Chapter 25
Romeo
“Can’t we stay one more day? I love that house and the pool,” Jinx complains as we drive to Joshua Tree National Park, wherever and whatever that is.
“Sorry, dude. I’ve got a deadline,” Julien says.
“Deadlines, schmedlines…”
“Don’t worry, Tyler, I have other fun places lined up.”
Jinx huffs and folds his arms. “I hate you.”
Julien and I burst out laughing as I roll down my window, blasting us with hot air because Nutmeg wants to hang her head out. I pet her as we pass the massive homes, expensive shopping, and lush green golf courses.
The town soon turns into desert land, blanketed with huge windmills, hundreds of them, if not more, and all surrounded by mountains.
“I wish we could go there,” I point at the farthest mountain.
Julien hunches and looks out the windshield. “Where?”
“The one with white on top. That’s snow, right?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“I’ve never seen snow in my life, except on TV.”
“Maybe one day. I wish we had time.”
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
‘One day.’ Does that mean he’s sticking around? Should I ask? I’m afraid to. I don’t want to get my hopes up. Every time I have hope, it gets snuffed out.
“Snow would be epic, bro!” Jinx says over the wind blowing in the car.
Nutmeg licks my face as if she agrees, making me giggle. I love her so much. She’s so sweet and smart.
It takes almost two hours to get to the park. We pull into the lot and get out of the truck. Julien hands us some meat sticks and protein bars so we have something in our stomachs, and we wash them all down with water. We give Nutmeg some, too, before we start hiking.
“What’s so special about this place?” Jinx asks, shoving his sunglasses up his nose and putting on a baseball hat with tufts of pink hair peeking out.
“It’s mysterious; mystical. The trees are also very old. New ones are struggling to get a foothold with climate change, so one day these could all be gone unless something changes. Some of the oldest ones are like a hundred and fifty years old.”
“That’s so sad,” I say, putting on the special shoes we bought for Nutmeg so her little paws don’t get burned.
“They’re not actually trees. They’re a yucca plant related to agave.
Agave makes tequila. But these were part of the Cahuilla natives’ life.
They used the leaves to weave baskets and sandals, and the flowers and seeds were an important part of their diet,” Julien explains.
I love how smart he is. I’ve learned so much about the world since meeting him.
“When the Mormons came out west in the 1800s, they said these trees looked like the biblical Joshua, with his arms raised, guiding them westward.”
“It’s kind of pretty out here. The trees are cool, with the large rocks and mountains. I bet it’s really pretty when it rains,” I say.
Julien takes Nutmeg’s leash, then my hand, and we start hiking. “I’m sure it is, but we’ve missed the rains.”
“You aren’t gonna make us hike hard trails, are you?” Jinx asks.
“Nah, we aren’t going to be here long. It’s hot. I just want to see the arch and heart rocks. They’re unique granite rock formations. The hike is about two miles round trip. We’ve walked harder trails than that.”
“Tsh, if you say so.”
“You’re such a complainer.”
“I’m delicate.”
Julien shakes his head and chuckles. “Sure thing, Tyler.”
We both laugh when Jinx growls at him. “I’m sorry I ever said anything about my name.” He pretends to be mad, but he has a small smile on his face. “Ugh, why couldn’t my mother pick out a name like Conan or Hawk?”
“You’re a little too femme for those names,” I tell him.
He sticks his tongue at me and passes us on the trail.
The hike isn’t too bad, like Julien said. We reach the rocks, and he takes several pictures of us. He also takes a selfie with him and me by the heart rock, and one of Jinx sitting on top of it. As always, he sends me the pics so I can keep them, too, to remember him by.
I’ll hold on to them forever. I’ll never forget this trip or Julien. The thought of him leaving in six days makes me want to cry, but I don’t. It’s his journey, and I’m just along for the ride. He’s been upset enough, and he doesn’t need my blubbering mess to make him feel bad.
“We’d better head back,” he says. “It’s more than a five-hour drive to Phoenix. Technically, we’ll be in Scottsdale.”
I take his arm and kiss the tattoo on his forearm. “Is that another reason you got the phoenix tattoo?”
“Nah, I just want to go there because there’s one very special thing about that place.”
“What’s that?”
He kisses the tip of my nose. “You’ll see, baby. It’s a surprise.” Julien looks at Jinx, who’s now walking with Nutmeg. “Although, I’m afraid I can’t take you with us for what I have planned. They don’t allow dogs. Could you watch her?”
“Don’t mind me. As long as I have a place to lounge, A/C, a TV, and food, I’m a happy camper.”
“There’s a pool, too.”
“Stop! You’re spoiling me.”
“And me!” I yell, making Julien laugh.
It’s after nine at night by the time we reach the house.
It’s really dark except that the house is brilliant with light.
Unsurprisingly, it’s also huge. It’s different from the others, though.
It has private walls with no surrounding homes.
I love how it blends into the desert and mountains, like it’s always been a part of nature. But inside, it’s luxurious.
“Oh, wow. I think this one’s my favorite,” I tell Julien. How do people live like this all the time? Are they always grateful? Do they wish they had more?
