18. Chapter 17
Chapter 17
Savannah
Savannah
D eclan stands tall, his hand extended, waiting for me to either accept or reject him. I can feel the weight of his gaze on me, his eyes piercing into mine. The night air is filled with a nervous tension, broken only by the faint hum of the wind blowing. The scent of his cologne lingers in the air, a subtle blend of musk and sandalwood.
His words echo in my mind, his voice smooth and soothing. He speaks of control, of trust, and it resonates deep within me. I can’t help but appreciate his understanding, especially with delicate matters like sex and intimacy. I wish I were brave enough to try some of things I’ve read about in my books, but I can’t. Derek’s legacy has far-reaching consequences for me. But now, Declan’s offering me a choice, giving me the power to decide whether I want to spend the night with him. The weight of that decision is immense.
Yet, a part of me longs for something more, something beyond control. I long for someone who possesses the ability to take charge, someone who can offer me the much-needed relief that I desperately seek. I never trusted Derek enough, and with my history before him, I didn’t have anyone taking care of me. Fear lingers like a shadow in the back of my mind. Will Declan judge me if I express this desire? Will he think I’m a freak?
Trust is what I need, trust that he won’t hurt me. Only then can I find the courage to let go and surrender my control. My thoughts shift to Kenzi, my heart swelling with love for her. She’s already forming bonds with Declan and his family, and if our relationship were to falter, it could shatter her innocent heart.
I must prioritize her well-being, even if Declan is the most mesmerizing man I’ve ever laid eyes on. Memories of his mother’s plea flood my thoughts, urging me to give him a chance. I want to, despite the overwhelming fear that grips me. The prospect of happiness, a family for Kenzi that loves her unconditionally, is worth the risk.
Don’t I owe it to both of us to see where this journey takes us? The answer resounds within me, a resolute yes. I want to take that leap of faith, to embrace what Declan is offering. Suddenly, the possibilities stretch out before me, like a vast, uncharted landscape waiting to be explored. And in this moment, I feel a flicker of hope, a flicker that promises a brighter future for both me and Kenzi.
As I lock my gaze with him, the soft glow of the moon illuminates our bodies. The gentle rustle of leaves fills the air, adding a subtle symphony to the moment. The scent of freshly cut grass lingers, creating a sense of tranquility. With a tender gesture, I extend my hand towards him, feeling a rush as his warm hands touch mine.
“Declan, I’m about to take a leap here, but I need to decide. It’s all in or nothing at all. If you ever strike me in anger, if you verbally abuse me or Kenzi, or if you cheat on me, it’s over. No second chances. I can’t bear going through that pain again. And let me make this clear: if you ever lay a hand on my daughter or cause her any harm, I swear to you, I will protect her with all my might. Everyone eventually falls asleep, and always remember, she will always come first.”
A wide smile spreads across his face as he responds, “Savannah, you’re mine. You and Kenzi are a package deal, so that little girl is mine too. She will never have to worry about anyone hurting her again because I have shotguns and know how to use them.”
Then he pauses, his eyebrows clench in confusion. “Savannah, did you just threaten to kill me?”
“Damn right I did when it comes to my daughter.”
“Good girl! You keep that backbone you are growing. Not only is it good for you and Kenzi, but it also makes my dick hard.”
I can’t help myself. The situation was so hilarious that I burst into uncontrollable laughter.
“Let’s go inside now and remove this absurd makeup from your face.”
As Declan’s eyes widen with surprise, his cheeks quickly flush a deep shade of red. “Fuck, I forgot about that again.”
Whenever I see him, I simply cannot resist laughing. “I am going to guess that Kenzi played princess with you tonight?”
“Let’s agree, my sweet girl, to never bring up this topic again.”
“There is absolutely no way I will forget about this because it is just too funny.” I nudge him playfully, and he simply huffs.
“Guess you aren’t so sweet,” he mumbles.
We walk into his cabin, which is much larger than mine. It’s a stunning blend of modern but rustic charm. The open concept living room is decorated with log cabin style furniture, tastefully creating a cozy and inviting atmosphere. Large windows allow natural light to flood the space, offering breathtaking views of the surrounding forest and mountains. There are high ceilings, and the walls are filled with shelves and country decor. A state-of-the-art kitchen stands next to the living room, complete with high-end appliances and a stylish marble countertop. The bedrooms, tucked away on the upper level, have beds with luxurious linens and elegant décor. As we explore further, I notice an enormous deck overlooking a beautiful mountain side, perfect for relaxing and enjoying the peacefulness of nature. It’s clear that every detail of this cabin has been meticulously thought out, here, nestled amidst the wilderness. Comparing it to my modest cabin, I can’t help but feel a twinge of envy, knowing I won’t ever be able to give Kenzi a home like this.
