13. Fear Eviction Notice Served
CHAPTER 13
FEAR EVICTION: NOTICE SERVED
OLLIE
I glance at my watch as I rush into the Pacioli & Blackwell building, then run my hand through my hair. If I have to wait more than about four seconds for the elevator, I’m going to be late.
Last night, I couldn’t fall asleep. My mind kept running on repeat all the mistakes I made. Specifically , the mistake of not asking Daisy out. She was right there, expecting it, and I still did nothing!
If the last seventy-two hours have taught me anything, it’s that I want Daisy in my life more than I ever have. And I knew I did quite a bit before then. Now that I’ve been able to spend so much time with her, it’s been a confirmation that her amazingness wasn’t just something I had built up in my head. She’s even more incredible than I had imagined.
Yet , when it came time to make the critical move, I fumbled the mission. And because of that, my night was filled with so many regrets.
At some point early this morning, I finally fell asleep. Deep asleep. I’m talking freight-train-couldn’t-wake-me asleep. And neither could my alarm, apparently. Roi didn’t even wake me up. When my consciousness did return to the land of the living, she was asleep in her bed. Maybe she jumped up on my bed at the normal time, then got bored of waiting for me to wake up, and went back to her bed. Maybe she even put her paw on my forehead. I have no idea.
All I know is that I had time to shower, dress, brush my teeth, comb my hair, get breakfast for Roi , give her a quick goodbye scratch under her chin, and race to work, praying for green lights all along the way.
The saddest part about oversleeping is that I had to skip going to Coffee Loft for my spiced chai. I haven’t worked here a single day without stopping at the Coffee Loft first. It feels wrong to step onto the elevator (which happened to be waiting for me) without chai in my belly.
But it feels even more wrong to not see Daisy this morning. Especially after our mission yesterday. In not asking her to stay at the festival with me, I didn’t get to spend nearly as much time with her as I would’ve liked. So I’m missing her doubly. Plus , seeing her every morning makes me feel as if I’m armed with an extra layer of confidence for the day .
When I get off the elevator, I head down the hall to my team’s area. Tad is at the desk in his cubicle, and it makes me realize that a part of me had wondered if I’d come in today to see his desk completely cleaned off and be informed that he was no longer an employee. But the bigger part of me never really believed that was how this morning would go.
I don’t know what the next steps are in Jace’s plan. Maybe nothing will happen yet because they want to gather more intel as Tad continues to meet with his shady client. Maybe they’re hoping that the two of them will spill something about where more information can be found.
Or , it could be that it just takes a while to go through the pages and pages of contracts that Daisy and I copied and use them to build a case against Tad and his client. It might be that they find out that Tad’s role was small and he was largely manipulated into helping. Or it could be they find out that he knowingly did illegal things.
Tad could be around for weeks still. My gut tells me that he will. Which means that I will almost definitely be going up against him for the job in risk management. Today is the last day to submit an application for it, and I plan to get it done by the end of lunch.
I walk right past Tad’s desk and sit down at mine. I’m in the middle of getting out my pen, highlighters, pencil, eraser, and calculator when Tad comes over. He leans his hip against my desk, coffee in hand, looking confident as can be.
But do you know what? I’m confident now, too. I just completed not one, but two successful secret spy missions. And Daisy believes in me. I hear her voice in my head, saying, “ Winston Oliver Baldwin . Your name literally begins and ends with ‘win.’ I believe in you. You’ve got this.”
And I believe her. After we handed over the case to Jace , I hadn’t gotten all the way there. But after spending so many hours last night questioning how I could have so many clues that things were going to go the way I hoped yet still being afraid to take the risk, I had to step back and re-evaluate my fear.
I’m not sure that on my own, I ever would’ve connected my fear of taking risks with the mudslide that took out our home when I was a kid, but when Daisy brought it up, it felt… true. So I took a good long look at that fear last night and came to the conclusion that I let it in because it promised to protect me. I gave it permission to set up shop in my brain, where it could pass out fear to everyone. I gave it a parking pass and everything. Welcomed it to the city with a big banner and a parade, and even offered to do its taxes for free.
