Chapter 43
FORTY-THREE
“Nash! Wake up. I told you I need you to watch Lio again today.” Hunter’s booming voice comes through the door, jolting me from sleep.
I feel warm and safe, and as I finally blink my eyes open, I realize I’m lying in Nash’s arms. Our bodies pressed together, my head tucked under his chin, and our legs tangled.
This is so nice.
A loud knock echoes from outside the door, prompting Nash to pull me closer, squeezing me tightly. “Five more minutes,” he mumbles into my hair before gently kissing my head.
The cozy, warm feeling enveloping me dissipates like a bucket of ice water thrown over me when the door swings open and Hunter enters. His eyes widen as he finds me in Nash’s bed. There’s a flash of irritation in his eyes, but he quickly masks it.
“Good morning, Shortcake,” he greets me.
“Morning,” I mumble, feeling my cheeks flush as I attempt to disentangle myself from Nash. However, he holds me even tighter.
“We’re down in five, okay?” Nash mutters, his drowsiness evident.
How can his raspy voice and tousled hair be so damn sexy?
“Let me out,” I whisper to him, and after some cute-as-fuck groaning, he reluctantly lets go of me and turns to continue napping.
“Nash,” Hunter hisses, growing increasingly agitated. “You know we have to get to the hospital. It’s a forty-minute drive, and we have to leave now.”
“Hospital? Are you okay?” I ask, standing from the bed, still fully dressed in the leggings and shirt I wore to bed yesterday.
“Yes, everything is fine,” Hunter reassures me gently before raising his voice to address Nash again when he hears him snoring softly. “For fuck’s sake!”
“I can look after Lio until Nash’s ready,” I tell him, placing a hand on his forearm.
Hunter’s gaze shifts from me back to Nash. “Fine. That would be amazing, thank you. But let Lio in Nash’s room to wake him if he takes too long.” He turns to leave the room, and I do too, closing the door after myself.
As I follow him, I reach out and grab his wrist to make him stop and look back at me.
I have to apologize.
Taking a deep breath, I tell him, “Nothing happened. We just slept. I know that doesn’t help, and I’m sorry, Hunter. That’s exactly what I was talking about. I’m hurting you guys with my behavior and feelings, and I should leave.” I bite my bottom lip but force myself to look him in the eyes.
He doesn’t deserve to get hurt.
His gaze softens, and he reaches out to take my hand.
“No, you shouldn’t. I told you I can handle competition.
It just seems like Nash is leading right now.
That doesn’t mean I can’t still catch up to him.
” He leans down to give me a peck on the lips.
“I just have to try harder to deserve it.” I smile, and he kisses my nose.
“I’m not going to be able to choose, Hunter,” I mumble, wringing my hands.
“Let that be my problem. I can’t today, but can you reserve tomorrow evening for me? I want to spend some time without kid shows or interruptions with you.”
“Sure, I would love that,” I agree, feeling the weight lifting off my chest.
“Can’t wait,” he whispers, leaning in to kiss my cheek before he turns and gets down the stairs.
Today went by fast. After North and Hunter left, I made breakfast for Lio, and soon after, Nash came down to join us. The weather was cloudy, so we drew with chalk on the boardwalk and watched some movies.
It was nice.
More than nice.
Nash wasn’t his flirty self. He was caring, smiling at me, making sure I had fun. It’s like my tears haunted him, and he wanted to ensure we had a good time as friends.
Although he never missed an opportunity to touch me.
It’s late, and I’m sitting on the bed in the guest room I occupy because I can’t sleep. I’m reading a book, but it’s not holding my interest. My thoughts keep drifting back to the guys.
What the fuck am I even doing?
And Saylor?
It feels like I’m grieving him, and I don’t even know where he went.
A faint sob, followed by coughing, comes through the wall, making me sit up and listen more closely. The radio is on, and I have to turn it down to make sure, but I hear it again. So I stand and quietly make my way to Lio’s room, opening the door softly.
His nightlight is on, so I peer inside and find him sitting in his bed, rubbing his eyes, crying, his little body trembling.
Poor baby.
I open the door a bit more and whisper, “Knock, knock.” Lio lets his hands fall into his lap and looks over at me, his bottom lip trembling.
“Hey,” I coo, making my way over to him and sitting on the side of his bed.
“What’s wrong, buddy? Do you need your inhaler?
Or did you have a bad dream?” I ask, gently stroking his back.
Lio nods and sniffs, looking down at his hands, which are gripping covers decorated with little colorful fish.
Tears brim in his eyes when he looks back up at me.
“Should I get Hunter for you?” I ask him, concerned.
He looks back up at me with a little pout. “Can you stay?”
I know I probably shouldn’t, that my being here might be overstepping. What I should do is get Hunter or North. But the look he’s giving me breaks my heart.
Fuck it.
“Scoot over,” I tell him, and he does. I slide onto the bed above the covers with my back to the headboard and pull him into my side.
“What did you dream about?” I ask, my arm around his shoulders as I stroke his upper arm over his Spider-Man pajamas.
A chill runs down my neck, and I notice Jessica standing at the end of the bed, looking at Lio with a frown. She still looks wet, but all the blood on her arms and clothes is gone, and she doesn’t look creepy and drowned anymore.
Maybe she’s finally coming to terms with her death.
“Bambi,” he mutters, and I have to suppress an eye roll.
Nash, you fucking idiot.
I told him that Bambi was the worst Disney movie he could choose, but he wanted to make sure that Lio had seen all of them, so he made a list, and every time they watched one, they crossed it off. Bambi was the last of the originals he needed to see.