Returning to the kitchen, Declan wets a cloth under the faucet, and meticulously wipes the makeup from his face.
“You have a beautiful home, Declan. I didn’t expect it to be so modern and decorated so beautifully. Mine is nothing like this.”
Tossing the damp cloth into the sink, he looks at me like he wants to say something but stops himself.
“Declan, if we are going to have a relationship, we both need to be honest with one another. I know I have things I need to tell you, but they could cost Kenzi and I our lives, so I haven’t. I promise I’m going to tell you those things tonight, but I want you to be open and honest with me as well.”
“Your cabin was the house I lived in with my ex, Lisa. After all the horrible memories there, I built a new place and rented that one out. Mom came in and decorated everything, but I built the log furniture myself.”
I gasp in pain. Even hearing him speak of another woman hurts right in my chest. Reaching up and rubbing where my heart would be, I try to listen, even through the throbbing pain.
Declan clears his throat and continues, “I caught her cheating on me more than once, and it destroyed my life and my family.”
He stares directly into my eyes to clarify that what he says is ironclad. I make no negotiations to encourage him to keep going, instead, I try to focus on what he’s saying with an open mind. While I was relieved when Derek was with other people, so I didn’t have to sleep with him, I don’t feel the same way about Declan. It would kill me to see him with another woman. The thought feels physically painful, and it makes me angry, even though I know it shouldn’t.
“You are going to find I’m quite controlling, and I don’t know why. I’ve never been this way with anyone else, but I have this constant need to make sure you are safe, but also that you are not with another man. Although I acknowledge it’s a problem with my mindset, I have no intention of putting an end to it. I need you to be open to me about where you are and who you are with. Trust between us is going to come slowly. ”
Feeling my cheeks burn, I decide to come clean to Declan. “I actually feel like I want someone to take control and make decisions for me. If you think I’m some kind of nut job or freak, I’ll understand. I can leave now; no hard feelings.”
“Stop.” Reaching up, he wraps his hand around my throat. In my romance novels, they call this a hand necklace. I always wanted to feel what it would be like for someone who wasn’t trying to hurt me to do that, and it seems to please Declan, as it’s not the first time he’s held me this way. He’s not exerting enough pressure to cut off my airway, just to control my movements. Bringing me in close, he crashes his lips onto mine, taking control of the kiss and pushing his tongue into my mouth. After our tongues duel—a battle he wins—he rests his forehead against mine.
“Never get embarrassed about something you need from me,” Declan states earnestly, his eyes locked onto mine.
The words echo in my mind, resonating with a sense of comfort and understanding. It is as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, freeing me from the shackles of self-consciousness and embarrassment. I can feel the tension in my body slowly dissipating, replaced by a newfound sense of ease.
As I process the meaning behind those words, I notice a subtle change in my physical state. The knots in my stomach loosen, allowing my breath to flow more freely. The tightness in my chest softens, making way for a gentle warmth that spreads throughout my body. It’s a soothing sensation, like a balm for the soul.
“Thank you, Declan. I’m sure you want me to tell you about my past.”
He gives me the same brief nod I gave him just minutes ago, letting me know it’s okay to talk.
“My childhood was rough, and I ended up in foster care. I was a teenager when I met my ex, and I thought he was great. He was the first person to be kind to me, and I was starving for human affection and companionship. I realized later he effectively groomed me, knowing I had no family to turn to after the horrors he inflicted upon me. Eventually, he even admitted as much.”
Tears well up in my eyes, and I work hard to swallow down the knot in my throat. Looking down at the floor, I try to keep the embarrassment and shame off my face.
“The first time he shoved me, the next time was a slap, and from there the strikes became punches and kicks. Welts and bruises turned to broken bones and scars. Derek would stay out drinking all night and come home smelling like perfume and stale sex. As disgusting as it was, I was grateful someone else was having to sleep with him, because the thought of him touching me made me vomit. ”
I can’t stop myself from wincing. “Eventually that wasn’t enough for him, and he started coming home with lipstick on his collar and cheap perfume clinging to his clothes. He wanted to rub it in my face that he was cheating. He’d rape me and he would make sure it hurt.”
I look over at Declan and see his expression cloud over to one of anger. Despite realizing this might be too much for him and send him running for the hills, I steel myself and prepare to tell my whole truth. It’s better if that happens now than later, when Kenzi is even more attached.
