32. Nova
32
nova
Sol’s school hosted a spring hiking trip to kick-start their spring break. It wasn’t mandatory, but the school encouraged caregivers to go with their kids and have some fun. The weather was picture-perfect with a high of fifty-five and Sol was bouncing around like she had just had a shot of espresso.
“Please listen to Theo and Atlas,” I said, kneeling to zip up her jacket and make sure her hiking boots were tight enough.
“I know,” she said, moving so much that I had to glare at her to settle down. “I’m just so excited they are coming.”
All three of them wanted to go, but Colt had to stay behind because he was getting a part from Mountain View for a motorcycle rebuild he was doing for Bob.
“You ready, Sunflower?” Theo walked out of the hallway with Atlas in tow.
Things had been very strained since Theo’s outburst and, while he apologized last night, something still felt off. Atlas brushed off my question about him going and it seemed like they were still just as tense, even though they were talking.
“I’m so ready!” Sol yelled, running to Theo who picked her up.
“I made some PB&Js for you guys and I packed some snack bars along with some trail mix,” I said, handing them their bags. “I honestly think it’s too much food since you'll be back a little after lunch, but just in case it takes a little longer. There's also another small jacket for Sol and one of your bags has a blanket you guys can use to lay out or use for warmth.”
“Thanks, Love,” Atlas said, kissing my cheek.
He still looked exhausted, as if he hadn't caught up with his sleep from working that night.
“Always,” I said, pulling him in for a hug because I felt like he needed it. “Be careful, please.”
“We will,” he said, kissing my cheek before grabbing his bag. “Thanks for our snacks and meal. I’m sure Theo brought his entire survival kit with him. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
Theo stood by awkwardly and I hated this weirdness, so I closed the gap and hugged him. He was tense at first and I thought I had fucked up, but when he relaxed and pulled me against him tighter, I felt so much better.
“I've missed you,” I whispered.
He nodded, leaning back, kissing me softly and sweetly.
“Ew, gross, stop eating my mom,” Sol cackled.
“Oh, shut it, you little brat,” I said, grabbing her and giving her a huge kiss on the cheek.
Sol giggled as I put her down. “Come on, Teddy and Atty, lets goooo!”
I shook my head at her, but deep down I was so fucking happy that she had two guys to take her on this hiking trip. Most of the parents who went were dads and I was usually the only mom, but now she had two guys going with her and she was so excited.
Atlas kissed me on my cheek followed by Sol and Theo stood there like he didn’t know what to do.
“Can we talk when you get back?” I asked, biting my lip, noticing that he did have a bigger bag.
“We need to discuss a lot of things,” he said as he nodded, then pecked me and quickly left the house.
He wanted to talk about a lot of things, but my overactive imagination figured it wasn’t going to be good. What if this was it? What if Atlas went to San Francisco and Theo wanted nothing to do with us? The thought of being left alone again felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore. My chest felt tight, it was like I couldn’t get a deep breath in and a stupid part of me was reliving Andrés leaving us all over again. Would we ever be good enough for anyone?
I never worked Saturdays, and I regretted working this one. The salon was only open till three, which was the perfect time for a full color and a haircut client but, I was not in it today. I had been in the business long enough, though, I knew I could fake my way through a half a day.
“You ok?” Stacie asked, as I pulled my purse out of my locker.
“Yeah,” I said a little too loudly that her brows went up.
My cheeks grew red.
“Ok, keep telling yourself that,” she said, getting her own things. “I know we don’t talk much, but I’m always here.”
“Thanks, Stacie,” I said, appreciating her being so sweet.
“I’m sure having three boyfriends, and a daughter is hard,” she said with a cheeky grin.
I laughed. “I will neither deny nor confirm.”
“Oh, come on, at least give a girl something good to think about.” She waggled her eyebrows.
“If one ever tires out you have two more to keep you company,” I said, attempting to keep a straight face.
Stacie’s eyes lit up and I knew it was enough to quench her thirst for gossip.
“Well, shit. Go home and rest, stretch and drink lots of water,” she chuckled. “But I’m serious, if you ever need anything, just let me know.”
“Thanks, Stacie,” I grabbed my things. “Have a good weekend.”
She waved as I left.
The air was a lot crisper than when I had arrived, and when a gust of wind hit me, it was downright freezing. This was a lot colder than what the forecast had said this morning. I tossed my things into Atlas’ car, that I had yet to give back because it was so much better than my car.
Four missed calls and ten text messages.
My heart dropped.
Colt: Call me.
I dropped my phone trying to dial his number and as I tried again my hands started to shake.
“Nova,” Colt said, and I knew immediately something had happened.
“What happened?” My voice shook.
He took a deep breath. “Can you come to the fire station, that's where they are having us all meet.”
“Colt, tell me something cause I’m thinking the worst.” I took a shaky breath in.
“All I know is they lost contact with them, and they haven’t returned,” he sighed.
“Oh god, Colt.” I cried.
“Come to the station or I can go get you,” he said, his voice gruff.
“I’m on my way,” I said, hanging up before he responded.
The fire station was just down the road, but it felt like an eternity to get there as my mind thought of every scenario I could think of. The worst being where I lost the three of them. The fire station had a few more cars than usual outside as I spotted Colt’s car. I ran towards the door, and it opened, revealing Jude. We stared at each other for a beat before we embraced each other.
