22. Jasper
22
JASPER
W hen Ellie walked into his kitchen wearing his jogging bottoms and T-shirt, Jasper’s heart jumped, then pounded like a drum in his chest. His clothes were huge on her, hiding her soft feminine curves and drawing his attention to her beautiful face and those striking green eyes the colour of summer fields. Her black hair tumbled over her shoulders and tiny curls caressed her hairline. Catching his eyes on her, she blushed in the way he found adorable and he smiled as warmth filled his chest.
‘Thanks for these.’ She gestured at herself and he noticed that she’d rolled the legs of the jogging bottoms up a few times.
‘Sorry they’re so big.’
‘If they weren’t, you’d look strange wearing them.’ She smiled as she hobbled over to the island.
‘Here, sit down.’ He pulled out a stool and helped her to sit on it, keeping the weight off her sore ankle.
‘Thanks.’
‘I’ll sort some ice for that ankle and then we can have a think about what you want to eat.’
‘I thought we were having ice cream?’ She raised her raven black brows.
‘We are, but I also thought you might want something more substantial.’
‘I don’t want you to go to any trouble,’ she said.
‘It’s no trouble, and I have to cook for the children, so I figured we’d just as well eat, too. If that’s what you want.’ He paused. ‘If you’d prefer to go straight home, I can drop you in the car though?’
She glanced over at the bifold doors and then back at him. ‘What would you like me to do?’ she asked. ‘I’m sorry, but I’m not very good at this. You’ve already done a lot for me and I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I hate getting on people’s nerves.’
‘What?’ He frowned. Where had this come from? ‘Why would you think that?’
She went to stand, so he hurried to her side and took her arm.
‘Don’t put that foot down yet,’ he said softly. ‘But please tell me why you’d think I want you to go.’
‘I … I don’t like to annoy people.’
‘How could you annoy anyone?’ Before he could stop himself, he’d reached out and brushed her hair behind her ear, stroked the soft skin of her cheek. Her pupils dilated and her lips parted, and she held his gaze. ‘I don’t see how anyone could find you anything other than enchanting.’
‘Y-you find me enchanting?’
He nodded. His voice was trapped in his throat. A surge of warmth spread through his chest, a tingling sensation that awakened dormant emotions. It felt as if a fire within him had been rekindled. Ellie’s presence was like a gentle breeze, stirring the layers of his being, breathing life into his weary bones. Ellie was bringing him back — back to himself, back to life, back to being a man.
‘You are utterly enchanting.’ His voice was gruff with emotion, with desire.
She blinked at him and inhaled shakily. ‘So are you.’
He slid his hand over her shoulder and entwined his fingers in the hair at her nape while he placed the other hand on her chest so his fingers splayed over her collarbones. His hand rose and fell with every breath she took, and he could feel her heart racing. She was warm and soft and she smelt incredible, like amber and vanilla, saltwater and coconut. He moved closer so he could bury his face in her hair and she turned in his arms so she was against his chest, her arms around his waist.
They stayed that way for a while, their hearts beating together, their breathing in sync, and Jasper felt something happening to him. For so long, he’d had a tight knot in his shoulders that had created a pain so sharp it sometimes took his breath away. He was conscious every day of holding himself rigid so he’d stay strong, of being solid in case he weakened and crumbled, but it came with consequences including tension and aches. Sometimes it spread up to his jaw and his forehead and gave him headaches, as well as making him grind his teeth at night. It wasn’t healthy, and he knew it, but he was afraid of losing control, of weakening and not being strong enough for his children. And with this came loneliness. He was so incredibly lonely. It had been years since he’d held a woman in his arms and now, Ellie was soothing him, easing the tension from his muscles and his heart, relaxing him so he could let go of the pain. His vision blurred and he swallowed as emotion surged inside him. There was so much to release and now he had begun, he wouldn’t be able to stop. He didn’t want to stop.
When he pulled back slightly, he moved his hand and brushed his thumb over her full lips, touched them the way he imagined kissing them. Ellie gasped and peered up at him. Her eyes flashed, and his body responded in a way he’d forgotten it could.
‘Ellie, I?—’
‘NO! Alfie, that’s not yours to show!’
Jasper jumped back, and Ellie wobbled on the stool. He held out his hands to steady her, then tucked them in his pockets as Mabel and Alfie entered the kitchen. They were squabbling as they tried to hold something up to show Ellie.
‘Daddy, tell Alfie!’ Mabel’s small face was bright pink as she tried to pull the book from Alfie while Alfie was close to tears.
‘I want to show her,’ Alfie whined.