He must sense my hesitation because he tries to interrupt by giving me an out.
“Baby, you don’t have to tell me anymore.” He reaches over and touches my hand slowly as if scared he will startle me. When I look up at him, I see fat tears rolling down his cheeks.
“I need to finish, Declan. It’s okay.” I take a deep breath and continue, “He started saying things like Kenzi needed to watch because she needed to learn what being a wife was like, so she’d know what was expected of her.” Tears stream down my face as I sniffle, trying to catch my breath.
Declan’s jaw clenches and his nose flares. This is as hard for him to hear as it is for me to say it out loud.
“His attacks escalated, but so did his verbal and mental abuse. To the point I was worried Kenzi was next. I couldn’t take that chance, so we ran. A friend helped me, and we came to Magnolia Falls. If Derek finds me, I need you to promise me something, please.”
“He’s not fucking laying a hand on you or Kenzi ever again.” Declan jumps up with his fist clenched, but he quickly realizes his quick movements have caused me to flinch. “I’m so sorry, Savannah. I would never hurt you. You and Kenzi belong to me now. You’re mine. Mine to protect, and I will kill anyone who tries to hurt either of you.”
“Don’t treat me like I’m broken. I’ve been out of that situation for a year now. Even though it still hurts, I’m getting better every day. I just want to be treated normal, and I know that’s a lot to ask, considering you’ve seen me have a panic attack.” My voice comes out shaky, but louder than usual.
“No, baby, it’s not a lot to ask,” he reassures, his hand coming up to cup my cheek. “I will give you and Kenzi anything I can.” Pulling me close until our bodies touch, he continues, “I know you’ve been through a lot, so I want to be careful with you. Don’t misinterpret that and think it’s because I don’t want you or think you are broken. You are perfect in every way. But mark my words, I will kill that motherfucker if he ever comes for you.”
“Declan. I need to tell you one more thing before you decide to try out a relationship with me.”
“Savannah, there’s nothing you can say that will change my mind.”
“I think this might.” My body trembles uncontrollably as I close my eyes and try to push the flashback out of my mind.
“There were times I’m pretty sure he drugged me. I have small flashes of memory where…”
My breaths come faster, and my heart is racing. Feeling like I’m crawling out of my skin, I try to focus and finish my story.
“Where I have glimpses of men on top of me that weren’t my husband. After I woke up, I would be sore between my legs and feel sticky.” Involuntarily, I gag. Dry heaving, I feel a hand stroking my back and notice Declan trying to comfort me. Once I collect myself, I continue, needing to purge this filth from my body once and for all. “I think he loaned me out to his friends, but every time I asked about the memories, he told me I was crazy, and that the memories were figments of my imagination, but I… I know something happened. It was also a threat he commonly used. He’d tell me if I wanted to be a whore, he’d let his friends fuck me.”
He winces. “Savannah, baby—”
I cut him off. “No, Declan, listen. I’m filthy. I got tested when I arrived in town, and everything came up clean, but I’m not clean. You deserve better because I’m so dirty.”
“Fuck no.” Grabbing my chin and lifting it until our eyes lock, he grinds out, “You are perfect. You’re mine, and you will never have to worry about another man touching you again. I won’t allow it. Anyone who looks at you wrong will be torn to shreds with my bare hands.”
As my body trembles with each wracking sob, I can feel my chest tightening and my heart pounding against my ribcage. The weight of my emotions becomes almost unbearable, causing my legs to feel weak and shaky beneath me. Every tear that streams down my face, carries with it a mixture of anguish, releasing the pent-up fear and sadness that has been crippling me for so long. It’s like a dam breaking.
His arms around me provide a much-needed anchor, offering a sense of safety and comfort among the storm of emotions. I can feel his steady heartbeat against my cheek, synchronizing with the rhythm of my own erratic pulse. The warmth of his embrace helps to ease the tension in my muscles, providing solace in a moment of vulnerability.
With each sob, I release the heavy burden that has been weighing me down, allowing the tears to flow freely and uncontrollably. They cascade down my cheeks, leaving a trail of dampness in their wake. The sound of my crying becomes almost deafening, a raw and desperate expression of the pain that has been buried deep inside for so long. Surely, I must sound like a wounded animal, because that’s what I am.
In this moment, there is no judgment or shame, only acceptance and understanding. The intensity of my tears may seem overwhelming, but Declan remains calm, holding me tighter, as if to reassure me it’s okay to let it all out. And so, I surrender to the release, allowing my tears to cleanse my soul and wash away the anguish that has consumed me for far too long.