12. Coffee, Kites, and Confessions to a Canine
CHAPTER 12
COFFEE, KITES, AND CONFESSIONS TO A CANINE
DAISY
O n Fridays , I have a split shift at work. I got here for my first five hours at seven a.m., and from the moment I put on my Coffee Loft apron, I’ve been counting down the minutes until 8:36 when Ollie will walk through the front doors.
I just want to see him so I can get a better sense of his feelings toward me. Because after yesterday, I realized how much I like him. I like being around him. I like making him smile. I like that he doesn’t have a big ego or think that he always knows the best way to do everything. He’s nice and he’s fun and he’s kind. I like him a lot . More than I’ve ever liked anyone.
But even though I gave him the hugest opening to ask me out, or to even just ask me to stay with him at the festival, he didn’t. I figure it’s because of one of two reasons .
One : he’s not as interested in me as I am in him. That is the main reason why I have my rule about the guy asking me out first, not the other way around. It helps me to gauge their interest level. It’s my secret clue.
Or two: he let nerves get to him. I know he has a hard time taking risks. Could he be interested in me but see me as a risk? Maybe I can get a good sense of which reason it is when he comes in.
Except he doesn’t come. I’ve worked here for a year and a half and I’ve never worked a weekday shift when Ollie’s smiling face didn’t walk through that door at 8:36 on the dot. As I’m helping our always big crowd of Friday customers, my mind whirls with what could’ve kept Ollie from coming in. They range from he got a flat tire, to this is his way of showing he’s not interested in our relationship going any further, to the guys in suits that we thought were following us yesterday did, in fact, follow him home, kidnapped him, and are now holding him hostage . Luckily , the Friday crowd is enough that it keeps my mind from dwelling on it too long.
By the time I’m off for three hours at noon, I’ve managed to calm my worried mind a bit, but I know I need some good Prince Charming time. My cute little fluffer pup might be the only thing that will stop me from going to Pacioli & Blackwell , causing some kind of distraction at the front desk, making a run for the elevators, and taking them to the third floor, all so I can see Ollie’s face and verify that he’s okay .
I pick up Prince Charming from Ruthie’s apartment as the two of them are cleaning up from playing checkers. Ruthie , of course, won most of the rounds. Prince Charming might be smart, but he’s not really “play a game of checkers” smart. Especially because although he can move the pieces around the board, he can’t exactly pick them up to “jump” her game pieces.
Somehow , though, he still managed to win one game, and Ruthie is pretty sure it’s because he distracted her, stole her pieces on the board when she wasn’t looking, and hid them under his body. The little cheat.
During my break between shifts on Friday , I usually take a walk in Keyhaven Park , but the fall festival is still going strong through tomorrow, so Prince Charming and I head to the dog park a couple of blocks in the opposite direction. The sun is shining and the air is the right amount of crisp to require a jacket.
We start with me throwing a ball and Prince Charming bringing it back to me, then we take turns chasing each other until we are both so worn out that we guzzle some water before flopping onto the grass on our backs, looking up at the sky. Which is kind of the point. I figure if I’m worn out, I won’t be able to obsess about Ollie . It kind of works. In the same way not believing in gravity stops you from staying on the ground.
The wind is blowing a nice amount, which feels so good after all the running. My head lazily falls to the side, and I watch a little girl a dozen feet away. She’s probably five, and her dad is teaching her how to fly a kite. They get it up in the air and it’s flying great. So he shows her how to release more string to let it go higher.
When Laurel and I were kids, our parents took us on a very long camping trip. I was young enough that I’m not sure if they were between jobs, if they got a long vacation, or if they had maybe gotten jobs as campground caretakers, but we were there most of the summer. And during that summer, Laurel and I spent practically every day flying kites.
Ever since then, the two of us have talked about how she is a tent and I am a kite. She likes things stable, so she’d set up her tent and drive stakes deep into the ground to make sure it didn’t go anywhere. I , on the other hand, wanted to go everywhere, just like our kites. I wanted to soar free.
I watch as the same longing I felt crosses the little girl’s face. She looks up at the kite, soaring in the wind, and then she looks down at the little plastic handle in her hand that has kite string wrapped around it.
And I know what she’s thinking because I’ve thought it myself—she wants to let go of the kite string. After all, it seems like it’s the only thing that is keeping the kite from soaring even higher. That summer as a kid, I learned the hard way that a kite can’t soar unless it’s tethered by that string. Let go, and it comes crashing to the ground.
This little girl hasn’t learned that.
Her dad is pointing up at the kite that’s lazily drifting, high in the air. I keep my eyes on the girl, though, as her eyes keep shifting between the string in her hands and the kite in the air. I can tell the moment she decides that she wants to set the kite free. Her dad hasn’t noticed what’s going through her head. He probably assumes she’s marveling at how the air is making it fly.
But then she holds her hand with the string up high, pauses a moment, and then she lets go. Her dad leaps for the string, but it’s too late. Prince Charming must be watching the girl, too, because he barks. Even he knows it was a bad idea to let go. As expected, the kite has a short second of lift before it starts flopping in the air and then nose-dives toward some trees in the distance.
I know that is what happens when you let go of a kite string. Yet still, that’s exactly what I’ve been wanting to do with my kite lately.
