Chapter 20
DECLAN
Today is the day.
Or it would have been the day if my blackmailer was still alive.
According to the letters left on my car, it’s day thirty, the last day I have to pay five million dollars for my life.
“I think I’m worth more than that, don’t you?” I ask Hendrix. I stand in front of his grave, my hands stuffed in the pockets of my jeans. I took the day off work so I could really sit and think about how close I came to death.
I’m not easily spooked or rattled. I’ve been shot at, actually shot, stabbed and all manner of bodily injury, but this was the first time someone gave me a countdown to the end of my existence.
Maybe that’s why I still feel so on edge.
I look at my friend’s grave, seeking answers to all my questions. “What if it’s not the end? My instincts aren’t the best, but something is telling me that there’s another shoe waiting to drop. How do I get in front of it if I don’t know what it is?”
As usual, I’m greeted with silence. But it’s not as bad as it usually is. I have someone I can ask those questions and actually get answers. A warm, snarky man that gets under my fucking skin but has somehow worked his way into my heart.
There was a reason I came to see Hendrix, though. One that has nothing to do with me wanting to get advice and everything to do with trying to move forward with my life.
“I think…” I pause and push my fingers through my hair.
“I think I’m ready to pack your room up.
I miss you and I know I’ll always need our friendship, but I think it’s time.
I can always keep some stuff, you know? But I don’t want to keep a shrine.
You were here and I know you were. Now, I can let go. ”
“Need some help?”
“Jesus!” I whirl around, my hand on my heart as it thumps erratically. Actually hearing someone speak in the cemetery is creepy as fuck.
Nico holds up one hand up in apology. “Sorry. I thought you heard me coming.”
“No. I was…” I scrub a hand down my face. “No. What are you doing here?”
“I came here for him.” He points to Hendrix’s grave with a bouquet of flowers. A familiar-looking bouquet of flowers.
My throat burns as I stare at his hand. Nico has been bringing Hendrix flowers? Why? I’ve found those arrangements of flowers like that well before Nico and I fucked. Was that his way of trying to weasel his way into my life?
No, that can’t be it. There was never a note left behind of who was doing it, so if he didn’t show up while I was here, I never would have known it was him that left them.
“It was you that’s been leaving all the flowers?” I ask, voice tight.
Nico shrugs. “Someone has to.”
“I do.”
“Yeah, but someone else. Someone that understands the life Hendrix led. Despite how I felt about you, Hendrix was alright. We spoke when we could.”
That stupid lump lodges in my throat as I turn back to Hendrix’s grave. I don’t want to cry here, not in the open, not in front of Nico.
“How did you know where he was buried?” I ask over my shoulder. “The only people at the funeral were me, Carter, and Dad.”
“I asked your brother.” Nico moves around me to lay the bouquet on Hendrix’s headstone. “I told him I wanted to pay my respects, from one mafia bodyguard to another.”
It’s hard to push the words out, but I say, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Though it’s for Hendrix, not you. Jesus, handsome. So full of yourself.”
I breathe a laugh, bumping his shoulder.
Nico steps closer to me, his fingers brushing mine. I look over at him, and he smiles when our eyes meet. I return it, though it feels shaky.
“Hendrix was my best friend,” I whisper. “Just like you were paired with Kai early, he was paired with me after Mom died. Dad thought it would help me come out of my shell.”
“Did it work?”
I laugh, though I really just want to sit and cry.
“Kinda. For the first year or so, I didn’t really talk to Hen.
I didn’t talk to anyone. But since he had to be around, he sat with me.
I don’t think he cared. It was better than being around his dad, who was an asshole.
After a while, I got tired of him being there and told him to leave.
The first words I’d spoken in months.” I laugh at the memory.
“That asshole looked at me like I was shit on the bottom of his shoe and just said, ‘No.’ I liked him immediately.”
