CHAPTER FIVE
We get back to the guest house a little after eleven.
It’s not exactly a late night, but I am usually in bed by now, wrapped in blankets and reading a romance novel.
The initial high of being with someone is so beautiful.
Like walking on clouds and feeling your heart take flight and all of those fanciful things.
I had forgotten. Or at least I hadn’t made time to remember.
Life gets busy, and years pass by without you realizing.
Without you getting the things you want.
And I have decided I would like to be in a relationship. With this man, if possible.
Dean is right, we’re speed dating. Part of it is the forced proximity of sharing the guest house.
He’s right the heck there and will continue to be so each and every night, apparently.
The only time we’re not around each other is when we’re at work.
And when we’re at work, we’re probably both too busy to stop and think all of this through.
Which brings us right back to being together and whoa.
My heart is beating like a drum while my mind does its best to keep up.
All of these hopes and dreams fill up my head at a dizzying rate.
“Thank you for coming out with me tonight,” he says in his smooth, deep voice.
“You’re very welcome. Thank you for asking me.”
“How about tomorrow night, if you don’t already have plans, you pick what we do?”
I smile. “That sounds great.”
“It’s a date,” he says and leans in for a kiss. This one is gentle and tame just like the other he gave me in the hallway back at the bar. There’s none of the smoldering heat from the middle of the night. We were all wet mouths and clutching hands then. This is sweet but perfunctory.
Though there’s always the chance I’m overthinking things. Again. It must be amazing to have some chill and be good at relationships and dating. Imagine the lack of worrying such a person would do. You could take up a new hobby with all of the time you’d save.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” he says and heads for his bedroom. When he reaches his door, he raises a hand in farewell.
I return the motion with a hesitant smile.
And then he is gone from view. The door is closed, and our date is over. It was a success, I think.
The house is quiet as can be, and outside, everything is dark.
At this hour of night, it seems the whole world is asleep.
Or holding its breath waiting for the next thing to happen.
Tonight was fine. It was good. We went on a date and, apart from a hiccup, it was great.
Said hiccup probably even strengthened our burgeoning relationship when you think about it.
I am on the whole content with tonight’s events.
I wander into my bedroom, slipping off my shoes and stretching my toes.
It’s not that I thought he would necessarily try to get into my pants on the first date.
But those kisses were a little lackluster.
Harsh but true. I know for a fact that he can do better.
Instead, he took our heat level down a notch or two.
Or three. The woman in the mirror has no answers.
I take off my makeup and brush my teeth and change into pajamas.
Not even comfortable fluffy socks can solve this quandary.
I lie on my bed in the dark for almost an hour.
My brain won’t quiet down, and I don’t know what to do.
Though in all honesty I do know what to do, I’m just not sure if I should do it.
Making decisions like this can be a right bitch.
My hands curl into fists, and it’s all so frustrating.
Along with the button to turn the libido on and off, there definitely needs to be one for the brain.
A little sleep mode switch behind the ear or something.
How useful. I consider going the warm milk and cookie route.
But I’m not really hungry, and sugar would probably not help.
I can’t read for a while because my mind won’t focus on anything else.
It is all Dean and me town up there. Too many thoughts and feelings going on.
Not even a meditation app on my cell can calm me down.
It’s like I’m in Oregon and sleep is in Maine.
No joke. The other side of the country. And no, I am not being needlessly dramatic.
Much.
It takes me a good minute of standing in front of Dean’s bedroom door to work up the nerve to knock.
Then I start out so softly he would need superpowers to have heard.
Ugh. Me. Honestly. I give knocking a less timid attempt and then stand there to wait.
If he hadn’t figured out I could be complicated and high maintenance now and then, he soon will. Which is probably for the best.
He answers in those sleep pants with a bare chest and feet. Just how does this man expect me to not ogle him? It’s impossible. His eyes are sleeping, his dark hair adorably ruffled. He gives me a fond smile as he says, “Jude. Is everything okay?”
“I’m sorry to disturb you, but you said you wanted honesty, and I had a thought that couldn’t wait.”
