Chapter 12
Romeo
“He’s never going to touch you again. That’s a promise. No, that’s a fucking vow. ”
Julien’s words make me want to cry and cling to him.
To make him mine forever. He’d never want me like that, though.
Still, I want to believe him. It’s only been two days since we met, but I trust him.
He would protect me because he is already with the cash, helping me get my independence, and buying me clothes.
Nice clothes. Not the kind that sell my body.
Yeah, I trust him.
He sets his wineglass on the little patio table, then sets mine next to his. Before I can protest, he lifts me in his arms as he stands and carries me inside.
God, I feel like some princess or something. I’m definitely not complaining.
“Do we do this in front of the fire or in the bed?” he asks. Fuck, he’s even giving me a choice of where we do it.
“Fire.”
“You got it.”
He puts me back on my feet, and we start gathering blankets and pillows. Once the palette is made, Julien starts the fire while I grab the lube and condoms. I set everything on the end table and stand in front of him, ready for whatever he needs from me.
We’re finally having sex. Now I can feel like I’ve earned my keep.
Julien opens his robe—but he doesn’t let it fall from his body—then he unties mine.
When he slides his hands through the soft fabric and presses his palms to my back, he pulls me against him and kisses me.
It’s gentle, but all-consuming. It’s so…
romantic. I’ve only seen this sort of kissing and affection on TV.
I always assumed it was make-believe—a fairy tale.
He pulls away but presses his forehead against mine as he continues to hold me. “You used your new body wash. It smells so good on you. You smell like a tropical cookie.”
“It’s the least I could do.”
He sighs and kisses my head. “Despite what you do for a living and why I’ve hired you, everything we do from here on out is with consent. You will always have a choice and a say in what we do.”
“But what I do is consensual,” I protest.
“No, it’s not, Romeo. You were stolen and made to do what you do. Even if you say yes to a client, that’s still not consent because you had no say in who you are or what you do for a living. You are pressured through intimidation, fear, and pain. That is not consent. Do you understand?”
I nod as my eyes start to water, and my breathing picks up as all that pain tries to resurface. Years of it. He’s right. It’s just something I’ve done for as long as I can remember. There is no other life for me, so I never saw it the way he does.
His face moves closer, and he presses a kiss to my cheek, then kisses the other one. His lips move down to my throat, and his long fingers peel back the bathrobe off my shoulder, and he kisses that, too.
A few tears spill again because I can’t fucking help it. Julien wipes them away without question or condemnation. “Why does this hurt so much?” I ask. “This… what you’re doing feels so nice, yet…”
“Because it’s something that should belong to you, but you never received. Because when cruelty seems normal, kindness feels like an extreme. Because moments like these are only hopeful fantasies as you lie in bed at night wishing you had a different life.”
“Yes,” I breathe. Fuck, for the first time in forever, I feel seen and understood. “You have a really nice way of talking that doesn’t confuse me.”
Julien’s smile is sweet and patient; his eyes never leave mine. “It used to annoy my friends.”
“They’re stupid, then.”
His smile broadens, and his perfectly straight, white teeth are nearly blinding. I’d give anything to have teeth like his. “I couldn’t agree more.”
“They’ve missed out on someone amazing.”
“It’s their loss,” he agrees. “Until the time comes when we have to go our separate ways, you’ll have the best of me.”
I swallow a lump that’s formed in my throat.
I don’t want to think about Julien leaving.
Ever. Why can’t we stay together? Is that even possible?
I feel like I don’t have the right to ask.
All that I know now is that I’m obsessed with him.
Absolutely obsessed. Not because he gives me money or buys me things, but because he’s real, he understands me, he doesn’t make fun of me when I cry, and he’s gentle.
Even more, he makes me feel… normal, like a human, and not a punching bag.
“I’m going to remove our robes now, okay?” he says.
“Okay.”
His featherlight touch slides the robe from my shoulders, and I let it fall around my feet. He shrugs his off and kicks it away.
“How’s your skin?” I ask him.
“It’s fine. I’m okay. It’s much better today. That saltwater did some healing.”
“Saltwater does that?”
He nods slowly. “Yep, I don’t think it’s just the salt, but all the minerals, too.”
“That’s kinda cool.”
“It’s very cool,” he whispers as he cups my face with two hands and pulls me into a kiss. It’s deep, full of tongue, and nibbles on my bottom lip. He’s in control, but not once do I feel like he’s going to hurt me or not give me a say.
“I’m obsessed with kissing you,” he says, his lips a hair’s breadth away from mine.
I laugh a little at that because I was just thinking that about him, too.
“What?” he asks.
“I was thinking the same thing.” That’s as close as I’ll come to telling him how I feel.
“For someone who doesn’t like kissing, you sure put everything into it.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t like it. I said it’s dangerous for someone in my line of work. Dangerous to my emotions.”
“Yeah, I get that. Do you want me to stop?”
I shake my head with a knot forming in my gut. Once we started kissing, I wanted more. There’s no way I’ll ask him to stop. “No. Please don’t. Don’t ever stop.”
He smiles so brightly he looks like he’s been kissed by the sun itself. Maybe it’s the firelight dancing on his tanned skin or how it’s reflecting in his dark eyes. They look like they have a life of their own. He’s stunning, even with the dark bruising under his eyes.
“What?” he asks again, catching me staring.
“Oh, sorry. I just think you’re very beautiful.”
“Thank you. So are you.”
