Chapter 17
Chapter 17
R uben stayed longer than Leo or Esther wanted, darting them resentful, suspicious looks the entire time. Leo kept up the pretense of being in love, hovering adoringly near Esther. It wasn’t as much of a stretch of his acting skills as he thought it might be. They knew each other well, after so many weeks of working closely together. He could read her face, usually knew what she thought, understood what made her tick, what caused her to laugh or frown. In short, he knew her better than he’d ever known anyone in his life, and liked her better, too.
They ate supper with her family, her aunt, uncle, and more cousins than Leo could name or count. They ate at their own table, but there were so many people in the kitchen he didn’t feel ostracized. And there was so much food. Roast, bread, potatoes, vegetables, and multiple pies for dessert.
Esther helped clean up while Leo asked Aaron questions about his job. He was the first carpenter Leo had ever known in real life. He gladly took Leo to his shop and showed him a few works in progress. Leo was fascinated. He ran his hands over each piece and thought he would probably never run out of questions. How would it feel to make something with his hands? To build something, rather than destroy?
Eventually he sensed Esther standing in the doorway. He turned, expecting to see the ubiquitous ankle-length dress and braid, momentarily forgetting she now wore jeans, her hair half up and half down in a messy bun gone wrong.
“Ready?” she asked.
He nodded. The sight of her had not knocked him temporarily breathless, it was merely the shock of seeing her in different clothes. With different hair. In a different place. She’s the same Esther, he reassured himself, but his breath didn’t come back. She held out her hand to him, and he took it, allowing himself to be led to the Dawdy haus . It was dark, but not cold. Probably one of the little cousins had been sent over to stoke the fire.
“Should we light the lantern, try to find something to do?” he asked, suppressing a yawn.
“No, we’re exhausted. You shower, and then I’ll take my turn.” She checked the fire. Leo didn’t argue, but he felt antsy. He showered, being careful to save hot water for her. The tank was small, too small for a luxuriously long soak. And Esther had all that hair to wash, miles and miles of it.
They passed each other in the hallway. Esther went into the bathroom and closed the door. Leo took a step toward the bedroom and stopped. Did it look presumptuous for him to go there? Like he thought he should be given the bed. Esther should be given the bed. Women should have the bed. He would take the settee. But she would insist he take the bed, he knew she would. And then they would bicker, growing more and more tired as they tried to one-up each other with good manners and selflessness.
He dithered so long in the hallway that Esther finished. He glanced at her, eyes going to her hair, which was dry.
“I don’t wash it every day, takes too long to comb and dry,” she answered his unasked question.
“Ah, I see.” He opened his mouth to ask her which she wanted, the bed or the couch, when she linked her arm with his and herded him toward the bedroom. She lifted the covers and slipped between them, then settled her gaze on him, waiting expectantly.
If he asked, it would make it seem like he thought it was a big deal for them to share the bed, which it wasn’t. Totally. They were friends and nothing more, they’d established that. Esther was so innocent and clean she practically squeaked when she walked. It wasn’t like that with her.
Resolved, he blew out a breath, climbed over her, and crawled into bed. It was not a king-size, this bed. Esther was small, but even so, they were pressed against each other, side to side.
“Are you in pain?” she asked.
“I’m okay.” His shoulder hurt, but it was bearable. If he didn’t think about it, he could almost forget, minus his limited range of motion. He wouldn’t be able to handle man-to-man combat anytime soon, and that was beyond annoying. In his line of work, it could be deadly. Especially with Esther under his care. But they were in Amish country. What was the worst that could happen?
“What’s wrong? You’re all tense,” she said.
He paused. “I’ve never slept with a woman before.”
“Color me incredulous, Leo,” she said, deadpan, and he snorted a laugh.
“I mean literally. I’ve never physically slept in a bed with a female for an entire night before.”
She sat up, peering down at him. “I don’t understand.”
“When a woman and I have gotten everything we want from our time together, either she leaves or I do,” he explained.
She blinked at him. “I didn’t think that was possible.” She lay back down.
“Didn’t think what was possible?” he asked.
“Being with someone in that way without being in a relationship with them.”
