Chapter Thirty-three — Trinity #2
I also knew I was dropping. Which made this feel worse on top of feeling like my whole life just shattered. My phone vibrated in my purse, but I ignored it. I didn’t want to hear them say what I already knew. That would break me.
Who knew if there would be pieces left.
Grabbing the broom, I began the long, arduous process of sweeping up everything that had been broken. I sniffled while I swept up dust and trash, trying not to focus too hard on what had once been my safe place.
Guess I didn’t have any of those anymore.
I hadn’t even been home a half hour when there was a knock on the door. Either a downstairs neighbor coming to berate me for the sound of broken glass being swept up, or… them. But it wasn’t them. It couldn’t be them. Not after what I did.
The knock came again. I didn’t move. Whoever it was would go away, eventually. But they didn’t.
“Trinity. Sweetheart, I know you’re in there.”
Brooks.
A whimper came out of me, tears rushing to the surface. I pushed them back. Swallowed. Sighed. He wouldn’t leave until I answered. When I looked through the peephole, his hands were braced on either side of the door frame, head bowed, shoulders weighted like the world was on them.
“Why are you here?”
His head snapped up, and I had to be imagining the relief on his face. “Because I need to make sure you’re okay. And I need to apologize.”
“Okay.”
I heard him swallow. “Will you let me in?”
Of course I wanted to let him in. But it wouldn’t change anything. He read my hesitation. “Please, Rin. Let me apologize to you and not your door.”
I opened the door, and he studied my face. I knew what he was seeing. Puffy red eyes and messy hair. Messy apartment. Messy everything.
Leaving the door open, I went back to the living room and kept sweeping. The door closed softly. His footsteps approached, and he sighed. “They did a number on this place, didn’t they? We should have helped you clean this up before now. Helped you get the rest of your stuff.”
When I still said nothing, he sighed. “I’m sorry, Trinity.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not. No matter the situation, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. Especially about something like your meds. I—” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I was afraid for you, and it got the better of me. I’m so sorry.”
Keeping my eyes on the ground, I nodded once. “Thank you.”
He came closer, stopping a few feet away, watching me. Finally, I looked up and couldn’t interpret his expression.
“Thank you,” I said again.
“What can I do to help clean this up?”
“Nothing, it’s fine.”
“I’d like to help if I can.”
Somehow, I managed to smile, even though I felt like I was shattering all over again. “It’s okay, Brooks. You apologized. The rest doesn’t matter anymore. You don’t have to clean just to make me feel better.”
Brooks frowned. “What do you mean, the rest of it doesn’t matter?”
I shrugged. “You came. You apologized. I’ll make sure to get my stuff when I can. You don’t have to worry.”
His mouth dropped open briefly. “Rin, sweetheart, what are you talking about?”
My throat closed, and I had to look away. “I know we’re done. It’s okay. I just need to be alone now.”
He came straight to me and took the broom out of my hand. “Is that what you want? To be done?”
I said nothing, because no, of course not. But it didn’t matter. I wrapped my arms around myself out of instinct. It did nothing to ease the pain.
“I didn’t think so. You’ll have to tell us you never want to see us again to be done, and even then, we still might try to convince you.”
My head snapped up. “You still want me?”
Shock shattered across his expression. “Of course we want you. Of course I want you. I can’t think of a single thing that would ever make me not want you. Why would you say that?”
Tears were welling again, and I fought them back. “But I yelled at you.”
It felt like I watched his heart break in front of my eyes.
“Trinity.” He let the broom fall and reached for me, pulling me in, and I let him.
Taking my face in his hands, he pressed a kiss to the center of my forehead, and I broke.
I felt him shaking just like I was. “Baby, I was out of line and an asshole. Not only did you have every right to respond that way, you were right to do it. If I’d known you walked out because you thought we wouldn’t want you after that, I never would have let you take a step. ”
I sobbed into his shirt. “Are you sure?”
“A thousand percent,” he whispered. “And I’m so fucking proud of you for pushing back when you needed to.
I hope you’ll help me learn what you need and how to help.
I just want you safe and healthy. Fuck.” He lifted me up and carried me to the destroyed sofa and sat down with me, holding me so tightly I could barely breathe.
