Chapter 21
Twenty-one
Rafael
Huey pulls me forward down the trail and the surrounding trees shake, snow falling around us. Henry’s arm is locked in mine and he inhales the air, smiling as he lifts his face to the sky. “I’ve missed this.”
“Having something wet and cold on your face?” I say smugly.
Laughing, he pushes his shoulder into mine. “No. Being outside. Going for walks. Smelling fresh air. Sitting on the front porch every day doesn’t hit the same way.”
“Sounds good enough for me, as long as I have the perfect company that is.” I nudge my nose into his cheek.
“Yeah, the perfect company can definitely make the difference, but you also have other options. I still feel so stuck, scared to step outside my comfort zone alone.”
“Good thing you no longer have to,” I say, kissing his cheek, and he sucks in a breath.
“I can’t rely on that, on another person. You stop talking to me and then what? It’s important I do these things on my own too.”
“And you will. We’ll walk together today and tomorrow. Then you can try it again on your own. Even if it’s just a few feet before turning back around. Also, I hate to say this but you’re stuck with me in your life now.”
“Am I?”
“Yup.”
“That means you’re stuck with me too, then, doesn’t it?”
“It’s not stuck if it’s by choice.”
His face beams. “You know just what to say and when to say it. I’ve met many smooth talkers like you before.”
“I’m only saying how I feel. I’ll never bullshit you. That’s a promise.”
“Well, as long as it’s a promise.” He lays his head on my shoulder and we keep moving forward. We stop whenever Huey does and I describe everything around us.
“Sounds wonderful.”
“It’s very serene.” I stroke his cheek and Huey tugs me forward, pulling a laugh from us both at how impatient he suddenly is to move along.
We talk about our hobbies. He tells me about his artwork and how he misses it.
I tell him how I miss being around more people but also how the idea stresses me out.
“You still go to therapy?” he asks, his face growing serious.
“Yeah. I do virtual visits now. It was hard for me to leave my house much when I first started, and I had to bypass too many people just to get in front of another almost stranger.”
“I’m sorry you went through that. Do you find it’s helping?”
“In some ways, yes.” I take a breath. “But then I get bad days that turn to weeks and the sleepwalking comes back. I think my family is less afraid of me now, though, so that’s one good thing. I can’t say the same for my ex, though.”
He frowns. “Want to talk about it some more?”
“Not today. Eventually, but not today. I like how we’re doing right now, and I want to keep it that way.”
“I like it too . . .” He gives me a small smile. “And just to let you know, I don’t find you the least bit scary.”
“That’s good.” And it would be better if it stayed that way, but with me being the way I am now, I highly doubt it will.
I thought I’d come to terms with it, that I’d accepted I’d spend the rest of my days alone and not ever again have what I once had with another person.
Then I met him and it turned my whole world on its axis.
Too bad it hasn’t changed everything. Not the bad sides of me.
He keeps them away longer, though. At least I like to think that’s what’s happening when I spend most of my days here awake with him.
We go down another path, chatting for a bit before enjoying the quiet together the rest of the way back to the cabin.
Standing in front of the door, he searches for his key, and I unhook Huey from his leash as soon as we walk inside.
After sliding off his jacket, he hangs it on a hook by the door, and I add mine beside it before kicking off my shoes.
Huey settles himself on the couch, burying his face in the blanket.
“Hey,” I call to him, turning my eyes downward. “We aren’t at home, bud. Not everyone’s okay with a pig on their couch.”
Henry chuckles, placing a hand on my arm as I walk forward. “Good thing I’m not everyone, then, huh? Let him stay where he is. He’s not hurting anything.”
“Yeah, until he starts biting holes in your throw pillows.”
“And it’ll give me an excuse to replace those.”
“Careful, you may have a lot of redecorating to do in your future.”
“Hopefully,” he says with his smile widening.
“If you need help, you know who to call.”
“I do.” His fingers search out mine. “Your hands are as freezing as mine. How about some hot chocolate?”
“Want to make it together?” I suggest, nipping at his ear.
“Yes. This time we can, and then I’ll make us some all by myself tomorrow.”
“Then we can find something new to do together, like hang lights outside and around the fireplace.”
“I’m not sure if any of the ones in the attic still work.” His lips turn down and I tug at one of the corners.
“That’s okay. I have plenty I can bring from home. I love Christmas, remember? So I tend to go overboard.”
“The man loves Christmas but hates snow,” he sing-songs as he tugs me to the kitchen.
“I told you, I don’t hate it. I’m indifferent to it.”
“Same difference.” He lets go of my hand to wave me off and pulls down two mugs from one of the cabinets. After asking where the hot chocolate mix is, he turns up his nose and points me to where there are several bars of chocolate.
“Oh, we’re making the good stuff, I see.”
“Only the best when having new company,” he says pointedly, taking out a pot and wooden spoon.
“I’m totally down with that.” I grab the chocolate, sugar, and everything else I remember my grandma using when she used to make me hot chocolate from scratch.
It really was the best. Topping it with cinnamon and marshmallows made it feel like comfort in a mug.
The perfect winter drink. Now I get to have it with the perfect guy.
He hums a Christmas tune, his head swaying back and forth as he heats the milk. Standing behind him, I rest my hands on his hips and join in with him, singing the words to the song he’s humming.
“You have a nice voice,” he says, resting his body against mine.
It fits so perfectly against me too, like he was always meant to be where he is.
