Chapter One #2
And I hated God. So much. Why had he allowed me to find true love, like in the books I read, only to snatch it away from me so cruelly?
I vowed like a child never to believe in him again.
Never, never—and like that girl in the book, I wanted to stand outside and shake my fist at the sky and those miserably cold, unfeeling, indifferent and spiteful stars and vow never to be in love again.
I still felt that way when the new ruler of Tygeria, King Werros himself, came one day to see me.
I’d met him once before, when he was only a general and junior to Davos.
It was the night that Davos and I had gone to the palace for some state occasion.
Actually, the visit had all been for my sake.
The former king, the one who died alongside Davos, had been worried about my influence over his Dyson and they’d been arguing over getting rid of me.
Davos had refused and offered his resignation.
The king was furious about that and demanded to meet me, so he could see if Davos had gone soft.
He was afraid that his love for me might affect the performance of his duties and his passion to destroy the Alliance.
As for Davos, he was anxious to convince the king that I wasn’t influencing him in any way, and that he had me firmly under control.
He didn’t by any means, and Davos knew it, but he asked me to lie and help him convince the king otherwise, or else he might try to send me away.
Davos was angry about it and said he would commandeer a ship and take me to the farthest reaches of the galaxy to hide from him if it came to that.
He was so sincere that I think I fell in love with him right then, that very night, though I hardly knew it yet.
I agreed to cooperate to convince the king.
It had been a glittering affair, filled with Tygerian army officers all decked out in their finest uniforms, though none of them were as handsome and noble looking as Davos.
We had stopped in the corridor to speak to General Werros, as it turned out.
He and Davos were old friends and had trained together.
They had been comrades in battle. I was jostled by the crowd and found myself suddenly surrounded by young officers, who began to insult me and disrespect me.
Davos told me later some of what they were saying, and it had been truly vile.
But I didn’t feel intimidated. First of all, I only understood the tone and not the actual words.
And back then I despised all Tygerians. They were my enemy, so what did I care what they thought of me?
I thought even worse of them. One officer in particular was in my face and I smiled at him the whole time, just to make him even angrier.
I was actually hoping he might try something so I could take a swing at him.
I’d have probably already done it, except for my promise to Davos.
Finally, Davos noticed the commotion behind him and charged over.
He heard some of what they were saying, so he was ready to kill all of them, but particularly that mouthy officer for his insults.
Luckily, I remembered the reason we were there in the first place—to impress the king with how unbothered Davos was by me, and I managed to defuse the situation by making a joke about the officer.
All the others, half drunk on visu punch, laughed uproariously, as the officer cowered in front of Davos and sneaked in a few dirty looks at me.
Later on, I learned that the man, a young officer named Valkarr, had been absolutely mortified, and he’d never forgotten me, nor had he forgiven me, for that matter.
Especially after his superiors kicked him out of the training academy.
But I didn’t know that back then and wouldn’t have cared if I had. I didn’t care about much of anything then—except for Davos. I had fallen desperately in love with him, and I didn’t even know it at first. I’d only known then that I was obsessed with him. And now it was too late.
I longed for oblivion. All I wanted to do was wake up and discover this had all been some terrible dream.
A nightmare that I couldn’t seem to wake up from.
And barring that, I didn’t want to be in the world anymore.
I ate a little food and drank a little water and survived only because I knew Davos would have been angry if I hadn’t.
And because I had to take care of the baby that was growing inside me.
After all, it was the only thing I had left of Davos.
That was the situation when Werros—or I should say, King Werros, came to see me one evening a week or so later.
It was late when he arrived, and I had been sitting outside wrapped in a blanket against the cold, on what I called the patio.
A fire was burning in the outdoor fireplace that Davos had installed there for me.
I was star gazing—an unusual activity on Tygeria, because the stars didn’t usually show up much here on this planet, because of the hazy cloud cover.
I loved to see them when they did make an appearance during an occasional and rare break in the weather.
That night, as if mocking me, they shone down brightly out of the dark sky and even twinkled at me.
Not long ago, I would have found them beautiful, but no more.
I hated them all now. Wicked stars. What good were they to me, after all?
They reminded me too much of Davos. Like a beautiful star he, too, had flickered and flashed for a short while before blinking out altogether, like he had never been.
Davos even told me once—“Nothing lasts forever, and once it vanishes, it never comes again.” He had seen me wishing on a star and had told me it was a foolish, fanciful thing to do.
“Besides, what does it even mean? Are you wishing on the star itself, or its light? You’re far too late if you’re wishing on starlight.
Because the light we see happened a long time ago in the past. By the time the light of a star has finally reached us here, a billion or more years could have passed, and that star might already be dead.
And even if it’s still in existence, it can certainly grant no wishes. ”
I sighed and said, “You’re a Philistine and you have no soul.”
“I don’t know what that is, but it’s better for us if I do have a soul. As a non-believer, when you die, you’ll go to one of the four hells—the lowest, I’m afraid. And I, as a Tygerian and a true believer, will go to the highest level, because of my royal status and the fact that I’m a warrior. “
“Oh, that’s how it works, huh?”
“Of course. And that will be good for you too, because I’ll go down to the lowest level to find you and bring you up to be with me.”
“You will?”
“Of course. I’ll have to lie about you, of course. Try to convince them you’re good and that will be a terrible lie, because you’re actually very bad, you know,” he said, pulling me close and sticking his hand into the folds of my robe. “Luckily for you, I’m willing to overlook it.”
I was smiling through my tears at the sweet memory when the servant who had come to tell me about the king cleared his throat behind me to remind me that I had something I needed to do.
I frequently got lost in daydreams at the time.
I got up wearily to go and receive the man.
They had put the king in our main living area, and I went to greet him, remembering to bow deeply to him.
He had a contingent of guards with him, all standing discreetly by the walls and I knew it was a sign of his new status.
He got to his feet and took my hand to seat me beside him.
“How are you, Blake? I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you before now to express my condolences in person. I promised Davos before he left that I would watch out for you until his return, but the last couple of weeks have been extremely busy, as you can well imagine.”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” I replied, listless and wondering how fast he could go and leave me alone again.
“I can see that you’re still grieving deeply for my friend Davos, and I can’t express how sorry I am for your pain. But I’ve also come to tell you that you may be in danger here. I’ve received a report of a possible attack on this house today. And on you, personally.”
“Let them come. I don’t care what they try to do. I’ll be all right.”
“Your brave words become you, but they might destroy the house and all of Davos’s belongings that he loved so much in their attempt. Even worse, they might harm you—even kill you, and I can’t allow that to happen.”
“What would you have me do? Will you let me go back home to Earth?”
“I would do so willingly, in Davos’s memory, and it may still be an option a bit later on.
But for now, I’m offering you sanctuary inside the palace.
I must intrude on your privacy, however, and ask you a very personal question.
I know that you received the injections to prepare your body to have Davos’s child.
Might you possibly be pregnant with that child even now? You are, aren’t you?”
I looked up at him in surprise and my hand fell over my stomach.
“But how did you know?”
“I spoke to your doctors. Please don’t be angry—I wanted to take care of my friend’s family.”
My face burned with embarrassment. It went against everything I knew to be expecting a baby at all. Men didn’t have babies, for god’s sake. But at the same time, I didn’t even know how protective I felt over this baby until that very moment. I needed to take the help Werros was offering.
A sudden memory of Davos telling me how much he wanted a child came flooding over me.
“Why is it so important to you?” I had asked him. “That I would be the one to bear your child?”