Chapter Twelve
Lily’s words ricocheted in his chest long after he dropped her off at her apartment.
Running away. Her ex. Her stepfather. And among them, her insistence he apologize to Danny.
If he couldn’t fix something, he could certainly mend it.
Gather the broken pieces, get a bonding agent and make something new.
The cracks and scars? Character-building.
He couldn’t fix what had happened to Lily, but he could be there while she healed.
Apologizing to Danny? That should’ve been easy.
But apologizing in the Jeep on the way home wasn’t the right time. Their fight was too fresh, and they were both grimy with sweat and dirt. Until they were showered and fed, neither of them would benefit from opening their mouths beyond breathing and eating.
The pizza arrived, and Kieran was in the process of opening the breadsticks box when Danny swooped in, fresh from his shower, and made a grab for the pizza.
Then again, Kieran had never been patient. He snatched it away. “Have a seat.”
Danny folded his arms across his chest. In an imitation of himself, Kieran realized. “I’m not interested in family dinner today.”
Why did it always have to be a fight with this kid? Kieran set the box down and sucked in a fortifying breath. “Please sit.”
Danny laughed, the sound mean and humorless. “What? You wanna yell at me again? Call me stupid and act like you care?” He shook his head with a sneer. “Yeah, I’ll pass. Thanks.”
Shit, when had his little brother gone from a quiet kid to this bitter teenager?
Was this normal or another surprise side effect of childhood trauma?
Kieran splayed his hand on top of the box because what else was he supposed to do with his hands?
Apparently clenching them at his sides was as bad as raising them. “Danny, I’m trying to say I’m sorry.”
His brother snorted. “Yeah? Well, you’re doing a shit job of it.”
He was right. But apologies never meant much.
At least not the verbal kind. Real apologies were an intentional change in behavior.
A continued promise of never again. They were also moments of silence shared—an acknowledgment that yeah, shit was awful, but they were still alive.
Vocal apologies were empty. Sometimes well-intentioned but easily forgotten. Maybe Danny was too young to remember.
“I’m sorry for losing my shit at Starved Rock.
” He grabbed the back of his neck. “You almost fell, and I was so fucking scared, Danny. I shouldn’t have insulted you.
You’re not stupid.” Stubborn? Yes. Reckless?
Yes. But stupid? How many times had his father accused him of the same thing?
How many times had their father screamed it at Maeve, the smartest of them all?
But he might as well have been delivering his apology to a brick wall. Danny’s face, young as it was and usually a direct window to every emotion he carried, was impassive. Was that another lesson he’d taught Danny over the years? How to detach?
Danny gestured toward the greasy spread. “Are you done holding me hostage over pizza, or do I need to be grateful for that, too?”
He deserved that. Kieran sighed and slid the pizza box across the table. “Have at it.”
His brother gathered his pizza and disappeared to his room where his gaming console, but still not his phone, awaited him.
Just looking at the pizza was enough to make Kieran’s stomach churn. Instead, he called the only person who had the power to make him feel even more, and even less, like an asshole.
“I’m not cut out for this.”
Maeve’s understanding smile could travel incredible distances, even through sound waves. “We’ll be over in thirty.”
* * *
Gilded bubbles floated through the late-evening sunlight, the smiling girl in their spheres shrinking as they drifted away on a breeze.
Little fingers grasped for them, but not quick enough.
Catching bubbles was a two-handed endeavor.
By the time Saoirse set down the bubble wand and bottle, her translucent creations were already drifting into the sky.
“Think she’ll figure it out?” Maeve asked, her gaze on her daughter instead of the bowl of melting ice cream in her hand.
“Of course, she will. She’s smart like her mom.” Kieran leaned back in his seat and sighed.
Maeve bumped her shoulder against his. “You and Danny should get into fights more often. Thank-you ice cream and compliments?” She scrunched her nose over a teasing grin. “I’m positively spoiled.”
She deserved more, considering all the times she’d come to his rescue through the years. He might have always been the protector, but Maeve was the certified pacifier. She’d always known how to get everyone calmed down, Danny especially.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Maeve.”
She toed off her sandals and wiggled her stubby toes in the grass. “Of course, you do. You raised Shauna, and she turned out…” She paused, her smile contorting into something between amusement and apology. “Well, she turned out.”
