Chapter 21
Romeo
It’s the next morning, and after having some breakfast and coffee, we leave the pretty cabin and drive to Deep Creek Hot Springs.
“We’ll hike to the springs, soak our tired bones in the hot water, then hike back. We’ll drive straight to Lake Arrowhead when we’re done. It’s a short drive there. We also need more groceries,” Julien explains.
“Dope,” Jinx says, and I just nod.
The windows are down because the day is nice and not very humid. I hold my unicorn and rest my head on my other arm on the window as the air blows on my face. It feels so good. It’s soothing on my sunburned skin from yesterday.
I’m feeling weird after my talk with Julien last night. He wouldn’t answer my question about dying, but I didn’t want to push him either.
I know he’s still suffering. It’s hard not to think about all the bad shit that happens in your life, and how alone you feel.
I can probably hold every good thing that’s happened in my life in the palm of my hand.
That’s how little of it I have. If I didn’t have Jinx as a roommate, I would’ve been all alone and isolated.
Being with Julien has given me so many more good memories.
I’m overflowing with them. Even better? For the first time in forever, I’m in love.
Then why does it hurt?
Because he’s going to leave me. In eight days, he’ll be gone. To make things worse, the days seem to be moving faster now. Why? All I want to do is keep driving forever, together.
Julien must notice my mood shift because he rubs my cheek with the backs of his fingers. “You okay, baby?”
I give him a bright smile because he doesn’t pay me to be moody. I still can’t believe he’s paying me everything. He trusted me not to run off with the money. All that money will be enough for a fresh start with Jinx.
“Yeah, I’m good. I’m just still a little tired from yesterday. Working out and hiking aren’t something I get to do a lot.”
“Oh, shit. That’s right. Well, we can skip today if you want. We can just go straight to the house and chill.”
“I second that!” Jinx says. “I suck at hiking, too.”
“We’re not skipping anything. This is your dream trip, Sugar. No way. I’ll do anything as long as it’s with you.”
“Aww,” Jinx gushes.
I blush and roll my eyes at him. “Seriously, I’m happy doing whatever. As long as Tito isn’t hurting us anymore, I’m good.”
“Amen to fucking that. Thank fuck he’s dead. Thanks, Julien!”
Julien shifts in his seat, frowns, and grips the steering wheel, but says nothing.
“Fuck off, Jinx,” I tell him. “He saved us, but that doesn’t mean he’s okay with killing someone.”
Jinx huffs at me. “Tito deserved worse.”
“Yes, he did, but Julien shouldn’t have to be okay with it.”
You can tell how it affected him, and still affects him. He had another nightmare last night.
“I’d do it again,” Julien blurts. “A hundred times.”
He’s been tense since he killed Tito, but to say he’d do it again and suffer more leaves me breathless. I want to smile and cry at the same time. Instead, I reach for his hand resting on his lap and hold it while I lean my head against the door and watch the dry, desert landscape blow by.
It takes us over an hour to drive to Bowen Ranch, where we’ll hike to the hot springs. After parking, we get out to pay since it’s on private land. Julien also buys more water, just in case. The parking area has several clustered RVs, and there’s a folding table with instructions and maps.
I’m only focused on the cute doggy resting in the shade next to a picnic table. It’s a tan color with chocolate-brown eyes that remind me of Julien’s. Its nose looks like a dark brown button.
“Aw, aren’t you a cutie,” I say. It wags its tail, sits up, and sniffs my hand. I scrunch my face and laugh at the cold, wet nose.
“That’s Nutmeg,” the lady who works there says. “She came to us several weeks ago. I’m not sure if a hiker brought her and lost her, or if she ran away from another ranch, but no one’s claimed her.”
“Aww, that’s so sad. Good thing she found you.”
The woman scoffs. “Oh, honey, I’d love to keep her, but I have six other dogs at home, and I really can’t afford another.”
“What’s going to happen to her?”
“Well, I keep her around here in case her owner ever turns up, but no such luck. It’s either someone claims her and takes her home, or I’m eventually going to have to take her to the kennel.
They’ll find a home for her. She deserves a home because she’s incredibly sweet and well-trained. She hasn’t even barked once.”
“Oh…” It’s sad to think she’ll soon be in a place that’s like a prison. I know too well what that feels like. Not even doggies should go through that.
I wish I could keep her, but who knows what’s going to happen to me after all this.
I have no idea where I’m even going. The world is completely unknown to me.
