Chapter 13
Julien
“Lie on your back,” Romeo whispers.
I do as he asks, curious about what he’s up to now. It doesn’t matter that he’s a prostitute that I hired. I don’t want mindless sex. I need a partner and active participant who is immersed in what we’re doing, not someone who wants to get it over with.
Romeo hovers above me and places a gentle kiss on one of my eyes.
I smile at that because it’s such a sweet and unexpected gesture.
Then he kisses the other before moving on to my nose and working toward my lip as if he can make all the bruises and injuries magically disappear.
I wish I’d thought of doing that to him. Maybe I will later.
I sit up on my elbows, keeping my eyes closed to enjoy his touch. I love the heat on my skin from the fire mixed with the ocean breeze blowing through the open windows. When’s the last time I’ve been this relaxed? I’ve lived perpetually on guard for most of my life.
My brain takes a moment to compute the tenderness, being so rare. Part of me wants to push Romeo away. The fear wants me to tell him to stop, but I manage to fight through it. I have to remember that not everyone is out to hurt me.
My eyes slide open as he moves down my body. He sits between my legs and glances up at me underneath black eyelashes before swiping his tongue along the length of my cock.
Watching a guy lick my dick is a whole other level of hotness. Yeah, it’s mostly the novelty of it, but I want so much more.
“I love your pretty cock,” he rasps, suckling the tip before he pulls off, then blows on the wetness, sending shivers over my skin and up my spine.
He sucks on one of his fingers, getting it wet with saliva, then he slips it between my ass cheeks.
The dread that I hadn’t expected fills me as warning bells go off. It pisses me the fuck off.
I snag Romeo’s wrist and scoot back from him. “Wait. Just… give me a moment.”
He kisses my thigh and rests his head on it with the patience of a saint. “We don’t have to do this, Julien. It’s okay.”
I fall onto my back and cover my eyes with my forearm. “No, dammit! I want to! It’s just the…”
“Trauma?”
“Yeah. It’s not you sucking me off and shit. It’s when you go near my ass. Godfuckingdammit! Motherfuckingcocksucker! He has to ruin everything!”
“Hey, it’s okay. I know it’s frustrating, but there are other things we can do. Can you still fuck me? That was the plan anyway, right?”
I lift my arm to look at him and nod. “But I can do this. I have to do this. I have to let you fuck me. If I can’t even let you touch me there…”
His eyes turn sad, and he purses his lips. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
“But I do want to. Don’t you get it? I have to mentally fight back. I don’t want Holt to own any part of my fucking body before the… Anyway, I just want some fucking control back, dammit! I know you aren’t going to penetrate me, but my body’s fighting me.”
Romeo hovers over me with his arms and leans down to kiss me. “I don’t have to touch you there for now.”
I nod and take a deep breath to calm my erratic heart. “Yeah, fine.”
He places a hand on my cheek. “You okay? Do you want me to keep going? We’ll work up to the other stuff later. Or we can just stop.”
God, I hope I can do it later. I don’t want any part of my journey derailed. “No, I definitely want to be inside you. I can at least do that.”
Romeo nods and goes back to where we started, kissing down my body until he reaches my cock. I sit up on my elbows again to watch him. “Don’t make me come.”
He winks and smiles at me. “I’m really good at edging.”
And just like that, I feel better. That growing panic and apprehension become a vague memory as I get swept away by Romeo’s amazing mouth. It’s another reminder that I chose perfectly. He’s perfect.
He doesn’t need to hold my cock as he sinks his mouth around it all the way to the root without gagging. Then he quickly bobs his head as his fingers reach for me and work around my throat without squeezing. It’s simply resting there, holding and controlling me without additional fear.
The slurping and intentional gagging noises send my body through the roof.
It’s hot as fuck, and my dick likes it way too much.
The pressure is growing faster than I can control it.
Before I’m ready to nut, Romeo quickly pops off, leaving me gasping and groaning in frustration.
He chuckles as he licks a stripe from one side of my cock to the other before licking the underside.
“Fuck, you’re good at giving head.” I try not to think about why he is.
