28. Jasper
28
JASPER
T he children were due home in an hour and Jasper had already cleaned the house from top to bottom, baked some peanut butter cookies and walked Wiggy twice. He had emptied the washing basket and ironed all the dry clothes. If he’d been able to focus, he’d have done some work too, but his mind was too chaotic to concentrate and so physical activity had been the order of the day for him.
He went to the bifold doors and opened them, then stepped out onto the decking. The air rushed over him, refreshing and salty, laced with the sweet fragrance of the spring flowers growing in his garden. He had planted wild flower seeds in the borders with the children and they were flowering now, a plethora of colours to encourage bees and butterflies to visit. After the storm that had rolled in the previous day, everything seemed cleansed and renewed. Sometimes a good storm was necessary to clear the air.
He hadn’t seen or heard from Ellie since yesterday when she’d left his home. They’d had one amazing night together, then she left, leaving Jasper wondering what would happen next. He had encouraged her to think of herself and what she wanted from her future. As much as he’d have liked for her to say that she wanted to be with him and his children, it was too soon for her to make such a momentous decision. Besides which, the last thing he wanted was to put pressure on her. If she decided not to audition, then regretted it, she could end up resenting him and the children and that would be a horrid situation to be in. But letting her go hadn’t been easy, and now he felt raw. Raw with sadness. Raw with confusion. Raw because for the first time since he’d lost Kimberley, he had opened his heart to another. He had, perhaps against his better judgement, let Ellie in, and now he was a wreck. Was it worth it then, allowing another human being to get close? Since he’d lost his wife, he’d shut himself down to all emotional connections except to his children, but Ellie had got to him and he’d thought it was worth taking a chance.
Wiggy nudged his leg with his nose and Jasper reached down and patted him. ‘Good boy,’ he said. ‘If only everything in life was as simple as a dog’s love and devotion.’ In response, Wiggy wagged his tail, then sat down next to Jasper to keep him company.
He suspected Ellie would go to London for the audition and get it. How could she not? She was incredible and he could picture her on TV, her beautiful face, her sweet voice, and that glow she had about her. On the big screen, she would attract thousands of admirers and secure future roles, and then she’d move to Hollywood and…
Shaking his head, he laughed. He was getting carried away, and it was ridiculous. Yes, that could all happen, but if it did, he wished Ellie well. Being with her, even just for one night, and getting to know her over the past two months had helped him. There was no denying the positive impact she’d had on him and his children, and he would always be grateful for that. Even if she left now and nothing came of the connection they had, he would be grateful for the time with her. Ellie had, in a short time, taught Jasper that he could feel again, he could enjoy the sunshine on his face and the breeze on his skin, he could savour the flavours of food and sleeping in late for the first time in years. He had no doubt that he wouldn’t get close to anyone else because Ellie was special and that was why she had got to him, but just being able to care about another woman had helped a part of him to heal. Ellie had aided his recovery from the depths of despair that he’d once thought he’d never escape.
There was a life to be lived and while he wished Ellie could be part of that life, he could still enjoy the time he had left. He could still be the best father possible and the best dog dad. The embers of what he’d shared with Ellie would keep him going as she had restored the warmth to his heart and life.
Hearing a car pull up, he went to the front door. It was time to welcome his children home.