Chapter 26
Julien
One thing I didn’t plan for when I started this journey was depression.
It’s always there, lingering in the back of my mind like an itch I can’t reach.
Once I began to strategize my exit from this world, I found unexpected peace.
I lived day to day, knowing my pain would finally end.
The loneliness, suffering, and indifference grew to be more than I could bear.
I thought I was happy with my decision, and I was for a while. Now it’s fucking with my head.
As the first week passed, I stupidly believed I’d feel better the closer I got to the end.
I’d been so resigned and eager to do this.
But I don’t. In fact, I feel worse. This is not what I had in mind.
Not one bit. This trip was supposed to help me find happiness, and I have, all because of Romeo.
But this growing attachment to him in such a short time is threatening to derail everything. I’m kind of freaking out about it.
I have my hand tucked under the pillow, lying on my side, watching him sleep.
He’s holding his unicorn close. Silver strands are fanned out on the pillow.
His rosy lips are parted, breathing softly.
His eyes move around behind closed lids.
What’s he dreaming about? I hope it’s only good things, like giggles, doggy pets, and sweet kisses.
If he’s anything like me, he probably gets either nightmares or dreams that stress you out, leaving you restless and tired the next day.
I never thought I’d want a relationship again after Cherry. She ruined love for me. Trashed it. Shit on it. Set it on fire. It’d been great at first, but then she showed her real colors, and I just stopped caring.
Romeo is no Cherry. He deserves the world. Wars should be fought to protect him. I’m just not that man. I’m too fucking broken to help someone else who’s as broken as I am.
Still, I’m trying to fight those niggling little thoughts about staying. And when I do, I can barely breathe from the thought of living another minute longer on this fucking planet. It’s making me stressed as hell.
And fucking Jinx. I know he meant well last night. He’s a good friend to Romeo. But all he did was make me even more stressed.
I gently roll out of bed, so I don’t wake him yet, and pad to the kitchen to make coffee first. Then I let Nutmeg out to potty in the back.
I’ll clean it up later. Once she’s returned and is safely inside, I take a piss myself.
After washing my hands, I grab my backpack to pull out a condom and some lube. I need to be inside Romeo.
When I ease back into bed, Romeo yawns and stretches adorably, then he curls into himself, snuggling into me.
“Morning,” he mumbles sleepily.
“Morning. Take a piss and get back into bed. I want to be inside you.”
Romeo nibbles on his bottom lip as he smiles and crawls out of bed. He’s completely naked because I love sleeping with him that way, skin against skin. I stare at his cute butt as he heads to the bathroom.
I roll onto my back, wrap my fingers around my cock, and languidly stroke myself, slowly getting hard.
He returns, jumps into bed, and bounces on his knees, his cute cock bouncing.
“I haven’t cleaned myself out,” he says.
“I know, and I don’t care, as long as you don’t.”
He shakes his head, leans down, and kisses me.
I spread my arms open and say, “Come here. I want to suck on you for a bit.”
Romeo straddles my chest, places his hands on the headboard, and rests the tip of his dick on my mouth. I swirl my tongue over the head, teasing a bead of precum from him. I lick it up and swallow him down. A groan slips out of him, and he gently thrusts, using my mouth.
I breathe him in through my nose, inhaling his sleepy, sexy scent with lingering notes of sugar and coconut. How does a smell on a person get me so hard? I may never know.
His cock is warm and swollen. I love sucking him down.
My hands slide across his ass, and my finger rubs on his tight hole. His ass clenches, and he thrusts deeper. I choke a little, so he pulls out.
“Inside me,” he rasps.
“On your side, facing away from me.”
Romeo lies down and rolls away. I reach for the condom, open it, and slide it on. After tossing the wrapper on the floor, I grab the lube bottle and pour some into my hand.
Once my fingers are slick, I run them along his crack and over his hole before shoving a finger in.
“You don’t need to work me open,” he says.
“This is foreplay for me.”
He huffs a laugh, then gasps when my fingers pry his cheeks apart further, and I push in two fingers. My face is close to his hole, watching my fingers slide in and out. I especially enjoy the squelching sounds.
Desperately needing to be inside him, I remove my fingers, press my body against his, and line my dick up.
It takes some maneuvering since it’s an awkward position, but Romeo helps by lifting his leg.
I manage to breach his hole and sink in.
My arm wraps around his thigh to keep it upright as I pull out and push back in.
I take my time. I don’t want to rush. What I need is to forget for a little while and just envelop myself in all things Romeo. My arm slides out, and I reach for his face, pressing my thumb against his lips. When he opens his mouth and suckles it, I nearly bust my nut right then and there.
I move faster, keeping my body as close to him as possible. His skin is warm and sleepy. His body is comfort and trust. That may not make sense to others, but for me, Romeo represents safety and freedom. He also represents fear of the unknown, fear of not knowing what to do when the time comes.
Romeo spits out my thumb, grabs my hand, and threads our fingers together. He presses our hands to his chest, and I can feel his heart beating.
“You deserve the world, Cupcake,” I whisper.
“I don’t want the world, Sugar.”
I’m moving faster and harder now. My body burns for him. It needs release. Release is pleasure and pain. It means I’ll eventually have to pull out of him and face my crossroads again and again.
