8. Lily
8
LILY
“ T ime to say night-night to Daddy,” I whispered to Sofia when Colin walked into the living room on Saturday evening. He had another date, a different woman from last week and one I knew this time, but that didn’t make it any easier to watch him go out the door to be with someone else.
“Okay?” He gestured to his outfit. He wore khakis and an open-collared white Oxford, both perfectly pressed, with a light blue cashmere V-neck sweater.
“Fine,” I said. Perfect, actually. I bit back a sigh. The week had done nothing to take the edge off my interest in him. Not one thing. Fortunately, we hadn’t spent much time together. Except last night when he’d walked in and caught me napping on the floor with Sofia. I’d seen something in his eyes when he looked at me then, but, of course, he hadn’t acted on it and neither had I.
He took Sofia from me and held her close for a minute. “Daddy loves you, sweetheart,” he said into her freshly washed hair. “Be good for Lily and go right to sleep.”
When he handed Sofia back, I felt I had to say something about his date. “I think you and Haley will really hit it off. You’ll complement each other.” They weren’t exactly like each other, but I actually thought that might be for the best. Maybe Colin could use someone who was different enough from him to bring a new perspective into his life. And they were similar enough in the ways that really mattered. “She’s lovely, with a warm personality, and I know she wants kids. She’s told me that before.”
Haley was a friend from high school who I had kept in touch with and who had ended up in Springwell, also. The curvy blonde was an accountant with a local firm. She was exactly what Colin wanted. Steady, committed to staying, good natured, and with a great income. Not that he’d actually said he was looking for someone with money, but I got the sense that he respected people who had built good careers for themselves. He could do a lot worse, my rational side argued while my selfish, jealous side hoped they’d despise each other and the experience would be so bad that he’d refuse to ever date again. Because, whether I liked admitting it to myself or not, I did not want to witness him in a happy relationship or, worse, married. I’d have to leave once any sign suggested he was headed toward those eventualities. It would be hard to go, hard to leave Sofia in the care of someone else, but harder still to see him with another woman. Besides, there was no telling whether the woman he ended up with would be comfortable with having another woman living in the house. Once he was married, he’d probably want to go back to just having a nanny during the days rather than someone full time and live-in.
“Good,” he said briskly as if he—understandably—was unwilling to discuss his and his date’s compatibility. “Make sure you lock all the doors after I leave. All of them.”
“I will. I promise.” I still felt bad about leaving the door unlocked, but Colin’s intensity when he brought it up seemed a little out of character. I considered asking what was behind his concern. An open door and a footprint didn’t seem like reasons for doubling down on home security. Was there something more going on that I didn’t know about?
“Dada.” Sofia held out her arms to her father again, taking away any opportunity to ask questions. He gave Sofia one last hug, avoiding any physical contact with me, before going out the door.
As soon as he was out, I turned the deadbolt to guarantee he heard the click. Still carrying Sofia, I walked through the house to check the back door. Already locked tight. Something about checking the doors reminded me of back when I was in my old apartment. I’d always double-checked the locks back then because having that creep John so close by had me anxious. But there was no reason to be anxious here…was there?
I shook off the thought, focusing back on my charge. “Bed for you.” I gave Sofia a kiss on the temple.
And a long, lonely evening for me, I thought.
Colin
I smiled at the lovely blonde across the table from me. She was exactly what Lily said she would be, exactly what I claimed I wanted. But I felt no spark for her. Lily was the one who made me come alive, the one I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing. With her it was way past sparks, bordering on fireworks. I’d done everything I could to douse those flames, but it wasn’t working. I wanted Lily in my life, in my arms, in my bed. I could no longer deny that.
But it would be self-interested to pursue something with her. I’d committed to giving Sofia a mother, someone who would always be there for her. Lily wasn’t a candidate for that, and Haley was.
“Tell me about your daughter,” Haley said after the waiter brought our drinks.
Her question was another reminder of what I should be focusing on, so I launched into how much Sofia enjoyed playing outside.
“Lily takes her to the park whenever she can,” I said, elaborating on where Lily took her and Sofia’s favorite things to do there.
“She’s a good nanny, then?”
“The best,” I said. “Lily was a find. I’m not sure how I’d have managed my work schedule lately without her. And she’s teaching Sofia so much. A lot about art. Lily’s into that, taking classes and all, but she convinced me that Sofia should be encouraged to express herself.”
I went on talking about the finger painting I’d hung in my office, the foam animals in the living room, and the hundred other things that Lily had brought to my home in the two months she’d been there.
“I’m talking too much about her, aren’t I?” I finally asked when I realized I’d dominated the conversation while we’d eaten our main courses.
“Do you mean Sofia or Lily? I think I’ve heard both names equally.” Haley’s tone wasn’t critical, just matter of fact.
“I’m sorry,” I said. I’d run on and hadn’t made my date the center of my attention. It would have been bad enough to have spoken so much about my child, but I knew I’d mentioned Lily too often to be appropriate while out with another woman.
“You know, you even called me Lily.” Haley’s smile was gentle. “Colin, you seem like a great guy, but it’s pretty clear that you’re on a date with the wrong woman. I think the one you want to be with is already at your house. We should skip dessert so you can go talk to her.”
