11. Madeline
Chapter 11
Madeline
I left the bar and knew I had to see him. After talking with the girls tonight, the need to be with him, be in the same room and be close to him was so strong. I have to feel what we used to have and know it’s still one hundred percent alive. And I want him to feel it, too.
I knew sending him this text would either spark our flirtation again or he’d shut it right down putting me in the friend zone. Either way, I need an answer. I have to know where he stands.
Ryan: What did you tell them?
Me: I said you’re amazing in bed
I giggle when I hit send. I’m a forty year old woman who realized she’s in love and I need to let him know. I’m scared, he never said it to me either, but I can’t deny it any longer.
Ryan: I need exact words, Maddie
Me: I told them your dick is huge and you eat the kitty like there’s no tomorrow
I stifle a laugh at myself and wait for a reply. My heart races and I can't wipe the smile from my face. I know how talking to him like this used to get him crazy. I’m only hoping I get the same response now.
Ryan: Where are you?
Me: Home
Ryan: Stay there.
I unlock my door then I run to change into sleepwear. I don’t have anything super sexy but I know he always loved me in short shorts with a tank. I brush my teeth, avoiding the open bottle in my fridge. Two glasses of wine and two shots has me feeling just right. It’s enough to make me bold enough to tell him things I need to.
A knock on the door has my heart fluttering and my pulse racing. I open it to see him staring back at me, fire in his eyes, hands clenched. I giggle and lean against the door.
“Are you alright?” I ask him.
He eyes me. “Are you?”
“Just fine.” I turn leaving the door open knowing he’ll follow and I head for the couch before falling onto it.
“You’re drunk.”
“No. Just feeling good.”
I hear the door slam and he stands in front of me now, hands on his hips and one brow raised. “Who brought you home?”
“Wells.” When I see his nostrils flare and his lips draw straight, I smirk. “Jealous?”
He swallows hard. “No. Vienna has his dick in her pocket.” He flexes his hands. “But I don’t like that he was responsible for you tonight.”
This is so Ryan. He always wanted to be first, he wanted to be the one to care for me.
I was so stupid to leave him.
“Sit down.” I pull his hand and he falls to the couch next to me. “How was your night? Are you drunk?”
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Then he sits up a little straighter, fidgeting around. I know he’s got stuff running through his head, so I’ll wait for him to say it first.
“Maddie.” He clears his throat. “I, uh, I think I owe you an apology.”
I come to kneel on the couch and face him. “Me? What for?”
He’s looking around the room. “The guys were asking me a lot of questions and something came up and Jace reminded me that people can’t read my thoughts.”
I giggle. “And thank god for that, right?”
He laughs. “True.” He sniffs and clears his throat. “That night. I said a lot of things but I didn’t say the one thing you needed to hear. And maybe I’m responsible for you leaving as much as you are.”
I shake my head. “No Ryan, I don’t want you to?—”
“I wanted you to stay.”
“You told me tha?—”
“But I didn’t say why.” His lips roll in and he looks at me.
I sigh. “I imagine it was the same reason I wanted you to come with me. But I was being selfish.”
“We both were.” He pauses. “But I’m afraid to go back to that place again.”
“I think we’ve reversed our roles right now,” I chuckle and he smiles.
“How so?”
“I think I’m right where you were when you asked me to stay. And I think you’re as scared as I was to say yes right now.”
His eyes drop from mine and the room swells with silence, until he says, “So what do we do about it?”
“You let me in.” He raises a brow at my declaration. “And I mean it Ryan. You have to let me show you. This is on me. There was a lot that was taken for granted in our short time but it makes it no less real. Time means nothing except for when we weren’t together. That was too long. So I’m here now, and you’re going to let me show you how it can be different now. How good it can be, we can be, now.” I grab his hand and link our fingers. “But I need something from you. I need words. I need you to not be afraid.”
“I wasn’t afraid then.”
“No you weren’t, but my leaving has changed your feelings.”
“No—”
“Yes. I see it and it’s okay.”
