16—Little Rock （Stage Left）
“If you give me a reason to stay, I’ll give you two to walk away…”
Colored lights streak through the air and pepper the stage surface beneath me as the music blasts through my in-ear monitors. My heart is racing, adrenaline pumping like it always does when I step in front of thousands (sometimes millions) of people. It’s a high I’ll never get used to. Nor do I want to. There’s something magical about transcending reality to the place where the music lives, where performance lifts me from a woman with a gift to a goddess in her paradise. It’s not about the adoration, though. It’s about that one brief moment of seeing myself for who I really am, the part that only reveals itself when someone is fully connected with what they love.
“I’m not here to have fun
I’m here to be the one
That got away
If you think I can’t play your game
You better be right or you might find
You’ve always been playing mine.”
I sashay across the stage, my backup dancers following in a tightly choreographed shadow. Sweat beads all over my body, but I barely feel it. For the last hour, it’s just been me and the music. Me and twenty thousand strangers who were brought together by something that came out of my head and heart. That’s what music is. That’s the power it has, and the reason I will never let anyone take it from me.
“I need your help with this last chorus, Little Rock!” I shout while waving over the crowd. The responding eruption is so thunderous it shakes the floor. I pull out an in-ear monitor so I can absorb the magnificent response while the instrumental echoes around us. The audience gets louder and louder with each beat pushing us toward the explosive climax we feel in our blood.
“They say I’m just another pretty girl with a pretty voice!” I roar over the swelling music. “You know what I say to that?”
The cheering explodes.
A grin breaks on my lips.
I tip the mic back toward me with a vicious smile.
“I’m pretty dang sure they’re wrong!”
I’m accustomed to the rush at this time of the night. Blood racing through my body, senses on high alert, euphoric, limitless energy—none of it is new as I move through the underbelly of the arena after my set. What’s different is the cause of the reaction, which is so much more than the typical performance high I’m used to. This anxiety comes with faces and lingering uncertainty.
Nash is here, yay! I can’t wait to catch up with him and give him a real hug after our initial reunion was cut short by Jarvis’ ego. But that’s not the face haunting me all night. Even on stage, when normally I’m so in the zone nothing can distract me, he did. This thing with Jarvis is annoying, but being out of sync with Val is rocking me to my core.
I remembered too late about the letter I left on my bed. I was going to give it to him tonight anyway, but there was a whole plan that went with it. Part of me has been praying he won’t find it. The other part desperately hopes he has. I don’t trust myself to actually go through with it and everything in there needs to be said.
I know I have a bad track record with men, but Val isn’t just some guy. He’s my person on so many levels and the thought of losing him has been… well, it made me write a letter.
On top of that, I’ve been tormented by my sister’s text earlier today. Her question was totally fair and should have been harmless. Of course she developed a crush on Val and wants his number. She has no reason to think he’s off-limits or that her interest would gut me. If anything, I should be glad we did such a great job hiding our relationship. But “glad” is not the emotion coursing through me at the moment.
“You good?” J-Dawg asks as we approach my bus. “Need anything else?”
This is my first tour with the newest member of my private security detail. He came highly recommended by Nash’s roommate Marcos, and so far has more than lived up to the hype.
“Yes, I’m fine. Thanks, guys.”
“We’ll wait here until roll-out,” Travis says.
“Great, thanks. Hey, uh, one thing maybe.” I bite my lip as the shocking request circles through my mind. Am I really going to do this?
“Everything okay?” J-Dawg asks, his eyes softening with concern. His massive size, shaved head, and endless tattoos make him the perfect intimidating force, but underneath is a teddy bear that makes me feel not just safe, but cared for.
“Yeah, of course. It’s just, Jarvis and I had a little spat. I’d like some time apart from him, so please don’t let him on the bus if he approaches. Tell him I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”
Might as well get them used to this. Once I break things off with Jarvis, we’ll be having this conversation often and in more severe terms.
Their surprised looks don’t surprise me, but I’m glad I said it when a weight immediately lifts. I hadn’t even realized how much his presence drags down my spirit. Funny how Val does the opposite.
“Of course, Ms. Scott,” Travis says, his brow furrowed.
“We got you,” J-Dawg assures me with an emphatic nod.
“Thank you. Really. I so appreciate you all and everything you do.”
“It’s an honor, Ms. Scott,” Travis says.
“Ugh. Why can’t you call me Larinda? I’ve been asking for years.”
A slight smile pulls at the corner of the hard man’s mouth. “Won’t happen, Ms. Scott. Have a nice night.”
I give him my best mean face which just makes the smile grow further.
“One day I will break you,” I huff, and now J-Dawg is grinning as well. Great… Maybe there’s a course on being mean I can take.
“You’re welcome to try, Ms. Scott,” Travis says through a chuckle.
I return a playful grunt as they punch in the code to open the door.
Bubbles erupt in my stomach when I hear Val’s voice from inside the bus. My fingers tingle with the desire to touch him. I miss the hard warmth of his body, the sweet fire of his kisses. I miss feeling the opposite of how I’ve felt all day.
His gaze lands on me the second I appear, but it’s Nash who comes forward first.
“Hey! How’d it go tonight?” he asks, moving in for a hug.
I throw my arms around him and squeeze.
“It went fine,” I say, my voice muffled against his shoulder. “Still not sure about the transition into ‘Moonlight Musings.’ It’s too abrupt, in my opinion.”
I brought up this issue multiple times in rehearsals but they insisted the transition would work once we ironed out the timing. Four shows in and nothing has been ironed.
