Chapter 13 Nash
nash
I was always the wild child; the child who gave them a hard time, who was defiant because I asked questions.
I didn’t do what I was told and didn’t fall in line like Brooks.
They made an example out of me time and time again until I was tired of being their punching bag, so I stayed away from home as often as I could.
My love of the rodeo grew when I would sneak away and watch the local rodeos and tend to our horses.
All the time away didn’t stop Parker from seeking me out and my mother hated it.
He would watch me train horses, clean and take care of them.
I even caught him trying to sneak out with me when I would go watch the rodeo in town.
He was my shadow until my father gave me an opportunity to do what I wanted.
I didn’t realize it until it was too late that he gave me my rodeo opportunity and Parker was pushed towards hockey to keep us separated.
When I talked to Brooks about it, he told me I was being delusional.
He gaslit me into thinking I was seeing things that weren’t there, but the older I got, the more it became clear: my father didn’t want me around my little brothers.
It was also how he controlled me. He used my love for the rodeo to bring me to my knees and I hated that.
So that is why I needed to get out from under his thumb.
Parker’s team had made it to regionals, on his way to making it to the frozen four, which was fucking amazing.
Brooks said he wanted to go pro and champions meant scouts took notice of you.
On the drive over there, I tried not to let the guilt eat me alive.
I pulled away for a reason, but I could have attempted to keep in touch as he got older.
Now I hated myself a little, and I didn’t know how he was going to react to seeing me.
I texted him before I left, but that felt insignificant.
The campus was beautiful; it was everything I imagined a cool college would look like. The arena he played in was enormous, and pride hit me in the chest when I saw how packed the parking lot was.
Fuck, I didn’t think about buying a ticket.
I had to park in the street and walk about five minutes to the stadium. The game started at one and it was already twelve fifty-five. There was no ticket booth I could see so I went to the main doors, hoping I could still snag a ticket.
“Ticket, please,” a young girl asked me when I finally made it to her.
“Hi, I came to surprise my brother last minute and I don’t have one,” I said, hoping for some sympathy.
“Jeff! Do we still have tickets?” the young girl yelled.
“Yeah, send him through,” he said.
I exhaled in relief as she pointed me out to Jeff.
“Hi, sorry. I didn’t know I was going to come see my brother and the ticket booths were closed out there,” I said, pulling my wallet out.
“It’s cool,” he said. “I only have the second tier available. The closest will be these seats.”
He showed me on his iPad and it was far from the rink, but I had no choice.
“It’s just you, right?” he asked.
“Yeah, just me.”
“Hold up, let me make sure we don’t have any one-seaters,” he said, taking the iPad and looking again.
An announcer came out on the PA announcing the start of the game and my stomach dropped.
“I have one right here,” he said, showing me one pretty close to the rink.
“I’ll take it,” I handed him my card, not caring how much it cost. “Do you know what number Parker Yarbrough is?”
“Yeah, he’s number thirty-four,” he said, printing me a ticket.
“Awesome. Thanks, man,” I said, walking quickly as the crowd went wild.
I made it out to see the game start. Parker was in the middle fighting for the puck, and I was so damn proud of him.
After finding my seat I was in awe for most of the game.
Parker was a grown-ass man who was brutal on the ice, hitting guys against the wall, stealing the puck and he even made a goal.
I was even seated close to some professional hockey players.
Jo had talked about the Romeo Gomez and Hunter Riggs scandal and how they had turned their coming out to benefit them.
They were teammates who were also boyfriends, but they also shared a girlfriend.
Jo was pissed she wasn’t a part of their PR team critiquing what she could have, should have and would have done.
I was jealous I didn’t have the same coming out story they had.
Parker’s team didn’t win, and by the way his head was hanging after the buzzer rang, I felt his pain.
There was nothing worse than losing when you were so close to the championship.
I watched Parker skate around before making his way back to his bench following his teammates and his coach to what I assumed were the locker rooms.
I let most of the crowd disperse before getting up and looking around for where the players might leave.
The game made me nervous, but talking to Parker made me want to run to my truck.
A few parents were talking about meeting their kids and I followed them to the back of the arena where a group of people were waiting, even some of the hockey players.
