16. Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Savannah
I woke up this morning dreading going back to work. The time I spent away from Kenzi during her developmental years makes me sad. It’s not that I don’t want to work, but I just don’t want to miss those all-important milestones with her. She’s growing so fast, and when she talks, she’s got this little baby way of pronouncing words that is so damn cute. That will change soon, and she will become more independent. She will be the only child I’ll ever have, unfortunately. I always wanted a large family, but now I know that’s not in the cards for me. There was no way I could bring another child into the home I shared with Derek. He would have killed me first, and now there is no way I can support another child with a single income. Plus, adoption costs too much money and men aren’t in my future, so, I’ve accepted that there will only ever be Kenzi.
The pain and sadness I feel about missing out on my daughter’s milestones sucks, but I also know it’s natural to want to be there for every moment of her growth and development. The way she pronounces words, in her adorable baby talk, is something that brings me so much joy, and it’s bittersweet to think that it won’t last forever.
In the meantime, I focus on cherishing the time I have with Kenzi and creating beautiful memories together. Find solace in knowing that I’m doing my best as a mother and providing a loving and nurturing environment for my daughter. That’s what’s most important now.
After getting Kenzi ready, we step outside and there on the porch is a gift box with a single long-stemmed rose on top. Since I planned to drop Kenzi off at Kate’s before heading to work, I decide to open the box there and then.
God, I hope it’s not another gift from Declan; the last one was way too expensive. I don’t want him to get any ideas about us. We can’t happen. I’ve tried to avoid any confusion about our relationship, but it’s obvious that’s no longer possible. He seems determined to do … well, that’s just it, I don’t know what he’s determined to do. It can’t be dating if he hasn’t even asked me out yet. He just acts like a caveman, and I have no idea what that even means. He acts like he’s insane, so who knows what the hell he’s thinking. I’m a stranger and yet he thinks I belong to him.
My cheeks flush at the memory of his hand in my wet panties yesterday. There is no way I can deny there’s a spark of attraction between us after that, but our relationship cannot progress. It doesn’t matter how hot he is, I can’t trust him, Besides, the attraction I feel towards him is probably because I’ve only been with my husband, and Declan is the first man who has ever given me this much attention.
I pull the top off the box and peer inside, only to see a brand-new Kindle. There is also a princess doll, which I assume is for Kenzi, and another note. “Of course there is a note.” I roll my eyes. “What kind of psycho wouldn’t leave a note?”
Kenzi overhears me and now has latched on to the worst part of what I just said. “Momma psycho, Momma psycho.” She giggles.
I know a child doesn’t know what that word means, but if she calls me psycho out in public, I’m going to crawl under the nearest rock and die of embarrassment.
Savannah,
Good morning, my beautiful girls. Kenzi told me at breakfast the other day that she loves princesses, so I hope she likes her doll. For you, I loaded that Kindle with books I think you will enjoy. Get used to getting everything your heart desires.
Love,
Decla n
Using the cell phone Declan gave me, I log onto Amazon to see how much he spent. The Kindle is the most expensive version, and Kenzi’s doll isn’t cheap either. I don’t understand why he is doing all of this. Kate has got to get a leash on him. Maybe she can talk to Declan and get him to see reason.
After pulling into Kate’s driveway, I brace myself for the talk I must have with her.
“Come on, Kenzi, let’s go see Kate. Momma has to go to work.”
Kenzi claps her little pudgy hands. “Kay, Momma work. Momma psycho. Momma work psycho.”
I can’t roll my eyes hard enough at my child. She really picks the strangest words to remember.
Once we get inside, I try to delicately get Kate onboard to talk to Declan.
“Hey, hon,” Kate greets me with a quick side hug.
Kenzi runs straight to Kate, screaming her name. “Kay.”
“Hello, my darling girl.” She lifts Kenzi up and hugs her tight. I wish she were Kenzi’s grandmother. She would make a great one.
“Kate, I need to talk to you.” I try to be firm but respectful.
“Savannah, what’s wrong?”
“Your son is what’s wrong. ”
“Oh? Which one, and what has he done?”
“Declan. He’s lost his mind. He bought me an expensive cell phone. Then this morning, I walk outside and there on the porch is a gift box with a Kindle for me and a doll for Kenzi.”
“Aww, my son is so sweet to remember to bring your daughter a gift as well. I raised the boy right.” She smiles.
“Kate, I woke up a couple of days ago and he was in the kitchen cooking pancakes for breakfast with my three year old.” I sigh.
“I’m so glad someone stepped in and gave you a break. You really should relax more, Savannah,” she chides, still completely oblivious to my concerns.
Scrunching my brows together, I attempt to get her to understand my issue. “He thinks I’m his. What he means by that I have no idea, but he’s very possessive. He left me a rose as well this morning.”
“I know. I grew that rose. Wasn’t it just beautiful?” She smiles again, like it’s the best thing in the world that her son is obsessed with a stranger.
“Don’t you think his obsession is getting a little out of hand? It’s just not healthy, Kate.”
