31. Atlas
31
atlas
My hands shook as I drove back home. I was sleep deprived and emotionally raw. With each mile I drove, I felt sicker and sicker. I almost wanted to lie and say I had to stay another night to stay away from the house, but I was a fucking adult, for christ’s sake. While I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted to do, I needed to go home.
I slowed down, putting my blinker on to turn down the road to our home, when I noticed Nova turning right. She didn’t notice my car and I turned right after her. I was confused for a moment until I realized she shouldn’t be home till tomorrow or the earliest, later tonight, if she wanted to come home early. I looked over at the clock and it was only one in the afternoon.
Something was wrong and as soon as I parked, I jumped out of my car. I opened her door, and she flew out to hug me. She didn't say anything as I held her, expecting her to say something.
“What's wrong, Love?” I asked, picking her up and closing the door to the car.
“I’m an idiot,” she whispered, as I walked to the house, opening the door that was, thankfully, left unlocked.
“What happened?” I sat on the sofa keeping her close to me; she straddled my legs.
“I thought this was a big turning point, but why… why…” Her lip trembled and she started crying.
The front door opened, and relief hit me that they were here, except Theodore came rushing in angrily.
“I guess you already told her,” Theo snapped, breathing hard.
“Theo,” Colt said, reaching for him.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, his tone made me nervous.
“When were you going to tell us?” Theo growled. “After you left? What's it going to be this time, one year, two years?”
My lack of sleep was making me confused because I didn’t know what he was talking about.
“What are you talking about?” As I said the words, Nova shifted so she could see the guys.
“Theo, I don’t think?—”
Theo glared at Colt.
“What’s going on?” Nova asked warily.
“Did you tell her so you could leave together?” Theo looked between us, his voice cracking on the last word.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
He threw a piece of paper on the coffee table and my heart dropped. I didn’t know what to say, this wasn’t how they were supposed to find out. Nova leaned forward to grab the piece of paper as I lowered my eyes.
“I thought we were a team, you said you were finally home —”
“Theodore, will you let him talk?” Colt clipped.
Theo flinched like Colt had slapped him.
“Is this an opportunity to do research for cancer?” Nova’s wide eyes made my throat tighten up.
“Not cancer, but I would be able to work in a facility and work my way up,” I said quickly. “It’s my foot in the door and then I can hopefully work up to cancer research.”
“Holy shit, this is amazing,” she said, throwing herself at me. “This is what you wanted right? When did you apply, when did you decide?—”
“You knew?” Theo whispered, his nostrils flared.
Nova looked between us, confused.
“He mentioned how his mother and sister died and how he thought about doing this before he became a general practitioner,” Nova said, her brows furrowing. “What's going on?”
“Theo, sit down, we need to talk about this,” Colt said.
“What’s there to talk about? He's leaving us again,” Theo snapped.
“I haven’t made up my mind and?—”
“We agreed that we wouldn’t be away from each other anymore,” Theo interrupted me.
“That's why I didn’t know if I wanted to take it or not,” I said, feeling defeated.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Colt asked, sitting on the coffee table in front of Nova and me.
“Because why say anything if I decided not to go,” I said, hanging my head down.
“Why wouldn’t you take it?” Nova rubbed circles on my back.
“You want him to go?” Theo clipped.
“I mean, if this is his dream, if this?—”
“So, breaking us up, is ok?” Theo lashed out.
“Theo, what’s going on?” Nova stood up walking to him.
He shook his head, rubbing his chest.
“Stop,” he shook his head, taking deep breaths.
I glanced at Colt, who also looked perplexed.
“Theo, what do you need us to do?” Nova asked, holding her hands up in a non-threatening way.
Theo looked at all of us like he was panicking.
“Babe, what do you need from us?” I asked, trying to figure out what was happening.
“I need people to stop wanting to leave me,” he whispered, before walking away from us.
Nova started walking towards him, but Colt caught her around the waist.
“Let’s give him a moment,” Colt said, holding Nova back.
“He doesn’t need to be alone,” Nova snapped.
“Let’s give him a little time,” I said, getting up.
“Something is obviously wrong.” She glared at us.
“Pushing him to talk is only going to make him lash out more,” Colt sighed.
Nova’s lips trembled. “I don’t like not doing something.”
“I know, we don’t like it either,” I said, feeling dead on my feet. “Hey, are you ok?”
I rubbed Nova’s back.
“I’m ok, just this class didn’t go how I had imagined,” she mumbled.
“What happened? You were on such a high last night.” Colt looked concerned.
