22. Gravity Assist
TWENTY-TWO
GRAVITY ASSIST
Jules
NASA needs to update their offices. True, a lot of buildings have undergone some upgrades lately, but not the one I’m in. My eyes feel small and dry from lack of sleep, and the overhead fluorescent lights are not helping.
“How was the vacation, Starr?” chief of the astronaut office, Luke Bisbee, asks, in his normal jolly tone.
The guy is six foot three, the tallest you can be as an astronaut, with a barrel chest, and he always has a smile on his face.
He once made the mistake of wearing a green polo shirt and became forever cemented as NASA’s jolly green giant.
I shrug in the conference room chair, feeling too many emotions about the past few weeks and much too tired to comment on them. “Glad to be back.”
The old office chair Luke currently occupies squeaks as he leans back. “No one can accuse you of not loving your job.”
“No, but they are accusing you of other things.” Emily, my public relations point of contact, looks prim as ever in her Peter Pan collared blouse with an honest-to-God brooch pinned to her chest. It’s Saturn, made up of multiple-colored crystals and a gold ring.
It’s small and cutesy and if anyone ever found out, I’d kill them, but I kind of like it.
Luke scowls at the small woman, an unusual reaction for the Jolly G. “Really, Em? You’re going to bring that up?”
She doesn’t blink at the larger man’s expression. “Don’t ‘really, Em’ me, Luke. You know we have to.”
Amused at the two, despite the aggravating topic, I raise my hands to make peace. “It’s okay, guys, I’m well aware of what’s being said. First the cancelled flight, then the runaway horse. Plus, whoever this ‘inside source’ is that that Susan woman claims to have at NASA.”
Em nods, folding her hands on the table. “Yes, well, luckily she hasn’t been taken too seriously. The source won’t come forward and you’re too well loved by the public for them to turn on you over unsubstantiated bullshit.”
I raise my eyebrows. Never knew the prim lady had it in her to swear at work.
“What?” Em sits up straighter in her chair when Luke and the other two people in the room, Skylar and Joe, astronaut trainers, laugh. “I’m a very busy person and this Susan woman is trying to make my job harder. I don’t like it and I don’t like her .”
I force a smile. “Yeah, well, me either.”
Clearing his throat, Luke takes over. “Hopefully, the press will have something else to run with in the near future.” He nods to Skylar and Joe. “We’re finalizing the next mission and the commander position is being assigned. And as I’m sure you’re aware, you’re a top candidate.”
I sit up straighter. “Thank you, sir.”
“Eh.” He rolls his eyes. “Cut the ‘sir’ crap. Makes me feel old.”
“You are old,” Em mutters.
Everyone but Luke snickers.
NASA is all about ‘work hard, play hard,’ and there is a decent amount of chops busting going on at any given time, but the looks Luke and Emily are throwing each other seem to imply that there might be a little something else going on.
“ Anyway ,” Joe cuts in before Luke retaliates, “as Luke was saying, the next mission, which is currently twelve months out, needs a commander.”
For the next twenty minutes they outline the various experiments and EVAs already planned, and hint at a few others that could happen.
“The announcement will shut down the haters as well,” Emily says in a pleased voice.
I nearly choke trying to speak too fast. “Now wait a minute.” I glance around the room.
“I don’t want this as a public relations stunt.
I want this because I earned it.” Otherwise what was the point of all these years of work for?
Of blocking phone numbers? Of pushing relationships and personal matters aside?
Holt’s face flashes in my mind, and I catch myself rubbing that spot on my chest again.
“Jules.” Luke’s voice is calm and reassuring.
“This isn’t a PR stunt.” He shoots Em an irritated glance.
She rolls her eyes at him. “You have always been top of your class, first to arrive, last to leave. You can juggle multiple responsibilities at once, and most importantly, you know when to delegate.”
“That’s the hardest part, ironically,” Joe adds. “Astronauts are all top of their class, but not everyone can let things go and trust their team.”
“You do,” Skylar says, nodding. “And what’s even better, your team trusts you. They know you’re a straight shooter and that you lay it all out.”
“Only that kind of trust and openness can allow you to lead a bunch of men and women already used to being leaders themselves.”
Each compliment and reassurance burns that spot on my chest. Because I used to be like that.
I used to lay it all out, trust the team around me.
But ever since that first perverted message, I’ve closed myself off from everyone.
Staying isolated, keeping secrets, thinking I could protect myself, my career.
And because I refused to trust anyone else to help me, that mistrust has now spilled over onto the people I love.