“I know.”
A laugh bursts out of me, not because he’s being sexily ridiculous, which he is, but it’s so incongruent with his shyness when we aren’t messing around.
He giggles, too, and goes back to sucking me down.
As much as I want to be inside him, his mouth is like the best drug out there. It’s just as addictive.
My hands rush to his head to feel his silky hair under my fingertips. Romeo slows down, but doesn’t stop. He can read my body like a book. Every reaction from me has him changing speed, tightness, and direction. All of it is designed to keep me going and turned on without coming.
He pops off me again and licks his swollen lips. “Yummy. You’re seriously yummy.”
“I bet you say that to all the guys,” I quip, but he doesn’t laugh.
“I don’t. Not at all. Not once.”
Why does that make my stomach flip around, and my heart skip a beat? His words make me feel like I’m the only man for him.
To prove his point, he climbs on top of my body like a blanket and looks at me.
“Seriously, I don’t get a chance to talk.
Sometimes they want me to talk dirty while they fuck me, but not during blow jobs.
They barely let me come up for air. And I’d never tell one of them they tasted good—only you.
You do taste good, and I like giving you head.
Why? Because you appreciate it. It’s not just about coming. It’s about the whole experience.”
I smile, wrap my arms around him, and flip us over with me now on top. “Yeah?” He nods as my hand travels from his torso up to his throat, where I grip it as he did to me earlier.
“Yeah.”
He’s so fucking beautiful. His silver hair now looks like spun gold in the flickering firelight. His aroused eyes are both black instead of brown and green.
“I’m ready to be inside you,” I tell him.
Romeo tries to roll over onto his stomach, but I press him back down and shake my head. “No, I want to watch you. I want to see your face as you come. You’re too pretty to fuck from behind.”
His cheeks bloom pink, and he smiles shyly. God, I’d die a happy man if this is the last face I ever see. “I feel pretty when you tell me that.”
“It’s true. I’ll tell you a million times if I have to.”
I sit up, reach for the condom, and open the wrapper.
“Do you want me to put it on?” he asks.
“Oh, yeah, sure.”
I hand it to him, and he plucks the circular rubber from its wrapper. He places it over my tip and slowly rolls it on, ensuring I feel his hand gripping and stroking me as he goes down.
Romeo lies back, and I sit between his spread legs, looking down at him. I run my fingers over his chest, along his visible ribs, and to his bony hips. I hope that he’ll fill out more while he’s with me. His cock is still hard, resting on his stomach, waiting for me.
“Ready?” I ask him.
“Definitely. I can’t wait.”
He pulls his thighs back against his chest to expose his hole. While I’m itching to be inside him, I want to touch him. My finger swirls along the puckered muscle. It’s pink and cute. It tightens at my touch, making me smile.
I pour lube into my hand and spread it over my palms before running my greasy fingers over his hole. His eyes close when I sink one inside him.
“I’m ready,” he breathes. “You don’t have to work me open.”
“I know, but let me have some fun. This is foreplay for me.”
Romeo pulls his legs back further in response, practically folded in half.
The walls inside him are smooth and warm. I hadn’t expected the smoothness. His hole grips my finger, and a huge smile spreads across my face. I quickly yank my finger out, eager to have him.
I hold my dick and nudge the tip against him. Before I can sink inside, he cups my face with two hands and says, “If you need to stop at any time, it’s fine.”
You don’t realize how important consent is until it’s gone. “The same goes for you, too, baby.”
“I’ll let you know.”
After a little nudge, the tip is inside him. He looks okay, so I push in deeper.
“I’m fine. Sink in all the way,” he breathes.
So I do. I’ve already been close to coming, so this tight-as-sin squeeze has me nearly toppling over. “Fuck… shit.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t wanna come yet.”
He giggles softly. “Take your time, Sugar.”
Take my time? As if. I want to plow into him and come with a desperation I’ve never experienced before. I want to see fucking stars. Still, I try to hold back because I don’t want it over before it even begins. And he deserves some pleasure, too.
