Chapter Thirty-four — Brooks
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
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brOOKS
Ilet the door to the apartment close behind us and tugged Rin to a stop. “I’d like you to spend the night in my room. If you’re all right with that.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’d like that.”
She’d forgiven me, but forgiving someone didn’t heal the damage instantly. I still felt the hurt in the cracks between us. Cracks I put there.
I barely remembered saying anything because I was so deep in the fear of losing. But it didn’t matter. The look on her face—
“I’m going to take a bath,” Trinity said. “I’ll find you after.”
“Okay.”
It had been a couple of hours between me getting to Trinity’s apartment and us clinging to each other.
Even so, the guys were all still in the kitchen, clearly waiting for us to come back.
They rightfully handed me my ass the second she walked out the door.
I already knew I’d fucked up. I just hadn’t known how much.
Logan was eating a bowl of cereal. He looked me up and down. “You guys okay?”
I nodded. But it wasn’t the whole truth. I braced myself against the marble island. “Fuck.”
“What happened?” Theo.
“She thought—” emotion choked off my words, and I had to clear my throat. “She thought we wouldn’t want her anymore. Because she yelled.” I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes, fighting the heat building there.
I almost made us lose her. The look on her face, like I’d broken her heart. When I had broken her heart. The sheer hope in her eyes when she realized it wasn’t over. The guilt felt like claws tearing at my insides.
Trinity and I would heal. I would do whatever I needed to make that happen. And I would move past this feeling. Clinging to guilt could poison things in an entirely different way. But for these few minutes? I was going to let myself grieve and shatter for making my Omega feel that kind of pain.
“Why would she think that?”
“I have some ideas… mainly Cecil’s pack. She also said it’s the way it’s always been. She said ‘I speak and fuck up everything.’” I swallowed. “I’m sorry. I owe you all an apology, too. It doesn’t matter where the outburst came from. I almost made us lose her.”
Bastian approached and placed a hand on my shoulder. He knew exactly why I’d reacted the way I had.
“I’m sorry,” I said again.
Theo cleared his throat. “These things are going to happen. Hopefully not like that, but they will.”
“I know it sucks,” Logan said. “It really does. That being said, I’m glad this happened now and not later. As much as she hurt, it would have been worse down the line.”
Bastian squeezed my shoulder and let go. “Did you make it right?”
“Yes. But I still feel it. It’s not going to be easy for a little while. I just hope—” My voice cut off with emotion. “I hope I didn’t wreck it between us.”
“She forgave you?” Aiden asked.
“Yeah, but that doesn’t erase the feelings. I broke her heart. I saw it. How will she forget that?”
“She won’t forget it,” Theo said. “Neither will you. But over time it will lessen.”
“Yeah.” I kept my eyes on the floor, unsure I could meet any of theirs. “She’s taking a bath. I’m going to go wait for her.”
Bastian followed me out of the kitchen. “This was about me?”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It is, and it isn’t. I’m the reason you have that trigger.”
I patted him on the back. “It doesn’t matter how it happened. It’s my shit to deal with. I thought I had, and I was wrong.”
Being my twin, Bastian could sense my mood as well as I could sense his. Like right now, when the only person I wanted to be near was my Omega.
He pulled me into a hard, fast hug. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I will.”
I took a shower and changed, unsure how long her bath would take. Extra pillows and blankets on the bed to make it as nest-like as possible. Nerves swam in my stomach enough to make me sick. Because I had one more thing to ask her, and I wasn’t sure of her answer. I hoped, but wasn’t sure.
A soft knock on the door came sometime later. I had no idea how long. There was a towel on Rin’s head, and she wore an emerald green robe that clung to her damp skin. She was pink and rosy and so fucking beautiful.
I held out my arms. That she still came so willingly made me ashamed. I didn’t deserve her, but I would commit everything I had to trying.
“I need to ask. Would you like to continue our dynamic?”
“Yes.”
I closed my eyes and held her tighter, swallowing in relief. Like being dunked in a freezing cold pool.
“Did you think I wouldn’t want to?”
“No.” That was the truth. “But I damaged your trust. I would understand if you wanted to step back for a while.”
“No,” she whispered. Her hands dug into my shirt. “Please don’t. Don’t let it change.”
I lifted her off her feet and kissed her. “I won’t, baby. I promise.”
I brought her over to the bench at the end of the bed and handed her the remote to the big, hidden television. “Sit here and choose something to watch. I’ll be right back.”