Yeah, I’m way beyond letting him go. He makes me feel so greedy and selfish.
I want to fight it, but I also don’t. If he doesn’t mind having me around, then I’ll stay until he does.
Until he pushes me away. My stomach knots at the thought.
“And you have a nice humming sound.”
He laughs, adding pieces of chocolate to the milk.
I toss in the sugar and add a little condensed milk.
He smiles back at me and mixes everything in.
Yeah, I’m definitely good here. When everything is melted and fully mixed in, I fill my cup, and he snatches the other from me before I can fill his too.
***
On our second cup of hot chocolate, we sit outside and he lays his head on my shoulder, stretching his feet out as an audiobook plays. It’s a Christmas murder mystery and we’ve both already guessed who was behind the first killings.
“You sound like you read a lot of thrillers.”
“Nah, I’m just a really good observer.”
“I wonder which one of us will be right.”
“Don’t think we’ll find out tonight,” I say between a yawn, exhaustion suddenly weighing heavy on me. “I should uh . . . probably get going soon. Don’t wanna fall asleep on the road.”
He pouts, tugging on my arm and batting his long lashes at me. “I can fix us some coffee if it’ll keep you here another hour. The sun has barely started to set.”
“I know, baby, but I had an early day, and this lack of sleep is really catching up to me. I’ll get lots of rest tonight and be back tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Disappointment is heavy in his tone and he pulls away a little.
Pressing a kiss to his cheek, I yank him back against me. “Tomorrow will come quicker than you realize, and I’ll have those Christmas lights with me. Maybe some other surprises too.”
“What kind?” His face elates.
“You’ll have to see.”
“One more hour and you can tuck me in?” He leans back, rubbing a foot over mine.
I sigh. “Yeah, I can do one more hour.”
Twenty minutes later we’re back inside his kitchen, mixing sprinkles into rice crispy cereal and marshmallows in a glass bowl. I keep standing up straighter and widening my eyes to shake off my drowsiness.
“Want something else to drink? Want to take me up on that coffee?” His hand pushes against mine and I move a little so he can scoop everything into a pan.
“Sure. I can make it and you can finish up here.”
He waves me away. “Nah, I want to practice some more on my own.”
“Okay, I’ll be here getting my hands stickier.”
He laughs, heading to the other side of the sink. “Sounds like you’re not too upset about that.”
“I mean, there are better ways, but if I have to start here to get there, then I will.” I wink and he laughs some more, laying a hand down on the counter and sliding it to the left until he reaches the black machine.
My attention goes back to the mushy stuff beneath my hand, and I use a spatula to flatten out the top, smoothing everything more evenly in the pan.
“How’s the dessert coming along?” He lifts a steaming mug in the air and I smile, shifting to the sink to wash my hands.
“Almost ready to eat.”
“Great. I’ll put the top on and set it in the fridge.”
“And I’ll sit on the couch and drink this while you do.”
“Okay, and while you’re doing that you can think of what else we should do in the last thirty minutes you’re here.”
“I can think of a few things already.” I waggle my brows and take a sip of my drink, my feet slowly making their way toward the living room.
Chuckling, he covers the dessert, and as I’m sitting down, the fridge opens before slamming shut. “Want to share what those are?”
I pat the space beside me loud enough for him to hear my palm slapping the cushion. “Come closer and I’ll tell you.”
“You can’t tell me where I am?”
“I’d actually rather show you,” I say, voice deepening, and I sip from my mug again.
Smirking, he saunters to where I am and kicks off his house shoes before plopping down beside me. “Hi.”
“Hi,” I say, my tongue feeling heavy in my mouth and a weird sluggish feeling coming over me.
“Ready to show me now?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely,” I say against his cheek, loving the way he shivers and his lips part.
“What are you waiting for?”
My face falls a little too quickly toward his, and I jump up blinking my eyes. “I can do it better once this caffeine starts taking effect.”
“Or you can stay. We don’t have to sleep in the same bed if that helps.”
“I . . . can’t.” I reach for the cup again and a dizzy spell comes over me.
“When was the last time you slept?”
“I . . .I . . .” My words come out in slurs. My fingers hit the handle of the mug and I tug at nothing. Shaking off the heavy weight of my body, I grab for the coffee again and knock it off the table.
“Shit. I’m sorry, Honey. This sometimes happens when I don’t sleep for days, but I was sure that nap earlier would have been enough.”
“Hey, it’s okay. I can get you a car if you really need to get home. Wish I could take you myself—”
“Nah.” I wave him off. “I’ll just rest here for a bit.”
“Okay. You can nap and I’ll stay awake and supervise. Make sure you don’t run out the door naked or anything.”
I laugh, my eyes struggling to stay open, and I nod. “Yeah, okay. Put a movie on for us, will ya?”
“Sure.” He reaches for the remote, and as he selects something for us to watch, I position my head in his lap, curling my legs up on the couch.
His soft fingers stroke through my hair and they feel way too good.
I rub my face against his legs, breathing in the marshmallow scent rising off his hands, and I close my eyes.
When I open them again, Henry is laughing and still stroking my scalp.
Huey has made himself comfortable on the recliner, and I’m about to lift my head when another wave of sleepiness comes over me.
Another nap won’t hurt. Another short nap.
“Don’t let me sleep too long,” I whisper, letting myself slowly doze again.
“Okay.” His hand stills on my neck. “Go ahead and relax. It’s okay for you to rest.”
Wanting that to be true, I nod and let myself.