I pull out and ease back in, then I do it again, but I need to be closer to him.
I lie my upper body on top of him and bury my face in that sweet spot between the neck and shoulder.
Romeo wraps his arms around my back and his legs around my waist, pulling me even deeper.
A groan slips out of me. Fuck, the heat that surrounds me… I want so much more.
He kisses my shoulder as I continue to pump into him. “You feel so good, Sugar. So amazing.”
I’m blind to the world around me, blind to my past, as I’m enveloped in sex and gangly arms and legs. He smells of coconut, vanilla bean, and arousal. It’s my personal drug. The combination of them pushes me to move faster.
My face is sweaty from my panting in Romeo’s neck, but he doesn’t stop me, while the breeze keeps the rest of my skin cool.
His fingers dig into my back, and his legs tighten around me. “There. Right there,” he whispers.
I focus on what he likes, or do my best, anyway. One day, before our two weeks are up, I hope I get to feel what he does. I need to escape my damn fear.
“Is it good?” I ask him.
“So good, Sugar. So damn good.”
I choose to trust that he’s being real instead of assuming it’s his prostitute side talking.
His words work to push me over the brink. Knowing he’s getting off helps a lot to let go.
I kiss his neck, sit up, and pump harder, keeping up with my rhythm. Romeo reaches for his cock and strokes himself as I roll my hips into him.
My skin is flushed, and the pressure is just hanging out around my groin, waiting to let go.
Romeo’s so good at handies, so he’s already coming, ribbons of cum painting his skin. My mouth waters looking at it. His eyes are squeezed shut, and his mouth is open as he cries out.
I thought I’d be more hesitant about all this, but I’m not. Not one bit. I want it all. I want all of him. So much more.
His eyes are still closed as he pants and comes down from his orgasmic high.
Fuck. While he’s always beautiful, he’s stunningly blissed out right now.
It’s his wrecked look that finally does me in, and I finally shoot my load into the condom.
My body shudders from the power behind it.
My orgasm is explosive. I definitely see stars.
“Fuck me!” I cry out.
With a last growl, I pull out while holding the condom, and fall on my back next to him. I’m out of breath, and my heart feels like it’s beating out of my chest. The ocean breeze chills my skin.
Romeo rolls over and rests his head on my arm. I peek at him with one eye and smile. I’m sure I look deranged because I’ve just had the best orgasm of my life.
He pecks my cheek, removes the condom from my cock, stands, and rushes off somewhere, probably to the bathroom. It doesn’t take long before he returns with all the cum cleaned off him.
I’m covered in numbness and pure relaxation, even more so when he curls up against me. I roll onto my side to face him and kiss his head.
“Was it as good as you were expecting?” he asks.
“Better. So much better. It makes all the difference when you have an active partner who’s into it, or seems to be.”
“I was very into it.”
Again, I choose to believe him. He’s been an amazing companion so far. So amazing that I’m starting to have flickers of doubt about my plans because I could get used to this.
We lie there as the fire dies down. I stroke his back, and it doesn’t take him long to doze off, his fingers twitching where they rest on my side. I kiss his head again.
Then my mind wanders to the last place I want it to go, and to how my body reacted to my ass getting touched. Fuck, I really need to get past that. My reaction was instinctive, almost visceral. I don’t want all this to be over before I can get fucked by someone who doesn’t despise me.
I stare at him sleeping. His features are so soft in their relaxed state. He really is stunning, inside and out.
My eyes start burning, and then the tears spill.
Fuck. I wanted to feel something, and it’s one of the reasons I found someone like Romeo, but I was hoping to feel less pain, not more, especially after sex.
It should be a moment of excitement for me, but all I’m reminded of is what men have taken from Romeo and me, without consent, without love.
They took because they could. I ache not only for myself, but for my Romeo.
Then there’s also the surprising emotion of grief before it even happens.
As the tears spill, I pull him tightly against me. He shifts a little, but he doesn’t wake up. I close my eyes and pray for sleep, for oblivion, at least for a little while.
“Night, precious,” I whisper before I close my eyes.