Chapter Thirty-five — Trinity
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
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TRINITY
Iwoke slowly but clearly. My body still ached from the scene with Aiden, but it was better. I was curled on my side, and there was a hand on my ribs.
Slowly, I turned over. Brooks was still asleep across the bed. His arm was stretched out to touch my skin like he couldn’t bear to have me so far away.
The space between us ached too. We would be okay. I knew that. But bruises still had to heal, and this would be tender for a while.
I set my hand on top of his where it rested on my ribs. He stirred, opening his eyes slowly. Stretching further, he managed to pull me closer. “Morning, baby.”
“Morning.”
Last night we’d done exactly what he said. We stayed in bed while he held me, watched mindless TV, and I let myself rest. Was I behind on work? Yes.
Was it what I needed after everything? Also yes.
But today was back to reality. I needed to go to work and catch up on things. I had a couple of deadlines tomorrow.
Sitting up, I grabbed Brooks’s hand and pulled him with me. “Come with me.”
He grabbed his sweats off the floor and wrapped me back in my robe before he let me take his hand again. I brought him to my room and sat him down on the window seat. “Stay.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Grabbing my med bag from my purse—still where I’d tossed it yesterday—I went back and sat next to him. Brooks swallowed. I felt his hesitation, and that was fine, but the only way we were going to get through this together was to address it. He said he wanted to learn. Here was his chance.
“Some people who have diabetes need to take insulin with every meal. Some of them don’t.
It depends on the type you have and how controlled the condition is.
I only take it once a day, usually in the morning.
This much.” I took the insulin pen and twisted it to the correct dose, the clicking loud in the silence.
“I usually check my blood sugar in the morning too, though I admit I’m not as good about that.
I’ve been in the same range of blood sugars for so long, it rarely changes now.
I’m lucky. Here.” I handed him a fresh lancet and the little mechanism that pricked my finger. “I change the needle out like this.”
I showed him. You were supposed to change out the lancets after every poke. I didn’t always, if I had to poke more than once a day, and I kept my supplies safe and dry, but I changed them more often than not.
“This is the glucose monitor.” It was a small black rectangle with a slot and a screen. I pushed in a testing strip and waited for it to tell me it was ready. “Once it shows me that, I prick my finger, and I rotate through them so they don’t get sore.”
My wince was small. Some days hurt more than others for pokes and injections. Just the way it was. “Swipe away the first drop of blood in case there was anything on the skin that could contaminate it, then you put the strip directly into the drop.”
Brooks watched every step carefully. He didn’t need to tell me he was listening, he was drinking in every word with intensity.
The glucose monitor counted down from five and beeped. Better. “It’s still a little higher than normal, but it’s a lot closer. I didn’t get to the gym yesterday, but I will today after work. And this will help.” I handed him the insulin pen. “Want to try?”
He took it gently. “All right.”
I slid the sleeve of my robe off my shoulder and offered him my upper arm. “Gently push the needle in until the plastic bit is up against my skin.” He did, and I hissed out a breath.
“You okay?”
“Some days it hurts, some days it doesn’t. It’s nothing you did. Now press the button and hold it until it stops.”
Brooks pushed the button down, watching the numbers spin as the medicine injected. “Now we’ll remove that needle, and the lancet from the other one, and put them…”
Shit. I didn’t have my sharps container.
It was still at my apartment. I’d been using my trash can, and they were all still in there.
“Usually put them in a sharps container so that no one emptying the trash sticks their finger on a needle. Especially one that’s touched blood.
But it’s still in my apartment. The bathroom trash can has my needles from this week. I’ll bag them up later.”
Reaching out, my Alpha ran a finger over the raised bump under my skin. Sometimes the insulin pooled before the body absorbed it. Looked a little weird, but it was fine. “Thank you for showing me.”
“Things like this are scarier when you don’t understand them. I promise I take care of myself as best I can.”
“I know you do.” He lifted me across his lap and held me close. “I know you do.”
I needed to get ready and do my training, but this felt nice.
“Why don’t you have something in your arm? I see a lot of people with them.”
“Continuous glucose monitors. They don’t think I need one.
My levels are stable enough, and I’m not on enough insulin.
Plus, the finger sticks are more accurate.
I’ve had them before. They last about two weeks.
” I sighed. “Unfortunately, I’m clumsy enough that I usually end up pulling them out by accident.
