10. Ryan
Chapter 10
Ryan
“ W hat did I do to deserve this?”
Maddox, Jace and I are visiting Ted tonight. We barged into his home with pizza and two cases of beer. It’s as much for him as it is for me, I know it. Brian, our chauffeur at the firehouse will be here after his shift and that’s when I know it will be full on. These guys are bigger gossips than the old women in town.
“Yo! Lefty! How are we doing?”
I laugh as Ted flips off Maddox. “I’m just fine and can still hold a hose better than you.”
He laughs. “I'm engaged, I don't need to hold my own hose anymore.”
I roll my eyes. These guys and their innuendos. Bunch of horn dogs. I reach out and shake Ted’s hand. “Looking good, man, happy to see it.”
“Same, Chief. I’ll be back in no time.”
I hold my hands up. “You heard the doctor. Give yourself time. I want you back at one hundred percent, not ninety.”
A sly smirk comes across his face. “Speaking of doctors …” He lets his words linger and just like the busybodies they are, they all face me with raised brows and smirks of their own. “You playing the part as her patient yet or what?”
“Can we open a beer before having this conversation?”
“Hell fucking yes!” Maddox goes to the counter where he placed the beer and pizza when we came in. “I’ll open yours, lefty.” He pops the top and hands it to Ted before tossing us each a can. We each open ours and he holds up his hand. “To more hands and more head!”
Everyone snickers and we tap cans and gulp it down. We grab a plate and throw two slices each on it and then head for the living room where we crash on the couch and chairs.
“You know the girls are out together tonight, right?” Maddox asks while chewing a mouthful.
“Yes. I'm well aware.”
“And you know they're at Love Beach Brews, probably attracting a shit ton of attention,” Ted cuts in.
Maddox levels his eyes at him and Jace snickers. “When you’re secure in your manhood there is no reason to worry about them being out.”
“Oh I'm not worried, I’m just wondering which dick hat Marigold will want tonight.”
I choke on the bite I was trying to swallow and the rest of the guys laugh. “Baylor, it’s a wonder you even have a fiancé.”
“Let’s talk about your lack of one.”
His words cut me. If I had it my way, she would have been mine. I hate to sound needy but Madeline is it for me.
“You want me to talk? I’ll talk.” I swallow my bite of pizza, finish my beer, then get up and crack another one open, taking a long pull before I begin talking. “Madeline is mine. I knew it then. I know it now. I’ve never gotten over her and her being back here, it makes me feral. I want to take her, marry her and start our life here. But I can’t trust she won’t leave again. I can’t trust she won’t choose her career over me. But at the same time I don’t know how to move on from her, so I pray she chooses me. And if that makes me a pussy I don’t care.” I finish my beer and grab for another. “There’s your gossip in thirty seconds.”
The three of them all exchange looks and it sets me on edge.
“Well, okay then. You just answered the question we all wanted to know.”
“And what's that?”
“You're in love.”
I raise a brow and look around the room. I contemplate their words but not for long. I know I’m in love. I was in love with her four years ago. The first night we met, there was a draw to her. She was different. Clichè? Yes, but true. She held my attention with her words and beauty, and the fact I was drawn to her, without even physically touching her, told me a lot. But when we got physical? It was like a bomb went off. I never experienced emotions like what we had with anyone else.
“I am. But,” I stand and grab more beers for them, “I need her to meet me there. She left me. Yes, she’s back but for how long? I need her all in, or I need her all gone.”
Jace chokes on his beer. “No you didn’t just say that.”
“Sully, I’m serious. I can’t do another six months like last time only for her to leave me once again. How would you feel if it was Poppy? Think about how you feel about her and then think about her telling you she needs to see the world, that she wants to see what else is out there.”
“Chief, I don't think Madeline was looking for another man in the world, I think she was looking for more of the world in her world. Do you get what I mean? She’s amazing, she’s a traveling nurse. Who she is is in her fucking title! She wants to help anyone she can.”
“But I want to be her world. And if I’m not big enough for her, I can’t have her here.”
“So many jokes.”
Jace punches Maddox in his arm. “Don't be an asshole. You know what he means.”
“Have you told her all this?” Ted asks.
“I asked her to stay three years ago and she said no.”
“That wasn’t my question. Did you tell her how you feel about her?”
“I begged her not to leave me. Isn't that enough?”
“Oh Chief. You’re so clueless. Yes, you wanting her to stay is a lot. And you telling her that is a lot. But did you tell her you loved her? Did you say you didn’t want to be without her? Did you say she was the best sex you ever had?”
He smirks when I narrow my eyes at him. “She knows all that.”
“She may, or she may not. But every woman wants to hear it.”
How wouldn’t she know? I begged her not to leave. I told her over and over how her body was meant for mine.
But I never said the words. I never said I love you.
My phone dings with a text and I pull it out.
Maddie: I might need some discipline.
My blood runs hot and my cock hardens in my jeans.
This woman will be the death of me.
Maddox’s phone buzzes and a moment later so does Jace’s.
“Well fuck. Guess boy’s night is over,” Ted says with a laugh.