CHAPTER FOUR #2
“That’s good to hear. Did you ever think you’d be double dating with Lena and Jimmy Ferris?”
I softly laugh. “Not even a little.”
“Me neither.” He lowers his face and sniffs my neck. And he’s not even subtle about it. “How do you smell so amazing?”
“Would you like the truth?”
“Always.”
I smile and shift in my seat. Because being closer to him seems like a great idea to me.
It’s like we’re in our own little bubble of infinite possibility.
And it is beautiful. “This is a distinctly unsexy answer, but it’s probably Jamesy’s organic diaper balm or the calming lavender lotion I put on him. ”
“The baby needs calming?”
“Most of them do at one stage or another.”
“What’s that like, working with children?” he asks.
“It’s fun and challenging. Sometimes a little bit hellish. But what job isn’t?”
“This is true,” he says. “It’s not unknown for rock stars to act like toddlers now and then. But I don’t have a lot of experience with children in general.”
“Watching them grow and learn can be amazing. They develop so quickly in those first few years. Not just going from crawling to walking, but language and comprehension too. They’re kind of fascinating.”
“I can see that.” He turns back to the band, listening as they change to a folksier-sounding song. “How did you get into working with celebrities?”
“I was finishing a degree in early childhood development, and a friend’s sister worked as a personal assistant for someone big in Hollywood.
” In an act of sheer bravery, I take hold of his hand.
Underneath the table and out of sight, our fingers entwine.
His hand is large and the tips of his fingers lightly callused.
From playing the guitar, probably. It’s nice to hold someone’s hand again.
To feel connected to a special person in a such a sweet way.
“She heard that they were after someone young but qualified who could be trusted not to spill any secrets. It wasn’t what I was planning on doing, but the money was good, and the idea of being around people like that was intriguing.
They traveled a lot too, and that was cool.
I hadn’t been many places beyond the West Coast. What about you?
Was it the link with your father that got you into producing? ”
He nods. “He took me to shows with him when he could. Bought me my first guitar when I was seven or so.”
“What were your biggest influences besides your dad?”
“Music-wise, I like all sorts of styles. Mom had varied tastes and a great collection of vinyl. She liked playing The Pixies, Placebo, Sister Rosetta Tharpe, Ray Charles…I could go on all night.”
“I feel like we need to have a listening to music date. Not that this isn’t,” I say. “You know what I mean. Were you ever interested in being in a band yourself?”
“Nah.” He gives my hand a squeeze. “I prefer working behind the scenes. Touring for months on end isn’t really my thing. Getting hassled every time you go out…”
And it is funny he should say that because a beautiful woman is creeping up to his side with a piece of paper in hand.
The bodyguard watches but doesn’t intervene.
It’s not like she’s approaching Jimmy or Lena.
But he does keep his eye on the stranger.
She gives Dean a tentative smile and ignores me entirely.
“Excuse me,” she says. “Are you Dean Jennings, the producer who worked on The Sugar Bowl’s last record?”
“Yeah, I am.”
Her answering smile is broad as can be. “Oh my God. That album was amazing. What you did really elevated their sound.”
“Thanks.”
It’s the way Dean’s body language abruptly changes that bothers me.
He releases my hand and turns away from me.
Just enough to exclude me from the conversation.
Not that I was a part of it to begin with because what do I even know about producing music?
Nothing. It might be my imagination, but it feels like he doesn’t want to be seen with me.
I don’t know. Any time I’ve been out on dates in the past, being suddenly ignored is rarely a good sign. And I highly doubt that has changed.
Even Lena is frowning in our direction. It’s not just me and my imagination. Okay.
Jimmy meanwhile keeps watching the band, spellbound by the music and oblivious to the drama. Not a bad way to be. The band really is great. I hope they have the opportunity to get their music out to people.
Dean and the mysterious stranger start chatting, and she tells him all about the music she’s been making.
She sings, plays guitar, and writes her own songs.
Wish I was that talented. My singing voice is best confined to the car or shower.
