Chapter 2
TWO
A short while later, I manage to regain some semblance of composure, enough to continue driving.
Or let’s just say the need to get away was bigger than the overwhelming desire to fall apart.
I know I can allow myself to break down later, but only when I’ve put enough distance between us and what just happened.
I can’t afford for them to find me at the side of the road.
If they’d even follow.
I told them not to.
Because I don’t want them to.
Liar.
I breathe through the hyped-up panic. Nobody is going to come after us. The thought threatens to cause another wave of choked sobs, but I swallow them.
We drive down the winding road, the sputtering engine providing a backdrop for the unsettling thoughts racing through my mind. I made them believe. Or I think they believe me now. But that doesn’t mean they don’t think I’m crazy anyway.
Wouldn’t that be a reason to commit someone to an institution?
Being able to speak to spirits?
Would they do that to me?
I would have said no if this had happened a week ago, but that was before.
Before they kicked me out of the house and called me crazy.
Before they proved I can’t trust them, and their promises and nice words mean shit.
I focus my attention back on the road. The fading daylight casts eerie shadows from the trees that line the road. My grip tightens on the steering wheel, knuckles turning white.
Breathe, Sloan.
They’re not worth it.
Saylor finally breaks the silence, his voice pulling me back to the present. “Slo, over there.” He points toward a sign for a nearby camping site we’re about to pass. “We could stay there for the night. It’s getting dark, and it might be safer.”
I glance at the inviting-looking area, but I can’t bring myself to stop.
Not now.
Not already.
I need to put as much distance as possible between them and us, as far as Van-essa allows me to drive.
She could give out any minute now.
“No,” I reply firmly, my eyes fixed on the road ahead. “We can’t stop here, Saylor, sorry. I need to keep going a little while longer.”
Saylor nods, his expression thoughtful. After about ten minutes, he starts fidgeting in his seat, and I see him squirming out of the corner of my eye.
Something’s not right.
I steal a quick glance at him, and my heart clenches with fear as I see what is happening. “What’s going on?”
He turns to me, his face even more translucent than usual. His trembling hand reaches for his throat and lets out a faint, strained whisper, “I-I don’t feel so good.”
Panic seizes me as I watch him fade, his form growing fainter with each passing second and every inch we drive farther away from those whom I want to escape, like mist dissolving in the morning sun.
“No, no, no,” I plead, my hands trembling on the steering wheel as I frantically scan the roadside for a place to pull over.
Saylor’s voice becomes barely audible as he struggles to speak, “Slo, I… I’m… I think I—”
My heart sinks as I reach out toward him, but he dissolves, leaving nothing but an empty seat beside me. My hand passes through the air where he just was.
No tingles at all.
I come to a screeching halt in the middle of the road.
The car behind me just manages to swing out and bypass me, honking wildly.
My hands tremble on the steering wheel, I’m panting, not getting any air in my lungs, and my heart almost beating out of my chest, trying to make sense of what just happened.
He’s gone.
She’s gone.
That fact alone sends a sharp pang through my heart, but Hunter’s furious approach, his words laden with blame, carves that pain deeper.
“This is all your fucking fault!” he accuses, and the air between us thickens with unsaid regrets and harsh truths we’ve both been avoiding.
Hunter crosses the hospital room, having just returned, to stand directly in front of me, seething.
We’re the same height, which brings us chest to chest as he leans into me, fists clenched.
“You and your wrong fucking accusations drove her away from us, from me!” he spits out, his frustration pouring out of him.
He’s invading my space, something I can’t handle well on a good day, and his accusations make my hackles rise.
Without thinking, I shove him away. He stumbles backward a step, almost falling on his ass because his bad leg didn’t pull back fast enough, and I feel even more disgusted with myself than I already am.
He’s right.
It is all my fucking fault.
The nausea that hits me is overwhelming, a physical manifestation of the guilt that’s been gnawing at my insides.
I glance down at Lio, laying so innocently in the hospital bed, still asleep despite the chaos around him.
My heart clenches at the thought of how close I came to losing him and how my stubborn pride nearly cost my son his health.
His life.
“Lower your voice,” I find myself whispering, almost pleading, nodding toward Lio, desperately clinging to the semblance of peace his quiet breathing offers.
“He’s sleeping, and we’re in a goddamn hospital.