Jackie is going to be so hurt when she finds out I didn’t tell her about my stalker.
Doc will prob hit me over the head with her clipboard, and Holt…
I already did the damage there, didn’t I?
I acted so affronted when he said he couldn’t trust me, but what reason did he have? I hadn’t been acting very trustworthy.
And now I expect a new crew of some of the smartest, bravest and most competent men and women, who regularly put their lives on the line in the quest to further space exploration, to trust me.
“Yes, sorry if I implied otherwise,” Em says, interrupting my thoughts. “It’s just that, as I said before, I really don’t like that woman. I didn’t like her when she worked in public relations and I don’t like her now that she has a journalist badge.”
That snaps me to attention. “Wait. Susan worked in PR? For NASA ?”
“Not for Nasa. For one of the contractors.” She makes a face. “Completely incompetent the few times we crossed paths.”
“That’s right.” Joe nods a few times. “I think I remember her. I was a trainer on one of their missions.” He looks around the room. “Wasn’t she dating one of the crew members?”
Everyone stops.
“Who?” My voice cracks across the room.
Joe thinks about it a sec, then snaps his fingers. “Whipple.”
Skylar laughs. “You mean that guy who made everyone call him Chip? We grounded his ass for untethering. Had to reschedule all the upcoming missions.”
Luke smirks at me. “And, if I’m not mistaken, I think you actually owe Whipple your newfound hero status.”
Goosebumps spread down my arms. “What do you mean?” But I think I know, if this sinking feeling in my stomach is any indication.
“If he hadn’t been an idiot and gotten himself grounded, he would’ve been on the mission where you had to hotwire the station.
And knowing his ego, he would’ve insisted on going out to save the day and been touted as the nation’s favorite astronaut.
” Luke laughs. “But somehow NASA’s Whipple doesn’t have the same effect as NASA’s Starr. ”
Slowly, pieces fall into place. Holy fucking shit.
“Uh, guys.” All eyes turn to me. “I need to come clean about something.”
Holt
“There’s the moron.”
I pause from my work, having to wipe the sweat out of my eyes in order to see Rose’s glare from atop of Bess. The sun is getting ready to set, but it’s still hot. All day I’ve worked outside, without so much as whisper of a breeze, not even in the north fields.
Rose dismounts and hobbles Bess as I bend back down, grasping another hay bale.
“What are you doing here?” I lift, the pain in my back nothing compared to the one in my chest the past two days.
“Delivering flowers to a cow.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope.” She pats Bess’s flank. “Not long after Trish got a call from Jules asking if she could stay at the trailer while Trish was with me in the city, I got one to be her new cow owner errand girl.”
“Nice.” I don’t mention that it isn’t needed, as I’ve been spoiling that damn cow rotten. It’s like all my guilt after seeing how much time and effort and care Jules put into my house has spilled over into taking care of Jules’ farm animal pet.
Swinging the bale up into my truck bed, I wince. Every minute not spent with Cookie I’ve spent in the fields. My whole body’s sore. I deserve it.
It takes a minute for my brain to catch up. “Why is Jules staying at Trish’s place and not her own?”
Rose shrugs. “I have no idea. When Jules starts barking questions at you that sound more like commands, you say yes and move the fuck on.”
I’m too tired to call her on her language. And honestly, why? She’s an adult. I thought I’d accepted that, but now that my anger at Jules has dissipated, leaving the sour taste of regret in my mouth, I’ve realized a few things.
All this time I thought that redecorating the house, helping to celebrate my brother’s new chapter in his life and Rose’s upcoming graduation was proof of me moving on, but Jules was right.
I’d still been safe and secure in my role as the responsible one, fighting to hold on to something that wasn’t there anymore.
Unusually dressed down in jeans and sneakers, Rose plops down on the next hay bale I need to move.
“I did wait a while thinking one of you would come to your senses, but as of this morning, Jules is still slumming it in Trish’s trailer.
” She pats the space beside her. “So here I am, cow supplier and kicker of asses.”
I strip my gloves off and stretch out my back, mentally and physically preparing.
“So?” Rose draws out in a sing-song voice. “Tell me all about it.”
I drop my backside down beside her, my body screaming with instant relief. “Do you think I’m happy, Rose?”
Rose blinks in surprise. “Um, what?”
Shaking my head, I laugh uncomfortably. “Never mind.”
“No, no. Sorry.” She readjusts on the bale, angling her legs to face me. “You just surprised me.”
“Huh. That’s a first.”