The pressure builds until I can’t hold back anymore. And when he clenches around my cock, I’m done for. I cry out when I finally orgasm, and I keep pumping into him to chase my climax, but everything must come to an end.
Once I’ve milked every last drop out of me, I grab the base of my dick and pull out. After tying the condom off and tossing it to the floor, I roll Romeo onto his back, his silver hair spilling out over his pillow, looking like a fucking angel.
I don’t leave him hanging as I suck him down again. My head bobs fast, and I suck hard. His long fingers slide through my hair and grip it as he thrusts into my mouth. Only my hand pressed against his pelvis keeps him from choking me.
It doesn’t take Romeo long to explode in my mouth. I take his entire load, and when he’s done, still pulsing in my mouth, I pop off. Holding his cum on my tongue, I hover over him, pry open his lips, and lean down to kiss him. When he opens up, I dribble the cum into his mouth.
We both swallow, then kiss, our tongues waging war for dominance.
I’m exhausted again, so I fall to my side and pull Romeo against me. His head is tucked into my chest, while my fingers draw gentle circles on his smooth back.
Suddenly, Nutmeg jumps on the bed and sits on our legs. Instead of scolding her or kicking her out, I laugh and pet her head. She’s so fucking sweet. I know for certain she’ll watch over Romeo and protect him.
She rests her head on my lower thigh and takes a dramatic deep breath and exhales on a low, happy growl.
Romeo snuggles deeper into me. Between the comfort of his body, the bed, the dog, and my sexual high, I doze off for another hour.
I’d planned for us to go to Papago Park, but I don’t feel like it.
It’s not the end of the world if I don’t see it.
It’s not like a bucket list item or anything.
The park is just a pit stop along the way.
I also feel that Romeo and Jinx could use a break, too.
It’s been go, go, go since this started, and everything’s moving faster now, or at least it feels that way.
I order us some lunch for delivery while Jinx splashes in the pool with Nutmeg, and Romeo just watches. He won’t go in the water without me.
Eating crap, delivery, and fattening food is taking its toll on my body. I’m not used to it at all. The hiking helps, but despite years of exercising and training, it doesn’t take long for the body to break down. The excessive drinking and smoking don’t help either.
As I wait for the delivery person, I stand at the window to watch the guys while I scroll on my phone to search for any news on Tito’s death.
My gut clenches that there’s possibly a manhunt out for us, but there’s nothing, only a small article about the ongoing investigation.
The media are off to report more interesting news than a dead pimp.
Before I turn off my phone, I see that I have a text from someone. My heart practically leaps out of my chest, which is stupid since I ordered food last night and the delivery people send texts all the time. It can’t be that, though. Our food hasn’t arrived yet.
I reluctantly press the app open to see who it’s from. I want to believe it’s someone from back home, realizing their mistake. Or maybe Mom is finally telling me she loves me and that she left Holt.
Unknown: Hi Bladi - Have a Junk, Wrecked or End of Life Vehicle? Get Extra Money in Your Pocket & Get a Quote to Sell It! Call Wrench A Part Today.
The fucking spam blurs as tears fill my eyes. My stomach is clenched in a crushing reminder that not one person I’ve known has ever given a shit about me. Not one message. Not one call. Not one, ‘please let me know you’re okay, at least.’
I left, and not one fucking person batted an eye.
The reminder of how unwanted and unloved I am is a fucking wake-up call.
As much as I care about Romeo, I need to stick to the plan. This simple spam is enough to topple me over the edge. My trauma isn’t only from being repeatedly raped and beaten. It’s about neglect, indifference, and apathy. Who wants to live with all that?
I shut off my phone and head to the bedroom. I fall into bed, slide under the covers, bury myself, and fucking lose it. Why do I even care about those people? Why do I let them get to me? It’s all a reminder of why I set my plan in motion in the first place.
There’s no going back now. My path is clear.
Then why does it hurt so much?
The loneliness from people who are supposed to love me is so painful that I can hardly breathe. If I’d been seen and understood once, maybe life could’ve been different. Maybe I could’ve coped better.
“Sugar?” Romeo says, shaking me as he crawls into bed.
My eyes blink open, my head still buried under the covers. I must’ve fallen asleep.
He gently tugs on the blankets, pulling them away from my face. He’s frowning with eyes full of concern. “What’s happened?”
Everything in me screams to tell him the truth, to tell him everything, but I’m too afraid to, so I don’t.
Instead, I keep my mouth shut as I spread my arms. Romeo falls into me, and I wrap my arms around him.
He’s so warm from being out in the sun. Hell, he smells like the sun. For now, at least, I’m all cried out.
Like he always does, he knows when not to push me.
I kiss his head and hold him tighter.
My eyes pop open, sensing movement. I see Jinx standing in the doorway, looking at me with an unreadable face. It’s disconcerting. I know he sees. Or he’s got an idea. He’s way too smart and observant, not that Romeo isn’t, but Jinx is on a whole other level.
“Food’s here. It’s been here for a while,” he says and turns around to leave the room.
But I don’t eat.
Instead, I close my eyes and fall asleep again. I’m so fucking exhausted.