Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
It’s like the most natural thing in the world.
Waking up in Nash’s arms feels so warm and cozy.
He loves me.
My heart flips at the memory of yesterday. Of how he told me in front of everybody, the herbs, what he shared…
I lay there for a few moments, watching him sleep, his peaceful expression making me smile. His chest rises and falls gently with each breath, and I can’t help but trace the contours of his face with my eyes.
He’s so fucking handsome.
The soft morning light filters through the curtains, casting a warm glow on his features.
It’s a perfect moment. It’s so perfect it makes my anxiety rise all over again, and I decide to leave before he wakes, and we stay in bed for the rest of the day.
I don’t think I would protest much, but I have so much to think about.
So much to decide.
Carefully, I wiggle out of the bed, trying not to wake him. As I stretch and yawn, I notice his faint ocean breeze scent lingering on my skin.
I gather my clothes and put my hair in a messy ponytail, glancing at myself in the mirror on the back of his bedroom door. I’m a total mess, but I don’t mind. My lips still tingle from our kisses, and my heart flutters at the thought.
Quietly, I make my way down the old, creaky stairwell. The wooden steps groan under my weight, but I manage to descend without making too much noise. I glance back down the hallway, catching a glimpse of Lio’s bathroom door slightly ajar.
God, a shower would be everything right now.
A low voice startles me from behind as I hesitate, considering sneaking in for a quick shower. “Morning,” North greets, his voice sending a shiver down my spine. I turn to find him standing behind me, dressed in running clothes, a lazy smile playing on his lips.
“Morning,” I reply, my cheeks flushing as I meet his gaze. My heart races, and I can’t help but feel embarrassed to be caught standing here, especially after he definitely saw Nash pull me out of the restaurant.
Another morning-after encounter with Satan.
Just perfect.
“I was just about to go for a run. Wanna join?” North asks, tilting his head.
“Ah… sure. I need to change first, though,” I agree, feeling a little perplexed that he’s not even commenting on me being here.
“That’s fine, I can wait,” he agrees, gesturing toward the exit.
I glance at the shower again, mourning the loss of warm water running down my skin.
“Bye, shower,” I whisper, taking a step, only to walk right into a hard chest. North hadn’t walked away as I thought.
“Did you just say goodbye to the shower?” He frowns, but I walk past him, opening the door to step out.
“No.”
Fuck. The weird girl strikes again.
Now, I’m not only talking to ghosts. No, bathrooms are my new conversation partners.
North steps up to my side, keeping pace. “Another point on the long list of things I have that you like better than me?”
When I glance at him, there’s a slight smirk on his lips, doing things to my heart.
“No, since the shower is part of the house, it’s not a new point,” I reply flatly, making him chuckle.
“Is the shower down there that good? I only use the one upstairs. You have to tell me if I’m missing out.”
Is he flirting?
“When you have to wash yourself over a sink for weeks, every shower is that good. Don’t get me wrong, it does the job. I’m clean, but I miss having a shower and washing my clothes,” I explain, keeping my brisk pace.
Why did I just share that funny little tidbit?
“You can’t wash your clothes?” He looks at me like I just offended him personally.
And Tally calls me a pampered princess.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that. I wash my panties in the sink. It’s just… it’s more difficult to wash jeans and sweaters and stuff.” I cross my arms over my chest.
I’m not gross, dammit.
North stops and stares at me, his expression going blank as if I just painted a picture for him of me washing my panties in a sink, which is way sexier in his head than in reality for sure.
Or maybe he thinks I’m gross.
Suddenly, he kick-starts again, “You know you can always come over to shower or wash your clothes. We have four bathrooms and a laundry room.”
“You guys have a laundry room?”
Why did nobody tell me that while I was there?
“We do. You never saw it?”
“I haven’t seen much of the house besides the bedrooms and the hot tub,” I admit, and now it sounds like I was just there to fool around. Awesome.
North’s expression turns grumpy somehow, and I’m reminded that he accused me of fucking around with the Joneses. To top it off, just a few minutes ago, he found me sneaking out of his brother’s room. Again.
“Are you mad at me?” I hesitantly ask as we walk up to the van, glancing at him, feeling vulnerable.
North looks at me surprised before he barks a laugh.
Yes, just the reaction I was looking for.
“What?”
“You asked me if I’m mad?” He lifts his brows when his gaze finds mine.
