Chapter One #3
“It’s hard for you to understand, I know.
It’s because I love you so much. I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you, and sometimes I’m still not sure if you care for me very much at all or if you’ve just been making the best of things with me.
But to have a child that was a part of you—that I could hold and love as much as I wanted to and never have to question whether or not my love was returned… That would mean everything to me.”
It meant everything to me too, now that he was gone.
But wild thoughts raced through my head.
Why did Werros want to know? Would he try to take my baby away from me?
Or worse, might he make me terminate the pregnancy?
I wouldn’t. I’d die first. Such conflicting ideas were running through me as I got quickly to my feet and stood there, swaying in front of him.
I didn’t know what I was thinking I could do about any of it, but I was in panic mode and not thinking clearly.
He quickly stood up beside me and put his arm around me because I probably looked like I was about to pass out.
When he did—when I closed my eyes and felt those muscular arms around me and his distinctive scent that it seemed all young Tygerian males had—a musky, sweet smell of their soaps and shampoos and their Lycan tea, and the spices they used so liberally in their food—I felt weak in the knees.
It might almost have been Davos holding me and supporting me.
I could close my eyes and imagine it was him, and that was almost as good.
I felt as if I really might pass out from the grief and the pain of that memory.
Quickly, Werros realized it and lowered me back to the couch, calling out some orders to the guards.
I closed my eyes and just allowed him to do what he wanted with me.
A few minutes or perhaps a few hours later, my doctor arrived to examine me.
I was carried back to my bed and poked and prodded for a while and then the doctor gave me another injection of some kind and spoke in rapid Tygerian to King Werros.
Finally, the doctor left, and I opened my eyes to see Werros sitting quietly beside my bed.
“Are you feeling a bit better?” he asked, his voice solicitous.
I thought about it a moment and decided I actually did feel better. I was beginning to feel less dizzy, and I could think a little more clearly. I struggled to sit up, but Werros put a big hand on my chest and gently pushed me back down.
“No, don’t try to get up. I’m going to have you moved now to the palace.
I promise you that I’ll keep you safe, but there is a large mob of men moving toward our location even now with the intent to harm you and burn this house.
My guards will see to it that neither of those things happen, of course.
But I want you to be far away from it all and safe behind palace walls by the time they arrive.
Besides, the doctors say you aren’t eating properly. ”
“Can’t you please simply send me back to the Alliance?
There’s no place for me here on Tygeria now that Davos is-is…
” Damn it, what was wrong with me that I couldn’t even say the word?
Dead. Davos was dead. It was odd, because though the pain those words brought me was still there, it was more distant and more faint.
I knew it could and would eventually kill me when it returned, but for now, it was dulled and muted.
It was almost bearable. They must have drugged me.
I guess I said that out loud, because the king answered me. “Yes, I asked the doctor to give you a sedative and some vitamins suitable for humans. Something to help you deal with what you’re going through. Don’t worry, it won’t harm the pregnancy.”
“But excuse me, did I ask you how you knew about the baby?”
“Yes, and I explained that your doctor told me. I asked him because Davos told me that you were trying to conceive. It made him very happy. Your staff has informed me of your illness in the mornings—no, don’t be angry.
They were concerned about you. They made promises to Davos too.
And the doctor has confirmed the pregnancy again just now. ”
And just like that, at the mention of Davos’s name, the pain came rushing back in like a freight train back on Earth.
It was fast and heavy and could easily kill you if you didn’t get out of its way.
I had dreamed of one day telling Davos the news that I was going to have his child.
Now I’d never be able to do that. I closed my eyes and waited for the worst of the agony to pass. I felt Werros squeeze my hand.
“However, it’s not possible to send you back home right now. Not until after the child is born. Your doctors wouldn’t be able to save either of you if you had the child on an Alliance planet. They wouldn’t be able to control the bleeding.”
That much I knew was true. Other soldiers who had been repatriated by the Tygerians or who had managed to escape, had returned to Alliance territory with the same biologically manufactured uterus as I had and some had even been pregnant with a Tygerian child.
To a man, these so-called love slaves had died either shortly before or during the childbirth, usually bleeding out on the table, even though the Alliance doctors did all they could for them.
Not one of them had survived. The only chance would be to abort my baby early, and I couldn’t—wouldn’t do that, because it was all I had left of Davos. All I would ever have.
“Then can you send me home after my baby is born?”
“I can send you. Your baby, however, will have to stay here. It was what Davos would have wanted. A Tygerian child, who was also the only son of Davos Hardrada would have no chance for any kind of life on Earth or one of the Alliance planets. Surely you know this.”
I lay back on the pillow and covered my eyes with my arm.
Yes, I knew he was right. Tygerians had a distinctive look, and he could never pass as human.
And if they ever found out who his father was?
He wouldn’t stand a chance. There was so much hatred between the planets.
What was I going to do? How could I ever give up Davos’s child? It was an impossible choice.
“I can’t do that. I could never leave him behind.”
“No decisions have to be made now, Blake. You don’t need to make any decisions now.
We’ll get you back to the palace first and get you settled.
All of this unrest should settle soon. The people are reacting to the deaths of their beloved king and their favorite and most admired general right now.
Tomorrow, there will be a memorial service in their honor.
Things should settle a bit after that. Now if you feel like you can walk, get up and come with me.
I’ve told your staff to pack a bag for you. ”