I stayed off to the side, keeping my hat low.
The door opened periodically, making my heart drop each time. By the time I saw Parker, I was sweating so badly, and my heart was beating so erratically I thought I might pass out. Parker was walking out with one coach, looking indifferent, but I saw the disappointment.
“Parker!” I called out when he got closer.
“What the hell are you doing here, Nash?” he grumbled, looking a little surprised.
“I heard my baby brother was on his way to the frozen four,” I said, trying not to sound nervous.
“I’ll see you later, Coach,” he said, walking to me with narrowed eyes.
“Hey, Parks,” I said with a smile.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he growled.
“Brooks mentioned you were doing well in hockey and I’m in Sterling Ridge at the moment, so I—”
“So, you what?” he snapped. “Decide to come see me like nothing has happened? Pretend like everything is ok?”
“No, I almost didn’t come because I knew I fucked up,” I said as we walked. “I expected nothing, I really just wanted to see you play and I was close, so I thought I would offer my support. You’re doing great here.”
Parker didn’t respond as we kept walking to, I don’t know where.
“I’m glad you kept up with hockey, you look amazing out there,” I said nervously. “Brooks said that next year—”
“Why now, Nash?” he snapped.
“Because I missed you. Because I’m fucking tired of letting that man keep me away. I’m an idiot for not trying harder to keep up with you and Collin,” I said, running a hand over my face.
“You left us,” he sighed, stopping abruptly. “I haven’t seen you in five years. You didn’t bother to show up to my graduation.”
“They didn’t let me,” I said. “Brooks told me, but father told me if I showed up, he would pull my fund and cancel your party.”
Parker's nostrils flared. “You could have tried harder. You left me alone, left us alone.”
“Brooks—”
“Brooks!” Parker laughed. “Brooks only cares that we don’t mess shit up for him. He keeps us in line so that father makes his life easier, don’t think for a second that Brooks cares about any of us.”
I opened my mouth to defend Brooks, but what he said wasn’t too far-fetched, in a way he was right. Brooks made sure we did what dad told us to do.
“Look, our family dynamic sucks and I’m sorry I took the coward's way out,” I said, taking my hat off. “I saw a way to get out, and it was easy to blame dad for staying away, but I also thought it would be better if I wasn’t around. I’m the fuck up.”
Parker glared at me. “Better for you or me?”
“For you and Collin, what could you possibly—”
“You’re such a fucking idiot. We looked up to you,” he snarled. “You were the one part of the day that didn’t feel scripted or forced. You were unapologetically you, with no fucks to give and I needed you. We needed you, but you left us.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my throat tightening with emotion. “I fucked up. I didn’t realize…”
“I’m fucking sorry too, for thinking you would come back and be the big brother I needed,” he said, shaking his head a few times before walking away from me.
“I’m in Sterling Ridge, staying at the Aurora Ranch if you need me!
” I yelled. I wondered if I would ever see him again, and what had happened to the jovial, carefree boy who used to ask me if he could sleep in my room because he liked to stay up late talking about the stars, sports and everything in between.
“Hey, Nash!” I looked over my shoulder to see Theo waving me over to the porch.
I sighed, wanting nothing more than to go to my cabin to drink and pass out for the second day in a row. Seeing Parker had sent me into a small spiral. I just needed a few days to get drunk and forget about my family’s troubles before I tried to talk to Iris again. I was mentally exhausted.
“Yeah,” I said, walking to him.
“Hey, can you do me a favor?” He led me into the house.
“Sure,” I said, even though I didn’t want to.
“Iris has the flu, can you drop off some supplies for me?”
I perked up at the mention of his sister. “Uh, yeah. Is she ok?”
“Yeah, I was supposed to take medicine and this soup to her, but Nova and Sol are sick. Colt isn’t back and Atlas is stuck at work,” he sighed. “I don’t feel comfortable leaving my girls.”
I smiled. Theo was really sweet, and I admired him.
“Yeah, of course, just give me an address and I can drop it off,” I said, grabbing the bags he handed to me.
Loud coughing had Theo turning around quickly.
“I’ll text the address to you,” he said, already heading down the hallway with his phone out.
“Alright,” I said, as I walked myself out and headed to my truck.