Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
Rafael
Eyes flashing open, panic explodes in my chest when I realize where I am.
Floral curtains, green couch, and the same vintage coffee table I saw before my eyes last closed.
I’m at Henry’s cabin. Looking around, I sit up higher and take in the tiny glint of sunlight peeking through the curtains, giving off a glowing hue.
“Morning,” he says in a groggy voice, stretching out beside me.
I was too focused on the thick coating of my anxiety choking my throat to notice him there.
His radiating heat is hard to ignore now, especially with him wiggling his ass into my groin and that sly little smile spreading across his face.
“Morning . . . how . . . when . . .” Shaking my head, I inhale a heady breath and try again. “I thought you were going to wake me from my nap?”
“I planned on it, but I fell asleep maybe a few minutes after you passed out the second time. I’m sorry.” His bottom lip sticks out and he slowly turns to fully face me.
I hook a hand on his hip and nudge my nose against him before smiling against his mouth. “It’s okay, Honey. Looks like you were as exhausted as me.”
“Yeah, I guess so. Since we managed to stay sleeping until morning, maybe that means we both got what we needed.”
“Maybe.” My forehead presses to his and I sigh.
“I’m okay. You’re okay. Huey’s okay.”
“I know but that may not always be the case.”
“It could be. Maybe getting away from everything back home for a bit helped.”
“It’s possible.” Or maybe he helped. Something certainly did, and I slept so hard I’m feeling a little foggy this morning. Is this what good sleep feels like? Who knows. It’s been too damn long since I’ve had it. But he’s right—everything’s okay.
There’s no blood anywhere. I didn’t have nightmares of men screaming and exploding in front of me. I stayed exactly where I last fell asleep, on Henry’s couch holding him in my arms.
“So, you think we could try again tonight?” He nudges his face against mine.
My chest tightens. Just because nothing bad happened while I was sleeping here with him last night doesn’t mean it won’t on another day. I used to have good days with Rory too. I had good days with everyone once. “I don’t know. How about we play the day by ear, huh?”
“Yeah.” His face falls a little. “Yeah, okay.” He pecks the corner of my mouth. “Hungry?”
“Yeah. Want to learn how to make one of my favorite comfort meals with me today?”
“Sure. What is it?” His face lifts a little.
“Arroz con leche. It’s like a type of rice pudding and is sweet like a dessert.”
“You sold me on pudding and dessert.”
I laugh. “Good. I’m going to take Huey out to pee and then we can get started.”
“Maybe I can start while you two are out there. What’s the first step?”
“We need a big pot with a lid, three cinnamon sticks, and one cup of rice.”
“Got it. Should be easy enough.”
He slowly stands from the couch first, and I get up behind him, resting my hands on his hips and kissing him on the cheek. “I really am glad I had the chance to wake up next to you.”
He looks up at me and smiles. “Me too. Even if I can’t convince you to do it again.”
“I mean, who knows, the day is still young, and everything did go well the first time.”
“Yeah. Very well. Unless I find weird things in my fridge or oven.”
My forehead creases. “What do you mean?”
“My cousin used to sleepwalk and would put people’s phones and keys in weird places when he did.”
“That’s kind of funny.”
“Yeah, my aunt didn’t think that so much when she found her purse in the toilet.”
I laugh. “I still think it’s funny.”
“Even if it happened to you?”
“Especially if it happened to me,” I say between chuckles.
He laughs. “You know something? I actually believe you.”
Joining him in his laughter, I walk with him to the kitchen and help him find the cinnamon sticks before heading outside with Huey.
The frigid air pricks at my skin, reminding me I forgot to put on a jacket.
I’m finding it hard to see things like that as important after being able to actually sleep with zero incident.
I slept. For the first time in a while. It was the deep and rejuvenating kind too.
I got to see Henry’s first smile of the day, and his was the first scent that entered my nose when I woke up.
And the best and worst part is, he wants me to stay over again.
There are so many what-ifs that show up in my head whenever I take it into consideration.
I want to. Of course I want to. I want him.
All the time. Every day. Every minute of the day.
I’ve never wanted anything like this. Not even Rory.
I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.
Could I have been more of a risk to my ex because I didn’t want him enough?
