CHAPTER FOUR
We trade details about our childhoods on the trip into town.
I had forgotten how much fun it is getting to know someone new.
Hearing all of their stories and sharing my own.
These details include our favorite Halloween costumes: a nine-year-old Wolverine for him and a five-year-old hotdog for me.
(They were my favorite food at the time.) When we had our first kiss: at age eleven in a cupboard at a party for him and after school at sixteen for me.
The thrill of wanting to know every last little detail about someone is so invigorating.
The joy of being out at night and feeling like I have my own life separate from my work is nothing less than a sheer delight.
It is as if some weight has been lifted that I wasn’t even aware of carrying.
Life is so strange. How you can get so busy doing various things and not even notice what’s fallen by the wayside. Like actually having a life.
But we both choose to be here together and are enjoying each other’s company. How lovely.
But I can do this. I can date someone who is cool.
And I believe this, right up until we approach the table where Jimmy and Lena are waiting.
Oh no. Jimmy Ferris. My fangirl kryptonite in the flesh.
It’s like I’m fourteen with bad acne hiding out in my bedroom at home all over again.
The decidedly not cool kid who never got invited anywhere.
But I had plenty of big dreams. So much yearning.
I resist the urge to giggle and sigh. Just the sight of him brings all of my fourteen-year-old nerves roaring back to life. It’s not even attraction so much as it’s being in the presence of a real-life rock star. This needs to stop. Now.
Dean pulls out a chair for me, and I give him a nervous smile. Maybe if I just don’t look at Jimmy for the remainder of the night, I won’t embarrass myself. It might work.
“Hey, guys,” says Lena with a broad smile. She, of course, looks amazing. Her dark hair is hanging in long loose curls, and her sweater dress is siren red. I can’t help but admire the way she goes through life loud and proud and with such style. When I grow up, I want to be just like her.
“Hi,” I say, picking up the menu. A perfect aid for blocking out any views of the elder Ferris brother.
Beside me, Dean pauses before taking his seat and giving Lena a nod. Which is interesting.
A close protection officer stands nearby, keeping an eye on everything.
It must be so strange being rich and famous.
Having people standing guard over you. The lack of privacy would have to get to you now and then.
But I guess it’s part of the price you pay for fame and fortune.
We’re situated near a back exit just in case the crowd gets rowdy or if fans start to flock.
No wonder some celebrities hide away in their mansions.
I’m not even anyone important, and it’s taken me a while to get used to all of the attention and security over the years.
The way you can feel all of the eyes on you.
Like we’re an exhibition at the zoo or something.
A couple of people who pull out cells and point them our way are talked to by waiters or management.
But most of the bar’s patrons are content to just sneak looks now and then.
Stage Dive has been living in Portland for a while now.
Seeing them around and about isn’t unusual.
And the proudly weird residents of the city are generally pretty cool.
“Something came up last minute with Lizzy’s work, so Ben won’t be joining us,” says Jimmy.
Dean grimaces. “That’s a pity.”
“Hey, Jude.” Jimmy tips his chin at me. Dammit. I’m not supposed to be looking at the man. “How are you?”
I duck down behind my menu once more. “Good, thank you.”
Dean turns to me and says, “Ask me another get-to-know-you question.”
“Um,” I say, gathering my thoughts. “What was your favorite book as a child?”
“Good question. My father used to read The Hobbit to me at bedtime. He was a roadie, so he was away a lot for work. But whenever he was home, he’d read to me. I’ve got a lot of great memories attached to that book.”
“It is a great book.” I start to relax a little. “So being in the music business is in your blood?”
“Yeah,” he says. “I guess it is. What was your favorite book?”
“A Wrinkle in Time,” I answer instantly.
“Why that one?”
“Not only was it about a girl going on an adventure, it was the message that you could be yourself and think for yourself, and that was okay. And they told her to stay angry. Not many books tell girls that being angry can be useful and good and right.”
He nods. “I’ll have to read it.”
“I’ll be interested to hear what you think. Maybe we could do a buddy read.”
“Absolutely.” He grins.
The bar is called Felon’s and has battered wooden chairs gathered around small, round tables.
Patrons have signed their names and the date they were here on the white walls.
Poetry and jokes sit alongside some pretty epic works of art.
