Chapter 12 Iris
iris
Casual hook-ups were not my thing. I had tried before and they always made me feel like shit. Having Beau on his knees for me was an out-of-body experience. He made me feel wanted, sexy and powerful. I never had a man who wanted to be on his knees and enjoyed giving me pleasure.
You can tell when a man is half-ass eating the kitty, but Beau acted like a starved man, who very much wanted to keep going after I orgasmed.
I’d like to say it was all Beau, but seeing Nash at the bar watching us made everything that much sexier.
At first, I wanted him to be jealous, to lash out, get mad or do something, but when he was just as aroused as I was, it added to my pleasure.
I didn’t know being watched was so exhilarating.
After he left, I was disappointed. I kind of wanted him to stay to watch me return the favor.
When Beau declined my offer, it messed with my head even more.
I knew it was a stupid line of thinking, but why didn’t either one of them stay?
Was it me? I knew Beau just went down on me but—I hated being an overthinker.
I shook off my stupid thoughts as I walked outside to get some fresh air.
It was my day to help my brother Theo in his office.
He wasn’t a big fan of having to run the business side of the ranch and when I offered my services, he looked so relieved, so I tried to help as much as I could while also helping in the fields too.
Theo had given me back the love I used to have for working the farm before things got stressful.
The day was warm and while I knew I might see Nash—I wouldn’t have to talk to him and he wouldn’t try to talk to me around my brothers—, I wanted to see what the guys were up to. It would give me a chance to take a quick ride and get some fresh air, plus I missed my brothers.
Snow White huffed as I opened the door to her stall.
I gave her love and praise, along with a few treats before I get her saddled up.
I adjusted a few things before I got on her and took off in a gallop.
Snow White was one of the best horses I had ever ridden; she was amazing and I wished I had more time to ride her.
I saw the small cattle stable Theo had for the heifers.
They had a few mommas they wanted to check on, and we had a new calf last night.
The guys were all standing around a few cows with Nash in the middle next to a heifer.
Theo, Colt and Jude were standing close together while Forest was standing in front of Nash with something plastic.
They all looked at me as I got closer. I noticed Colt and Forest with mischievous smirks.
“Just in time for the inseminations,” Jude said as I hopped off Snow White.
What the hell? Theo didn’t do inseminations, he left that to the vets.
“I was hoping I didn’t miss them,” I said, wondering what the hell was going on.
Were they fucking around with Nash?
“Just in time Iz, we were just going over instructions with Nash,” Forest said, handing Nash a big rubber glove. “We have two females in heat and thought it would be the perfect time to show Nash how we do things around here.”
Nash looked at the glove, a little pale.
“Come on, get the glove on and we can get her into position,” Jude said, pushing the cow into a holding pen. “It’s easier if we just get it over with and not let you think too much about it. We’ve all had to do it.”
Nash didn’t move for a while. He looked up at Theo, then Forest, and then at me before sliding the rubber glove on what I assumed was his dominant arm.
He took a deep breath, turning towards the cow and I couldn’t help but be impressed.
I expected him to complain or try to get out of it, but he had accepted his fate.
He swallowed roughly, and moved the cow’s tail.
That’s when Forest couldn't contain his laughter anymore.
Everyone laughed with Forest as Nash glared at all of us.
“Fuck you, guys,” Nash said, trying to keep a straight face as he shoved Forest who was laughing the hardest.
“Damn, I should have let you get a hand up there before I started laughing.” Forest slapped Nash’s shoulder.
“That would have been great,” Jude said, wiping his eyes.
“We could have gotten a picture and everything,” Colt chuckled. “Made Nash employee of the month.”
I laughed, catching Nash’s attention. He narrowed his eyes and my brain transported me back to when he walked in on Beau and me. My face flushed from the memory; my body grew hot as I turned around to save myself an embarrassing moment. Nash didn’t need to know that night still affected me.
“Thanks for being a good sport about it,” Theo said.
I looked over my shoulder as my family all gave him shit.
They teased him as he gave them shit back, sounding like he fit right in.
My chest ached wondering if they would accept him if they knew he was their brother-in-law and why I had done it.
