offers cereal.
You know when we go for froyo and you grab a bowl and fill it yourself?
It will be just like that. I will offer every kind of cereal known to humankind stored in long, self-serving plastic tubes that will line the walls of the cafe.
People can pay for a single bowl or choose the all-you-can-eat option.
The cafe will have a lunch counter just like in the diners.
I’m considering a retro look too. Maybe fifties style. ”
“Okay, that is kind of awesome, and totally you, Neel. I can bring bubble tea girl on date night,” Mags says excitedly.
“Ooh, and I have an idea. You should have The Simpsons artwork on the wall. Then it really would be totally Neel,” I add.
“Oh, I like that idea. I will also have plenty of board and card games available for people to play. I want to encourage everyone to hang out. I don’t need to make money, just enough to keep the place running.
I’m super excited and passionate about it.
I’ve been planning this in my head for years now.
See, I don’t only think about girls. Though, if I’m being honest, girls still occupy most of my thoughts. ”
We give the waitress all the money we have, along with our apologies, and promise to make it up to her next time.
“Just think,” Mags says. “We won’t have to stiff the waitress anymore once Neels gets his hands on that trust fund.”
“Mags, you’re terrible,” I say. “Don’t be so greedy. It’s Neel’s money, not ours.”
Neel promises that we won’t be stiffing any Waffle House waitresses anymore because Mags and I will have a lifetime of free cereal meals at The Cereal Bar to look forward to.
We arrive back at my apartment building around 10:00 p.m. leaving Neel barely enough time to drop Mags off and get home before his 11:00 p.m. curfew.
It’s a big lovefest in the parking lot as we hug and congratulate one another.
I came out, Neel has plans for a business, and Mags is infatuated with the mall bubble tea girl.
As they pull out of the parking lot, I stand back and wave.
Neel rolls down the window and says with a grin, “Simon, before we leave, tell me again about Tammy the hair washing girl in the halter top. I want to make sure I’ve got all the details right. You know, for…later tonight. Ouch! Stop it! Stop hitting me, Mags. I’m serious, stop!”
Some things never change. I walk into the building and climb the two flights of stairs to my apartment—a smile on my face—and search my pocket for my keys.
My hand twitches as I fumble to put the key in the door.
A nervous feeling takes over me, and the alien in my stomach awakens.
Scratch. Scratch. Scratch. It seems to whisper in my head, “Some things may never change, but other things are about to.”