Chapter 58 #3
She glances at me, buried under a blanket, Toke is snoring on top of her feet. Clover is snoozing under that blanket with her.
“He will.”
“You didn’t see him.”
“But I know him,” she reminds me gently. Her gray eyes scan my face, and it’s clear that it pains her to look at me. “He feels things deeply. Anger, yes. But love? Immensely.”
“Betrayal?” I huff, dropping the ice pack to my lap.
“It’ll sting for a bit,” she admits, running her hand over Toke’s fur. “There was always going to be a moment, Boston. A situation where he realizes that she’s her own person, and that she holds back because of him. He can’t control her. She should be allowed to date who she wants to date.”
“He’s just protecting her,” I mumble, offering yet another excuse for my buddy’s behaviour. Because I hurt him.
Lemmy stares at the side of my face. “From you?”
I glance at her through the one eye that I can still see through. “From the world, I guess.”
“If I wanted to keep someone safe,” she says calmly, reaching toward me. She pulls the ice pack from my lap and brings it back up to my face, nodding when I grumble and reach up to hold it there. “You would be my first choice to look after them. He would be my second.”
Something warm and painful opens up in my chest. We have always been protective of each other, him and I, and of our people.
We made our own crew in this city. A place that was neither of our homes before we made it such.
Declan’s friend group would never pull the shit I pulled. That’s real loyalty.
“I crossed the line, Lem.”
She sighs, dropping her head to the back of the couch. “By sleeping with her, or by falling for her?”
My eyes fall to my lap. So, it’s obvious then.
She rolls her head to look at me. “You’re allowed to fall in love, Boston. So is she. He can’t have a say in that for either of you.”
“I ruined my relationship with him over it.”
“With her, too, it seems,” she says gently. She reaches for me, and I give her my free hand, letting her squeeze it. “People like you and I fight with everything we’ve got to avoid those feelings. To avoid permanence. To avoid commitment.”
I dip my chin. She’s right.
“If you meet someone who changes that for you. Who makes you want more rather than less—chase that, Boston.” She studies my face, squeezing my fingers again. “You have a shot at a different kind of happiness. Something beyond this…stagnance that people like us have grown comfortable living in.”
“I can’t do it to him.”
“But you can do it to yourself?” she asks, cocking a brow. “He can’t be angry with you for taking care of her. For seeing her the way he’s always dreamed of someone seeing her. He’s just mad that you’ve been lying, that you guys have been sneaking around.”
“He would have been mad either way.”
She shoots me a look. “For a minute, maybe, but don’t go pretending like this was the right way to handle this. You should have talked to him.”
“I know.” I sigh, dropping the ice pack again.
“You’re a good man, and you are my best friend,” she says, and I brush my thumb against her knuckles. Likewise. “Don’t let go of someone who infuses your life with sunshine. For those of us who are dark and stormy, that light can change the view.”
“I knew it would happen and I still went through with it,” I admit, clearing my throat. “I knew that she would be the easiest person in the world to fa…”
My voice trails off. Can’t finish that sentence. The words get stuck in my throat.
Lemmy smiles, leaning into the cushion and nodding. “She is.”
“She knows about us,” I tell her.
Lemmy’s dark brows furrow a bit. She lifts her head. “What?”
“She asked. I couldn’t lie to her.”
Lemmy stares at me. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry if that betrayed your trust,” I mumble. Might as well get all the apologies out now.
“No, it’s okay,” she says. “If you felt comfortable telling her that, that’s your choice.”
“We were good for each other, Lem. Me and you,” I tell her, forcing a gentle smile.
She leans her head against the cushion again and I find myself hoping for her.
Hoping she’ll find the person that brightens up her view, too.
She’s beautiful. She’s caring. Smartest person I’ve ever met.
She’s stronger than anyone I know. She deserves that, if she’ll let herself have it.
“We put each other back together, I think.”
She smiles warmly, a bit of emotion dancing in her eyes. I bring her hand to my mouth and press a kiss to it. I love her. Not in the romantic way, but deeply, in a way that matters just the same.
“We did,” she says quietly. “If I was somebody who was ever going to get married, you’d be my man of honour. No question.”
I snort, and her smile widens. I truly am grateful for every minute she’s been in my life. “You’re my best friend, too, Lem.”
She dips her chin and then reaches forward. For a moment, I think she’s going to hug me, but instead, she grabs that ice pack from my lap and holds it out to me, a look of warning on her face.
I press it to my eye, biting back a smirk as she lets out a long, deep breath, and not for the first time in my life do I wonder how she puts up with any of us.