She was right. I could no longer deny that Lily had become more than my nanny. I was lucky that Haley was so gracious. It was probably because she was a friend of Lily’s. Everyone who knew her had to understand she was special, that she brought a kind of magic with her.
“I apologize for this.” I felt a spurt of guilt over having taken up her evening for no reason.
“No apology necessary.” Haley stood, shaking my hand as if we’d had a business meeting. “Thank you for dinner, Colin. It was nice meeting you.”
I watched her walk out of the restaurant. I should be kicking myself for letting her walk away when she seemed to be exactly what I was looking for. Instead, I felt a great sense of relief as I paid the check and headed home.
On the drive, I thought about how I should handle this. I tried to analyze the situation and arrive at the best approach, but I drew a blank. No matter how I looked at it, I couldn’t see a future for Lily and me. Her goals in life were so different from my own, but I wanted her. And if I’d read the signs coming off her correctly, she felt the same. Maybe the only way forward for both of us was to try actually being together. There was always a chance that once we stopped fighting against our feelings, we’d finally be able to work through them and come out on the other side with a better idea of what the future held.
I saw the flicker of the television when I entered the house and headed to the living room. Lily was sitting on the couch, her bare feet resting on the coffee table. She was beautiful, even without the sexy glasses that I liked so much.
“Uh-oh. It’s barely nine o’clock,” she said, sitting up straighter. “Was the date that bad?”
“She’s very nice, but we both decided it wasn’t working, so we cut it short.” I sat next to her, placing my arm across the back of the couch.
“You weren’t attracted to her?” Lily angled her body toward me.
“No.” I kept my answer short as I made up my mind what I wanted out of the evening with her.
“I’m sorry. I thought you’d suit.” Lily seemed genuinely sad it hadn’t worked out. Did that mean she wasn’t interested in me? No, I was sure that she’d felt the connection between us just as strongly as I had. That day in my bedroom, I hadn’t been the only one who’d been primed for a kiss. So was she being selfless? That seemed the most likely explanation.
“As it turns out, she isn’t the type of woman I’m looking for.” My eyes stayed on her, trying to gauge her reaction to me.
“Oh, why not?” She shook her head, a sheepish expression crossing her face. “Don’t answer that. It’s none of my business. Forget I said anything.”
“No worries.” I had other things to concern me—like how I’d just blown off a date because I was infatuated with my nanny. A fact I couldn’t bring myself to regret. The question was, where could the evening take us? “What are you watching?”
“Just an old movie,” she said, hitting the pause button on the remote. “I should go, now that you’re home. Sofia hasn’t made a peep since I put her down.”
“Give me another minute, please. There’s something I want to talk to you about.” I wasn’t ready for her to go, not until I’d let her know how attracted I was to her—because it couldn’t be denied any longer.
“Are you still worried about yesterday?” she asked.
That hadn’t been on my mind at all—but since she brought it up, I realized that it probably was something we should talk about. “It’s a safe neighborhood,” I said, “but it had me on edge, especially since you were both napping.”
“Perfectly understandable.” She smiled at me, drawing me in. I leaned closer. “I hope you know that I would never knowingly endanger Sofia.”
“I know that, but”—I was ready to cross the line with her and hoped she was willing, too— “it’s not only about Sofia.” I raised my hand to caress her cheek. Her eyes widened at the contact, but she didn’t move away. “I’m worried about you, too. I think about you so much.”
“Me?” she whispered.
“Yeah, you’re important to me, important enough that I want to keep you close.” Once I stuck my toe over that line, I was ready to leap past it.
“How close?” A flirtatious lilt entered her voice, and she shifted nearer to me. My heart soared at the proof that she was willing to take a chance on this, too. On us. “Is this good?”
“Closer.” I lifted her, placing her on my lap. Her arms went around my neck without hesitation, and I sank my fingers into her thick hair with a sigh of relief. I’d wanted to do that for so long—and it felt even better than I’d imagined.
“I like being this…close to you,” she said.
“I’m starting to think it was inevitable.” I kissed the side of her neck, slowly making my way up to her jaw.
“Is that bad?” Her voice was breathless.
“Nothing that feels this good can be bad.” I loved the way she fit against me. “I want you, Lily. Come upstairs with me.” I put the invitation out there, hoping she wouldn’t refuse it—but willing to respect it if she did.
“I’d like a kiss first,” she said, shifting on my lap so she straddled me. The contact made me harden instantly.
“Is this an audition? If I’m a bad kisser, is the night over?” I teased. I didn’t wait for her reply but began the kiss, gentle in the beginning but soon succumbing to the fireworks we’d both kept banked until then. Her lips, soft and sweet, opened to me, immediately responding when my tongue swept into her mouth. She nipped at my tongue, evoking a moan from me and making me delve deeper into her wet heat. The kiss continued until we were both panting, and then I broke free.
“Upstairs,” I said, rising with her arms and legs still wrapped around me. I wasn’t the type of man who made love on his couch. I wanted a big bed where I could explore every inch of her.