Her lip trembled. “Sol’s father was with Lauryn and guess who has a daughter the same age?”
“That fucker,” Colt growled.
“He got both you guys pregnant?” I snarled. “That fucking asshole.”
“She looks a little like Sol and the asshole wanted to talk, after six years he wanted to talk,” she cried, putting her face into her hands.
“Why would she bring you?” Colt asked, putting his arms around her and I did the same.
“I don’t know, to gloat?” she murmured against Colt’s chest.
“That makes no sense,” I scoffed, kissing her head.
“It was so fucking stupid,” she mumbled.
“I think you guys need to rest,” Colt said, studying me. “Atlas looks dead on his feet and you should rest before we go pick up Sol, ok?”
We nodded as Colt took our hands and led us to the bedroom. After showering and changing, I climbed into bed behind Nova who was watching TV. Colt had left to go check on Theo and while I wanted to go with him, once I got into bed with Nova, I fell right to sleep.
One day passed and the tension in the house was becoming too much. Colt tried speaking to Theo and he said he needed time. He was quiet and reserved when he had dinner with us, only giving smiles to Sol. I was tired of waiting around and tomorrow we would be going on a hike with Sol and her class. We needed to solve this because I hated the tension, and I needed us to be ok.
He always showered when he came home so I was waiting in the bathroom for him. I waited for about forty-five minutes before I heard our bedroom door open, and I put away my phone.
Theo walked in, and as he was taking off his shirt, it momentarily turned me into putty at the sight of his gorgeous body. He headed to the shower, and turned it on, still oblivious to me sitting at the vanity that Nova used while she was here.
He spun around, and froze when he saw me. His expression went from angry to nervous to sad. We stared at each other, hoping that the other person would talk first, but that wasn’t the case.
“Theo,” I whispered, as my lip trembled. “Please talk to me.”
“You should go,” he said, his voice hoarse.
I wished I could tell him I wasn’t going, but a part of me still wanted to do this, but at what cost? It wasn’t just us anymore. I had a little girl and an amazing woman to think about too.
“I’m not sure,” I said truthfully. “It’s something I have always wanted to do.”
“I know, I remember when you were talking about residency you always talked about doing medical research,” he said. “I always hoped we would be enough.”
“Theo you?—”
“No, Atlas, you are a fucking brilliant person and you’re wasting your talent here with me.” He ran his hand through his hair, and pulled at the ends, something he only did when he was really stressed. “You could change the world except you’re here in this small town, only because I came here. I have no right to ask you to stay or Nova and Colt.”
“What are you saying?” My heart pounded.
“I’m saying that you three should go to San Francisco,” he said solemnly. “I don’t do well in bigger cities, the noise and the traffic and… I like my quiet life here.”
“Wait, what are you saying?” I snapped, panic clawing at me.
“I’m saying you should go and take them with you,” he said with more conviction. “Nova and Colt aren’t meant for this small town and I know they would do well there too.”
“Theo, that’s not what’s going to happen,” I said, regretting applying for that position. “We are not going to do that.”
“You should,” he said, unbuckling his pants. “It’s the best thing for them too.”
“No, if I take this position then I’m doing it alone,” I clipped. “I’m not going to uproot everyone for me, and I don’t think you should be giving up on everyone for me too.”
“Atlas,” Theo said, cupping my cheek.
My tears blurred my vision, and I blinked rapidly to shed them so I could see him. I needed Theo just like I needed Colt, Nova and Sol.
“I shouldn’t have applied,” I sobbed, as he pulled me towards him.
“Atlas, you were destined for greatness, not being some small-town doctor,” he said, as I laid my head on his chest, holding him tightly.
“Being a doctor is enough, this was always a stupid dream, and my life means nothing without you guys,” I cried, feeling like I had made the biggest mistake.
“Atlas, you're young, you have your entire life ahead of you and you became a doctor so young, you can’t waste away here. I know you are supposed to change the world,” he said, kissing my temple.
“No, I can’t leave,” I said more confidently. “This was all a stupid mistake.”
“I think we need to talk to everyone,” Theo suggested.
“No, we don’t, I’m not going,” I said, pulling away. “Anyways, we have Sol’s hiking trip tomorrow, and I don’t want to ruin that for her. It’s going to be a beautiful day, and we are going to have fun.”
I kissed him quickly, dismissing what he tried to say as I left. This was all a stupid mistake, and nothing was worth losing them. I wiped my eyes as I took a deep breath feeling worse than before I had talked to Theo. I should feel happy we talked, but it felt like we were brushing things under the rug, and I wondered how long it would take for me to fall over the mess I had made.