Chapter 28
DECLAN
TWO WEEKS LATER
“Lie back, D. Damn, you’re the worst patient ever,” Nico grumbles as he gently pushes me back against the pillows.
“I’m good. I’m not even that sore anymore.”
Nico gives me a dry look, and I scowl and turn away.
I woke up this morning in pain, my hand and ribs screaming at me. Tears ran down my face, but I tried to keep it to myself. But Nico knew. He always knows.
He wiped my tears and helped me take meds so I could go back to sleep.
“D, baby,” he whispers, sliding closer to me.
Almost against my will, I reach out for him with my good hand, taking his warm palm in mine.
“I wasn’t able to find you and help you get out of your situation, and I’ll always regret that.
I’ll always feel like shit because you suffered for a week and I had no idea where you were.
But I can help you with this. I can find that asshole that thought he could get away with torturing you.
” I hiss and Nico’s face softens. “I’m sorry. I really am, but you gotta stay here.”
For the past two weeks, Nico has been here with me day and night, waiting on me hand and foot. It’s kind of annoying, really, but I can’t get him to stop.
After a few days—once the pain receded enough that I could think—I remembered I had a video from IT of the car exiting the parking garage after the letter was planted. I used Nico’s phone to log into my email account to find the video, and we were able to get a clear look at the plates.
We sent it to one of my contacts in the police department and he got back to us this morning with an address. An address that could lead to us finding out where the fuck Austin is. Which is where Nico is heading.
Without me.
Manuel and his guys didn’t find any clues at the house where I was held. There’s been no sighting of Austin or Maskless since I escaped. All of their old haunts have turned up nothing. I’m not even sure they’re in the state anymore.
It doesn’t matter. My family won’t stop until we’ve found him and anyone else that was involved in my kidnapping.
But Nico is right. I hate to admit it, but I can barely make it to the bathroom alone.
If the address Nico has leads to Austin, I wouldn’t be able to kill him how I want.
When I catch that motherfucker, I want to rip him apart, piece by piece.
I’m still in a cast, my chest hurts, and I can’t walk without limping.
I’d only get in the way. When I catch up to Austin, I want to be at my best so I can make it hurt for him.
I want to see his face when he realizes that the same man that killed his father will kill him as well.
I hate that Nico is right.
Sighing, I squeeze his hand and say, “There’s no need to regret anything. If not for you, I probably would still be down there. Because of you, I was able to clear my mind and figure out how to free myself. Your annoying-ass voice was in my head, telling me not to give up.”
Nico barks a laugh and I smile, but cover it quickly. I’m not confident in my smile with my chipped tooth. As soon as I can, I’m going straight to a dentist to get the best dental care I can afford.
He gently rubs my cheek, which isn’t as black and blue as it was before, the bruising fading to a sickly yellow. “My voice is sexy as fuck, and you know it.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever.” In a voice I hardly recognize, I say, “I don’t want to be alone, Nico.”
Leaning forward, he kisses me gently. “You won’t be. You won’t be left alone again until you can take care of yourself.”
I scoff, carefully crossing my arms over my chest. “I don’t like being this weak. It fucking sucks.”
“You’re not weak. You survived something not many of us could. I don’t give a fuck how strong I think I am, there’s no way I would have been able to dislocate my own thumb.”
“You would have found a smarter way to get out of those cuffs,” I mutter. I’ve constantly thought about what a terrible choice that was, especially since our doctor told me I might not get feeling back in that part of my hand, since the tendon and muscle were so damaged.
Nico shakes his head. “No, I don’t think I would have. You’re smarter than me, Declan. I knew you were. After you move past your anger, you actually have some brains up there.”
I snort a laugh. “Fuck off, Nico.” Sighing, I adjust myself against the pillows, hissing when pain shoots through me.
The doctor said my ribs will probably hurt for months, though the pain will dull over time.
Right now, they smart with every movement.
“If you’re going, then go. But hurry back.
Send Manuel in so he can stare at me like a creeper. ”
Manuel reminds me a lot of both Nico and Hendrix—tall, imposing, takes no shit, but super chill. We’ve had run-ins when the families are together and he’s probably one of the only St. Clairs I’ve liked right off. If anyone has to sit with me, I’d prefer it be him.
“While Manuel would want nothing more,” Nico says and kisses me on the forehead, “it’s not him that will be watching you like a hawk.” He bends so he can meet my eyes. “I love you. I’ll be back soon.”