‘What is it?’ Jasper went to his children and eased their hands apart. His breath caught in his throat. It was a small photograph album that Kimberley had made after having each child. It went up to three years ago, the last photo printed just a week before her death. Jasper found it hard to look at, but the children loved it and he understood how important it was to them.
‘I want to show Ellie,’ Alfie said, his eyes shining.
‘I’d love to see it,’ Ellie said, gingerly getting down from the stool.
‘Tell you what. Let’s get you back to the lounge and the children can sit on the sofa with you. The three of you can look at it together while I make dinner,’ he said.
‘Sounds good to me.’ Ellie accepted his arm, and they went to the lounge. Once she was settled on the sofa with Mabel and Alfie on either side of her, Jasper went to the kitchen and got the bag of ice chips and a towel. He took them to the lounge and helped Ellie to raise her leg onto a cushion on the coffee table.
‘OK if I roll this up a bit more?’ He pointed at the leg of the jogging bottoms.
‘Of course.’ Ellie smiled.
He gently rolled it up to her calf, then covered her ankle with the towel and placed the bag of ice on top. ‘How’s that?’
‘Brilliant.’
‘Good. Right then … What do we fancy for dinner?’ His heart was still pounding and his throat was tight but he felt alive. He wasn’t sure if the children’s interruption had been a good thing or not, but at some point, he would have the chance to be alone with Ellie and then they could continue where they had left off.
‘Ice cream!’ Alfie shouted.
‘I think we should have something before ice cream.’
‘Pizza!’ Mabel said. ‘Can we have your homemade pizza, Daddy, with lots of cheese and tomatoes and peppers and shrooms.’
‘Shrooms?’ Ellie asked.
‘Mush-rooms!’ Mabel giggled. ‘Daddy calls them shrooms.’
‘I can make pizza. That OK with you, Ellie? No allergies or anything you really dislike?’
‘Nothing at all. Except for liver and, well, all offal.’ Ellie pulled a face, and Mabel and Alfie giggled.
‘What’s offal?’ Mabel asked. Ellie explained, then Mabel made a vomiting noise. ‘That’s disgusting!’
‘I would eat it,’ Alfie said, puffing out his chest to show how brave he was.
‘You would not. You won’t even eat sprouts and they’re a vegetable and not an animal’s insides.’ Mabel sniggered, and Alfie scowled at her before shaking his head.
‘You’re right, Mabel, I wouldn’t eat that. And sprouts are yucky!’
Jasper met Ellie’s eyes and grinned. She was clearly finding this conversation amusing.
‘I’ll make liver-free pizza then.’
‘And we can look at the baby photos and ones of our mummy,’ Mabel said, snuggling closer to Ellie.
Jasper left them to it and went to the kitchen, hoping he had enough mozzarella in the fridge to make some tasty pizzas. He realised he hadn’t checked if Ellie liked thick or thin base pizza, so he went back to the lounge to ask, but he froze in the doorway, unable to disturb the scene before him. Ellie sat sandwiched between his children, holding the photograph album while Mabel turned the pages. Alfie had his one small arm wrapped around Ellie’s shoulders and he was resting his head on her. His other hand was toying with her long hair, twirling it around his fingers the way he did with his taggy blanket. Mabel’s face was animated as she described each photo to Ellie and Ellie listened intently, asking questions. Mabel paused every so often to smile up at Ellie. It was an idyllic scene of contentment that made Jasper realise it wasn’t just him who’d been missing an adult female presence. His children had bonded with Ellie as if they had known her forever, and he believed this was due to Ellie’s kindness and warmth. She had a good heart, and they were all comfortable with her. It was wonderful and yet scary because if something were to happen, then Jasper and his children would need to cope with losing Ellie. Whether she left the village or became involved with someone else or … Or something worse still.
He shuddered, then gave himself a firm inward shake. Right now, Ellie was there with them and they were all enjoying her company. Nothing came with guarantees, and he had to let go of his need to control everything. Some things were beyond his control. Some things were beyond human comprehension and would simply be the way they were.
For now, he would push his concerns to one side and focus on the here and now. He hadn’t always done that enough and so it was something he wanted to practise more going forwards.
Back in the kitchen, he went about making the best pizzas Ellie had ever tasted. He’d make thick and thin crust pizzas just to cover all bases. As he began kneading the dough, a warm sense of contentment spread throughout his body. The comforting murmur of voices floating from the lounge soothed him, easing the tension in his shoulders. The weight of responsibility seemed to momentarily lift as he realised he had someone else to rely on, a temporary respite from the constant demands of being a single parent.