All I know about it is from watching TV, so I don’t know what’s real or not.
Sometimes I’d go online to watch videos, but Tito used the internet as a reward, so we didn’t get much of a chance to use it.
He didn’t want us getting any ideas. We definitely weren’t allowed any social media.
Julien and Jinx squat next to me and give the little doggy girl pets. She’s so excited, her tail wagging a hundred miles per hour, and I swear she’s smiling at us.
“She likes you,” the lady says.
Julien smiles and nods. “Nutmeg’s a beauty. What kind of dog is she?”
The lady shrugs. “Meh, I think she’s just a mutt.”
Julien stands, offers me his hand, and helps me up. “We need to go, Cupcake.”
“Yeah. Bye, Nutmeg.”
We walk on, following the small signs and landmarks toward the pools. We’re deep in the desert. Almost everything is dry and brown, except for some small plants.
“Another hot walk,” Jinx complains. “You sure you want to go into hot springs after sweating your ass off?”
Julien looks back at my friend and smiles. “There’s a cold water creek, too, if you don’t want to go into the springs. But the springs are perfect for when your legs ache from a long hike.”
“How long is this hike?”
“About an hour?”
“Ugh, I take it all back. I think you’re trying to kill us.”
Julien chuckles and shakes his head, adjusting his baseball hat lower on his face to block the sun. “It’ll be worth it, just like the last time you complained.”
“I’m not built for hard labor.”
When we reach a small canyon, Jinx complains again. “You sure there’s water around here? It looks drier than the driest desert.”
“That would be the Atacama Desert in Chile. That’s the driest desert in the world.
They say it looks a lot like the surface of Mars.
One day, you should read about it. It’s truly a fascinating and unique place.
In 2015, it had its first significant rainfall in almost 500 years.
Then it rained again two years later. When the rains came, everyone expected to see life bloom, but instead, the rains killed what little life there was, creating a massive extinction of indigenous microbes that survived in rocks.
” Julien looks back at us and winces. “Sorry, sometimes things fascinate me, and I get a bit carried away.”
“I love that,” I say. “It’s so interesting. I know nothing about the world at all. I didn’t even know that desert existed.”
“Actually, I thought that was pretty cool, too,” Jinx agrees.
“Oh, well, thanks then. Whenever I talked about facts or philosophical thoughts around my ex-girlfriend or friends, they’d roll their eyes or ignore me. Eventually, I stopped talking openly. Only superficial shit interests them.”
I take Julien’s hand in mine and kiss the top of it. “Never stop talking like that.”
He smiles at me. “Thanks, baby. Anyway, there’s definitely water where we’re going. It’s spring-fed, so it comes from underground.”
For now, Jinx is quiet. He’s always been a complainer, but I think that’s part of his ability to adapt.
He just says whatever’s on his mind, like venting or something.
Unlike me, he doesn’t bottle shit up. It’s only since Julien that I’ve been open, and only because he is, so I feel safe talking to him.
There’s not much of a breeze as the gravel crunches under our feet. A couple of times, I almost twist my ankle on a rock, but Julien is always there to steady Jinx or me.
Then we take a break before we head uphill. We lean against a large rock wall and drink water.
“Have you ever wanted a relationship, Jinx?” Julien asks out of the blue.
“You talked about that man and wanting to live with him, but what about something real with a guy? I ask because now that you and Romeo are free to do what you want, I’m curious if you ever want a relationship, a family… things like that.”
“He was to be my play daddy. A sugar daddy. If I want something real, it’d be with a woman.
They’re fucking hot. I want a girlfriend, actually.
I was only trained to be with dudes, but my heart wants a lady.
I’ve never fucked one before, but I want to.
I had an old lady approach me once, but she just wanted to chat like I was her grandson or something. She was just lonely, not horny.”
I didn’t know that about Jinx. Maybe I am gay then, since I don’t look at women like he does. Not that it matters in the end, but it’s interesting to see how we turn out after forcing us to live our lives as boys for men.
“That’s kind of sad, Jinx. How about you, Cupcake? Any dreams of being with a lady?”
“I’ve never thought that hard about it. I don’t think so.
” I only want you, Julien. God, I want to tell him, but I keep my mouth shut like always.
“I think I just like guys. But yeah, I wouldn’t mind a relationship.
” Maybe if Julien knows I’m game for something real, he’ll start to see me differently.
“Once you find a place to settle down, you should find someone.”