Skyler #2
His worst fear is losing Trevor, despite how much he believes that will never happen.
He knows they made vows. ‘Til death do us part, and all that. And he doesn’t even need any vows to know how much they love each other.
But still. He lost him once before, and even if it was only temporary, he never wants to experience that kind of devastation again.
So at the end of the day, yeah, it’s his worst fear.
And that’s why he was so touchy at dinner about the topic of having children. He doesn’t want to admit how much it hurts to think about it. About how he and Trevor will most likely never be able to start a family like they used to dream they would. Like Skyler’s always wanted.
He doesn’t want Trevor to think he’s not enough for Skyler.
He fucking is.
He’s everything to him.
Trevor is his sun. Without him, there’s no warmth.
“Hey,” Trevor says gently. And when Skyler reluctantly looks at him, he carefully tucks some of Skyler’s hair behind his ear. “It’s okay. It doesn’t matter what you said in that interview or what any stupid article says about us. If you don’t want kids—”
“Of course, I want kids!” Skyler blurts out.
Because he’s tried to skirt around the subject tonight, but he can’t keep the truth in forever.
He can’t keep it from the man he loves. “I’ve wanted to have kids with you since I was nineteen.
But back then, we couldn’t have grasped how famous we’d become.
So I just don’t see how it would be possible now.
Plus I wasn’t sure if it was something you still wanted after. .. after everything.”
After Trevor’s ex-wife let him believe they’d lost a baby when she was never pregnant at all, for starters. He knows how much that messed Trevor up.
“You should’ve asked me about it,” Trevor says. And then quickly, he adds, “And, yes, I know that’s unfair to say, because I should’ve asked you about this sooner, too.”
“Why didn’t you?”
Trevor cups Skyler’s face with one hand, smoothing out Skyler’s prickly edges.
“It wasn’t the first thing on my mind right after we got married,” he says, his blue eyes shining with sincerity.
“Because all I could think about then was how lucky I am that I’ll get to spend the rest of my life with you. ”
“Oh.” Skyler’s response is practically a whisper. If his voice was working properly, he’d tell Trevor how Skyler’s the lucky one. Being loved by Trevor—even when Skyler’s acting like a fool—is an incredible gift that Skyler tries to never take for granted.
“But my feelings on having kids haven’t changed.” Trevor runs his thumb softly along Skyler’s cheekbone, and Skyler leans his face into the touch like a cat. “You know it’s always been something I’ve wanted. And having them with you... that’s something I want very much if you do too.”
Skyler struggles for what to say. There’s still a part of him afraid to admit the truth, because he doesn’t want to set himself up for disappointment, and he doesn’t want his husband to ever feel like less than everything he needs.
But it’s hard to hide his feelings when Trevor’s looking at him like this.
And hiding his feelings from the person he trusts most in the world is stupid anyway.
So finally, he just says, “Well, I do.”
Trevor smiles, dropping his hand from Skyler’s face only to trail his fingertips along Skyler’s thigh instead. “So we’re saying we both want the same thing?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Then why are we fighting?”
Skyler frowns. He doesn’t think tonight reached full fight status, but his stubbornness and defensiveness surely could’ve taken it there. Thankfully, though, Trevor can break down all his silly defenses like they’re nothing.
Somehow this man makes Skyler happy to be defenseless.
They’re both unarmed inside this house. In this room, on this bed. Together, face to face. Here they’re not Skyler James and Trevor Blue, the public personas that the rest of the world sees. With each other, they’re everything and nothing more than who they are.
Skyler has nothing to hide here.
“I don’t know,” he admits, shifting closer in a way that encourages Trevor’s fingers to trail higher, because Trevor’s touch will always give him comfort.
“I don’t know why I acted like I did tonight.
Except maybe it’s because I’m aware that I have this totally incredible life.
I have everything I’ve ever wanted. More than I could’ve dreamed of, and yet, I still want one more thing. I feel greedy.”
“You’re not—” Trevor starts, but Skyler shakes his head to cut him off.
He needs to get this out.
“I don’t want you to think I’m not satisfied with the life we have now.
You are the most important thing in the world to me.
And if it’s just you and me forever, then I’ll be so happy with that.
Ever since I met you, you’ve been all I’ve needed.
The only thing I love more than music is you.
I don’t need the global stardom, don’t need this huge house.
