Chapter Seventy-Four
Sky
C ade is the only thing that exists in the chaos, and I hold on to him with everything I have. The torrent rain, the rumbling ground, the screaming train, it all threatens to crush me. But he is impenetrable. He is my harbor. I bury my face against his wet shirt, listen to his heartbeat, and accept my fate. There’s something relieving about it, something comforting about giving in. I don’t have to worry about graduation or talking him out of it. And I’m okay with dying if I’m with him.
I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on the heat radiating from his body, on the way it feels to finally be near him after all these weeks. I retreat into his earthy scent of rain and metal, and picture him with the skull paint, steely faced as the wind whips through his hair. He’s the harbinger of sweet death, and I am his consort.
All this time, I wondered why I wasn’t more afraid of my stalker, and it’s because I never had anything to be afraid of. Because it was just Cade. Watching and guarding me in his own distorted way. I realize he’s more broken than I thought, more in need of love than I could have imagined. And I promise to love him through this, all the way to the end.
My ears ring at the deafening blare of the train as it bathes us in its harsh spotlight. It’s so close I can feel the steam wrapping around us, its hot maw bearing down on us. I commit every hard curve of Cade’s body to memory as my last seconds descend on me.
And then the air is knocked from my lungs with impact.
But there’s no pain, and I find that I am still in Cade’s hold. I risk opening my eyes and see the train rushing by. The blur of steel and grind of metal just inches away. We’ve somehow ended up in the field beside the tracks with Cade beneath me.
I shift off his body and let my head fall back on the grass, taking a breath. I’m woozy and disoriented, the sky a smudge of clouds sprinkling a fine mist onto my cheeks. I was willing to die, but… now tears leak from the corners of my eyes and my muscles feel weak,
I’m barely aware that Cade has stood and that the train has passed. The night is eerily quiet and fogging quickly. I force myself to sit up, swiping at my eyes. I look up to see if he’s in the same state of relief as I am, but the darkness has shadowed his face.
“Cade?”
“That was stupid,” he seethes. “What the fuck were you thinking?”
I narrow my eyes at him, wondering if he can see my expression.
“Speeding up the timeline.” I throw his words back at him.
How dare he be upset with me? It wasn’t me who held us on the tracks. I wipe my hands and try to stand up. I feel like such a child on the ground. But my legs wobble with the effort, and I make it as far as my knees, needing a second to gain my strength back.
“Stay down, Sky.”
“What?” I snap my head up.
“Stay down and don’t follow me.” His words are cold and detached.
I catch the shadow of his set jaw as he turns and begins to walk away. My mouth falls open. He can’t leave. I haven’t even pleaded my case.
“No!” I shout after him, and use everything I have to push to my feet.
But he doesn’t stop walking.
“Cade!” I try to keep up on my weak legs.
He’s quickly vanishing into the fog, just a demon retreating into the night. If I don’t stop him now, I don’t know if I’ll find him again in time.
“I know,” I scream. “I know about graduation!”
He stops, a silhouette of black, and I clutch my stomach and run to him. My heart hammers at the ramifications of what he will do. Do I have to go in the ground like Bobby? Is that what happened to him? I start to shake, even though I know Cade wouldn’t do that to me.
“I know you think you need to do it.” I slow, afraid to see his expression. “But you don’t have to. We’re about to leave this place. You can be free and put it all behind you. I love you, Cade. Let me help you.”
All the horrible things that have happened to him here… what he’s done… It doesn’t have to be his whole world anymore. I can give him the money I tucked away for Japan, he can get the first flight out of the country before anyone has to know what’s happened to Bobby. I’ll find a way to follow him.
He suddenly spins on me, a look of disgust on his face. “You want to help me? You love me?!” He towers over me, and I shrink back. “You think you know about graduation? You don’t know the half of it. I’m a fucking monster, Sky.” He closes the space I put between us. “I’ve spent three years, three agonizing years, waiting for graduation. And you want to know the only thing that got me through it? You want to know what kind of person you love?” His dark brows are sharp, eyes smoldering with contempt. “The only thing that got me through it was knowing that if I held out just a little bit longer, I would get to kill four hundred people.”
My mouth goes dry and my stomach twists, and I have to take another step back, his words shredding my heart—not because he wanted to kill, but because that was all he had to hold onto? I picture him alone in the shack, with no one and nothing, while the world spun around him.
“Does that sound like someone you should love?” He advances. “Does that sound like someone who deserves your help?”
I want to say yes, that I wish I could have been there, that I’ll be there for him now. But my voice doesn’t work. My lips don’t move. He has me snared, like a rabbit in a trap, ankle bloody and broken. Except it’s my heart in the clamped hinges.
“Pity?” he scoffs, reading my expression. “Don’t pity me. I wanted it. I wanted it more than the air in my lungs. I wanted to die, and I wanted to take everyone with me.”
He suddenly grabs me by the throat. “And then you showed up.” He eyes me up and down as I gulp under his palm. “With your hair.” He grits his teeth and pinches a strand between his free fingers. “With your lips.” He drops the lock and drags his thumb across my mouth. “With your god damn fucking love .” He fiercely cups my cheek. “And…” He swallows, his adam’s apple tightening, and I notice his eyes have started brimming with tears. “And I was going to throw those three years away.” He tilts his head to the side, his black irises softening. “For you. I was going to live… for you.”
His emotions swing faster than a pendulum, and my own tears have barely hit my cheeks when his jaw hardens and his eyes turn to slits again.
“But it was a delusion,” he sneers. “People like me don’t get to live.”
I try to open my mouth to convince him it’s not true, to tell him that it can be real, that he can live, that we can all live, but he cuts me off, anticipating my rebuttal.
“You don’t get it, do you?” He pulls me into him, angling his grip to force my chin up. “Those three years? They were spent cultivating a monster. I pruned, and I watered, and I nourished the sickest part of myself. I lived on promised blood, and baited out a serpent—a serpent that now expects to be fed and takes what it wants if it isn’t. Don’t you see this is who I am, whether I want to be or not? You were too late, Sky. We were too late.” He drops his hand from my throat, the loss of heat sending a shiver through me. “So just stop.” His shoulders sag. “You can’t help me. You shouldn’t love me. And if you know what’s good for you, you won’t show up for graduation.”
He turns, leaving me trembling, and disappears into the fog.
I fall to my knees and cry.