“Tell me something, anything,” I cried.
“We haven’t heard from them since two and there was an accident on the freeway behind the mountain that triggered an avalanche,” he said, squeezing me tight. “We don't have confirmation it hit them or that they were anywhere near there.”
“Fuck,” I cried into his chest, holding onto him tightly.
The door opened and we looked to see Colt in the doorway.
“Cielo.” His voice cracked, and I pulled him into our hug.
We didn’t speak for a while until someone called for Jude and Colt led me inside the station to a few moms who were also waiting for news. I had never been particularly close to any of them, but we all hugged. We tried to stay positive but our eyes said it all. We were fucking terrified.
A few more people showed up as the hours passed and as night was approaching, Iris walked into the station. Jude hugged her as he gave her the rundown. We still were no better than we were a few hours ago. The park rangers were retracing the group’s steps and it seemed they were having no luck. Since it was getting closer to night time, they didn’t know if they could continue with the storm that was rolling in.
Iris made her way to me, and when we hugged it made me cry all over again. She gave me comforting words that they would be found, but the uncertainty in her voice was too much to let me know it might be a possibility.
“Alright, we don’t know much more than we did earlier,” a park ranger said standing on a crate. “We've retraced their steps and while we see their tracks, either they went another route, or they possibly got cut off by the avalanche.”
He didn’t say what we all were thinking. They might have been buried in the avalanche.
“Unfortunately, there is another storm rolling in and while I'd love to have my guys out there searching, it’s too dangerous and I can’t lose men who could continue the search as soon as it lets up,” he said as a few people started talking. “I know we need to keep looking for them, but I can’t put anyone in danger and then force them to be rescued or worse, die out there.”
I craved more information, but at this point, I needed everyone to stop talking. This was too much, the not knowing was too much, the thinking I lost the people I loved was too much, and the possibility of living without them was too much.
People started moving as I looked around, trying to figure out what was happening. Colt was talking to someone, and Iris was talking to Jude. The other moms were leaving the room as I just sat there, wrapped up in a blanket.
“Come on, let's go home,” Colt said, holding his hand out to me.
I shook my head.
“Nova, they are?—”
“No, I’m not leaving.” I shook my head again.
“They are going to call us and then we can spread the word,” Jude said.
“I don’t care, if we leave, that means it’s going to take longer for me to find something out and I want to be the first to know,” I said, glaring at all of them.
“Cielo.” Colt knelt in front of me.
“Don’t Cielo me, Colt,” I snapped.
“It’s going to be a waiting game, we might as well rest and come back in the morning,” he said in a condescending voice.
“Rest?! You think I’m going to rest?” I laughed. “You think I’m going to rest while my daughter and our boyfriends are out there?!”
I could feel the stares, but I didn’t care.
“I am not leaving.” My voice cracked, as I sat down trying to breathe through the panic attack threatening to surface again.
“Can we stay?” Colt asked, as Iris hugged me with one arm, rubbing my arm, our heads leaning against each other.
“We don’t have enough beds, and I don’t think they are going to let you guys stay,” Jude sighed. “But let me go ask.”
Colt’s phone rang and I looked up at him with wide eyes praying it was one of them.
He shook his head before he answered. “Hey, Luke.”
My lip trembled as the little bit of hope came crashing down.
“We are at the fire station with Jude, yeah, on the main street just at the end,” Colt said, running his hands through his hair glancing at me. “No, the storm coming in is stopping the search and rescue.”
Hearing it again made the tears come back. Iris hugged me tighter until I felt another set of arms around me. I was in this weird time bubble, and it felt like everything was going so slow.
The sound of heels brought me out of wherever I was hiding myself to see Camila and Genevieve walking towards me. They hugged me as they discussed what was going to happen and how they could help. Luke was arguing with someone and the pain in his voice shook me out of my stupor a little more.
“Luke,” Camila snapped at him. “Arguing with them isn’t going to help. We are going home, we are going to eat, and then we will wait together as a family.”
Luke looked ready to argue with his wife before he nodded and so did the rest of the men.
“Come on, cunada,” Camila said, calling me her sister-in-law, holding her hand out for me and even though I just wanted to stay here, she was right, we all couldn’t stay here.
I grabbed her hand, my legs were shaking a little bit, and my ass was asleep from being in the same spot for so long. I don’t think I had eaten or drunk anything since early this afternoon.
Camila led me to Colt’s car, helped me in the back and sat next to me as Iris sat on the other side of me. They held my hands as Colt drove us home. Snow had started falling, only adding to my worry. Once we were home, Camila led me to our room.
“Do you want a shower or just change before the food gets here?”
“Shower,” I murmured.
“I got it, Camila,” Colt said, as I stared at the wall.
The door closed and the shower turned on. Colt undressed me slowly, walking me to the shower, undressing himself quickly. We got under the spray, and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I let out what I had been feeling all day. Colt held me tightly as his body trembled from his own tears.
He pulled away, making me look at him. “We will find them,” he said, eyes red- rimmed. “I promise we won’t lose Sundae, Atlas or Colt. They will come home to us.”
As much as I loved his positivity, I knew that might not be the possibility.
“I hope you are right.”