Chapter 25 Specter
Specter
I don’t like this.
Colson is kneeling beside the tub, washing me with a sponge and bodywash, but he’s not in here with me and the water barely comes up to my waist to prevent my wound from getting wet.
I feel fine and I want my man in this water with me, up to our necks, but the reality is my right side is sore and I need to be careful with my stitches still.
“Stop pouting,” Colson chides. “Enjoy it while it lasts.”
“Enjoy being injured?”
“Enjoy being spoiled. Now who’s being a brat?”
I snort a laugh. “I’m trying.” I grab his hand as he rinses my torso. “Thank you.”
“It’s no problem.” He turns his attention to my face, wiping off droplets of dried blood still hiding in my hairline. “You’re so hot.”
“Thank you. You’re not of this world.”
“I’m mortal and flawed and someday I’ll get old. I’ll have wrinkles and white hair and floppy muscles.”
I grin. “I know. Gonna be awesome.”
“Awesome.” He nods. “You’re weird.”
My smile fades. “I never imagined myself as an old person. Maybe in the back of my mind I didn’t think I’d get there.”
“And now?”
“Now I have a reason, a hope.”
His chin wobbles slightly as he holds my gaze. “You think we’ll still be together when we’re old?”
“I sure do, beautiful. What do you think of that?”
He presses his lips together, fighting back a smile. “Kinda terrifying.” He bows his head and lets the smile bloom freely. “Kind of amazing.”
I lift his hand to my lips and kiss it. “Do you, um, do you think you could love a killer?”
Colson shrugs, his smile warming. “I already do.”
“You still have to be careful. You could get an infection.” Colson fusses around me as I settle in a chair at the dining room table.
My brothers are gathered around, acting as normally as possible, but I can see the concern in all their eyes. Especially Wraith’s.
“I’ll be careful, love.”
Smiling, he shakes his head and starts to make me a plate. I’m pretty sure I could handle dishing up my own food, but I’ll let him do it if it makes him feel better.
Shadow enters the room, his face a mask of dark emotions. Shit. He found out some information he doesn’t like. I brace myself for what it could be.
As he sits, all conversation dies, and the attention shifts from me to him. As it should.
“How are you feeling, Specter?” he asks, but his voice is tight, restrained.
“Better than expected.”
He nods, his jaw twitching. Ghost slides a mug of hot coffee in front of him and he responds with a nod.
“I made some calls,” he says. “Our client is currently in his bunker after his car was targeted in a hit last night. He’s a little banged up but alive thanks to his driver’s quick thinking.”
“Fuck,” Carnage whispers. “It was a hit.”
“Yeah. He thinks it’s an inside job. He’s got a mole in his ranks.”
“But they took out their own crew?” Wraith says. “Makes no sense.”
“No, they didn’t. Those guys at the house last night weren’t with my client or the existing drug ring. Best they can tell, this thing is much bigger than they knew.”
“Where does that leave us?” Phantom asks. “Are we in this thing?”
Shadow shakes his head. “Not beyond the goal of finding the fuckers who shot Specter. I told the client we don’t get involved in turf wars like this. We’re a one and done organization.” He taps his fingers on the table. “But I made it clear we would be avenging this hit.”
“Fuck yeah,” Carnage says, thumping his fist into his palm. “I’m gonna fuck ’em up.”
“If we can find them,” Shadow says. “No one’s sure who they are.”
“I think they were Russian,” Carnage adds. “Ukrainian maybe.”
“I told the client that.” He leans forward. “So we’re off the job officially.”
“And unofficially?” I ask.
“We’re going rogue.”
I nod, glancing at Colson.
“Not you, Specter,” Shadow says. “You’re off duty.”
I jerk my head back. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“Do I look like I’m fucking kidding?”
“Come on, boss. It’s a flesh wound.”
Colson scoffs but remains quiet otherwise.
“It’s not up for discussion. Besides, I already gave you time off to deal with—” His eyes land briefly on Colson. “—the other problem.”
“I can do both. They fucking shot me.”
Shadow slams his hand on the table, startling all of us. “Dammit, Specter, stop fighting me. This is hard enough, okay? We could’ve lost you last night. You think I want to watch you get fucking sepsis because you wouldn’t take time to recover after all that?”
I’m sufficiently chastised, so I nod, even as my jaw clenches. Colson rubs my thigh under the table.
“Wraith is with you for backup,” Shadow says.
“On it,” Wraith says, nodding at me.
“Everyone else, wait for more information. If you see anything around town, report in. You have my permission to do whatever you gotta do if you find whoever’s behind this before I do.”
Carnage claps his hands together. “I’m gonna rip those fuckers apart and enjoy their fucking screams.”
Colson visibly shivers. Yeah, Carnage can be a little intense.
“We’ve got your back, Spec,” Ghost says as Phantom nods in agreement.
“Hell yeah, we do,” Whisper adds.
Nimble is quiet at first, but then he sits up a little straighter. “I might know something. A few weeks ago, I was out doing my thing over on the west side of Mistone where the tent city is.”
“Under the Blackwater bridge?” Whisper asks.
“Yeah, exactly. There were a bunch of cars huddled together, and at first I didn’t think much of it. Drug deal, gang meeting—whatever, right?”
Shadow nods.
“But now with all this new information, I remember the cars were a little nicer than usual. I didn’t see the guys, but I did catch some blond hair. Not the usual criminal types for these parts.” He turns to me. “Sorry, man. It didn’t click until now.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“Maybe if I’d noticed sooner—”
“Nope,” Shadow says. “We don’t play that game. That’s good intel, Nimble. Let’s start surveilling that area.”