My heart flutters, just like it does every time Nico says those three little words. I never thought anyone besides my family would feel that emotion toward me. It fills me with all kinds of mushy feelings I can’t describe.
“Love you too. Be careful. Make sure your safety is off and you have extra clips.”
“Always.” He gives me one more kiss and moves to the other side of the room. He pulls out his guns, checks the clips, then puts them in his holster. Then he slips his suit jacket on, hiding his hardware.
It’s so fucking sexy to see how competent he is with his weapons.
Before he leaves, he kisses me one more time, then breezes out of the room.
A second later, Carter steps into the doorway, barely able to meet my eyes.
Since I got to the cabin, Carter has only been here a few times to check on me. It hurts that my brother isn’t around. If it weren’t for Nico giving me updates on everything going on, I wouldn’t know shit, since my brother hasn’t been by to fill me in.
“Hey,” he says, voice rough.
“Hey.” We’re silent for a few uncomfortable minutes. Carter looks everywhere but at me. “Where you been, Car?” I sound petulant, but he’s my brother. Even if he didn’t stay long or deferred to Nico for my care, he should have been here.
“Around. Looking for Austin.”
I grunt and adjust myself on the bed so I can see him better, but I wince when my cast hits my ribs. It’s so hard to remember I can’t move how I want without pain.
Concern leaps in Carter’s eyes and he takes a step forward, hand outstretched, but drops it almost immediately. “You okay?”
I give him a droll look. “Let me check. I have six broken ribs, a dislocated elbow, fucking plates in my eye socket, one missing finger, a dislocated thumb with torn tendons, and I’m missing some teeth. But I think I’m good. You okay?”
Carter flinches and leans back on the door again, his face pale and pain clouding his eyes. “Fuck, D. I’m so sorry.” A broken sob leaves his lips and he slides down to the floor. “I shouldn’t have…I should…fuck, I don’t even know. I feel like this is my fault.”
I tick up a curious eyebrow. “What? How?”
“Being so fucking hard on you all the time. Saying you don’t use your head and you always think with your gun. I should have helped you, not berated you.”
“You should have,” I say, not willing to let him off the hook.
After Mom was killed, I was left alone to fend for myself in this family. Carter got all the life lessons, all the skills to run this family, and all the coaching to be the face of the Whitlocks. I had to figure shit out on my own and he and Dad never liked how I handled shit.
Naturally, I rebelled and did what I wanted, mostly to get shit done and make the world fear me, but also to get their attention.
“I know,” he says. “I might not have shown it much, but I wanted what was best for you. Still do.” He looks over my body, tears rolling down his face. “I hate seeing you like this, D. All fucked up because I wasn’t there to protect you.”
I growl and sit up, ignoring my pain. “I don’t need you to protect me, Carter. I need you to be my brother. You’ve acted more like my dad when all I wanted you to do was have my back like a brother was supposed to. That’s all I’ve wanted.”
Carter nods, wiping his face. “I know. And I’m sorry. I’ll do better…if you let me.”
After what I’ve been through, I don’t want to waste time on the past. Yeah, Carter fucked up constantly by bitching at me instead of guiding me, especially when I needed to learn how to handle myself in this life, but any of us could be gone in the blink of an eye.
I know Carter loves me. He never hesitates to say it, but he has to work at showing it.
“Sometimes,” I say, fiddling with my cast, “I don’t think you like me.”
“What? I—”
I raise my hand to cut him off. “Carter, some of the shit I did…I only did it because you’ve done it.
Starting fights, shooting first, that’s shit I learned from watching you.
But when I do it, you bitch about it. It’s like I can’t do anything right in your eyes.
What I do, I do to protect this family, both the Whitlocks and the St. Clairs.
If I think someone is threatening us, I put them down.
You’ve done it too, but it’s not a bad thing since you were the first son, the one that was supposed to take over.
I’ve had to prove myself, again and again, and all you and Dad do is tear me down. ”
Emotion flicks across his face—shame, sadness, guilt, and anguish. “You’re right. I never thought about it that way because Dad rarely scolded me for getting the job done. You’ve never made a move that wasn’t in the best interest of our family. I’m sorry, D.”
I didn’t know I needed that apology. A weight I didn’t even know I was carrying lifts from my shoulders. I nod and duck my head, hiding my tears from him.
“Thank you,” I murmur.