I think they would be more upset at me for not telling them the truth.
My lip trembled from the insane situation I had put myself in. “Got tired of numbers already?”
Jude, my other older brother, came by me.
“A little, I needed to stretch my legs,” I said, running my hands through Snow White’s mane. “Plus, I hadn’t ridden in a while, and you know I can’t go too long without riding.”
“You sure it isn’t because of a certain someone?”
I glared at my brother, who was smirking, looking really proud of himself.
He was the only person I was truly afraid of finding out our secret.
Last year, he saw Nash and me fighting at the rodeo and since then he thought something was up.
Jude has always been intuitive, knowing my bad luck, he would figure us out sooner than later.
“I wasn't going to miss out on the joke,” I said, shrugging.
Jude chuckled. “You know there’s nothing wrong with you dating him right or just fucking him.”
I grimaced. “Jude let’s not do this, it's weird.”
“Weird? Why is it weird? I’m just saying if you need someone to talk to, I’m here,” he said seriously. “I’m sure it's not easy being with him because he’s out on the road all the time and—”
“Jude, it's not what you think it is,” I said, needing him to stop talking.
Jude studied me, his eyes lingering longer than I would have liked.
“Iris, you don’t have to tell me anything, but are you ok?” His voice was somber.
“I’m fine,” I lied, hating that I was lying to him, to my family, and for what?
He sighed. The disappointment was clear in his gaze. “I know what it’s like to feel like you have to keep a secret, but there’s no judgement from me.”
My entire lie was on the tip of my tongue, ready to be blurted out.
“Did you come out here just for me, Petal?” Nash walked up to us.
“In your dreams, Cowboy.” I rolled my eyes. “I was really hoping they would let you be arms deep before they said, ‘just kidding’.”
“So cruel to me,” Nash said, holding onto his heart.
“You like it when I’m mean,” I said, walking away. “Always coming back for more.”
Nash yelled. “I like it when you're bossy!”
“Pathetic!” I got back on Snow White.
“You know a way to a man's heart, Rose!”
I flipped him off as I heard Jude’s laughter.
Shit, I forgot he was right next to us. I signaled for Snow White to get trotting and I made my way back to the house, over analyzing everything that Jude had seen, wondering if anything could have given away our secret.
Once I reached the barn by the house, I put Snow White away, giving her a good brush and cleaning out her stall.
I left her with a few treats, going back to the office to finish up a few things before going back home.
It was my first night off in a few days and all I wanted was my couch, a pint of ice cream and whatever trashy show I could find to watch.
The house smelled delicious as I walked back into it. Nova was in the kitchen mixing something in a pot.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” She spotted me.
“Just some office work for Theo,” I said, sitting on one of the bar stools. “What are you doing here?”
I checked the time behind her, seeing it was only two.
“Sol wasn’t feeling well, so they called me from school and thankfully my last client canceled, so I went to go pick her up,” she said, putting chunks of meat in a pot.
“Aww, poor baby,” I said, looking down the hall to her room. “What are you making? “Caldo de res. It’s like chicken soup with meat. I didn’t have any chicken.”
“Well, it smells amazing already.”
“Mama!” Sol yelled.
“Hold on, baby!” Nova yelled.
“I got it. Let me see if I can help her,” I said, getting up.
“Thanks, she’s probably looking for a specific pair of pjs she likes to wear when she’s sick,” Nova said, adding a few things to the pot.
“Ok, I’ll help her and holler if we need anything else,” I said, walking toward the hallway.
“Thanks, Iris. I appreciate you so much; I hope you know we all do,” she said, as I looked over my shoulder.
My throat tightened with emotion as she gave me a small smile. “Of course, I would do anything for this family.”
“Just don’t forget about yourself, ok?”
I nodded, afraid to say anything as guilt hit me.
I married Nash to save the farm, but the longer I stayed in Sterling Ridge, the more I was choosing myself.
Every day, I hated myself for not following through, but being here brought me more peace than I could imagine.
I wish I still didn’t feel like I needed to keep my parents' dream alive. It used to be my dream too.