Trinity blinked when I came back with her hairbrush. “What?”
“This is the one you use when it’s wet, right?”
“Right. But you don’t have to.”
I smiled. “I wasn’t asking.”
“But…” Most things had been sexual in our dynamic so far. I could understand why this could be confusing.
Kneeling in front of her, I skimmed my hands up her legs beneath her robe so I could feel her. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”
“No. I just didn’t expect you to brush my hair. I can do it myself.”
“I know you can. I want to.”
“Oh.”
I sat on the bed behind her—the stocks at the end were put away—and pulled off my shirt so I was only in my sweats.
Slowly, I removed the towel from her hair and started brushing the ends.
Trinity had picked a show about how things were made.
This one showed how the perfect swirl of frosting on top of store-bought cupcakes was achieved.
Trinity fidgeted a little, unable to stay still. I stilled my movements. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I just need to say that this isn’t necessary for an apology. It’s okay.”
I kept brushing her hair slowly, moving higher up the strands. “Is that why you think I’m brushing your hair? To apologize?”
“Is it not?”
“Hmm, not in the way you might think.” Her gentle silence was an invitation to continue. “I meant it when I apologized, and you accepted that. I’m fucking grateful for it. I could keep saying I’m sorry, because I am, but going back and forth in a cycle of apologizing and forgiving isn’t helpful.
“But even with the apology, neither of us can pretend that today didn’t happen. Believe me, I wish that we could. I want to take care of you, Rin. I always want to take care of you, but especially today.” My voice was lower now. “I still want you to feel safe with me.”
She turned and tackled me backward onto the bed. In seconds, she was wrapped so thoroughly around me that I had no choice but to hold her right back. Fuck, she felt good. “Rin?”
“I always feel safe with you.” Her voice was teary. “That’s why I was so devastated. You all make me feel so safe, and I was losing that. I didn’t want to lose it. I don’t want to lose you.”
My purr started without me consciously deciding. “You’ll never lose me,” I whispered.
She relaxed against me for a while. A few tears made it to my skin, but I didn’t react. Trinity didn’t have to hide anything from me. She was allowed to feel what she felt, and I would hold her while she did.
Simply holding someone as a method of healing was underrated. The simple pleasure of knowing they were safe and calm, your bodies listening to each other.
Trinity took a deeper breath. “When I say you don’t have to, I don’t want you guys to think that you have to pamper me for me to stay. Like you said, I meant it when I forgave you, even if you’re right and it hurts for a while. You don’t have to suddenly bend over backwards or… I don’t know.”
Sitting us back up, I moved us back to where I could continue to brush her hair, though it was much drier now. “Do you like having it brushed?”
“It’s not necessary.”
“That’s not what I asked, baby.”
Her shoulders rose and fell. When she spoke, I barely heard her. “Yeah. It feels really nice.”
I rose up and kissed the top of her head. “Then I’m going to say this in the gentlest way I can. There isn’t a trophy for being the Omega who needs the least.”
The small intake of breath told me the words landed.
“It’s okay to accept things that are offered.
It’s okay to ask for things you enjoy. It’s okay to need things.
It’s okay to want things. Let us decide what we’re willing to do.
If it makes you uncomfortable, that’s a different conversation.
But there’s nothing wrong with being who you are.
You shouldn’t have to make yourself smaller or less for anyone. Especially not us.”
“I… hadn’t thought about it that way.”
“I hope you do. Because we haven’t really had the chance yet, but we want to spoil you.”
She ducked her head. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”
I brushed her hair until it was straight and nearly dry. She was leaning into each stroke. Putting the brush aside, I put my hands on both her shoulders, massaging gently.
It wasn’t late enough to go to bed. Not truly. But there wasn’t anywhere else I wanted to be with her. “I know it’s not time for bed, but we’re going to stay here,” I told her. “They’ll bring us food and anything else.”
“Okay.”
I slipped the robe off her shoulders to find her naked underneath. I pushed my sweats off too before pulling her with me into the bed. My instincts told me we needed to be skin-on-skin. I purred, and Trinity burrowed down beneath the blankets with me.
“I want to say one more time.” Trinity looked up at me. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I broke your heart, and I’m sorry I made you question how much we want you. And I’m so fucking happy that you’re here with me.”
She didn’t say anything. Just slid her arm around my ribs and moved one leg over mine, tangling us together. For the first time since she walked out the door, the iron bands of fear around my chest loosened, and I felt like everything would be okay.