Right.
“I’ll be quick,” I answer as I open the sliding door, climb into the van, and close it behind me, letting him stand outside.
In record time, I change into my running outfit and sneakers before I step back out to him, but he scrutinizes me from head to toe.
“What?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest, feeling rubbed the wrong way by his gaze.
“You run every day, and you only ever wear this or the other outfit,” he states.
I look down at my black tights and black jacket with holes for the thumbs, frowning before walking toward the boardwalk.
“Wow, I just told you I wash them,” I grumble.
Maybe not often enough.
“That’s not what I meant. Sorry, that came across wrong. I wanted to ask if you need anything,” North corrects as he walks beside me, now closer than before.
“No, I don’t need anything. I’m fine,” I say, maybe a little too pissed off, so I follow up with a weak “Thank you” before I start to run.
We run in silence, the wind rustling my ponytail as we make it to the beach.
The breeze is cold, but the sun, already a little higher than usual over the horizon, makes it tolerable.
Stepping up onto the boardwalk, our feet thud on the wood, and it lets me know that North is just behind me, keeping up with my pace even though I know he could run much faster without me.
I try to clear my head and get out all the complicated feelings, which have been even worse since yesterday.
I could have all of them.
They all want me.
They won’t make me choose.
I’m so focused on Nash’s words that I don’t see the plank of the boardwalk slightly sticking out, and I trip over it. But before I can even fall, North is there, having grabbed me around the waist and pulled my back into his chest, panting hard like I am.
His scent of spices mixed with a faint sheen of musky sweat fills my nose, and the smell goes right to my pussy, making me push my thighs together. Visions of us sweating and panting in another setting swarm my mind and make me gasp.
Fuck.
I should stand straight again and get my shit together, but instead, I lean back against North, and he holds my weight easily as he nuzzles the side of my face, nudging my head gently to the side so he can whisper into my ear.
“I’m an idiot, a coward, and don’t deserve you,” he echoes the same thing I told Saylor while I was running weeks ago with North following me like a stalker.
He heard that?
“You were right about everything. You changed me, and even if you’ll never forgive me, I will apologize and try to make it right for the rest of my life because you saved me, Blue.”
I really do want to believe him, but belief is a tricky thing—slippery and elusive.
Dumbfounded, I stand straight, turning to look at him with wide eyes, but he crouches in front of me, inspecting my foot that caught on the plank.
He looks me over with his single-minded focus, making me feel like the center of his world.
And right now, it’s so damn hard to shut out the feelings that are bubbling up.
I have to remind myself that he was the one pushing me in the dirt.
Calling me a gold digger.
And…
“Big words directed at a lying, crazy whore,” I spit out, the hurt winning over.
He comes to stand in front of me again, nodding. “I deserve that.” I frown, but he continues, “You don’t have to believe what I say. I wouldn’t believe myself either. But don’t look away. Keep your eyes on me. Watch me change for you.”
His eyes are open, so honest that I need to look away even though he just told me not to. I turn and walk back the way we came because I fucking hurt my big toe and am not going to run anymore, even though I should run away from Satan at my back.
It’s silent, but his words repeat on a loop in my mind. When we’re off the boardwalk and on our way back to the van, I walk a little slower, letting North catch up with me, which he does.
“You stepped back as CEO,” I state, not a question, although it is one.
“You heard about that?” he asks, honestly surprised.
“Was that for me too? Is that part of what I should watch?” I ask him, my fists clenched at my sides, trying hard not to get too emotional.
But who am I kidding?
Keeping my cool went out of the window a long time ago.
He is quiet for a while, so long I glance to my right to see his face, which is in thought when he answers, “Even though I would like to say yes, it’s a no.”
I can’t keep the hurt from pinching my heart as he tells me that. I nod. Of course, it wasn’t. That’s too big of a thing to do for someone like me.
Would I even want him to do it for me?
“It was for Lio and me.”
Oh.
“Someone told me I had my priorities wrong. Turns out she was right.” His tone is soft but not weak.
We come to a stand in front of the van, and he looks down at me, his eyes honest and vulnerable, his hand reaching out as if to touch me, but he pulls it back.
“Sounds like a smart woman.” I give him a small smile.
He’s changing things for Lio, for him. And maybe a little bit for me too.
He’s putting in effort.
I can acknowledge that.