Chapter 58 #2
“You think about how stupid that was,” Saltzy says gently, leaning forward on his elbows. He glances at me. “And you take a fucking second to feel better before you do anything at all.”
“He’s my…”
“Don’t worry about it right now,” Saltzy says, straightening in his seat. “You did what you did, and he did what he did. I’m a bit more pissed off at him than at you right now, so if there’s a divorce, you very well might get custody of me.”
I glance at him, wincing at the pain in my face. I’d laugh if this wasn’t so fucked up. “I’m not going to press charges.”
Saltzy shakes his head, glaring at the floor. “I don’t give a fuck about his fate in this case, Boss.”
Broken cheekbone, broken nose, and a popped blood vessel in my eye. To be honest, I think Fork went easy on me.
Saltzy and Wyatt drive me home, but they refuse to leave.
I’m too tired to argue, so I let them do what they want to do.
They take one of the guest rooms, and I fall into my own bed with Wanton tucked next to my side, because the guy seems to know something is up and won’t leave my side.
Someone comes in every couple of hours to check on me, making sure I didn’t croak in my sleep or anything.
Wanton growls every time they touch me, but relaxes when I pet his fur.
When I wake up, both of them are in my kitchen, my house is spotless, and there’s a full breakfast waiting for me. I’m not hungry, but Saltzy sits beside me and glares at me until I eat. I manage half a breakfast sandwich and that satisfies him enough.
Declan shows up an hour later, dark circles under his eyes and stress woven into every crevice of his face.
Both Wyatt and Saltzy seemed surprised to see him.
He walks in without knocking and strolls into the kitchen, greeting the boys before his eyes find at the table.
His face loses all colour at the sight of my injuries.
I looked in the mirror when I took a piss this morning. I didn’t even recognize myself, so I understand the shock. Declan physically has to stop and bring his hand to his mouth.
I don’t know if he’s here to scold me, but I won’t snap at him if he does.
I know I messed up and it was in a big, fucked up way.
Surprisingly, he doesn’t say anything at all.
Instead, he walks toward me and places both of his hands on my shoulders.
When I don’t acknowledge him, because I can’t, he leans down and winds his arms around me.
“You should be with him,” I mumble.
“I’m exactly where I should be,” he corrects. “I was with him all night.”
I wince. I don’t know what that insinuates. Was it because he was furious and losing his mind? Was it because there had to be a barrier between him and Ariana? Was Carter a wreck? Was she?
Declan grabs a breakfast sandwich from the plate and walks to the other side of the table, plopping down next to Wyatt. His hazel eyes skim over my face again, noting every injury and hint of agony.
“That might have been the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”
Saltzy sighs, sipping his coffee.
I just grunt, because maybe. But it also wasn’t. I don’t know how to describe it. I’m empty at this point. I just mean that I know it was wrong, but she was right. She’s always been right.
“I fought with him last night, too. I almost swung. If Arden hadn’t jumped in between us, we’d probably have matching friendship bruises.”
My eyes finally meet his. “What?”
He nods. “He was out of his fucking mind, man. But that shit that happened at Icebox was not okay. You fucked up, but you didn’t hurt her.
You guys were having fun, hooking up, whatever the hell you were doing, and it probably sucked for him to hear but…
there is no excuse. I lost it on him and he was still too angry to think clearly. ”
“I deserved it,” I mutter, wrapping my hand around my mug.
“No,” he says, his tone stern. “You didn’t.”
Saltzy runs his hands over his face. “This team is at fucking war right now. We all need to calm the fuck down.”
Wyatt leans forward on his elbows. He’s been quiet all morning, watching me, studying me. “It wasn’t just for fun, was it?”
Everyone’s eyes snap to me.
I meet his inquisitive stare. “I don’t know. It was supposed to be, but…I don’t know.”
Declan’s eyes soften.
Yeah, there were feelings involved. That might make it worse, I don’t know.
It started out purely selfish for both of us, lying to Forker so we didn’t have to stop what we were doing.
But then we were having sleepovers, we were talking all night long, spending time together beyond getting off.
It morphed into something else at some point, and I let her run only because I don’t know what I want in life anymore, and I can’t convince her to want to stay with me if I don’t know what I can give her.
There has been a lot of change in my life, in me, and I need a minute.
I think the answer is just that I want her. I want the certainty that every week, every day, and every hour will have her in it. And I think it can be that simple. If I want it to be.
I’ve just never wanted it to be before.
“Well, shit,” Lowesy whispers.
“This is on me, guys. Nobody treats him any differently.”
“I can’t promise that,” Saltzy says. Lowesy drags his gaze to Cap as he shakes his head. “That shit was beyond fucked up. I’m still pissed off. I don’t want to see Fork until I have to. I need a few days without him anywhere near me.”
“He’s calmed down,” Lowesy offers.
“I don’t give a shit,” Saltzy snaps. “Until he’s apologizing, and until Boston’s face looks like a fucking face again, I don’t care how calm he is. He can fuck off.”
“He’s trying,” Lowesy says quietly. “To…stop being like this. He’s doing his anger management and his therapy.
This was just…there was no pulling him out of that.
He isn’t healthy enough yet. He knows he has a problem, man, but he’s been trying.
Boston did the only thing he could have done to set him off like that. ”
Guilt presses down on my shoulders again.
Lowesy glances at me. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he was right, Boss. He wasn’t. None of what he did is excusable. I’m just saying that you knew what the outcome was going to be. We all did.”
I think about that conversation at his place. When he warned me.
“It’s his fucking mouth that I’m worried about,” Saltzy bites out, slamming his mug down on the table.
I swallow, my gaze staying locked on Lowesy. My confidant. One of the few people who knows every version of me and my history. He and Wyatt both avert their eyes to the table instead. They all heard every word, I guess. Great. My secrets are no longer my own.
Lemmy shows up next, storming into the house with worry all over her face.
It’s abundantly clear she hasn’t slept. She gasps when she sees me, and is immediately buried inside my freezer, fishing out an ice pack.
She marches right to my side and presses it gently to my face, pulling her chair right up to mine.
I take it she knows the details, too. Not sure how, but she does.
I glance down at her, and those gray eyes search mine. Something about her presence breaks down my fortress. She’s always been my sounding board. The arms that I fall apart in. I swallow heavily, my eyes lining with tears that I have tried my hardest to keep inside.
Pull it together. I’m not the one who deserves to be upset here.
She reaches for my hand. I squeeze the life out of hers. “She’s a good one to lose your eyesight for.”
I huff a laugh of disbelief.
Lowesy winces at the joke altogether.
They stay the majority of the day. I think they’re worried about me, either about my mental state or that my injuries are worse than I’m letting on. Saltzy and Wyatt leave first. After being here all night, they shouldn’t have stayed as long as they did in the first place.
Lowesy leaves a few hours after them, making sure to give me one of the tightest hugs in the world before he does. He tells me that he loves me and that he’ll come back to see me tomorrow.
Lemmy stays.
That’s when I lose it a bit, on the couch with her.
She rubs my back and holds me, ices my face, and force-feeds me my medication.
When I doze off, she goes out back in her heels and feeds the animals, lets the dogs out, and makes me lunch.
She doesn’t ask, even though I know she wants to.
She waits. Like she always does. Like I do for her.
“He’s never going to forgive me,” I say finally, wincing as I ice my face.