Chapter 28 #2
“Why didn’t you tell me about the blackmail? And…Nico?” I look back up at him but don’t answer. “You really didn’t trust me.” Hurt tinges his voice.
“No, I didn’t. I knew if I said I was being blackmailed, you would have bitched at me for doing something that caused retaliation. Nico promised to keep my secret, and he did. He was none of your business. He was only for me. I wanted to keep what we had to myself.”
“He’s a good guy.”
“I know.”
Carter grunts and pushes himself off the floor. “Don’t tell him I said that. I barely like the fucker.”
“He’s the reason I survived,” I say quietly. “We weren’t just fucking around. He was helping me. He saw all the anger I had and how it was clouding my judgment and he helped me see past that.”
Carter looks shocked. “How?”
“By talking to me and actually listening.”
Carter winces, then comes to sit on the bed. “Okay. I’m listening.”
My hand—and the goddamn cast it’s in—goes to my ribs and rubs against the scar there. I’m shocked to realize that since Nico and I have been involved, I hadn’t needed to fall back on the numbness in my scar to ground me. I could think past my grief.
“I was grazed by one of the bullets that killed Mom.” Carter’s eyes widen.
“Here.” I pat my chest. “It’s all I have left from her.
She was all I had. You were Dad’s but she was always in my corner.
I fucking miss her. I know you and Dad do as well, but after she was killed, Dad went on his rampage, and you spent all your time trying to be just like him.
I don’t think you two even noticed I didn’t speak for close to eight months.
I was hurting and no one was there for me.
” I lower my hand and pick at the bedding.
“I heard you and Dad in his office one day. You were crying and he was comforting you. But no one thought to come to me.” I meet his eyes, tears brimming, but not falling over. “I was eight.”
“Christ, Declan.” Carter threads his fingers through his hair. “We didn’t think you wanted us around. You wouldn’t let anyone touch you, and you wouldn’t come out of your room.”
“I needed someone, too. When Dad sent Hendrix to bring me out of my shell, it was the first time someone cared. That’s why his death hit me so hard.
Hendrix was the one that comforted me, even though he was a kid himself.
That’s why I didn’t want to hire another guard when he was killed.
Who else would get me like he did? But you and Dad never asked.
You both assumed he was just someone that worked for me.
He was my best friend, my brother. He’s not easily replaced. ”
Carter scrubs his hand down his face, hurt etched across his expression.
“I’ve seen you touch your chest before, but I never thought…
fuck, I’m sorry, Declan. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make up for how badly I fucked up.
When you were taken, I realized how much I didn’t do for you.
How I just expected you to fall in line and never actually talked to you about anything.
I should have been better. Like you said, I should have been a real brother to you, not just always trying to be like Dad. ”
I nod and lean back against the pillows, feeling suddenly exhausted. “You weren’t completely wrong. I did think with my gun. A lot. I had so much anger and hurt bottled up that I never stopped to consider another way to handle my shit.”
“You had cause most of the time.”
I grunt, but smile. “Nico really helped me with that. When I was being tortured, I was in pain. A lot of fucking pain, but I could think too. I only had one instance where I wanted to give up, but I heard Nico in my head, telling me to hold on.”
“You don’t need it, but you have my blessing to see him.”
I crack open an eye. “Carter, please, I would have continued seeing him even if you told me you hated him. I hated Kai, and you still married him.”
“Hated? So that means you kinda like my husband now?”
“Let’s not get carried away,” I say and Carter laughs. “Don’t get mad at him but he caught me and Nico together. He kept my secret until I was ready to tell you. So maybe I respect him a little.”
Carter nods. “He told me. I wasn’t happy about it but he made me see that you had your reasons.”
“He’s smart, that one.”
We share a laugh, and the tension breaks.
I’m glad we got to clear the air. I love my brother and I know he loves me. I want us to be as close as we were before Mom died. We can get that back; we just have to work at it. I’m up for the task.
Carter sighs and checks me over. “You’re looking better. You in pain right now? Need some meds?”
“I’m good for now. I’m sore, but nothing I can’t handle.” I hold up my cast. “I’ll have to work more at shooting with my opposite hand. I’m ambidextrous, but I favor my left hand.”
“We’ll work on it together. You’ll be an even better shot with your right.” Carter pauses, then gives me a look. “Can I ask how you and Nico got together? You never seemed to like each other.”
Smiling, I ask, “Do you really want to know?”
Carter looks a little green. “God, no. That can be one secret you never share with me.”
I laugh and Carter joins in. “You got it, big brother.”