“Okay.”
“Why did you pull back on the heat level?”
He cocks his head. “Why did I what?”
“Last night in the kitchen we made out and it was great. But tonight it was like I could have been your sister.”
“My sister?” He raises his chin. “Trust me when I tell you I do not consider you to be sibling like in any way.”
I take a step back. “Okay. Sorry I woke you.”
“Wait.” He grabs hold of my hand. “Jude, the thing is, I got to thinking, and I thought maybe we should slow down. That I should take the time to woo you properly.”
“Oh.”
“We’re not even at forty-eight hours of knowing each other yet. It is damn tempting knowing you’re so close. But I’ve got this feeling about us. I want it to work.” He licks his lips. “Listen to me, in no way at all do I see you as sisterly.”
I exhale hard. “Good. That all sounds…good.”
“But if we’re going to start spending a lot of time together like I hope we are, I don’t want you to feel rushed or pressured.
Does that make sense?” He rubs the pad of his thumb back and forth over my knuckles.
Such fleeting contact. Not a big deal at all.
But the sensation seems to run straight through me, setting me alight.
“You’ve got a good feeling about us?”
“Yes.”
“Me too.”
“Think you can sleep now?”
I consider the question then shake my head slowly. “No.”
He frowns.
“You remember what it was like when you were waiting for Christmas as a child? Trying to sleep the night before was next to impossible. All you could think about was the presents that some strange man with a beard wearing red velvet was going to break into your house and leave underneath the tree. The adrenaline would be pumping and your mind racing and…you know what I mean?”
His smile more than reaches his eyes. “Are you comparing me to Christmas?”
“Yes. And you may not have guessed this about me, but I am impatient. Especially when it comes to you, apparently.” I take a deep breath.
“The other thing is, if we’re not going to work out, I’d rather know sooner than later.
It’ll hurt less. I mean, we could just not work in bed.
It could happen. Just because we have chemistry kissing doesn’t mean everything will be great. ”
“I’m pretty sure it’ll be great,” he says with all of the arrogance.
“I want proof. Now.”
The smile increases to a grin. “That’s what you want, huh?”
I nod.
“Are you thinking fucking or making love?” he asks playfully. “Where is this mood of yours at, hmm?”
“Let’s start with the first and see how we go.”
The man stares down at me in wonder. At least, I choose to believe that’s the expression in his eyes. Best just to check, however.
“Do you think I’m being too forward or aggressive?”
“No. Hell no.” His brows draw down. “What I was thinking was…I must have done something very right to land me in this moment with you. No idea what it could be. But I am extremely grateful.”
I smile back at him.
“Can’t believe you think we wouldn’t work in bed, though. Not going to lie, Jude. That hurts.”
“So prove me wrong, Dean. Prove me wrong.” I take off my Henley pajama top, leaving us both bare from the waist up. The way his gaze dips down, over my breasts and belly is delicious indeed. My thighs clench, and I am definitely in need. “Whenever you’re ready.”
He gazes at me as if I am indeed a hot dream come to life. “Whatever you want, Jude.”
Kissing shouldn’t be seen as being especially dangerous or a contact sport.
But the way we go at it, it just might be.
Our mouths meet and meld and oh yes. This was what I wanted.
Hot, wet, and all consuming. Tongues tangle and teeth clash.
There’s no stopping us now that we’ve started.
No slowing down or being sensible. Whatever his thoughts were on taking our time before, he is all in and all over me now.
My hands grip his shoulders before wrapping around his neck.
While his coast down my back and over my butt.
Polite society may not deem it considerate to climb a person.
But Dean has no such problems. Thank goodness.
He lifts me, and my legs go around his waist nice and tight.
I am the spider monkey equivalent of a woman.
No way am I letting go. Still kissing our hearts out, he turns and walks us into his room.
I love dragging my fingers through his thick hair.
Grabbing a handful and holding on tight.
His fingers dig into my thighs, and he groans low in his throat.
Quite possibly the hottest sound I have ever heard.