Nico chuckles as well. “Kinda like me and Kai. He tried to say he didn’t need me around, and I told him to suck that shit up. I guess we had to get through to you assholes somehow. What better way than to make y’all feel like you were beneath us?”
“It worked. From there, we stuck together. Where I went, he went. It was only natural that he started collecting a salary to guard me. He kept my secrets, kept me safe. He was what made me an almost bearable person.”
“Would have hated to see you before,” Nico says with humor.
“Yeah, I wasn’t the most personable child after Mom died. But Hen made me better.”
“Didn’t keep you out of trouble.”
“Hen was always down with my bullshit. If he were here, he would have wanted all of Cliff’s guys thrown overboard. He would have thought it was funny.”
Nico glances over at me. “Terrible sense of humor.”
“Nah, he was perfect.”
We’re silent for a while, just enjoying each other’s company. It’s nice to have someone here that knew Hen. I never invite Austin and Donny here to guard me. My time with Hendrix is usually private.
Now I can share it with Nico.
“Was your dad like Charlie?” I ask.
“He tried to be. Had to keep up that front that he was a hard-ass. But it didn’t really work.
We didn’t have a great relationship, but it wasn’t bad.
It got better before he died. I never apologized for liking men and women, something this life doesn’t really allow.
But if I’m going to die for someone, I want to die as myself, not hiding.
I think my Poppa respected that. A lot more than Charlie.
I offered to kill that piece of shit pretty much every week. ”
Even though I don’t like Kai—I dislike him less than I used to now that I know he’s trustworthy—I never liked how Charlie treated him. If I were Kai, I would have slit his throat and told everyone I did it.
“Your dad knew you were pan?” I ask incredulously. “And didn’t say anything?”
Nico laughs. “Oh, he had a lot to say. Doesn’t mean I gave a fuck. I wasn’t living under his roof, and I was working for his boss’s son. He had no hold over me.”
I grunt. “Well, the last big mafia boss left is a man that doesn’t care who his sons love, as long as they’re happy. Guess that counts for something.”
“Guess so.”
I sigh and rub my hands together, looking at Hendrix’s headstone. “I’ll be back in a week or so,” I say, peeking over at Nico. “Alone.”
Nico shrugs and smiles widely. “I’ll come on my own days. I’ve been coming since he was buried and this is the first time we’ve run into each other. I think I can manage to avoid you.”
I turn around and head to my car. “You’re a dick.”
“So you’ve said.” He catches up to me. “What do you have planned tonight?”
“I’m going to get started on Hendrix’s room. Pack some things up.”
“You want help? I can come over when Kai and Carter go to bed.”
As much as I want to say this is something I have to do alone, I think I’ll feel better with Nico there. If I break down, he’ll be there to catch me.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll wait until you stop by and we can get started.”
Nico stops me before I get to my car and gives me a quick kiss. I lean in for another, savoring his taste.
“I’ll be there at like ten, okay?”
“Okay.”
After one more kiss, he walks toward his car, leaving me with my heart in my throat.
Just as I thought, it was hard as fuck packing up Hendrix’s things.
We only finished the closet, pulling out his many tailored suits and boxing them up for donation.
Despite not wanting to appear weak, tears streamed down my face pretty much the entire time.
Nico pretended not to notice at first, then handed me a tissue when I couldn’t stop them.
He didn’t make a thing of it, didn’t point it out to poke fun.
He just helped me pack while I mourned my friend.
When the closet was empty of everything but the many boxes and bags, I was done. I couldn’t keep going. I was too raw.
Before I could say it, Nico stretches his arms over his head. “I think we made good progress. We can come back in a few more days to finish up. You hungry?”
I shake my head and clean my face. “No, but I could use a drink.”
“Let’s go sit out on the balcony. The night air will clear your head.”
We step out of the closet and make our way to the door. Before we leave, I pick up the picture frame from beside the bed, looking at the pic of Hen and me. Nico looks at it over my shoulder. “That’s a good photo. You should put it in your room.”