I wonder what they’ll do when the walls are covered.
If they’ll paint over all of it and start again.
Low lighting shines down, illuminating the neat rows of liquor bottles behind the bar and the stage situated against the back wall.
A drum kit, amps, and microphones stand ready and waiting.
No idea when the last time was I saw live music.
Apart from watching the Stage Dive guys messing around at home.
My life really can seem like a fever dream some days.
A charcuterie board loaded with cheeses, meats, dips, pickled vegetables, and ciabatta is set on the table. It’s all adult food. Nothing mashed or pureed in sight. And I cannot wait for it to get in my belly.
“Would you like to order a drink?” asks the waiter.
“The daquiri, thanks,” I say from behind my menu.
“I’ll have the same.” Dean shifts his chair closer to me.
“Why did you never ask me what my favorite childhood book was?” Lena loads up a piece of bread with meat and cheese. “I don’t remember you asking me things like that when we were courting.”
Jimmy’s dark brows descend. Such rock star brows. Seriously. “Courting?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Mm.” His tongue plays behind his cheek. “Good question. I don’t know. Guess we were too busy fu–”
Lena’s hand covers her husband’s mouth, ensuring that the rest of the sentence is a garbled mess. “Oh my God. This is why we can’t have nice things, Jimmy.”
He moves her hand and smiles. “That’s not true. You’re still the nicest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Aw. Good save.”
“Thanks,” he says, smacking a kiss on her cheek.
I can’t help but smile. They’re so cute together. Not that I should be looking in his direction. Stop. Bad Jude. My teenage crush seems to be slumbering at present. But you never know what might wake the beast. It is safest to just keep my gaze averted.
Dean gives the pair a long look before blinking and turning back to me. “Jude. Hey. How you doing?”
“Fine.”
The band walks out onto the stage, and the crowd cheers.
In no time at all, live rock music fills the room.
They’re a three piece with a drummer, guitarist, and a female lead singer who also plays the bass.
The sound is sort of spare and moody with the singer reminding me a little of Phoebe Bridgers.
“Why this band?” I ask, leaning closer to be heard over the music.
“Ben liked working with Adam Dillon so much, he’s looking to do it again.
The whole band wants to help and do some mentoring.
” He rests his arm on the back of my chair, and his lips brush against my ear now and then as he speaks, making shivers run down my spine.
“They asked me to come tonight and see what I thought of this group. As for why…they’re talented.
They’ve got a good sound, and the audience is into them.
I think with the right help, they could go far. What do you think of them?”
“So far so good.”
“Is this okay?” he asks, nodding to his arm and so on.
“Yes.” It’s much more than okay, if I’m being honest.
And the way he looks at me. I am such a fool for this man. “What are you thinking about, Jude?”
“I was, ah…just happy to be here.”
“Good,” he says. “Me too. Of course, what this band really needs is someone playing the flute.”
“Right?” I grin. “I could totally help them. This one time at band camp…”
His shoulders shake as he laughs. “I can’t believe you went there.”
“Please. You love it.” Our drinks arrive, and I thank the waiter and take a sip. “Yummy.”
His gaze moves past me and pauses on Lena.
Just for a moment. Then his attention returns to me and my curious face.
He studies me for more than a moment. “You know that Lena and I went out a couple of times way back when,” he asks.
But it’s not really a question. He already knows the answer.
“This is the first time we’ve been around each other for more than a minute or two. ”
“Is this uncomfortable for you?”
He shakes his head. “That was a long time ago, and it’s not like we were serious. She was already in love with Jimmy, I just didn’t know it. Taught me a valuable lesson about not dating someone whose heart is already spoken for.”
I’m happy to hear him say that but can’t help myself from asking the question that’s been on my mind since last night. “And Frankie definitely doesn’t have yours?”
His gaze narrows on me just so. “No. She doesn’t.”
“Ignore me,” I say. “I shouldn’t have said anything. You already told me that–”
One side of his mouth lifts up. “Jude, it’s okay. Frankie is great. I hope we’ll always be friends. But I promise you, there’s nothing more going on. I know we only just met each other. But I’m going to prove to you that you can trust me.”
“Okay.”
“Guess I should be checking your heart is also free.”
“It most definitely is.”