He blinked at the ceiling. Wow, just wow. So innocent. “Yep.” That was all he was going to explain on that particular subject. Fortunately she didn’t ask for any follow up. But now he was curious. “You’ve never been with a man that way, I take it.” He knew it, down to his marrow. But after meeting Ruben, he needed to have it confirmed.
“Of course not,” she said, her tone prim.
He smiled at the ceiling. They were quiet a few beats until she spoke again. “My mom showed me a book, when I started college. It had diagrams. It was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen in my life. When she left the room, I threw it in the fire, then went outside and lost my lunch in the bushes.” She paused again, but it was as if now that she had started, she couldn’t stop. “I don’t know how people can do that. I mean, honestly. It’s disgusting. Blech. So gross.” She shuddered. Leo could hardly feel it because he shook with laughter.
“Oh, Esther. Believe me, someday you won’t find it gross.”
“That’s what my mom said. For the record, I didn’t believe her, either.”
He was still laughing, but he couldn’t help it. She was so clueless. It was adorable.
“I’m serious, Leo. You know me. I’m defunct. I won’t like it.”
He sobered. “You are not defunct. You are innocent and inexperienced. You need to be guided, to be taught.” He frowned again, wondering what man she would find who would be patient, who would understand exactly how innocent and inexperienced she was. Someone who would take his time and be gentle, who wouldn’t bumble her into a painful or traumatizing situation.
They lay in heavy silence a while longer. “I read books about kissing,” she blurted after a time.
“Because you enjoy kissing?” he asked.
“No,” she said, tone impassioned. “Gross. You know how I feel about germs. Disgusting, mouths and tongues. It’s a handy way to pass the plague.”
Leo couldn’t speak for a minute, he was too busy clutching his stomach and laughing. He pressed his palms to his eyes to dry them. “Why did you get books about kissing if you hate it?”
She sighed. “My family was pretty insistent on me marrying Ruben. I figured he had the other part of it down, men usually do. But from what I’ve observed, women like kissing more than men. So I thought I should probably do some research, bring something to the table.”
“And how did it go?” he asked.
She sat up and peered down at him again, face crumpled in disgust. “You think I kissed Ruben? Gross, no way. I was only going to if we had to get married.” She tossed herself onto her back again. “Now I’m safe from that. Ick. No way, no how. Not happening.”
“What did the books say?” Leo asked. This might be the most fun he’d ever had with a woman, and that said something because he did like kissing and everything else that went with it.
“It said you should try to say the names of fruits and vegetables while you kiss. I was with them when it was PEACH and gave them a pass on PLUM, but they lost me at ALFALFA.”
Leo was done. If it were possible to die from laughing, he might do it. He was hunched in pain, howling, tears streaking his face. “Oh, Esther. Seriously.” She was quiet, but when he caught sight of her face in the moonlight, she smiled.
“You should always laugh, Leo. It lights you up.”
He dabbed his eyes and drew a deep breath. “Tell you what, someday I will help you practice kissing, and I promise you will not find it gross.”
“Why someday? Why not now?” she asked.
He let out a breath, a shaky one this time and sat up, propping himself on his good side. “Because, Esther, men are not biologically programmed to kiss a woman in a darkened room in bed and then roll over and go quietly to sleep.”
“What…oh… oh. ” She pressed her hands to her cheeks. He couldn’t see her, but he knew she blushed.
Smiling, he lay down on his side, resting his head on his arm.
“But you don’t like me that way. You wouldn’t want to do that with me,” she insisted.
“Says you, Esther,” he replied.
She was quiet a few beats then, “Gross, Leo. So gross.”
Leo lost it again, snorting a laugh as he pressed his face to her shoulder. She rolled away from him. He wondered if she was angry or embarrassed, but she backed against him, nestling. He rested his arm over her waist and leaned up to kiss her cheek.
“Night, Esther.”
“Night, Leo.”
They were quiet a few minutes and she spoke again. “Is alfalfa really a thing? Does kissing sometimes last that long?”
“Sometimes it’s an entire wheat field,” he said.
Another pause, then, “I’m going to need a bigger book.”
That night marked the first time Leo ever fell asleep laughing.