As a child, I couldn’t exactly tether my metaphorical string to our home or my parents because nothing was constant or steady or predictable with either. But I also learned pretty quickly that I could tether my kite string to one of Laurel’s tent pegs. She would always be steady and constant and would do anything to keep me from crashing to the ground.
I’ve had my kite string tethered to one of Laurel’s strong, secure tent pegs practically my entire life. Since she got married and moved away six months ago, I’ve just felt like my kite has been meandering up there. Floating adrift with no intended direction. It has felt like I haven’t been able to soar lately. Maybe because I haven’t found something new to tether my kite string to.
Which is why I’ve been wanting to let go of the string. Sure , I would crash to the ground, but I would go off in a specific direction first. Somewhere new. A place where I could start over. Maybe I would start over as someone who has everything figured out.
I might not have gotten stability or consistency from my parents, but like I told Ollie , what I did get from them moving us to different locations with completely different situations so often was the ability to effortlessly go with the flow.
And since Laurel has such a need to have everything controlled, I got used to her making decisions for me. So I went with the flow of that, too. I’m realizing that I never really figured out how to make decisions based on what I want.
Maybe I need to figure out what I want instead of just letting first my parents, and then Laurel , and then fate—or whatever direction the wind happens to blow my kite when I let go of the string—determine where my life goes. Maybe it’s time that I determine where I want my life to go .
The dad and the little girl have left—off running in the direction of the kite to see if they can save it, I’m sure. So I just look up at the blue skies with the far-off white clouds. What do I want?
Prince Charming jumps on my stomach, and after I regain the air that vacated from my lungs, I laugh and wrestle with him a bit before rubbing his sides. “ I guess this means you’re rested now, huh? What do you say to helping me figure out what I want in my life?”
He barks once in answer. I don’t know if he knows he’s saying yes to listening to me talk things through out loud, but he’s always showing me that he’s smarter than I think he could be, so maybe he does know.
I pet him as I ponder and talk, and he seems all here for it.
“ Okay ,” I say. “ I love making stuff for other people, and I think I do want to share a booth with Ryleigh . Maybe even start selling items online. I love crafting things. Physical things that people can use or wear. And I want to be at a farmer’s market, or a boutique, or a festival and see the expressions on people’s faces as they look at the things I’ve created and decide whether or not they want to buy them.
“ I want to travel, too. And I want to keep my job at the Coffee Loft because I love it. Someday , if my craft stuff takes off, I might change my mind. But for now, I’m going to keep enjoying seeing my regular customers every day and living off the satisfaction I get with each order I finish.”
Charm barks, and based on the open-mouthed smile on his face as he looks at me, I think he’s telling me that I’m on the right track so far.
“ And I want Ollie ,” I tell him. “ I think I’ve known that I do for much longer than I’ve been willing to admit to myself.”
Prince Charming settles onto the grass looking straight at me, his two little paws in front, right next to each other. He’s got a “ See ? I knew what I was doing when I made you crash into him on that sidewalk” look on his face.
“ I am not going to tell you you’re a good boy for tripping me,” I tell him. “ Or for chasing Ollie’s cat up a tree.” I pause a moment, then add, “ But you are a good boy.” Yeah , he knows it.
“ I’ve realized how happy I get every morning when I see Ollie walk through those doors. And he is so supportive. If I tell him my plans about doing a craft booth, I know that he will be my biggest cheerleader. And he would be so proud of every step I made along the way.”
Since Ollie first told me that he thinks my spontaneity and adaptability are strengths that he’s in awe of, I’ve thought about his words so many times. It has made me look at myself so differently. And it has opened so many more possibilities for my life. I don’t think I would’ve thought I could do the boutique if it wasn’t for him seeing me so differently from how I was seeing myself.
“ Do you know what?” I tell Prince Charming as the realization hits me. “ One of the reasons why I’ve always held back on doing the craft fair thing is because I thought I would have to commit to making one type of thing, and I was worried that I would get bored of it quickly and want to stop. And then I’d feel like a failure.
“ But who says I have to sell the same things all the time? Maybe being spontaneous and adaptable would actually make me more successful. I could respond to trends more. Have fun new stuff all the time, and maybe that would make people want to come back more.”
I realize that Ollie giving me the ability to see what I thought were my weaknesses as my strengths was a gift. One that will keep giving to me my entire life.
“ And maybe Ollie needs me, too,” I tell Charm . “ He said that he wishes he could be more spontaneous. He has a lot of fears when it comes to taking risks. Maybe I can help him ease into taking risks. Then he can make decisions based on what he really wants instead of letting fear make decisions for him. Maybe together, we can build each other up and become more than what either of us could be separately.”
Charm barks his agreement. At least, I assume it’s agreement. He still has his eyes on me, listening intently, and he’s got that smile on his face. Okay , he always does, but I’m going to choose to believe that this is agreement I’m seeing.
“ I can’t believe I’ve just been sitting here, waiting for fate to come along! Or for the wind to blow my kite in a direction that was undeniably to Ollie . I think it’s time I made choices and decide what I want to do and follow through on it.”
Charm jumps to his feet and barks three times.
“ And if Ollie is interested in dating me but needs a little push or a little reassurance, then I can give him that push. I can reassure him. I can even ask him out. I don’t have to follow my rules if it doesn’t feel right.”
Prince Charming grabs the leash that’s beside me in his mouth and hands it to me. I laugh. “ I guess this means you’re ready for me to start owning my life, huh?”