Chapter Thirteen
Not even a long shower under hot spray could wash away the tension from the day. Lily sighed and wiped a path in the steam on her mirror. Her tired, blurry reflection stared back. The cool touch of the sink against her palms bled into her skin and up her arms, grounding her.
Trauma. The Sullivans had trauma and lots of it.
The State. Their father. Kieran’s anger and sacrifices. Danny’s pain and resentment. It was all becoming clearer, but what she knew of his past was still just as foggy as her mirror.
Her past, on the other hand… Lily flicked off the bathroom light and padded into the main room of her apartment.
She put on a pair of cheekies and a tank top and crawled into bed.
Morning would come all too soon, especially after a full day of hiking.
She should have been exhausted. Instead, her mind sprinted at a hundred miles a minute.
Her stepdad. Vovik. The abuse. Kieran knew now. Although, he’d already suspected. It wouldn’t take long for him to lose interest. Two messy people with messy pasts. What sort of future could they possibly hope to build? Nothing good would come from a cracked foundation.
Lily plugged her phone in to charge, and her screen illuminated her dark room. In the center, Kieran’s name stared back at her.
Hey
A searing tangle of excitement and nerves flared within her. Kieran Sullivan. Asshole. Pseudo-DILF. Protector. And with anger issues. How deep did those run? How often did he lose control, like he did on Danny that day?
Her thumbs hovered over the screen before tapping out the best response she could muster.
Hey yourself
The little bubbles of a response appeared, and Lily curled onto her side waiting for the text to come through.
You doing okay?
Yeah. How about you? And Danny?
Been better. Up for a phone call?
Lily’s brows rose, and she reread his text. Nothing about this felt very fuck buddy friendly. She groaned and leaned the top of her phone against her forehead. Leave it to her to fail at the one thing tons of people did every day—have casual sex.
Before she could chicken out, she slid her thumb across his name and brought the phone to her ear. He answered on the first ring.
“Hey, Princess.”
The use of her nickname, even after all he’d learned, stretched a wide grin across her face. “Hey, Southpaw.” She closed her eyes, focusing on his voice and remembering the way he’d cradled her hand in the car. “You answered quick. Can’t sleep either?”
“I tried. Too many bad memories keeping me awake.”
That was a feeling Lily was familiar with. “Hmm. We really fucked up today, didn’t we?”
“You mean how you met Danny, saw me lose my shit, then we talked about our pasts?” There was a warm humor in his voice. “Yeah, I’d say we fucked up.”
“Danny’s not so bad.” When Kieran only grunted in response, Lily continued. “So…where do we go now?”
“I’d say back to the drawing board as far as rules are concerned.”
Right. She should have been thankful he wanted to respect the rules. They were her invention, after all. But in the shadow of their shared secrets, the thought of rules left a hollow ache in her chest.
“I guess rule number one is gone,” she said.
“I’d say you’re right.” A distant horn echoed through the line. Was he outside? “Which leads us to rule number two.”
You have to tell me what you want.
She slung one arm under her head and drew her bottom lip between her teeth. “Would you be mad if I told you I didn’t know?”
His deep laugh rumbled through the phone. “I was expecting you’d say that.”
Soft silence fell between them, present, but not uncomfortable.
The truth was, she did know what she wanted.
She wanted to invite him over. Drag him into her bed.
Fall asleep curled into his embrace. Wake up to his kisses and go for coffee before strolling into work together.
None of that was what he was willing to give, because even if she didn’t know how to keep her feelings in check, that didn’t mean Kieran felt the same.
“Number three.” He broke the silence first, moving right along to the next rule. “No attachments.”
Her heart shuddered in her chest. Here it came. The rejection.
“I think we’ve broken that one,” he said.
A response fumbled on her lips. She blinked against the dark of her apartment, scrambling for words. “We have?”
“I’d be lying if I said last weekend wasn’t amazing. And watching you in those shorts today gave me lots of ideas about a next time.”
She bit back a grin. “So, what are you proposing?”
“Well, rule number one, you need to tell me what you want—we’ll work on it. Number two, I’d love for this arrangement between us to be exclusive.”
A full laugh echoed past her lips, and Lily cradled the phone closer. “Did you think I still invited Carter over last week or something?”
“I wouldn’t judge you if you did. I’m all for sexual liberation.”
Warmth crept up her cheeks, and she shook her head. “I like rule number two.” Exclusive friends with benefits. It didn’t have a ring to it, but it felt safer. More comfortable.
“Which brings us to number three.”
“We keep this low-key.” Lily swallowed a pinch of guilt. “Again, I’m really sorry about Natalia. I know she has zero chill.”
“Nah, I’m glad she knows. Remember, Princess, she called me. Must have been some high praise for her to want to set us up again.”
Lily grinned and drew her blanket up to her chest. “Is this where you want me to tell you how much I enjoyed your cock?”
“And mouth, hopefully.”
She hummed and closed her eyes, remembering the blissful swirl of his tongue over her clit. “I think I’m gonna need a refresher.”
“Yeah? What time are you heading into work tomorrow?”
She flexed her hand around her comforter as a fresh wave of fiery anticipation rose in her belly. “I was thinking eight thirty.”
“I go running at seven. Want to join me? We can shower off after at your place.”
Yes! She inhaled through her nose and counted to three. “Yeah, okay. But we’re grabbing coffee on the way to the gym.”
The grin in his voice purred in her ear. “Of course, Lily. Sweet dreams.”