I jolt at the idea. It’s so simple that I probably should have thought of it myself. But I never wanted to disturb anything in Hen’s room. Now that I’m packing, I can keep this for myself.
Holding the photo to my chest, I leave Hen’s room and walk the few steps to my own, planting the picture on my nightstand.
When I leave my room, I see the balcony door open, the gossamer curtain blowing in the breeze. I step outside and find Nico leaning against the railing, looking down at the traffic below.
“Thought we were supposed to watch the stars,” I murmur as I grab a beer from the sixpack, open it and stand beside him.
He glances over at me, a soft grin on his face. “Come on, handsome,” he walks over to one of the chairs and sits down, patting his thigh. “You can sit on Santa’s lap while we name constellations and you can tell me if you were a good boy.”
I snort a laugh, but that doesn’t stop me from doing exactly that, planting myself on his lap and settling against Nico’s strong chest. He wraps an arm around me, holding me close.
His hand is right near my scar, the last memory of my mother. He asked me once where I got it from, but I shut him down. No one knows, not even Hen, Carter, or Dad. It’s something I kept to myself. I felt like if I told someone, it would take more of my mom away from me.
But I want Nico to know. If anyone would keep my secret, it’s him. I trust him not to even mistakenly mention it. Nico is a vault.
Exactly what I need.
After taking a long swallow of my beer, I set it down on the table and grab Nico’s hand. I trail it up to where the graze scar is and rub his fingers back and forth over it. “When I was eight, someone attacked our car, trying to kill my dad. My mom, she protected us, using her body to cover ours.”
“I heard. I’m so sorry,” he whispers.
“She was a hero, but she couldn’t save us all from complete harm.
One of the bullets that tore through her body grazed me.
The pain was…indescribable. At eight, it was the worst physical pain I’ve ever felt in my life.
I screamed and cried, but Dad thought it was the pain of losing my mother.
And I let him believe that. This is the last thing I have of her.
The last reminder that my mother lived and died for us. ”
“Fuck, baby. I didn’t know.”
My belly swoops at the endearment as tears spill down my face. “No one does.” I turn to him, hoping to impress upon him that when I say no one, I mean it. “I want to keep it that way.”
With gentle hands, Nico wipes some of my tears, then pulls me in for a sweet kiss. “It’ll stay that way.”
I smile. “Have you ever seen a picture of my mom?”
“A few when we went to your house for dinner.”
I pull my wallet from my pocket. “Those are of her being all dressy for the wives of the family. This is the real her.”
Reaching into one of the folds where I keep my most prized possession, I pull it out and show Nico the picture of me and my mom in the kitchen.
She’s turned to the camera, her mouth open in mock surprise, but joy dancing in her eyes.
Her face is free of makeup, and she looks like any of the moms on those old sitcoms. Happy, low key and hugging one of her kids.
I’m standing beside her, my arm around her waist and a big, goofy smile on my face. My outfit leaves a lot to be desired, but I remember begging her to let me wear it, since it was my favorite.
“She’s beautiful,” Nico says, “and you were a bit of a dork, huh?”
“Fuck off,” I say around a laugh. “It was the times! I grew out of that phase of having a whole matching outfit.”
“Thank all that’s holy.” He hands the picture back to me and I carefully place it back in my wallet. “You looked happy there.”
“I always was with her. She made me happy. Even when I was fucking off, doing shit I wasn’t supposed to, I was happy when she was around.”
“I’m sorry you lost her,” Nico says, wiping under my eyes again. I didn’t even realize tears were still falling.
“We all lost her, but I think I lost a part of me too.”
“Are you putting yourself back together?”
I turn so I can press my back into his chest and look up at the stars. I’ve never had this with anyone, this closeness, this contentment. I feel like if I were to die right now, I’d have no regrets.
Sighing, I nod and snuggle in closer. “I’m starting to.”