I don’t need to have kids in order to be unbelievably fucking happy every day of my life. I only need you.”
The waistband of his shorts suddenly tug at his hip, and Skyler glances down to find Trevor’s fingers curled tightly into the bottom of them. When he looks back up, the burning intensity in Trevor’s eyes makes him suck in a breath.
“Baby, you know I feel the same, right?” Trevor says.
“I love you more than anything else on this planet. And as long as I get to spend the rest of my life with you, then I’ll be the happiest man on Earth.
” He skims his hand up underneath Skyler’s shorts and squeezes the outside of his thigh.
“But you’re allowed to want other things too.
It’s okay that you want kids, and it’s okay that when we have them, you’ll love the shit out of them.
It won’t mean you love me any less. And it doesn’t make you greedy at all, either.
It makes you someone who has so much damn love to give, and it’s going to make any kids we have lucky as hell. ”
Oh god. How does this perfect man always know exactly the right things to say to make any doubts in Skyler’s head go quiet?
He practically launches himself at his husband. In his haste to climb into Trevor’s lap, he knocks him onto his back. But it’s okay, because this is also a very acceptable position. Yup. No objections.
“I fucking love you,” he says, grinning uncontrollably.
Trevor’s hands clutch his naked waist. “I love you too. You’re my stars.”
“You’re my sun,” Skyler tells him. Then he leans down for a kiss, wanting the sun to consume him, to burn him up.
But to Skyler’s dismay, Trevor only kisses him back for a couple seconds before he gets a grip on Skyler’s head and gently urges him back, making a face.
“What?” Skyler asks.
“Your breath tastes like slimy octopus.”
Skyler huffs in disbelief, because seriously? “You don’t care when my breath tastes like your ass, but you draw the line at octopus?”
“It’s slimy,” Trevor repeats with a tone more serious than this moment deserves. And then he stares at Skyler, still holding him back, until Skyler rolls his eyes and relents.
“Fine. Lemme go brush my teeth.” Hopping off the bed, he adds, “But I expect you to be waiting here naked for me when I’m finished.”
After the quickest round of brushing he can manage, he returns from the bathroom and is very pleased to find that Trevor followed his instructions.
Although his instructions didn’t include for Trevor to be slowly stroking himself, but his husband has always been good about taking initiative. Skyler’s a lucky man.
He hastily sheds his shorts, then climbs onto the bed. This time when he gets on top of Trevor, Trevor immediately pulls him down and licks right into Skyler’s mouth.
“Mmm,” Trevor moans against Skyler’s lips as he slows down the kiss. “Much better.”
Trevor’s hands are everywhere now as they kiss, roaming Skyler’s back, tangled in his hair, gripping his waist, grazing up and down his thighs. Their erections glide together as Trevor continues to explore every crevice of Skyler’s mouth and Skyler writhes on top of him.
Finally, Trevor’s hands land on Skyler’s ass. He spreads Skyler’s cheeks and holds them apart so his cock can slip in between them. Then he finds a rhythm, rocking his hips up while using his hold on Skyler’s ass to guide Skyler up and down.
Skyler allows his husband the control for a minute, then he pulls his mouth from Trevor’s and braces his hands on Trevor’s chest as he takes over and starts to ride him like that. They’re both breathing hard, Trevor muttering encouragements for Skyler to keep it up.
Before long, things slow down, the sense of urgency fading into something softer.
And that’s when the full extent of what Trevor told Skyler truly sinks in.
Not just the part about how much Trevor loves him, though that was nice.
But that Trevor still wants to have kids with him, that he believes it’s something they can actually make happen. That Skyler’s dream could be a reality.
Skyler knows Trevor would sacrifice things to make him happy, but he doesn’t want it to come to that. He won’t let Trevor set his career aside in order for Skyler to keep his own and have a family. Hopefully, they can find a way where nobody has to sacrifice anything.
Trevor loosens his hold on Skyler’s ass, sliding one hand all the way up his spine to hold the back of his neck. “What are you thinking about?”
Smiling, Skyler replies, “Just how you’re so good to me.”
“Baby,” is all Trevor says. But that one word tells Skyler everything he needs to know.
Skyler is in a very happy place as he leans back down to plant kisses over Trevor’s chest. He pays special attention to the tattoo above his left pec. The one of the cards that say all in.
All fucking in.