He watches me for the longest time and I’m afraid that I’ve over shared. I’m afraid I’ve pushed too much too quickly. But then he says, “My feelings haven’t changed but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about letting myself go all in again.” He takes a big breath and lets it out slowly. “I’ll agree to let you show me, if you do the same. Let me pick up where we left off. Let me remind you how good it can be and let’s both get to the same spot together.”
I close my eyes as my body hums because fuck. I want to be reminded so hard.
He barks a laugh shaking his head. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”
“What?”
He stands. “And this is how I know you’ve had one too many. You just spoke your thoughts out loud.” My eyes widen and I pull my knees in tight. He leans down to kiss my forehead but I grab his hand, keeping him close.
“That's not wine talking. That's need .”
The room becomes charged instantly, his eyes darken and he whispers. “What do you need?”
“You.” I capture his lips just like he did to me the other night, pulling him down to the couch with me once again. His hands grab my waist and he pulls me onto his lap. I go willingly, throwing my leg over, straddling him. His hands come to the small of my back under my shirt dancing along my skin and I buck into him. We always did this well.
“Are you sure?” he speaks against my lips.
I pull back and look him in the eye. “Listen to me when I say this, Ryan. I needed you from the moment we met. I just couldn’t see past how to keep it.” I lick his bottom lip and feel how hard he is beneath me.
“Can I touch you?” I nod to his question and he closes his eyes. “I need to see you fall apart on my hand, Maddie.”
My body is eager for him and my mind races with thoughts remembering how he felt. “No, I need your dick,” I whine. “You said we’re picking up where we left off.”
He scoffs. “You’ll get it. But not tonight. So it’s your choice. My hand or nothing.”
“Why won’t you stay?”
“Because I want you to be sure this time.”
I grind harder on him, hoping to change his mind and say, “I hate that you’re the rational one.”
He smooths his hand over my waist before cupping my breast and it makes me gasp. I haven’t been touched in so long.
“You’re making this hard, Madeline, but I’m not giving in. We’re going to do this right. I need you to make sure this is what you want. And I need to make sure I can trust that answer.”
I close my eyes. I really hurt him more than I thought. I should have known. Ryan was strong in his resolve to be the one for me. To be the man who handles things. Steps in. Shows up. And when he did all that, I left anyway.
He kisses me again, deepening it. “I should leave right now," he says. “I should stop this train but I know if I leave you’re going to give yourself the orgasm that’s mine anyway, aren’t you?” Before I can say yes, he captures my lips again while rolling my nipple. “Will you let me give it to you?”
“What about you?”
“I’m not worried about me. I’m being selfish and I need you to remember how I make you feel.” With one hand on my breast his other slips into my shorts and massages my clit. Dipping just inside me, he’s nothing but a tease collecting my wetness and then rubbing my clit again.
“Count to nine.”
He speaks against my lips, biting the bottom one. I furrow my brows and let out a quick breath. Fuck he’s got me so close already. “What?”
“Do it.”
I begin counting slowly. “One, two, three...”
He swipes through my pussy and circles my clit once more while tugging on my nipple.
“Four, five, ahhh…” His thumb rubs my sensitive bud while his middle finger slips inside me.
“Count,” he demands and I work my hips in rhythm with his hand.
“Six, seven…”
“Eight, nine!” he finishes for me, pinching my nipple and clit at the same time and I break. I cry out, my orgasm exploding through me. I shake and shudder, throwing my hands over my head as he lifts my tank and latches onto my nipple, sucking. I continue to ride his hand, dragging my orgasm out longer. A moment later the sensation is too much and I moan, falling against his chest, covering his hands with mine.
“Oh my god! Stop, I can't take it.”
He looks at me with hooded eyes. “You can. And you take it so well.” He pulls his hand from my shorts and licks his fingers clean. My eyes roll and his low chuckle vibrates through me.
“How are you going to get home with this?” I roll my hips over his hard on and snuggle in close.
“I’ll handle it when I get there.”
“Facetime me so I can watch?”