Though my rendition of “Bad Guy” by Billie Eilish is solid.
Just take my word. I can’t catch much of the conversation due to the noise, but Dean seems totally engrossed.
He doesn’t even spare me a glance. It appears that these two have a lot in common.
Not to mention, the woman who is slipping him all of her contact details is gorgeous.
Her head is shaved, and her cleavage is spectacular.
She even has a cool neck tattoo. As if Frankie the supermodel wasn’t a big enough hit to my ego.
No. Enough of this negative self-talk. I am great in my own way.
As for my chest, I’ll never have to worry about developing lower back pain.
I can get around sans a bra with little to no visible boob bouncing.
There are positives to everything. Maybe.
But right now, I could do with a break from this anxiety-inducing situation.
“Back in a minute,” I say to a still frowning Lena.
How Dean is failing to feel her eyes boring a hole into the side of his skull, I have no idea.
But the woman has my back, which is nice to know.
Meeting great people through my position with the Ferris family has been a boon that I hugely appreciate.
I head down a hallway to the bathrooms and see to business before washing my hands.
It is nice to be out of sight of anyone for a moment.
The muffled music thrums through the walls, but it’s quieter back here.
I can collect my thoughts and put things into perspective.
And the fact is, I still feel weird about the way Dean gave me the cold shoulder and dismissed me.
Without even so much as an excuse me or whatever.
I don’t want to be treated that way. My mother raised me to believe that manners matter.
My father taught me that some people will behave as badly as they can get away with. Sad but true.
Am I also letting my jealousy get the better of me? I don’t know. It’s not as if I have any claim over Dean. Though other people looking at him with bedroom eyes does not make me happy. Jealousy hasn’t been a huge issue in any of my previous dating attempts. At least, I don’t think it has.
When I walk out of the bathroom, it’s to find Dean waiting for me. The man remains every bit as built and handsome as before. He leans against the wall with his hands in his pockets and his foot tapping to the music. He lifts his head and gives me a warm smile. But I’m not quite feeling the magic.
He takes a step closer. “Hey.”
I give him a pleasant smile. “Hi.”
At which point, he stops and stares at me. Then his dark brows descend. The man is no longer happy. “Lena was right.”
“About what?”
He nods to the far end of the hallway, farther away from the music and anyone who might wander this way.
The light is also dimmer down here. If this isn’t prime make-out territory, then I don’t know what is.
Not that I’m here for those reasons. For the first time since I met Dean my libido has shut down.
The needy beast sleeps once more. Which is probably for the best.
“Lena said I was a dick to turn my back on you to talk to that woman the way I did,” he says. “That I wasn’t treating you with respect.”
I say nothing.
His frown increases tenfold. It’s quite a sight to see. Then he walks forward, not stopping until I am backed up against the nearest wall. They way he looms over me is a lot.
“Dean.” I put a hand to his chest. “That’s enough.”
“I’m sorry you thought I was being dismissive. That was not my intent.”
“What was your intent?”
“I don’t get approached a lot like Jimmy or the guys.
But it does happen now and then,” he says.
“I put you behind me and out of her line of vision because I didn’t want her attention on you.
She’s a complete stranger. I don’t know if she’s going to be cool or not.
There’s always a small chance she might be dangerous if I don’t give her what she wants.
People can be wild when it comes to something they feel possibly entitled to. ”
“Oh,” I say, starting to understand that things might not have been what they seemed.
“Did you know someone pushed Anne once to try and get to Mal? Just about shoved her off the sidewalk into traffic. Another reason why I can do without being a rock star.” He sets his hands on either side of my head.
“But I am known in certain circles. Like tonight, people occasionally want to say hi or compliment me on my work or see if I can aid their rise in the industry.”
“Right.”
“That’s why I turned my back on you. I can understand how me doing that seemed rude as fuck.
But please know that it was not my intention.
I am out tonight with you, and you are important to me, Jude.
I’m not chatting up another woman. This was my way of trying to keep you safe. ” And he just stares down at me.
