Chapter Twenty-Three #3
It took a moment for her to regain her composure, but then she continued.
“I believed him. I did. I thought he and my mom would handle it. I didn’t need it to go to court or anything. I mean, I didn’t want to be the girl who was raped, either. I didn’t want the attention. But I did need justice. I did need to know I was safe.”
She shook her head, pressing back against my chest just enough that I could see her eyes. They were fixed on my chest where her fingers curled.
“Days passed. Then weeks. Months. And nothing happened. He was still around. My mother told me whatever happened wouldn’t happen again. That they had his word.” Her voice hardened like steel. “And that it would be best for business—and for our reputation—if I just… dropped it and moved on.”
I had to grind my teeth together to keep from screaming that that was bullshit, to stop myself from calling into light how badly I wanted to hunt them all down and make them pay. Who the fuck even was I? Like the dog I owned, I was usually of the non-threatening variety.
But the knowledge of someone hurting Liv like this, of her own family turning their backs on her…
It unleashed a rabid beast inside me that was out for blood.
I held him at bay, forcing a deep inhale and exhale and reminding myself that she was a survivor, that she didn’t need me to do anything other than listen.
“And you know what? At first, I tried,” she continued, her voice quiet now. “I tried to play their game, to move on and pretend like everything was fine. But I was… different. I was fundamentally changed. I couldn’t go back to who I was before. And I had no idea how to be whoever came next.
“It got to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore.
He was always around, just laughing and kissing his wife’s cheek like he wasn’t a monster.
At a gala my mom was hosting, I—” She sucked in a sharp breath, like the memory itself was a blow.
“I told everyone. I outed him in front of the entire room. It was chaos. People gasped and looked from me to him in horror, and then to my parents.” She paused.
“I’ll never forget my mother’s face…” She shook her head, eyes squeezing shut.
“But it proved useless in the end, because somehow, for reasons I’ll never understand…
no one believed me. He denied it. My parents denied it.
And then they cut me off. They told me — without actually saying it — that if I cared so little about this family, I wasn’t part of it anymore. ”
I pressed my lips to her hair, trying to keep from shaking with rage. “They don’t deserve to call themselves your family.”
Livia curled into me, like I was her shelter, and I did my best to be just that in that moment.
“After that, I was on my own. I graduated, moved straight to college. Took out loans because they wouldn’t help. Worked for everything. My parents shielded my sister from it, but…” Her voice broke, just barely. “I think she knows. And she still won’t talk to me about it.”
She pressed her face to my chest, shoulders shaking once, and I thought that was it — but then the sob came, sudden and raw, and she clung to me like she’d drown if she let go.
“That’s the part that hurts the most,” she managed, voice muffled.
“We were so close, me and Lacey. She had to know that something happened. She saw me die right in front of her eyes, but she never questioned it. I don’t know if my mom told her not to ask, or if she’s just always been afraid to, but she has to know. She has to know. And that kills me.”
I kissed her hair, my throat burning. “I’ve got you. I’m here.”
I thought about the wedding, how it all suddenly made sense.
Of course, she didn’t want to fucking go be around these hideous people.
But then again, there was a part of her, this young, innocent girl who still existed inside of her that wanted to be with her sister, that wanted to believe there was still a familial connection somewhere in her life.
My heart was fucking shattering in my chest.
Livia sniffed, drawing a shaky breath, and when she spoke again, the mechanical cadence returned, like she was forcing it.
“It took me a long time to reclaim my sexuality. At first, I was numb. Sex was just… something to be used for. It wasn’t about me at all.
Then one night my junior year of undergrad, I was with a guy I’d been seeing for a few months.
He asked me to bind him. And when I did, I slipped into this sort of dominant persona without even thinking. ”
Her body shifted slightly, like she was more comfortable now that we were talking about when she reclaimed her power.
“He loved it,” she said. “And so did I.”
I nodded, understanding before she even said it.
“That’s when I knew,” she finished. “This was what I needed. Control. Always. In every aspect. Because it’s what keeps me safe.”
I tightened my arms around her, my hand in her hair, my mouth at her temple. “Then I’ll never take that from you. Not ever.”
And I meant it with every fucking cell in my body.
But Livia shook her head. “No, no, don’t do that. I gave you control tonight. I wanted you to take it. And I feel safe with you.”
Fuck, the way those words crushed my lungs and filled them with life all at once.
“I just… it’s been a long time since I’ve reversed the roles that way. I didn’t mean for it to make me emotional, but it just… did.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Please, don’t apologize. I don’t want you to be sorry. I liked it. I mean, clearly,” she added with her first laugh. That sound was like a wind chime in my soul, so promising and lovely. “I came so hard I’m pretty sure I saw the maker of the universe.”
I chuckled, running my knuckles along her arm.
And then she lifted her eyes to mine for the first time, and my chest locked.
“I trust you,” she whispered. “But I have to admit, I think that’s what scares me the most.”
I nodded, over and over, before pulling her into me and holding her tight. I knew she didn’t need another word in that moment. She just needed to be held, to know I wasn’t going anywhere after what she’d told me, that she was safe with me.
“Thank you, Liv,” I breathed. “For telling me. For letting me in.”
She stayed pressed against me until her breathing slowed, until the weight of her body shifted just enough that I knew she’d finally slipped under.
I didn’t move. I couldn’t. I didn’t care if my arm fell asleep and both of us needed to get cleaned up and eat. She was finally at peace, and I didn’t dare ruin it.
Her words circled me like vultures though — the mechanical way she’d told me, the moments she’d broken, the way her nails had dug into my skin like she was trying to fuse herself to me. And underneath all of it, the thing I couldn’t stop replaying — she’d given me control tonight.
Not because she was trying to test me. Not because she was bored.
Because she wanted to.
For someone like her — someone who clawed for control in every aspect of her life, who needed it to feel safe — giving that up, even for a second, had to cost her more than I could even comprehend. And she’d given it to me.
Christ.
What did that mean?
I stared at the ceiling, my hand splayed over her hip.
I thought about her voice when she told me to “own it,” how her eyes had flared when I did, how she’d let me bend her over and fuck her like I hadn’t just earned the privilege, but like it’d always been mine to take.
She hadn’t just tolerated it — she’d asked for it.
Like she’d said… she trusted me.
And something in my chest tightened so sharply I actually froze, the air leaving my lungs like I’d taken a body check square to the sternum.
I love her.
The thought slammed into me without warning, without mercy.
I was gone for her. I’d passed every exit ramp without even realizing it. And now I was barreling down this road at full speed with no brakes, no map, no plan for what the hell I was supposed to do when we got to the end.
And just like that, my pulse went haywire.
Because I was sure, more than I was of anything, that love was the last thing Livia wanted from me.
But I was powerless to stop it from being true.
I glanced down at her — hair spilling over my arm, lips parted in sleep, her hand still clutching my chest like even unconscious she wasn’t ready to let go. My chest ached.
I could already hear the echo of her voice telling me she didn’t want this, that I’d ruined what we had, that I’d read into something that wasn’t there.
But none of that stopped the truth from sitting heavy in my chest.
I was in love with Livia Young.
And I had no fucking clue how to survive it.