I’m really doing my best to rationalize everything bad I’ve done so I can have this with him.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Too much for me to stay again, but every time I look over at my car, my feet back away, never letting me get too close.
Huey pulls me forward, sniffing the snow and uncovering a patch of dead grass.
When he presses his snout to a new area, white dust reveals a bloody stone.
Bending down, I flip it around and cover it again.
For once I just want to remember what I did.
I rub at my head. There was a pattern and now there isn’t.
Why would I hurt a guy I’ve never seen before?
Did I think he was Henry? What if he was?
What if . . . I shake off anything threatening to pop up in my head next.
I can’t stay again. We had one good night together. Asking for more would be asking for too much. After Huey is done reminding me why I’ll never make snow ice cream, I use one of the baggies attached to his leash to pick up his mess and toss it in the outside dumpster on my way back inside.
The door shuts a little too hard behind me and Henry jumps up. “You’re back.”
“I am. Is the rice already cooking?”
“Not yet. Wanted to soak it in the water a little longer.”
“How much water?”
“Three cups. Is that good?”
“Perfect,” I say, letting Huey off the leash. He retreats back to his favorite spot on the recliner, and I kick off my shoes by the door, making my way to where the scent of cinnamon is heavy in the air.
Once my hands are washed, I press one on top of his, mixing the sticks and rice more with the water. “Got to get it all blended well.”
He smiles up at me. “Feel free to do that as many times as you need.” He winks and I laugh, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
It’s so hard to go long without putting my lips and hands on him in some way.
As soon as I retract my hand to turn on the stovetop, my skin starts to achingly miss his, so I use the other to press on his lower back.
“You can close the lid now.”
He does as I say, moving the lid over the pot a few times before placing it in the right spot. “Do we wait now?”
“Yeah. About fifteen minutes.”
“Plenty of cuddling time,” he says, dragging me back to the couch. I follow closely behind him, pressing my smile to his ear so he knows what he’s doing to me. Letting him know how much I like being here and being with him.
Eyes lighting up, he pulls me down with him onto the couch, and I check the time on my phone before tugging him against my chest. I stroke his hair, burying my nose in his soft honey strands that smell like strawberries.
We sit here quietly and the next time I look at my screen, it’s nearly time to add the condensed milk to the pot.
“Time goes by while you’re having fun,” I say, rubbing his shoulder.
“Apparently.” I slide to the edge of the couch, stretching out my arms, and walk over to the kitchen, reaching the stove before him.
I grab everything else we need, telling him what’s being added to the counter, and he pours each ingredient in.
When the food’s done, neither of us waste time shoveling some into two bowls.
I suggest we sit at the table, and he assures me that since we’re on vacation, regular rules don’t apply.
What he says sounds too good to disagree with, so I don’t.
Plus, this means I get to sit closer to him, pressing my body to his on the couch.
We eat, talk, turn on some Christmas music, and talk some more.
When our bowls are both empty, I pull him up from the couch and we dance to “Santa Baby.”
I spin him around the living room, and I do it so much that we both get dizzy, falling into each other on the floor.
We erupt into laughter, rolling around, and he tickles me, but I’m nowhere near as ticklish as him.
The playfulness turns heated and he starts rubbing his erection over mine.
His warm, heavy breaths tangle with mine and I swallow down his moan with my mouth, locking his tongue in place with my own as I grind harder against him.
“Raf.”
“Yeah, Honey?”
“I want . . . fuck . . . I want . . .”
“Tell me. What do you want?”
“You,” he says against my panting lips. “All of you. Nothing in between us. Just you.”
“Then that’s what you’ll get.” I lift off my shirt and then his before working off my pants.
My underwear comes off next and I kick off my socks, laughing into his mouth when one of his legs gets stuck in his sweats.
He pulls at the material harder, and I don’t wait for them to be completely off him before I’m sucking one of his hard nubs between my teeth.
I lap at the sensitive flesh and then move to the other nipple, biting a little at the tip before dragging my mouth to his swelling cock head. I lap at the leaking slit and then suck him into my mouth, reaching my hand behind him to probe at his already wet hole.
“What did you do while I was outside, Honey?”
“I . . . I don’t know what you mean.” Tone shifting, his cheeks pinken and I smirk.
“Oh, I think you do, my horny little sweetheart.”
“I . . . I wanted to be ready.”