The piece of me that hadn’t cried itself out on the kitchen floor did so now. Brooks’ dark t-shirt was soaked with my tears. The tears were as much relief as they were pain. I thought I’d ruined it, like so many other things before.
Brooks kept me close, purring and stroking my hair until I was hiccuping breath and clinging to him. His smoky vanilla scent grounded me.
“Please forgive me,” he whispered.
I took a shaky breath. “Don’t do it again.”
“I promise. And I didn’t lie about wanting to learn.”
“Okay.”
He held me a little tighter.
Finally, his voice was quiet. “A long time ago, when Bastian and I were younger and starting to fight professionally, he was cocky. He’s good enough that he can be.
But cockiness without caution is a recipe for disaster.
We were still in the lower tiers, and he was going up against someone who had a reputation for being ruthless and toeing the line of the rules.
“Not only was this guy better than Bastian at the time, he did things before the refs could stop him, and then shrugged his shoulders like he hadn’t done anything wrong. I didn’t want Bastian to fight him. Just had a bad feeling about it. He brushed it off and told me it would be fine.”
I sucked in a breath, realization dawning. Bastian had told me this story from his perspective.
“Bastian made a misstep, and he was off balance, and it should have been enough for the ref to call it. But his opponent—” Brooks took a slow breath.
“He sent an elbow straight into Bastian’s throat.
Dropped him like a stone.” He froze, swallowing and stroking his hand over my hair again, like he was grounding himself.
“I thought I was going to lose him. He couldn’t breathe. They had to rush him to the hospital.
“So when I saw those numbers and heard you say it would be fine… all I could think was that I might lose you too.”
Oh. Oh.
I tightened my arms where I held him, tucking my head further into his chest.
“It doesn’t excuse what I said. I know that. That fear is mine to deal with, and clearly I have some more work to do. I just wanted you to know where the reaction came from.”
Mistress Amber’s words from that night at Element came back to me. “We’re not in control of ourselves when we’re triggered. Amber told me that after what happened at the club.”
“Yeah.” He shuddered. “We talked to someone after that fight. I’ll make an appointment.”
“You’d do that?”
Brooks slid his fingers into my hair and tugged gently, guiding me to look at him.
“I hurt you. It doesn’t matter if I was triggered or out of my mind.
I hurt you. I made you believe you weren’t wanted.
And I am so fucking sorry.” His voice cracked, and he placed his forehead against mine.
“I don’t ever want to feel like this again, and I’d give pretty much anything for you to never feel this again. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do.”
Slowly, I reached up and slid my hand behind his neck, keeping our foreheads together. “I forgive you.”
I already had, but I wanted to say the words. Brooks tilted his head and kissed me softly. Gently. Healing.
We breathed each other in through the silence for a while before he spoke. “Can I ask you something?”
I knew what the question would be, and I’d known it would come sooner or later, so I nodded.
“What made you think that yelling at us would make us not want you anymore?”
Shrugging, I moved my ear over his heart, where I could hear it beat. “That’s been my experience. I speak and fuck up everything.”
“Hey.” Brooks shifted me to lean against the arm of the couch so he could see my face. Brushed away some of the drying tears. “That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is.”
His eyes widened while he watched me. Like a literal lightbulb moment. “Your father’s pack.”
Terror wrapped around my chest. “What about them?”
“When we found you in the pool that day, you left right after they came outside. After this place was broken into, you agreed to come to our place as soon as Val came into the kitchen. At dinner a few days ago, you barely spoke to them, and they pretty much ignored you. It was them, wasn’t it? That made you feel like this?”
My throat closed. It hadn’t done that in a while. Since I’d been with them. Now I couldn’t find my voice at all. I tapped my throat and shook my head.
“Okay,” he said. “That’s fine. Maybe you can tell me about it someday.”
I nodded and cuddled my face against his shoulder once more. One day, it would be good to have someone else know the truth. Right now, I wasn’t ready.
“Are you coming home?” Brooks asked. His voice was full of hope.
It took long seconds for my throat to ease enough to speak. “Yes.”
“Okay,” he said. “If there’s anything we can bring with us, let me know. We’ll take care of the rest of this soon.”
I started to move, but he held me fast. “In a minute. I don’t know that I can let you go yet.”
That was completely fine with me. I didn’t want him to let me go.