“On it,” he says.
“You’ll know more when I do,” Shadow says. “Stick to your normal jobs for now but keep an eye out for anything that might help us find these fuckers.”
“If anyone can, it’s us,” Phantom says.
“Damn right.” Ghost nods in agreement.
The meeting breaks up, everyone splintering off into their own conversations, but I stay seated, as does Shadow.
“How does your wound look?”
“Good.” I glance at Colson. “I have a very good nurse.”
Shadow nods, but I notice his gaze lingering on Colson. “While I have you both here, I figure this is a good time for a discussion.”
Colson tenses, his fingers digging into my thigh.
“Since it’s clear you’re going to be part of our family now, we should go over a few things.”
My jaw drops. We haven’t talked about this one-on-one yet, so it’s coming out of nowhere for me.
“We all heard you last night, Specter,” Shadow says, answering my unspoken question. “You’re in love with him, yes?”
I nod. “Yes.”
Shadow nods as he continues. “We’ve never had a permanent partner in our mix, so I gave some thought to how it should be handled. You obviously get along with everyone, Cashmere, which is important, and I doubt anyone would object to having you here. Especially if it makes Specter happy.”
I peek at Colson, who’s watching Shadow intently.
“I thought about an NDA.” A slight smile tugs at Shadow’s lips. “That seemed kind of prudent and official, but I thought better of it. What’s a piece of paper mean anyway? That we’d, what, sue you if you told someone?”
“I would never—”
Shadow raises his hand, cutting Colson off.
“Instead, I thought it would be better to make sure you understand what the stakes are. What would happen if the wrong people knew too much about us.”
My jaw tenses. There’s a low-key threat in his tone that I’m sure Colson feels based on the tight grip he has on my knee.
“You love Specter, yes?”
Colson nods. “Yes.”
“I’m sure you already understand that our lives are not conventional. You can’t bring your family or friends here. I can’t guarantee that we’ll celebrate holidays traditionally or do all the things normal families do. Ours is different. Special.”
Colson nods again, glancing briefly at me.
“We’d lose everything if the wrong people knew of our existence,” Shadow continues. “And I’ll protect us with all the force I have.”
My anger rises up and I’m about to get in my boss’s face, but Colson pats my thigh.
“Can I speak now?”
Shadow nods, his gaze dark and intense.
“First of all, I’m not an idiot. With all due respect, I don’t need to be warned or threatened about the sanctity of your organization.”
Shadow raises an eyebrow.
“Secondly, as you pointed out, I’m in love with Specter, and I’d rather die than hurt him. By extension, that means I would never hurt any of you.”
Shadow looks at me like I should do something, but all I can do is let Colson cook.
“Finally, I have no family or any real attachments outside of this. I understand you don’t know me well and you need to have a certain level of intimidation about you to maintain order, but I really don’t appreciate your thinly veiled threat of violence.
” He leans forward slightly. “I’m here because Specter said I would be safe. So tell me, Shadow, am I safe here?”
My shoulders tense as I wait to see how Shadow will respond to such an aggressive question. He studies Colson for a few seconds that feel like centuries, then he settles back in his chair, a slight smile on his face.
“I should’ve known the only man capable of taming Specter would be a fighter.” He nods. “You’re safe here, Cashmere.”
“Colson, actually. My name is Colson.”
I smile at that.
“Colson,” Shadow repeats, glancing at me. “Got yourself a spitfire, huh?”
Still smiling proudly, I nod. “I sure did.”
“Honestly,” Shadow says, “I’m happy Specter found you. He deserves a good man. Welcome to our fucked-up little family.”
Colson’s expression neutralizes, but his cheeks turn pink, revealing the emotion he’s restraining. “Thank you.”
Shadow leaves the table, and once he’s out of the dining room, Colson exhales slowly. “Jesus, I almost peed myself.”
“You’re so fucking amazing. I can’t believe you faced off with him like that. Not a lot of people would.”
“When you’ve been through the shit I have, you learn quickly to bare your teeth. I can respect him while reminding him he doesn’t need to threaten me.”
I lift his hand and kiss his palm. “You blow me away. I can’t believe you even exist, much less that you’re mine.”
“You can’t believe it? You told me I was yours the minute you saw me.”
I chuckle. “Nice call out.” Time for a little honesty. “I was attracted to you on sight. Of course I was, because I have fucking eyes.”
He smiles.
“And I knew I would make you mine, but I didn’t think it was gonna be like this. I had no frame of reference for how I feel about you and how important you are, or the lengths I would go to to keep you safe. I didn’t know I had enough depth to feel this much. It’s a goddamn ocean.”
Colson smiles as his eyes tear up. “That’s a good way to put it. I went to a therapist for a while after I got some insurance. It wasn’t a great experience, but I do remember one thing she said to me.”
“Tell me.”
“She said, ‘Right now it’s scary and feelings don’t seem safe, but one day, you could meet someone who makes you feel so safe you can finally let your heart be soft.’” He smiles, sniffling. “At the time, I thought that sounded insane, and I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to be soft.”
“And now?”
“I’m more open to it.”
We both laugh. Colson leans into me, and I wrap my arms around him, absorbing his warmth and light, and for one of only a handful of times in my life, I feel grateful to be alive so I can love this man.
“I’m crazy about you, Colson. All I want in this life is to make you happy.”
He brushes his fingers under my chin. “I am happy.” He balls the hem of my T-shirt up in his fist. “Let’s go upstairs. I want to show you something.”
“What?”
Colson’s hand slides up my thigh to rest on my growing bulge. “My reverence. You’ve worshipped at my feet. Now let me pray at yours.”