One time, I tripped and fell into a doorframe.
It pulled the sensor out. I’d only had it in for three days. ”
He laughed softly. “I’m sorry. The mental image was funny.”
“Rude.” I playfully smacked his back. “Anyway. I need to get ready for work.”
“Me too. With Bastian’s fight coming up his training is fairly intense right now. Especially since we’ve taken a little break.” When he saw me pouting, he kissed me. “Don’t worry. Intensity doesn’t mean you won’t see us.”
“Good.”
“Have a good day at work, okay?”
“Okay.”
The space in the air between us rang with… something. Like the interaction wasn’t complete, though we had nothing else to say. Like there were words missing even though it hadn’t been long enough to consider them.
Instead, I kissed him one more time.
By the time I got to work, my training complete, I felt settled enough to function.
The first draft of the Element piece was due to Edgar, and there were pieces running next week that needed a final read-through.
Plus some other admin tasks I loathed so much that I avoided thinking about them on purpose.
Edgar knocked on my door midafternoon. “Hey. Susie brought in a bunch of snacks, if you want some.”
I glanced up at him. “You came all the way to my office to tell me there are snacks?”
“Nah. I came to ask you when you’re going to send me your article.”
“In about an hour.”
“Good. Can’t wait to read it.”
I laughed. “You know this could have been an email.”
Edgar snorted. “And you know I don’t trust that shit. Besides, I should walk more.” He knocked once on my doorframe before walking away.
He made me laugh. If there was an option to type the whole magazine on a typewriter, he would take it. Stretching, I stood. I might as well have a snack. It was about that time.
People were clustered in the break room around the snack table, chatting. It was a nice spread of things. A couple bowls of dips that looked like peanut butter and maybe caramel. Some popcorn and veggies. It looked so familiar.
There was a party downstairs.
Dad left, and I hid in my room. Now I was hungry. A party meant there would be food.
Eleanor used to bring me food when Dad was gone, but now Eleanor was gone too. I guess being eight was old enough not to need a full-time babysitter.
I peeked around the corner. Val stood in front of a group of ladies, all dressed up. They were fancy, like when Dad went to his special events. But at home wasn’t for fancy clothes, so I wasn’t sure why they were dressed up.
There on the coffee table were snacks. Popcorn and apple slices. Peanut butter and caramel dips—they looked almost the same. Chips and veggies. A bunch of other things too. That would be perfect. I was eight now. Big enough to get my own snacks. That’s what Val said.
I grabbed one of the small paper plates and started putting the snacks on it. Maybe Paige could help me put on one of my movies. That was what I usually did when Dad left, and Paige was nice.
“Trinity.” I looked up, startled.
The whole room was quiet, and everyone stared at me. Val glared, clearly angry. “Yeah?”
“These snacks aren’t for you. Please go back to your room.”
“I was just hungry.”
Her mouth tightened. She looked like this whenever she wanted to say something but felt like she couldn’t. “Fine. Go, please.”
My plate was full, so I balanced very carefully all the way back to my room. Snacks were good. Maybe I could ask Paige to get me some snacks to keep in my room. Eleanor would have. Then I wouldn’t have to bother anyone.
I looked at the calendar on the wall. The day two weeks from today was circled with a bright red marker. Dad always did that when he left to tell me when he’d be back, but I wasn’t sure why.
In all the times I could remember him leaving, he never came back on the red circle day. Ever.
“Trinity?”
I startled, hand flying to my chest. My coworker, Allie, stood in front of me. Face concerned.
“Yeah?”
“You okay? You looked like you zoned out for a minute. And you’re really pale.”
I swallowed. My throat didn’t want to form words. My heart pounded in my ears. Sweat gathered on my lower back and behind my knees. “I’m okay. Sorry. Just got caught up in a thought. You know how it is.”
“Yeah, I get it.”
Without another word, I turned and went back to my office. I hadn’t thought about that moment in forever. My walls were down. Ever since that night at Element. Like a switch had flipped, and suddenly everything I tried to push down and ignore was at the tip of my fingers.
It was terrifying. It was probably a long time coming, but after years of not being able to speak about it, I wasn’t sure how to start. There was so much more. Things I now remembered. If all it had been was the snacks or the occasional frustration, that would be different.
But it wasn’t.
That was just the start.