Chapter Twenty-Three #2
Livia frowned up at me, her brows folded together. “Are you safe wording me?”
“Fuck no,” I breathed on a laugh. I helped her stand, and wordlessly, guided her to the bed. “But I can’t take it any longer. I need to be inside you.”
With that, I bent her at the waist, her hands finding the edge of my bed as I lined up behind her.
“Carter— oh, fuck.”
My hands on her waist, I slid all the way inside her in one flex, both of us moaning together at the feeling.
“God, Liv,” I murmured as I began to work in and out of her. “Your mouth is so fucking hot, but it’s nothing compared to this, compared to the way you feel wrapped so tightly around me.”
She whimpered, fingers curling in the comforter.
“I know tonight is about me,” I said, nipping at her earlobe as I fucked her hard and steady. “But I won’t come until you do. I refuse.”
I hiked one of her legs up onto the bed so I could have easier access to reach around and find her clit.
“Nothing turns me on more than hearing you fall apart.”
She pressed her head back against my shoulder, legs trembling as I found her clit and began to smooth circles over it with my fingertips. I knew now how fast to go, where not to touch, the exact right pressure to apply.
She’d taught me well, and it took only moments before she was gripping and bucking and seeking.
“Fuck,” she cursed. “Oh, fuck. Yes.”
“That’s it,” I growled in her ear. “Look at how you take my cock,” I told her, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at where our reflections still touched the mirror.
“You fucking love the way I fill you up, don’t you?
You say I’m yours. Well, you’re mine, too, Livia.
Tonight, I own you. Now give me what I asked for. ”
“Carter,” she whispered, and then her eyes were shutting, her hips rocking wildly, and I matched her pace until I knew she was close.
Then I fucked her deeper, not as hard, just little pulses in and out so I brushed that sensitive spot inside her I knew would get here there. That combined with my attention to her clit sent her over the edge, and I basked in the glow of her flying apart at my hand.
Livia was a goddess, an absolute fucking vision as she moaned and squirmed and clawed at me like she’d die if I stopped. I felt her walls tightening around me, pulsing as her orgasm ripped through her, and it was all I needed to follow.
“You’ve fucking wrecked me, you know,” I growled in her ear, thrusting harder, chills racing up my spine with how good it felt to watch myself fuck her. “How could I ever have another woman? How could I ever find anything better than this?”
I groaned when my release caught, thrusting inside her and holding as it shuddered through me. Livia held onto me like a lifeline, both of us panting and moaning together until I was spent.
For a moment, we stayed like that. I planted soft kisses along the back of her neck, flexing in slowly as I softened inside her. Her breaths heaved through her, breasts swelling and falling as her hands gripped me wherever she could — my thigh, my ass, the back of my neck.
When I could barely stand any longer, I reluctantly withdrew, but I held onto her. I pulled her into my bed without asking, curling around her, any inch of space too much.
“Jesus, Mary, and Gretzky, Liv,” I said into her hair on a smile, kissing behind her ear. “That was…” I shook my head, unable to find a single word in the English language to convey it.
Livia was silent in my arms, my legs curled behind hers, arms around her middle and pulling her closer.
“The way you looked in the mirror…” I continued with a groan. “I’ll never get that out of my head. Which is quite unfortunate for my professionalism because that likely means I’ll have a hard-on for the rest of my life.”
I chuckled into her hair with the joke, but when she didn’t laugh or scoff or roll her eyes and shove me away, I was suddenly on high alert.
She was still just… silent.
“Liv?” I asked.
It was like speaking her name broke her restraint, because without warning, her shoulders shook, a little choke of a sob coming unbidden from her lips. She covered them in an instant, curling in tighter on herself.
I froze.
Was she… crying?
“Liv,” I said again, carefully, and then I pressed up onto my elbow, shifting her in my arms until she had no choice but to roll up to face the ceiling. She resisted at first before she gave in, and then she covered her face as soon as I saw it, and her whole body shook with another cry.
My heart lurched into my throat, and I’d never felt a need to comfort someone in such an all-consuming way as I did in that moment.
“Fuck, Liv, what happened? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head, growling in frustration before she swiped the tears away and let her hands flop into the bed. “I’m fine,” she bit out.
“Don’t do that.”
She shook her head, nostrils flaring as more tears pooled in her eyes. They fell down her temples right onto the pillow and she let out another huff.