“Maybe see if they can adjust the tracks and lights to a hard stop to shave off a second or two,” Val says, his gaze locking on me.
My insides swirl around, my pulse racing. What is he thinking right now?
“It’s counterintuitive,” he continues, “but killing the energy completely instead of trying to bring it down might work better. Not ideal, but would probably be the easiest change to pull off on the fly.”
I swallow hard, nodding through the knot in my stomach.
“I’ll look into it. Thanks,” I say quietly.
He nods back and averts his gaze.
My heart pounds as I study him. The way he’s braced against the wall has my body straining to press into him. It’s become my default position, so not being close feels wrong. My fingers ball into a fist at my side.
“Hey, so we have to talk to you,” Nash says.
I force my attention to Nash, still burning beneath Val’s intense stare. Did he read the letter? Or is this just the tension from everything else that’s happened lately?
My stomach ached the entire time Jarvis forced him to watch us together. I never hated my ex. I’ve never hated anyone, but in that moment, the true ugliness of that man was on full display. The fact that he would bully someone he knew couldn’t fight back, almost made me call it off right then and there.
But Val did fight back. Somehow my brilliant, fearless boy managed to turn that entire situation around and steal it from Jarvis. Based on my ex’s sulking for the rest of the day, Val is going to pay dearly for that, but it was worth it to see Jarvis groveling for once. He was furious when he looked at his photos and saw the countless images of that same pole. I could barely hold in my laugh and was bursting with love for Val at that moment.
And now he won’t even look at me.
What if he read the letter and is even more wary of me?
“You might want to sit down,” Nash says.
My stomach drops at the strange suggestion, and I cast a quick glance at Val.
“It will be okay,” Val says gently. “We just want to fill you in on something we’ve learned.”
That wasn’t the tone of someone who hates me, at least.
With shaky legs, I lower myself on the couch beside Nash. Val is still leaning against the wall on my other side.
“There’s no point in sugarcoating this,” Nash says. “We don’t have time for that anyway. Val found this in Jarvis’ dressing room.” He hands me a tablet showing a photo of a piece of paper. I recognize Jarvis’ handwriting, but the rest doesn’t make sense.
“Get her to dump me. Better if she cheats? What does this mean?”
“We think it means this engagement is part of some bigger plan,” Val says. “We don’t know what it is yet, but we do know you breaking it off is a big phase of it. He wants you to break up with him, Larinda. He may have proposed for this very purpose.”
My world spins for a second. The lights, the air, time itself—it’s all hazy as those words settle around me. He wants me to break up with him? He forced this proposal I didn’t want just so he could hurt me with it? What kind of monster would do something like that?!
The kind that cares about no one but himself. The kind that would bully subordinates because he can. The kind that would… wait.
I stiffen and twist back to Val.
“The green room,” I say, meeting his gaze. “That’s why you said all that stuff. You were trying to prevent me from calling off the engagement because of this threat.”
He looks down, and my heart breaks at the pain on his face.
“Val,” I breathe out.
“Of course I didn’t want to lose you,” he says. “Hurting you fucking gutted me. I just didn’t know what else to do.”
Oh my gosh.
I jump to my feet and pull him against me. His arms fold around me, and I burrow close, determined never to let go again.
“And I feel the same way,” he says softly against my hair. “You don’t have to wait for anything.”
Relief and joy explode inside me. He read it! He read the letter and accepted it. Emotion lodges in my throat as I hug him tighter.
I love you. So, so much.
And I don’t even have to say it because I already did. There’s a lot more to tell him, but maybe not with an audience.
Nash and Paige don’t seem as horrified as I expect when I glance at them, however. Paige is tucked against Nash in a similarly protective embrace and their smiles give me hope that our fairy tale could have a happy ending somehow.
“So what’s next?” I ask, turning in Val’s arms so my back is to his front. He starts to pull away, and I grab his wrists to lock them across my chest. His soft laugh at my possessive move sends all kinds of warm fizzles through me.
He’ll be lucky if I ever let him go again.
“Next we find out the rest of his evil plan,” Nash says.
“Any ideas on how to do that?” Paige asks.
“I do,” Val says, and I tilt my head back to him. He kisses my forehead, which sorta makes me melt. “I’ll work Chad. He brags about how involved he is in Jarvis’ activities. He might know something.”
“Chad?!” Paige and Nash say in unison.
“Bet he was thrilled to see you,” Val says to Nash in a dry tone.
“Chad isn’t exactly a fan of mine,” Nash replies. “You should do your best to underplay your friendship with me.”
“He said you’re a terrible spy.”
“He’s right,” Paige quips. “Love you,” she sings at his wry look.
Nash rolls his eyes.
“And in the meantime, I guess I’m staying engaged?” I say.
Val deflates behind me, and I lace my fingers with his in reassurance.
“I don’t like the idea of him touching you,” he mumbles.
“I don’t either, which is why if he tries, he’s getting an elbow instead,” I say matter-of-factly. “You, on the other hand…”
I turn to face him again, and my blood goes hot as we slide together. It’s like my body’s been starved of contact with him for years, not hours. I don’t know how you can miss something you barely had, but here we are.
“What about me?” he returns with a sly smile.
My teeth sink into my lip as I cast a quick glance at the others. Sigh.
I face him again and frame his head with my hands.
“You’re bunking with me tonight,” I whisper, pulling him in for a soft kiss.
I just love the taste of his grin.