Her hands clasped my face as she gave me a seductive smile. “What makes you think you passed the audition?”
I ground my erection against her core, drawing a whimper from her. “That.” I moved toward the stairs with her still in my arms. At the top, I hesitated, throwing a glance toward Sofia’s room. I always checked on her when I went to bed.
“Go look,” Lily said, understanding my hesitation.
I put her gently on her feet. “Don’t move.” I stepped into Sofia’s room. My daughter was sound asleep, peaceful and dreamy. I gave her a swift kiss and pulled up the blanket before going back in the hall.
Lily hadn’t strayed from the spot where I’d left her, but she’d stripped off her sweater, revealing a lace-edged camisole. Her nipples pressed against the fabric, making my mouth go dry. She was beautiful and sexy, and I was done trying not to notice.
“No bra?” I wouldn’t mind taking one off her, but this was better.
She gave a little shrug. “It’s evening, and it wasn’t like I was planning on going anywhere.”
My fingers itched to touch her, to take off the camisole, leggings, and panties—but not standing in the hall. She must have read my thoughts, because she started to back up toward my bedroom. I prowled after her, keeping just inches away until we crossed the threshold and I closed the door behind us. Once we had total privacy, it was like we were both let off the leash. Her hands went under the edge of my sweater, lifting it over my head.
“You looked so nice dressed for your date,” she said as she quickly undid the buttons of my shirt. “I was jealous.”
“You were?” I asked, amused. How would she react if she knew I’d spent the whole date talking about her?
“Definitely.” She ran her hands over my chest and stomach. “Not anymore, though, since I’m the one in your bedroom.” Her touch strayed closer to my belt buckle, then slipped slowly down to cup my erection.
I couldn’t move for a second, overwhelmed by her. My next thought was, why the hell was I just standing there when she was in my bedroom? I took her hand, lifting it to my lips and kissing the inside of her wrist before traveling up her arm. At her shoulder, I pushed aside the thin strap of her shirt, my mouth moving across her smooth skin. When she arched back, I took her nipple in my mouth through the thin fabric.
“Oh, God. Take this off.” She caught at the edge of her camisole. Together, we lifted it over her head and tossed it aside. I caught her breasts again, sucking and licking her nipples until I felt her start to buckle. Slowly, I backed her up until she bumped the bed. I dropped to my knees and drew down her leggings, exposing a blue lace thong and the creamy, inviting skin of her thighs.
“I wanted to take it slower, but…” I whispered as I kissed the little triangle of fabric.
“This is just right,” she said, her hands stroking my hair. “Make love to me, Colin.”
I hooked two fingers under the elastic of her thong and pulled it down so she could step free of it. Then I lifted her onto the bed before stripping off the rest of my clothing. She watched, her eyes going to my erection when I shed my boxer shorts. A little smile appeared on her face. I wanted to touch and taste every inch of her. And I would, I promised myself, knowing this was just the beginning of the night.
I reached in the nightstand drawer for a condom, tossing the foil package onto the bed.
“I hope you have more of those.” She stretched her arms over her head and spread her legs a little, and my dick hardened even more. But I smiled, too, knowing that she had some temptress in her.
“What are you suggesting?” I climbed onto the bed, placing my knees on either side of her legs and kneeling over her. With one finger, I drew lazy circles around her breasts, over her stomach, to the apex of her thighs. Her eyes closed when I stroked her wet clit and slipped my finger inside her. Her thighs widened, letting me add a second finger. Pleasure flitted across her face.
“So good,” she murmured, “but I want you inside me.”
When she opened her eyes, I could have been lost in their hazel depths. I saw desire, a little deviltry, and something else I couldn’t identify. She grinned and reached for the condom package, ripping it open. Reaching for me, she stroked her fingers over the length of my dick and rubbed her thumb over the tip.
“Later, I want to suck you,” she whispered, sending a powerful jolt of lust through me. The thought of Lily’s mouth on me nearly made me come.
I had to grit my teeth to maintain my self-control when she rolled the condom on me. As soon as that was done, I pushed her to the mattress. Wasting no time, I thrust into her, kissing her at the moment our bodies joined. My tongue wrangled with hers as I pushed deep into her velvety heat.
Her legs wound around me, giving me more of her, opening herself completely to me. She kept pace with me as I built the rhythm between us. I broke from her mouth to kiss her neck and breasts, increasing the tension as I neared my climax. She moaned, stroking my back and whispering my name. Knowing she was close, I slipped a hand between us and swiped my finger across her swollen clit, sending her into an orgasm. She clung more tightly to me, her insides throbbing around me, until I came, my ecstasy lasting longer than it ever had before.
Our eyes met. Hers were languid and satisfied, but I read in them what I felt inside. This was more than an attraction, more than casual sex.
“I’m glad you’re such a good kisser,” she said, making me chuckle.
I rolled onto the bed next to her, but I couldn’t stop touching her. My hands roamed over her body, giving comfort instead of feeding need, until I heard her breathing steady into sleep. I got up and disposed of the condom. When I returned to bed, she curled into me. Happily, I wrapped my arms around her and went to sleep.