“I’m sorry, buddy. I don’t like that movie either, even as an adult. It’s really sad.”
He brings his little hand to his mouth when he coughs again, then leans even more into me, yawning. My heart flips with him cuddling to me like this.
I’m completely out of my depth here.
“It’s sad because Bambi’s mommy dies,” he says, and I nod, gently stroking his blond hair out of his face. “My mommy is dead too.”
I can feel my heart breaking along with hers as I look over at his mom, still standing at the foot of the bed, her eyes rimmed with tears. “I know she would be here right now if she could,” I tell him, my gaze still on Jessica’s. Her eyes soften, and she nods, a wave of gratitude filling the room.
Did her hair just dry?
“Is it nice to have a mommy?” he asks me in a soft tone. My right hand rests on my lap, and he reaches out to draw circles with his little finger on the back of it.
“I don’t know, buddy. I didn’t have a mommy that was around, either.
I think the nice thing about mommies is that they love you.
But I had an amazing granny who loved me.
And you have a daddy and uncles who love you very much.
I understand that you miss your mommy, and that’s okay because I know she loves and misses you very much too,” I whisper, trying to comfort him.
Jessica gives me a faint smile, and it’s hard to tell, but she looks a bit less pale now.
“You will be fine because you have so many people around you who love you.”
He stops drawing on my hand and looks up at me with sleepy eyes. “Do you love me too?”
It’s as if he just reached inside my chest and squeezed my heart with his little hand.
“Of course I do,” I choke out, tears filling my eyes.
He coughs again, and I kiss his head. As I breathe in, I notice that his hair smells salty.
We weren’t even at the beach today.
“Try to sleep. It’s already late. I’m going to stay here until you fall asleep,” I reassure him.
He scoots down the bed until he lies on the pillows, and I stroke his forehead again. “Can you sing the lobster song?”
A smile tugs on my lips when I think about the night Saylor sang the lullaby for me on repeat.
What I would do to have him sing it now.
“I think I can, but you need to help me,” I whisper, and we start to softly sing. I stumble over a few words, but Lio knows them by heart, so after the second time, I’m steady, and soon his eyes flutter closed.
I stop singing after a while and start to get up, but he grabs my arm with his eyes still closed. “I’m not sleeping yet.”
I chuckle before I yawn and scoot down a little on the bed to be more comfortable while playing with his blond strands.
As Lio’s grip on my arm loosens, his breath evens out in the rhythm of sleep, and my own eyes grow heavy.
The gentle rise and fall of his chest against my side is a lullaby in itself.
His need for comfort, for someone to be there, for his mom, it pulls at something primal within me, something that’s been neglected and pushed aside for far too long.
My guard drops. The barriers I’ve carefully constructed begin to crumble, and with them, the floodgates of my own memories pry open when I drift to sleep.
The soft carpet beneath me is warm and comforting.
I sit cross-legged, my favorite doll, Lila, in one hand and my best friend, Emily, beside me.
She’s a ghost girl from the early 1800s, still lingering around in our old house because she’s waiting for her mom.
Nan has told her many times that her mom has crossed over and is waiting for her in the light.
But Emily doesn’t want to go, and I don’t want her to leave either.
I’d have no one to talk to or play with if she’s gone.
Emily reaches out a hand to touch the hem of Lila’s dress, but it goes right through it, and I giggle. She smiles, her pale blue eyes twinkling with mischief.
From the doorway, I hear Nan’s voice, soft and soothing, like the lullabies she used to sing to me. “She’s just a child, Marie. She’s special, just like you are. Like we are.”
Mom’s voice cuts through, sharp and cold. “She’s not special, she’s strange. You’ve been encouraging her, haven’t you? I’ve seen her talking to that… that blonde ghost girl as if she’s real or this is normal.”
“They are friends,” Nan replies calmly.
“Friends?” Mom scoffs. “Sloan doesn’t have any friends. The kids at school think she’s weird. She’s going to grow up even weirder, and it’ll be your fault. It’s a miracle, and only thanks to Dad that I turned out at least somewhat normal. But her? She’s already as crazy as you are.”
I clutch Lila tighter, feeling a sting in my chest.
Emily tilts her head, looking at me sadly. “You’re not weird. And not crazy.”
I place a finger over my lips, signaling her to be quiet. My nan and mom could hear her.
Nan’s voice grows firmer. “It’s a gift, Marie. Sloan’s ability is even stronger than yours or mine. If we don’t teach her how to handle it, she’ll suffer. You know that.”
“If that’s how you feel, then maybe you should keep her. Raise her the way you want. That child has only brought me bad luck and pain,” Mom scoffs.
“It wasn’t her fault he left. I couldn’t understand why you married that useless man anyway, he wasn’t even your soulmate,” Nan mutters.
“Take her. You can teach her whatever the hell you want, but I don’t want anything to do with her or you, for that matter.”
A heavy silence follows, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. Emily looks as sad as I feel. My heart breaks.
She doesn’t want me.
I’m just bad luck.
I’m weird.
Nan finally speaks, her voice filled with sadness, “She’s your daughter, Marie. I can’t believe you’d say something like that. I raised you better than this.”
“You did no such thing. Dad raised me while you were helping ghosts and other families.” My mom huffs.
“If you truly feel that way, if you want to leave her with me, I’ll do what’s best for Sloany,” Nan whispers.
I bury my face in Lila’s soft hair, wishing I could disappear.