“She turned out like me, you mean.”
Maeve snorted. “Socially inept and kind of an asshole? Yeah, checks out.”
“I don’t think you deserve that anymore.” He reached between their Adirondack chairs, but she snatched her bowl away with a little shriek.
“No ice cream takebacks, Kier!” She hugged it to her chest and stuck her tongue out. Drawn by the commotion, Saoirse skipped over to claim a mouthful of chocolate-syrup-laden French vanilla before returning to her very serious task of catching runaway bubbles.
Kieran chuckled and settled back into his seat.
“Danny’s not Shauna, though. Every conversation is a fight with him.
Most of the time I can ignore it, but…” But today Danny’s words had snagged like thorns, cutting deep.
“You were always better with Danny. You sure you don’t want to trade? You take Danny, and I take Saoirse?”
Maeve eyed him. “You wouldn’t be saying that if you saw the disaster Saoirse left in the living room before we came over.”
“Can’t be worse than the disaster Danny leaves in the bathroom every day.”
“I can imagine.” Maeve swirled her spoon around her bowl and readied it for Saoirse’s next flyby.
“Danny doesn’t remember much before losing Mom.
He doesn’t remember a whole lot of being a kid.
I don’t think any of us really do.” She beckoned Saoirse over for her next bite and sent her off again.
“I was still at home when you left. I think, on some intrinsic level, he knows I’ll always be around.
But he remembers Dad leaving and losing Mom. And you not being there.”
Danny’s accusing words in the park burrowed deeper in his skin.
“Picking a fight with Dad was stupid, I know.” He’d thought at the time getting kicked out was the best thing to ever happen, but he’d never been more wrong.
He’d left his siblings without their protector.
Maeve still had two more years of high school to finish.
Shauna was getting into fights in middle school.
Danny was just a little kid back then. He’d had no idea what would come in the years to follow.
How quickly everything fell apart without him MacGyvering all the pieces together.
Maeve sighed. “The fight was a long time coming, but we survived.”
Most of us.
“Danny needs you, Kier. He doesn’t have Neal like you did. He has you.”
He slumped into his seat. Neal had been a great role model. A family man. Good with his kids. Hard when he needed to be and understanding when he wasn’t. He’d built his business from the ground up, something few could dream of doing in Kieran’s own generation.
Noticing his silence, Maeve set her bowl of ice cream in the grass and turned her full attention toward him. “What happened today?”
He told her about the events leading to their fight at the overlook and the fallout.
Danny’s surprise overnight visitor, the volatile silence in the Jeep on the way to pick up Lily, the way Danny warmed to Lily but still sniped at him and the rush of fear when Danny almost got hurt, followed quickly by his frustration.
The way he’d talked down to Danny. Shamed him for fooling around.
He was a kid. Danny was just a fucking kid.
Maeve’s deep blue eyes softened. “You’re not like him, you know.”
But that’s where he’d learned it all from, right? The clenched fists and jaw. The name-calling. The blaming. Brennan abused Kieran and his siblings until the day he left and never returned. “I almost was. I was so pissed, Maeve. If Lily hadn’t been there—”
“If Lily hadn’t been there, neither of you would have been there.” Maeve’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not blaming her for any of this. I’m just, you know, worried. You don’t usually bring women around Danny.”
Kieran puffed out a breath. “It’s a work thing, Maeve.”
She snorted. “Is that what you call it? Damn. I should’ve been paid overtime with Kyle.”
Her worthless ex could drive into a ditch for all he cared. “The only good thing to come out of that was Saoirse.”
Maeve leaned back in her chair and turned her face toward her daughter.
The little girl was now plucking late-season dandelions and smooshing the yellow petals between her fingers.
“Yeah, she was worth it.” Maeve propped her elbow on the armrest and leaned her chin into her palm.
“So, when am I going to see Lily again?”
Kieran rolled his eyes. The last thing he needed right now was Maeve digging around in his personal life. It was bad enough she’d been there for most of it. “You won’t. We have some personal rules to keep it casual. No strings.”
Maeve stood from her seat, grabbed her bowl and arched a brow. “When have rules ever stopped you, Kier?”
They hadn’t. He and Lily had already broken one by talking about their pasts. How many more were well on their way to being shattered beyond repair?