His hand rides up my neck, and it clenches my hair, but he doesn’t do it hard enough to hurt. Then his lips land on mine again. He’s more forceful. Hungry. I’m hungry, too. I’m starving for him. How does something like that happen so fast?
We slowly fall to our knees, and his mouth moves down my face again, landing on the side of my throat, gently suckling the skin.
“I want to mark you,” he says, his voice a low growl that makes my already hard cock harder. I can practically feel the blood pulsing there.
“Yes…”
He keeps sucking and periodically popping off to check his work. Once he’s satisfied, he works on my shoulder.
Every kiss he gives and every mark he offers leaves me wrecked in the best and most terrifying way.
I knew kissing was dangerous, but not by how much.
My eyes are closed, and I grip his arms as he worships me.
My heartbeat is erratic. My stomach feels like it’s clawing at my insides.
I feel… loved. I know that’s not possible.
I’m not educated, but I’m not stupid either.
Julien eases me onto my back as if I weigh nothing. He’s lying next to me, looking down, and brushing the hair away from my face. He looks happy.
“Does sex scare you?” he asks.
My brows furrow. Why is he asking me that? “I… don’t know. It just is. Why?”
“I don’t know… I’m thinking maybe we shouldn’t do this. At the time, when I set my plan in motion, I didn’t stop to think of what this would do to you or… someone like you. I simply wanted to be with someone sexually. I wanted to gain back some of my control, you know? But…”
I sigh and press my hand to his cheek when he looks away.
“I don’t like it, if that’s what you’re asking.
Not with my handler. Not with men who pay me.
It’s just a job. But with you? I feel different.
” I grab his hand and press it to my heart.
“It’s racing. I’m turned on. My stomach is doing these weird flips. ”
“Are you saying this because you feel you need to, or…”
I need to be careful with my words, but I’m not used to this. I don’t know how to talk to people well, like being socially normal. I have no idea what that is. “Here’s all my honesty, okay?”
“Yeah… okay.”
I tug him down next to me, and I roll over to face him, resting my head on my hand.
“First, I’m not telling you what you wanna hear.
Yeah, I’m afraid of sex with my handler.
He hurts me. He scares me. My clients?” I shrug.
“As I said, they’re just a job. I don’t feel anything for them one way or the other.
Maybe because it’s all I know and I’m used to it.
I’m not lying when I tell you it’s different with you.
Do I want to please you because you paid me?
Yeah, of course. It’s the least I can do.
But for the first time, I want to. Julien, you’re so…
nice, sweet, and you protect me, and you don’t even know me.
” Now it’s me who rests my hand on his heart that’s beating as fast as mine.
He says nothing, looking at me, his eyes practically begging.
No one’s loved him, just as no one’s loved me.
It’s clear as day in his eyes. “When you kiss me, touch me, and say sweet things, I feel like… we belong together. It sounds weird, doesn’t it? ”
My face burns, and I put my hands on my face, my head falling onto the pillow. Fuck, I might as well have told him I loved him. God…
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, prying my hands away.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that we’re together and… you know.”
His smile is crooked, but then it instantly drops. “I’d love to show you the world, Romeo. I’d love to belong to you, but… no one can come with me to where I’m going. It’s a solo trip, baby.”
Baby? Oh, shit. I want to fucking squeal right now. Instead, I say something stupid that makes no sense. “Oh, yeah… I mean…”
“I would love nothing more.”
He smothers me in another kiss, and I don’t know whether I should feel happy or sad. What place do you go to where no one can come with you?
I don’t get a chance to ponder as Julien resumes his worshiping of my body, working his way down to my cock, which had softened during our talk.
I should stop him so I can suck him down this time, but this is his show.
This is what he wants to do, so I try to go with the flow and hope he’s pleased at the end of it.
No way am I going to ruin his first time with a guy.
He runs his tongue along my length before gulping me down.
A groan slips out of me, and my hands go straight to his hair.
Julien is less tentative this time and tries to take me deeper before gagging.
My body shudders at the squeezing sensation.
Between the fireplace and his hot breath, I’m quickly growing warm.
When his tongue wraps around the head of my dick, I arch my back, accidentally making him gag again.
“Sorry…”
My breath is heaving now, and I feel the first threads of my orgasm. The pressure is growing too fast. “Julien… stop.”
He quickly pops off, his lips all swollen and glistening. So cute. “What’s wrong?”
I huff a giggle. “Nothing’s wrong. I don’t want to come yet.”
“Oh,” he laughs. “Yeah, I guess I got carried away. It’s your damn smell, my little macaroon.”
I snort a laugh. “What the hell is a macaroon?”
His jaw drops to the floor. “We’re so going to have to get you some macaroons now. They’re like cookies, but soft, and they’re covered in coconut, but there are different kinds.”
“Sounds yummy.”
“They are.” Julien then nibbles on my stomach, making me laugh again. “Just like you.”
“You and your sugar, Sugar.”
He finally sits up after some more kissing and grabs the lube and condom from the table. “So, we work you open, right?”
“No need. I’m open and ready for you.”
“Sure, take all the fun out of it.” He feigns a pout, then winks.
“Next time.”
I sit up and wrap my fingers around his cock. He’s thick and hot. Precum beads at the tip, and I swipe it away. Julien closes his eyes and lets out a little gasp.
One thing I’m good at is giving a quick handy.
I twist my hand, swiping over the head to gather more precum, watching as I play with him.
His lashes are really thick and fan out across the tops of his cheeks.
His lips are so red and full, and they’re so soft.
They’re parted, and his breath is gentle across my face.
Yeah, I’m definitely obsessed.