“Ugh, God. This is so annoying.” She swiped at her face again.
“Hey,” I said, tenderly, my eyes searching her as if whatever had bruised her would be something I could see physically. I reached up to thumb away the next tear before it could fall, holding her face in my hand. “You don’t need to be ashamed of crying. Not ever, but especially not with me.”
Livia swallowed, her eyes on the ceiling.
“Is it… is it something I said?” I paused, considering. “Is it because you gave me control?”
At the word, her eyes welled again, fast and furious, and she squeezed her lids shut and shook her head, her whole face warping.
“Oh, baby.” The words were painful as I said them, like a rusty blade to the chest. I pulled her into me, wrapping her up again like I could shield her from the hurt. “Come here. I got you. I’m right here. You’re safe. You’re in control.”
She cried harder at that, but instead of pushing me away like I expected her to…
She clung to me.
Her legs intertwined with mine, her head buried in my chest, nails clawing at my back like she was afraid I’d leave her.
As if I ever could.
For a long while, we stayed just like that. Livia cried in a way I didn’t know she was capable of, this impossibly strong woman showing me a side of her I felt honored to witness. I felt even more so to be the one to hold her and help her through it.
I didn’t dare say a word to rush her. I let her feel every wave of whatever was happening, my hands in her hair, holding her to my chest as I whispered, “Shhhh” and “I got you. I’m here.”
Slowly, her sobs faded into sniffles, and then to the most weighted silence I’d ever experienced. I held her through it all, planting gentle kisses to her forehead and breaking every rule between us by not asking permission first.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Stop. Don’t apologize for feeling, Liv.”
She shook her head. “No. I’m sorry for not telling you what I’m about to sooner.”
That got my attention.
I paused where I was stroking her hair for a moment, unsure what to do. But Livia curled into me tighter, like she wanted to burrow into me.
“Please, I can’t look at you when I say any of this. Just… just hold me and keep touching me and let me get it out.”
My pulse quickened, anxiety prickling my skin. “I’m not going anywhere,” I promised, and I held her tighter, waiting.
Her voice was stone cold and steady when she spoke, and what she said ripped my soul in two.
“When I was seventeen, I was raped.”
The words hit me like a puck to the temple — hard, dizzying, life-ending. It knocked the breath clean out of me, like I’d never draw air into my lungs again.
Rage rose fast and hot, burning me from the inside out. My arms tightened around her without me telling them to. My throat struggled against my next swallow. My jaw tightened so hard I swore I cracked a tooth. And one thought surpassed every other.
I’ll kill him.
Whoever he is, wherever he is, no matter what it takes or what I lose in the process, I will fucking end his life.
“Whatever you’re thinking, I need you to not,” she said, like she could read my mind.
Maybe she felt it in the coiled muscles of my body.
“This is not some knight in shining armor moment for you, okay? This is me, a survivor, choosing to share what happened to me. I just need you to listen. That’s all. Okay?”
It was the hardest thing I ever did, to nod my head and mean it. Because it felt impossible not to act on what she’d told me, and I didn’t even have the whole story yet.
But she was right. This wasn’t about me.
And whatever she needed from me in this moment, in this lifetime — it was hers.
I softened my grip on her a bit, and when she seemed to believe my conviction, she continued.
“It was a family friend.” Her voice was rough, but mechanical — like she refused to let herself feel any emotion.
“Someone who’d been around my whole life.
He did business with my dad. Golfed with him.
Came to every party we had. Every summer barbecue in Long Beach.
I never… I never thought to not feel safe around him. ”
Her tone didn’t change, but her nails dug into my side, clutching like she needed me to hold her tighter. I answered her wordless plea with my arms pulling her in more, surrounding her.
“I told my parents right after it happened,” she went on.
“At first, they didn’t believe me. Then they…
started making it sound like maybe it wasn’t what I said it was.
Like I was being dramatic. They told me to keep it between us.
That they’d handle it. That they understood, but that matters like this needed to be handled with discretion. ”
Now I was adding the very humans who made this woman I cherished to my list of people I wanted to end.
Livia’s breath hitched, the first crack in her evenness. “I can still feel it, the way my dad squeezed my hand in his and told me he’d never let anyone hurt me.”
My gut twisted. I held her with everything I had.