Julien pulls me against him and gives me a quick kiss. “Go shower. I’ll order us some food for delivery. What are you in the mood for?”
“Just order for me. I trust you.”
He pats my ass as I walk off to find a bathroom to shower in. I find the largest bedroom because I know Julien would want it, and drop my bag on the bed. I dig around, pulling out a clean T-shirt and a pair of underwear. We should probably do some laundry.
Just when I grab my things and head to the bathroom, I hear Jinx say my name, so I make my way closer to the living room and listen.
“I know we’re just hookers, but is there a way I can talk you into staying with Romeo?” Jinx asks boldly.
My stomach clenches as I peek around the corner. Julien and Jinx have their backs to me, and Nutmeg has crashed out on the cold tile floor after our long day.
“He’s not just a hooker!” Julien snarls. The harshness scares me, but he sounds protective, too. “Romeo’s more than that.”
Jinx doesn’t react like I just did. “He is more than that. He also deserves a happy life.”
“Everyone does. Almost everyone.”
His stepdad deserves what Tito got.
Part of me loves that Jinx is trying to help, but I also don’t want him to upset Julien, or even worse, scare him away. What if he pushes so hard that Julien leaves? Still, I say nothing and just listen because I want to know as much as Jinx does.
“Then why can’t you stay?”
“It’s complicated.”
“No fucking shit. I figured that out all by myself. What if Romeo goes with you?”
“I… he can’t go where I’m going. No one can. I’d… never wish that for him.”
Their bodies are stiff, and I can tell Julien is getting upset, even if I can’t see his face.
“If it’s so bad where you’re going, why leave?”
“You don’t understand!”
“Then why don’t you explain it to me like I’m fucking five?”
“Goddammit, Jinx! It’s none of your business. This is something I have to do, and I have to do it alone. I… care about Romeo more than anyone. That’s why I’m taking care of him after I leave. He’ll have the world at his fingertips. He’ll never go hungry, and no one will hurt him again.”
They say nothing for a while as Julien sits on a stool at the kitchen island, rubbing his face and looking deflated.
“He’d rather have you than whatever you plan to leave with him.”
A sob almost escapes me, and I have to cover it up with my hand. Jinx so fucking got me. He knows exactly what’s going down. I would rather have Julien than all the money in the world.
“He… can’t come with me,” Julien repeats, his voice catches, and he storms out of the house toward the pool, closing the door behind him.
“Why?” I say as I rush to the kitchen. Jinx abruptly turns to face me. “Why did you do that?”
“I’m trying to help, Rome.”
“Stop helping. Look, I appreciate you for doing this for me, but you’ve upset him now. You don’t understand why he’s taking this trip. He needs this. You weren’t part of the plan, but he’s taking care of you, too, because he’s so good.”
“Why’s he doing this trip then?”
“Uhm… It’s not my story to tell.”
Jinx looks outside at Julien picking up rocks from the garden and tossing them out into the desert as far as he can throw them.
“Go to him,” Jinx finally says. “I’ll apologize later.”
I don’t get the chance because the doorbell rings. Our food is here.
“Go,” he says again. “I’ll get the food.”
“Okay, thanks.”
I quietly step outside, head to the wall surrounding the property where Julien is, and rest my hand on his shoulder.
He doesn’t turn around or say anything.
“Sugar?”
“Go back inside, Romeo.”
I drop my head and turn around, but I stop myself. With a deep breath, I say, “No.”
Julien wheels on me, and my heart stops. Years of trauma have me instantly turning submissive. He automatically softens at my reaction and tucks me against him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Fucking Jinx… he…”
“I heard.”
He pulls me harder against him, clinging to me with a desperation that oozes off him, and I hold him back. He smells of sweat and earth.
“Why do you have to go?” I ask gently. “I mean, your freedom now is about choices, right?”
“I am making my choices. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt or that you’re making me fucking question everything. My mind… It’s chaos. I can’t silence it. It’s hard to focus. Jinx isn’t helping.”
I want to tell him that I love him. If there was a time to say it, it’s now, but something holds me back. It will hurt him to leave me, yet he’s questioning everything. Still, it’s not enough for him to make new plans, so I stay quiet.
“If we lived in an alternate world, things would be different. Perhaps we would’ve found each other years ago. Perhaps we’d love each other. Have a family… Maybe neither of us would’ve suffered.”
I feel hot tears on my neck, which pull them from my eyes. No, he’s not going to stay. That much is clear, no matter his doubts. If he were, he wouldn’t be feeling this bad.
I have no idea where he’s going, but something deep inside tells me it’s not a good place. He doesn’t want to go. I can tell. It’s almost like he has no choice. Stupid. How the hell should I know? I’m not in his head.
So, the words never come out. All I can do now is hold my Julien and pray that by the end of this trip, he can see that he does have a choice.
Suddenly, Julien eases me away, lifts me into his arms, and jumps into the pool.
I hold on to him so I don’t drown, but I’m also laughing and crying at the same time. So is he.
My legs are wrapped around him, and my arms cling to his neck as he kisses me. It’s passionate. Deep. Full of tongue. He’s giving me in this kiss what he can’t give me in life. A hope. A promise.