” I take a breath before answering his initial accusation.
“I know I’m the one to blame for the most part, but don’t act all innocent and shit.
We all shoved her to the curb.” I try to defend myself and share the blame, but the truth is a bitter pill, and my attempts feel hollow, even to my ears.
Nash is furious as he stands from the chair in the corner, seemingly ready to give me a piece of his mind. “No, the shoving into the dirt was all you,” he snaps back, his voice laced with bitterness.
Nash’s anger, a reflection of my self-loathing, only deepens the chasm of guilt within me. I know I’m the one who pushed her away, her—the only one who truly saw what Lio needed, who fought for him despite my baseless accusations and unfounded doubts.
“I know, okay?” I admit, crossing my arms over my chest. “I fucked up!” My voice rises, anger bubbling over, mostly directed at myself, but well, fuck, we all have to deal with me right now.
Thinking about how she sat in the dirt, gripping her bag, tears streaming down her face, despair written all over it while I practically called her a crazy whore…
Jesus.
She saved my son.
She talked to Jessie.
She let me talk to Jessie and lifted the crushing weight of despair on my chest, only to put it right back there in the form of guilt.
I grip strands of my hair, pulling hard.
I can barely breathe.
Nash’s anger turns to despair, too, and his shoulders slump. “I should’ve backed her up, should’ve stood by her side,” he admits, his voice heavy with regret. But when his eyes come up to mine again from the floor, they still spew fire. “I shouldn’t have let you hold me back.”
“Enough!” Hunter hisses, his voice shaking with pent-up rage. “We’re all to blame here. We pushed her away together, and now she’s gone.”
“Gone? She left?” Nash asks, looking like Hunter crushed the last shred of hope left in him.
Hunter’s eyes bore into mine, his voice filled with resentment. “Yes, she’s gone. She drove in the opposite direction of Lubec because someone told her she’s not welcome there anymore.”
“Can’t remember you standing up for her either,” I mumble, knowing damn well accusations don’t help us in the least right now, but my despair pushes me to lash out.
“She told me that she’s done with us and won’t be part of our lives anymore, but I can’t and won’t accept that. We have to find her.” Hunter’s shoulders slump, but his eyes fill with determination. “We can’t let her slip away because of our stupidity.”
Nash nods. “You’re right,” he chokes out. “We owe it to her to make things right. To apologize. Fuck,” he grunts out, letting his head fall back. “I should have never…” He deflates, and all the anger in the room drains, making room for more guilt.
The desperation in his voice ignites something within me—a need to right my wrongs, to apologize and somehow make amends for the damage I’ve caused.
For all of us.
“Let’s go find her,” I decide, already turning to the door. “Maybe she’ll listen if we all go after her.”
“What about ‘better not to overwhelm her with all of us?’” Nash points out what Hunter said to make us stay behind as he ran after her alone.
“He was wrong. Come on,” I urge.
“What about Lio?” Nash asks, looking down at the little one sleeping in the hospital bed.
My heart is torn, pulled in two directions by the need to find her to apologize and the need to stay by my son’s side.
Hunter finds my gaze, searching for answers I don’t have. But I’m the leader, the brother they always looked up to for directions. Just like now. So I make a decision.
“The doctor was here while you were gone. He said it would be best if Lio stayed for a few days so they could nurse him back to health, make sure the medication is set right, and that he’ll mostly be asleep, recovering.”
“And what? That makes it okay for us to leave him here alone?” Nash furrows his brows. “I want to find her too, but—”
“He’ll be asleep all the time, Nash. He’s gonna be fine… he’s in a fucking hospital. There are people here who are way better at making sure he’s fine than we are. Stay here if you want,” I tell Nash, stroking Lio’s forehead. He doesn’t even stir, his breathing slow and deep.
Nash’s eyes go from Lio to Hunter, then back to me. I’m not good with leaving him here alone either, but he’s safe with people who care and watch out for him.
Unlike her.
She’s hurt because of me and out there somewhere, suffering because of me.
“You’re unbelievable, North. You don’t leave a sick child alone in a hospital.” Hunter shakes his head. “I’ll fucking stay. Go find her, and keep me updated, dammit.”
“Fine,” Nash grits out, unease written all over his face as we make our way to the door, ready to try and find her and make her listen.
Please, baby. Listen to me.