Kate steps up to me and puts her arm around my shoulders, as if she’s about to give me a motherly chat. “Savannah, sweetheart, I think it’s very healthy. My son is finally living again. His ex did a real number on my boy, and he’s been broken-hearted ever since. Refusing to have anything to do with anyone and rarely seeing me, he isolated himself up on that mountain. With you and Kenzi, he’s got something that he cares about again. It does my heart good to see my son happy again.”
“But, Kate—”
“Wait, listen,” she interrupts me. “Consider it from my perspective. As a mother, wouldn’t you be overjoyed if your child, who had lived a lonely and sad life for two years, found happiness again?”
When she puts it that way, I don’t know what else I can say to her. I would absolutely be overjoyed if this were Kenzi.
“I can’t imagine what Declan felt when he was so badly betrayed by two people he cared about,” I agree.
“So, you understand why I’m not going to discourage my son’s newfound affection for you and Kenzi?”
“I don’t think it’s exactly affection, but yes, I get where you’re coming from.” Feeling guilty, I struggle to make eye contact with Kate. She’s his mother, for fuck’s sake. Of course she’s going to side with her child.
“It’s affection. He’s talked to me about it. My son hasn’t talked to me about anything important in a very long time.”
“Really?”
“Yes. He came by to steal a rose from my garden. Wasn’t it just gorgeous?” She giggles to herself.
Stunned, I reply, “Yes, it was exquisite.”
“Experiencing betrayal from someone you believed loved you is a truly terrible pain.” Kate’s eyes well up with tears, and I move to pat her on the shoulder before she continues, “I never thought that someone I trusted and loved could betray me like Silas did, and I’m sure my son felt the same way about his fiancé.” Kate’s voice trembles with emotion. “We shared so much. Two sons, hopes, and dreams together. I believed that our love was unbreakable, that we were a team against the world. But now, all those beautiful memories are tainted by the overwhelming feeling of betrayal. It’s as if a knife has been plunged into my heart, twisting with every beat. The pain is indescribable, and I’m sure Declan felt the same way. No mother wants their child to endure that much pain. I question everything now, doubting my own judgment, and wondering how I could have been so blind. It’s devastating to realize that the person I loved and thought loved me back was capable of such betrayal.” Kate’s voice cracks, and she takes a deep breath, trying to compose herself amidst the overwhelming pain.
Standing silently with a look of contrition, I feel so guilty for causing Kate to relive her pain.
Placing her hand on my arm, she turns to me and our eyes meet. “So please, Savannah, give my son a chance. I don’t know what you went through before you came here, but I know it wasn’t good. You could have a glorious life here with Declan, and I already love you and Kenzi like you are my flesh and blood.” Kate reaches out and hugs me tight.
Not knowing what to say to that, I call Kenzi.
“Kenzi, baby, come give Momma a hug. I have to get to work.”
Kenzi hugs me goodbye tightly, her warm embrace offering a fleeting moment of solace.
As I step out of Kate’s house, a heavy weight settles upon my shoulders, exacerbating the already overwhelming guilt I feel regarding the situation with Declan. I can’t help but replay the conversation with his mother in my mind, each word echoing with remorse. It’s as if every complaint I voiced about our relationship now feels petty and insignificant compared to the immense trauma that they have endured as a family. Declan’s family has faced unimaginable pain since losing their father, husband, and his fiancé. And here I am, wallowing in my own self-pity. The realization hits me like a tidal wave, drowning me in a sea of shame. I can’t help but label myself as an ungrateful bitch, consumed by guilt for my insensitivity.
All Declan has done is shower me with kindness, from buying gifts for myself and Kenzi to cooking us breakfast and letting me sleep in on my day off. Because of my marriage to Derek, I appreciated nothing and only focused on myself.
I don’t know Declan’s side of the situation, but Kate told me about her husband cheating on her with her son’s fiancé. That’s unimaginable. I vow to myself that I will be less judgmental about Declan from now on. Maybe let him down a little more gently.
Upon getting to the diner, Chet calls out, “Savannah, there’s someone on the phone for you.”
Running over to answer the phone in case something has happened to Kenzi and Kate, I respond, “Okay, thank you Chet.”
“Hello?” I answer.
“Is this Savannah Anderson?” a man with a gruff voice asks.
“Mmm yes.” I realize in an instant that this might be someone seeking me out because of Derek, and the mere thought sends a shudder through my body. I have to be more careful when I answer the phone.
“I’m the owner of The Lucky Horseshoe Bar in Magnolia Falls. You filled out an application to work here.”
“Oh yes, sir, I did,” I confirm, relieved.
“If you are still interested, I want you to come in and start working as soon as possible. You will need to work nights and weekends. Does that work for you?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Can you come on Friday night to start?” he requests.
I realize I have to work out my schedule here at the diner, but I’ve talked to the owners, and they agreed to give me the morning shifts if I need them. Now I just have to make sure Kate will watch Kenzi while I work at the second job.
“Yes, thank you. I’ll see you then.”
While I end the phone conversation, Chet’s hungry gaze remains fixed on me from the counter. It gives me a creepy feeling. I can’t explain why Declan’s gaze doesn’t evoke the same emotions in me.