Chapter 12 Jude
jude
My best friend looked like hell, but he also never looked so good. His hair was a little longer, he had trimmed facial hair that gave him a more rugged look and seeing him with Sol always made my non-existent ovaries go into overdrive.
I didn’t go with him into the house as he dropped off Sol, needing a little space and time to think about us.
Was I really going to tell him that I loved him?
Baring my soul to him sounded like a really bad idea.
Maybe we could just kiss and make up, then maybe once we were in a better place I could casually say, “Hey, I love you and want your babies…”
Why was this so fucking hard?
I was scared, I was being a child and I knew if I just told him, then I could move on, no matter the outcome.
Sam left the front door open and Forest was right behind him.
Nova must have said something funny because they laughed together, glancing at one another before waving, then closing the door.
Forest said something to Sam, making him scowl but Forest was enjoying his discomfort.
I looked between them, noticing the vast differences between them.
They were good looking in their own ways, but they were such opposites.
Light and dark. A flash of them in bed together popped into my mind.
Forest’s darker tan against Sam's lighter skin and them grinding together.
Sam liked to top, but would he bottom for Forest?
Forest screamed dominant top and picturing them together had me uncomfortable in my uniform. My window was lowered as I heard them talking, my fantasy getting dirtier and raunchier.
“Peaches, don’t be stubborn,” Forest said, catching my attention.
Peaches?
“I’m not,” Sam huffed as he grew red.
“Alright, I think it would do you some good to ride around since you've lost your crutches,” Forest said, following Sam who looked to be walking faster to get away from him. “I checked with the PT personnel, and they said riding in small increments would be ok.”
“Are you talking to my PTs?” Sam growled.
“Yes, you need to get out of that damn house, Sam.” Forest glared at Sam. “It’s not healthy for you to be there by yourself and maybe if you'd answer your damn phone, I wouldn’t have to check on you like a damn child.”
Guilt slapped me in the face and kicked me in the nuts. After hearing about the second surgery, I knew this was going to be hard on him, he might be losing the only thing that mattered most to him. A myriad of emotions hit me and professing my love to him felt foolish.
Sam wasn’t a stranger to depression. He had grown up in a toxic household and the fact that he had managed to become this great person was a damn miracle.
I should have reached out sooner, but it wasn’t too late, and I wasn’t going to let anything stop me now.
I jumped out of my truck, and they both looked up at me.
Sam instantly smiled. “Hey, I thought you might not have come.”
Forest stripped me with his gaze, tipping his hat like a gentleman. “Good afternoon, Jude.”
“Hello,” I said, stupidly blushing at Forest’s attention. “Yeah, I had to take a call, so I stayed out here a little longer.”
“Great,” Sam grinned. “Are you hungry? Can we get something to eat?”
“I’m starving,” Forest said.
“We could go to the Boozy Bandit,” I said, since it was close to Sam’s place.
“Perfect, I need a beer and a burger,” he said, walking backward. “See you guys there.”
Sam scowled as he walked away and I couldn’t help but find it adorable and hilarious.
“Not a fan of Forest? I thought you guys…” I trailed off hoping he’d fill in the details.
“Do you really want me to finish that sentence when something is going on between you two?” He cocked his brow.
“There is nothing going on between us,” I said quickly.
He studied me for a moment before nodding. “Things with Forest are complicated. He’s been checking on me, it’s irritating and—”
“It's what you need.” I finished his sentence.
He shrugged.
“Look, I’m sorry,” I said. “I got upset for a dumb reason and the more we didn’t talk, the more the space between us just made me feel like I couldn’t say the right words.”
“I shouldn’t have pushed for you to move,” he sighed. “I knew better. Family is everything to you. You and Theo are two peas in a pod, and it was selfish of me to get mad. I regret everything about that phone call.”
The emotion in his voice made my heart ache and made me feel a little bit worse. If I were a better man, I would have told him that I had created the space because I loved him and I was tired of keeping this secret.
I was scared.
I was a horrible person.
“Jude, don’t do that,” he said, pulling me in for a hug.
“Do what?” I mumbled into his shoulder, leaning into the hug more than I should have, but god, I missed this so fucking much.
“Blame yourself for all of this,” he said, squeezing me. “You always think it's your fault and take the blame for everything. I was the asshole, ok?”
I didn’t know what to say because it was my fault, but if I said anything then I would admit my feelings and I wasn’t ready for that.
“Ok, Jude?” he growled.
He pulled away, looking down at me.