And then I completely ignored that it was chasing off everything new that came near for nearly two decades. Even the best things. Even Daisy .
When I started thinking about it like that, it was painfully obvious how completely irrational it is that I didn’t kick it to the curb so many years ago. All this time, I’ve been bringing it coffee every morning, telling it thanks for being around.
But last night, I told it “ No more” and made it leave. I am done with it. It isn’t welcome in my town anymore. It is now banned for life. Of course, things like that tend to find a way to sneak back in as often as they can, but I’m keeping my eye out so I can re-banish it every time it appears.
“ So ,” Tad says, “ I was having lunch with Rickard yesterday, and he told me that he let you know he was endorsing me for the job in risk management.”
Tad is such a name-dropper and a schmoozer. Of course, he was having lunch with our boss. And of course, he has to tell me about it.
“ Anyway , I knew that he was going to tell you, but I didn’t know that he had. And then I went and hung out with the risk management team for a bit, chatting and making friends. Scoping out where my new desk will be, things like that.” He gives me a patronizing sad face. “ I know that’s got to be hard to hear, buddy. I felt like I should come to you about it because I know you wanted to apply for that job. It’s too bad it’s no longer an option. But , I guess that’s the way this business goes. There’s always next time, right?”
I glance up at him as I finish getting my desk set up just right. “ I never said I wasn’t applying. ”
Tad’s eyebrows shoot up. “ Oh ! You still are. Even if your boss has a glowing endorsement for someone else. Interesting .”
“ Yep .”
I see a look in Tad’s eyes that I’ve never seen before. One that tells me that he knows that I am better at our job than he is. He’s been trying to make me feel less-than not only because he’s trying to build himself up but because he doesn’t want me to apply for the job. Because if I do, then other people will find out that I’m the better choice. How have I never noticed that before?
“ Well ,” Tad says, seeming to stumble for words, “good luck to both of us then.”
A full ten minutes before my lunch break is over, I click submit on my application. I even have enough time to check in on Roi through my cat cam. ( She’s sleeping.) So now, my application is in the hands of human resources and the team leader over risk management. I’ve done my part, and it feels good.
In fact, it feels freaking fantastic, and I am so proud of myself. Before this week, I would’ve backed down and never applied. And not only because of what Tad said today. I would’ve after what my boss said about not endorsing me. Heck , I might have backed down all on my own, even if no one said anything to discourage me.
But I didn’t this time, and it’s all because of Daisy .
I’ve been imagining a life with her for a year and a half but not doing anything about it. Now , more than ever, I want her in my life. I want to go do spontaneous things with her at a moment’s notice. I want to go to craft fairs and see her in her booth and tell everyone there that they should check it out. If she makes earrings, I want to walk around shamelessly wearing those earrings to show everyone how great they are.
I don’t want to wait until I’m at the coffee shop in the mornings to see her. I want to wake up next to her. I want us to see each other when we get home from work and do something—anything—together. At night, even if Roi or Prince Charming jumps up on our bed as I’m falling asleep, I will put them back in their own beds before kissing Daisy on her forehead because I want her face to be the last thing I see each day.
I want to cook breakfast for her. And make spur-of-the-moment craft store runs for her. And go on walks with her and our pets. And do her taxes. I’ll even be the one to keep track of all the receipts from the things she makes.
I summoned bravery and kicked out my fear of taking risks. I was brave and applied for the job that scared me. Now it’s time to be brave with Daisy .
Well , almost time. I do need to wait for my work day to end.
The moment the clock turns from 4:59 and 59 seconds to 5:00, I race out of Pacioli & Blackwell . I leave my car in the parking lot, only stopping by it to toss in my briefcase, and then I practically run to Coffee Loft .