“Okay. I guess that all, um, makes sense.” I squeeze my eyelids shut tight and take a deep breath. “Here’s the thing. It’s been a long time since I dated. And my dating history is not the best.”
“Give me an example.”
“Well,” I say, “the last time I was about to meet with someone for the first time, they texted me an hour before to ask if he needed to wear a condom or not.”
“Seriously?” He practically growls.
“Oh, yeah. I said wearing a prophylactic out to a coffee shop sounded uncomfortable. But he should of course feel free to do as he pleased.”
His jaw clenches. “What did he say?”
“He blocked me.” I sigh. “I don’t think I missed out on much there.”
“I don’t think you did either.” He seems to get control of his anger towards condom guy. “I’m sorry that happened.”
I just shrug. What’s there to say? Dating sucks.
“Dean, it’s been a long time since I’ve had all of these sorts of feelings for someone.
And I know we’ve only known each other for like a day and a half, but you inspire a lot of emotion in me.
I feel like there’s a real connection between us. That’s the truth.”
“Okay,” he says in a calm voice. “I feel that too.”
“Just so you know, flying into jealous rages isn’t my thing. I can adjust to the idea that you used to date a supermodel, and I can get used to people approaching you.”
“Good. I’m really glad to hear that.” He smiles. “If it makes any difference, I didn’t like the way the guy at the next table was staring at you and trying to get your attention.”
“The guy at the next table was staring at me?”
“Yeah. He was.”
“Huh. I didn’t notice.” I swallow. “Since we’re doing such great communicating and all…I also happened to see you give Lena a couple of pensive glances. I think pensive is the word.”
“It’s probably the right word.” He softly laughs.
“Like I said, I really haven’t been around her in years.
The last time was when she and Jimmy were getting together.
And between you and me, they had a fight this one time.
It was kind of brutal. Jimmy wound up firing her.
Guess I was wondering if she was really happy or not.
Not because I am still interested in her as a friend. Just because, you know?”
“That’s good of you to care.”
“Now do you want to tell me why you were hiding from Jimmy behind the menu?”
“Ugh. You noticed that, did you?”
He just waits. There will be no sudden change of subject to save me, apparently.
“Look, I’m going to be brutally honest with you,” I say.
“You seem to prefer brutal honesty to prevarication or any other such nonsense. The truth is he was my childhood crush, and seeing him in real life still throws me sometimes. My face goes bright red, and it is horribly embarrassing and stupid, and I wish it would stop.”
“Wait.” His lips thinned. “You have a crush on Jimmy Ferris?”
“Had a crush. When I was a teenager.”
Oh, dear. He has very much reverted to his former state of being unhappy. Crankiness fills his gaze. It didn’t occur to me that this might be a somewhat sore point for him what with losing Lena to the man. But seriously.
“Dean,” I chide. “Haven’t you ever met one of your childhood heroes and lost it? Perhaps not repeated, but still…you get what I mean, right?”
He frowns some more and then he sighs. “Rihanna.”
“Rihanna?”
“I had a thing for her when I was younger.”
I nod encouragingly. “She is amazing.”
“Crossed paths with her briefly at an industry thing a while back. I just stuttered some shit and ran away in shame. It was awful.”
“This is what I’m saying. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just some strange fixation left over from our childhood that we’re still working through and has no actual bearing on our adult lives apart from being occasionally embarrassing because it causes us to momentarily regress.”
“That was a really long sentence.”
“I feel like it hit all of the important points, though.”
His gaze narrows on me. “Jude, are you going to get over your Jimmy thing?”
“Yes. Absolutely. Any day now.” I wind my arms around his neck. “Guess we both have our sore spots. But look at us communicating like absolute champions. Let’s make a deal that we continue to talk things out as soon as possible whenever possible.”
“That sounds good. This feels a little like speed dating, the rate at which we’re knocking down complicated topics.” His hands rest on my hips, and he places a gentle kiss on my lips. “Are we okay?”
“We?”
“Yeah.”
My smile barely fits on my face. “We’re most definitely okay.”