“It’s not your responsibility to take care of everyone, Jude. I’m a big boy, I shouldn’t have pressured you and then thrown a fit. It was my fault, ok?” He cupped my face. His hazel eyes were lit with determination.
I nodded as my chest fluttered with the position we were in.
“Good, now let's go eat,” he said, glancing down at my lips.
He cleared his throat letting me go.
Wait! Did he look at my lips?
“Drive safely,” he said, clearing his throat again before getting into his car.
I nodded, wondering if I had imagined Sam looking at my lips as I got into my truck.
This was ridiculous. Why the hell would he be looking at my lips, but after he looked at my lips, he had licked his own?
Nope, this was me being delusional. Sam wasn’t interested in me; my brain was looking for anything to say he was interested.
If my best friend was interested, he would have said so a long time ago, that was just the kind of person Sam was.
“Come on, Jude, one shot,” Sam said, elbowing me.
“Are you supposed to be drinking?” I gave him my best pointed look, glancing down at his knee.
He shrugged. “It’s just a shot and a beer.”
“Yeah, Jude, it’s just a shot and a beer,” Forest said, as Sam rolled his eyes at him.
I chuckled, liking their playful dynamic.
“Fine, but can we do something not as harsh?” I asked as they both laughed at me.
“Jude, what the fuck do you think a shot is?” Sam grinned. “Nothing is going to lessen the sting, might as well get used to it.”
“Yeah, but can’t we get a fruity shot?” I grumbled. “Something that doesn’t feel like it’s burning my stomach lining.”
“Sure, but if we get a shot you have to take the shot how it’s supposed to be taken,” Forest said with a smirk.
I narrowed my eyes. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what it means," he said, as Sam studied him with confusion.
“I guess as long as it’s not gross,” I said warily.
“Great,” Forest said in a sultry voice. “Hey darlin’, when you get a chance can we get three blow jobs?”
“Forest,” I squeaked, slapping his shoulder as Sam laughed. “What the fuck is a blow job?”
“If I need to explain to you then I’m really worried about you, Jude,” Forest grinned. “I knew you were innocent, but not that innocent.”
“Shut up.” I rolled my eyes. “Sam, tell me what the hell he ordered.”
Sam laughed. “Sorry, you’re just going to have to wait.”
“Alright, sugas, three blow jobs for you.” The bartender dropped off the shots with a smirk.
They looked like a shot of coffee topped with whipped cream.
I grabbed my shot hesitantly.
“Nuh-uh,” Sam shook his head.
“That’s not the way you take a blow job,” Forest said, putting my shot back on the bar. “Standing makes it easier and hands behind your back, princess.”
I scowled at him. “What the fuck is going on?”
Sam stood up and put his hands behind his back. “You don’t use your hands for this shot, Jude, just your mouth. You pick it up and throw it back.”
He demonstrated sitting his mouth over the shot glass as heat shot straight to my cock. Oh, fuck me.
“Nope, I can’t do this,” I said, shaking my head.
“Come on, Jude,” Forest said, putting one hand behind my back as Sam put my other hand behind my back.
“We do it together,” Sam said, and I could have sworn his voice was lower.
They assumed their positions and my face grew hot. I should not have found this erotic.
“One. Two,” Forest said.
“Three,” Sam said.
I watched Forest seal his lips around his glass and then Sam.
Fuck me. This shot should be illegal. Before I could talk myself out of it, I wrapped my lips around the shot and lifted it up. The shot was a little sweet and not as bad. I removed the shot from my lips as Sam licked the rim of the shot glass.
“Good boy,” Forest whispered.
My body felt like it was flushed from the praise. I wanted to hear it again, I think I needed to hear it again.
“Not bad for your first blow job,” Sam said, rubbing my shoulder. “It wasn’t so bad, right?”
I shook my head trying to get my brain to form some words, but my body was wrung tightly.
“We could try a lemon drop next time, but I think maybe we need to try that blow job one more time,” he chuckled.
“Maybe a few more times,” Forest said.
“Ok,” I said. I was ok with seeing them wrap their lips around the glass one more time.
Four blow jobs, two beers and a few burgers to soak up the alcohol later, I was laughing as Forest tried to teach Sam how to two-step.
It was hopeless. I had tried so many times and never succeeded, it seemed Forest was having the same luck.
Sam always danced like a fish out of water, and it wasn't for the lack of trying, he just didn’t have a rhythmic bone in his body.
“I can’t anymore,” Sam huffed. “I suck.”
I wiped my eyes as he glared at me.